Advice for handling a 13 yr. old. | ADHD Information

Hi,

My 13 yr. old with ADHD is acting out. His behavior is getting progressively worse the older he gets. He is in 8th grade and has somehow managed to never get in trouble at school. His behavior problems happen at home.

He is a gifted child, who is in the accelerated program at his middle school. Yet his grades don't reflect that and he currently is failing Geometry. This is from lack of doing not of knowing as a parent this is very frustrating. Last year, at the end of Algebra I he had a low C average, until he took the end of the course and made a 100. Most of our issues arise when I try to make him study or ground him for his grades.

His behavior seems to be spiraling out of control. Today he called me some very ugly names that I never thought I would here my child say. *sigh*

I would like to add that DH and I are both teachers. I teach high school. He teaches elementary. We understand how to work with ADHD kids in a classroom setting. But we are now at a loss of how to handle our own child. I do also have two non ADHD daughters who are not and have never been discipline problems. They are respectful and do well in school.
Oh, and my son's medicine has not changed in the last little while, but was adjusted in the beginning of the school year. He is on Adderal.

Oh, and does anyone have any recommendations for ADHD medicines which do not negatively affect the appetite do the degree that Adderal does?

Thanks in advance,
Gin

Hi Gin, welcome. I also have a 13 year old. Fun huh ? Mine is a girl and for the most part not much of a behavior problem, well at least not as bad as it could be. I dont have a LOT of advice, only knowing you can't MAKE anyone study. You just can't. Grounding for grades doesnt do all that much either. We only discipline