Need some advice | ADHD Information

At least finish up with all the evaluations, if one doctor says he has ADHD thats fine, however I would recommend taking him to at least AT LEAST one other psychiatrst and also a psychologist. It never hurts to get the opinion of serveral physicians. Also signs are not always so obvious in ADHD cases, especially with children. For the sake of the child, at least know. MNcollegeGuy39446.2947569444

You know this bothers me. Why doesn't your wife have more involvement with HER children? Why does the father's partner have more control over this boy than his mother?

Have you both considered going back to court to fight for more custody rights? His mother needs to be involved with all these serious decisions, including diagnosis and medication. It sounds like they might just want to not deal with the boy.

Have you considered getting custody of him so you can get him help, if he really needs it????

Please let us know what is happening in this situation. I really dislike reading about how parents boyfriends/girlfriends mistreat the children that aren't biologically theirs, it really breaks my heart. This poor boy needs your help, and you know it!

What country do you live in may I ask? I know laws are different in different states here in America and different countries as well.

BETHANN39446.2998958333I agree with the other posters on a few things they suggested, especially going to court and fight for custody. And, set up a meeting with your son's teacher and discuss how he's doing in school.

Im very worried about my step son , he is 7 .

He lives with his dad who is trying to have him diagnosed with Adhd .

He's a happy bright intelligent little lad yet his dads convinced he has adhd . This is due to the fact he gets a bit giddy when he has too much sugar . Personally I think its more to do with the time he spends inactive in front of the tv than anything medical.

My wife and I are given little to no information from his father as to whats going on .

He has been undergoing tests and the hospital has said he has adhd and is going to medicate him . This has all been done with no consultation with us at all even though my wife has joint parental reponsibility .

Im very worried as to what information the hospital has been given as we have him and his sister every other weekend and have no more trouble with him than the average 7 year old gets into .

According to his dad hes uncrontrollable and always in grief .

Surely if he had adhd then this behaviour would be present 24/7 ? .

I asked his dad this and was told "what the hell would you know , you only have him for 2 days . I live with him all week"

We have talked to the kids and its pretty heartbreaking . They say he's never there . He goes to work comes home then goes to the gym .

The little lad does nothing . He comes in from school and is told to sit in front of the box and not to move by his dads partner . Every out of school activity he has started such as rugby and karate have been stopped due to "his behaviour" .

Strangely enough on both occasions it was within a week of his dad finding out I used to play rugby and then again when he found out I used to practice martial arts. It seems to be anything we do as a family that he enjoys his dad trys to stop.

Everyone that meets the lad says hes wonderful yet his dad,partner and family say hes a god holy terror .

Im really perplexed by it all . What they say he has trouble with ie social skills,concentration etc we just dont see .

If his mind is engaged on something like building things with boxes he will spend hours with pens, tape etc making houses cars or whatever he dreams up . He has a fantastic imagination and is sharp as a tack .

We know he isnt happy at home and cant do much about it until next year when he is 8 . We have talked to a solicitor and are going to see what we can do to force a second opinion on this diagnosis .

I really need some advice on this as I cant see him having adhd or any other medical disorder .

Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated .

children with ADHD can focus on things they enjoy. Actually they tend to hyperfocus, like you say spend hours doing one thing they love to do. the difference between during the week and weekends is a big thing....SCHOOL. What is he like in school? How are his grades? His teacher reports? It's quite possible he could be better behaved on the weekends, less pressure, less stress.You may not be around him enough to experience the ADHD symptoms, they vary. His teacher of school might be the ones pushing this as they don't want to deal with him? This person sounds like a bi*(& to deal with. Mom certainly has the legal right to call the doctor and intercede that way. I am out of suggestions Good Luck

Thank you all for your kind words . We live in the UK and our courts wont recognise his views until he is 8 . Our solicitor is contacting the hospital and doctors etc to voice our concerns and stress the need for information as his dad wont tell us whats going on .

When my wife and her ex split up he threw her out of the house and denied her access to the children .  We met about 6 months or so later and about a year after that we decided to get married . When her ex found out we had arranged to get married and had timed it to coincide with our weekend to have the children he decided we were not going to have them .

It ended up in court and an order drawn up to formalise the arrangements . The only way he would agree to us having the children for the wedding was to give him residency of the kids . It also formalised us having them every other weekend so he cant pull the same stunt a second time .

We intend to fight for custody of the children but as I mentioned earlier the lad is only 7 and his sister 6 . When he is 8 the courts will listen to him . Before that its just his dad against us . He has said he wants to live with us and we have discussed it with him . We need to wait a few months until his birthday to get a custody case sorted out .

A point my wife brought up earlier was if he has adhd then how come its only in the last year all this behaviour is appearing ? . He has shown no sign before this that there was anything wrong . I truly think this is more down to him being unhappy at home and not a medical condition .

His dad has threatened him in the past with "If you dont behave Im sending you to live with mummy" . To my thinking maybe he is doing it deliberately so his dad carries out this "threat" .

The guy makes my blood boil with some of the things he says to the lad .

Your wife and your children are very lucky to have you in their lives.  The best you can do is to continue to be the calm place of reason for your children to come to when their home life seems to be in turmoil.  Keep trying to impress on medical and court officials your experiences when your son is in your presence so that they may try to understand the differences in his behavior.

*Note-sometimes the reason for eliminating Coke is because of the caffeine not the sugar, so choosing the sugar-free would not be the best answer.  Soft drinks are probably the worst food products we consume because they have absolutley no food value.  Maybe give them a sport drink like Gator Ade instead.

I think its the sugar with him more than the caffeine . Ive seen what a can of coke does for him and the sugar free stuff doesnt affect him . As it is we try not to feed the kids too much junk food or snacks . We are very lucky he's just as happy with a carrot as a chocolate bar :)

I'm sorry your having such difficulties.  It sounds like you are doing everything you can at the moment.  It's possible that your son is suffering a kind of 'situational" hyperactiveness.  He seems to be under stress in his home life and his father and father's partner are misdirecting their feelings about custody/divorce, etc onto him.  This anxiety can cause any child to act out.  Just reinforce your love and confidence in him because it's hard to say what your court sytem will decide when you request custody and you want him to come out of this battle as "whole" as posssible. 

This being said don't totally disregard the possibility of a true ADD diagnosis.  School is usually the first to notice the problem.  It could be that his visits with you are such a treat at the moment he tries to be on his best behavior.  Also he may be afraid that if he misbehaves during his visits that he won't get to see you.  Not because of anything you've said or done, just their own imagination.

Good luck and try to patient.  You be the positive parent and try not to upset the child more than he probably is.

We have been having the kids now for nearly 2 years . The more I think on it the more I seem to confuse myself . The school he is in at the moment is apparently concerned although they havent tried to contact us about his behaviour so all we have to go on is the slim information we get from his dad which at best to me seems highly biased .

From his dad we get he cant concentrate for longer than 10 minutes and he is lacking in social skills and is disruptive and unruly . Apparently he is one of the brightest kids in his school although he has the mental capacity of a 3 year old allegedly . I kid you not thats direct from his dad .

This is totally at odds with the lad I know who is the first to make friends in the play areas we take him to and has no problems  with his behaviour or his concentration . The only time he gets giddy is when he has too much sugar , just like any other kid . Take him out to the swings for 20 minutes and let him run it off and he's fine again .

He was very close to his kid sister and very protective over her as she was to him . Now they argue and tell tales on each other . There is a definite wedge being driven between them that really irks me off .

The hospital has told them he is not to eat certain foods . This has been in force for over 6 months although we only found out last week . The upshot of this is he isnt allowed things like Coke although they happily give it to his sister whilst he gets juice . Hows that for causing some sibling resentment . If he cant have it then she cant either its as simple as that as far as Im concerned . With us they both get juice or if they want pop they get sugar free pop which both will happily drink .

As you can tell Im really fed up with the situation . Tell me Im not crazy and a lot of this is how he is being treated at home. If he does have adhd then so be it but Im damned if Im going to let him suffer if I can help it . He may only be my stepson but I love him and his sister and want the best for them . I knew from day one the woman and the kids were part of the package . Best package deal Ive had in a very long time .

Thanks for listening to my ranting today everyone . I'll bid you all a good night and head for bed .

 

Well it sounds like you really have a "handle" on the situation.  Only time and patience is going to help now.

Wishing you and your family the best in the coming New Year!

No no Gatorade is full of dyes!!  There are great soft drinks that are only fruit juice and sparkling water...
You are right to make you home a safe haven for those kids!! 

I would recommend looking up the ADHD diet on the internet, it may pertain some very valuable information that you may not have been previously aware of. Different foods and beverages affect the chemical levels in the brain differently. May I ask how much you discuss these recent events with your step son? How does he feel about all this? 

MNcollegeGuy39448.6137152778

 

hi,

my daughter who is nine ,  choclate  affect's  on her, makes her silly and aggresive, also fizzy drink's and squash, sally does'nt like them much and drink's water, Have you heard of the Tinsley house diet, basically cutting out all sugary food's , giving kid's simple cooked breakfast's, and pure fruit juice, , the book is by dr robin pauc, i found this by addicent on hoilday in southport (UK), It is going back to vegatables and fruit and non sugary food..

hope all is going well,

you are a good step dad, it's hard to find those around,

take care

margaret

Its very hard to get him to talk about it as he just clams up . Whether this is because he's been told not to say anything by his dad or he isnt comfortable talking about it is another thing .  His stock answer seems to be "daddy says there is something wrong in my brain" .

Food wise he seems only to react to high sugar and a couple of food colourings all of which we limit their intake of anyway . They always get home cooked food with us rather than things like nuggets from a bag .

I will certainly take a look at diets etc when I get chance to talk to a doctor to get to the bottom of all this . It will take a lot of convincing to get me to believe he has a medical problem .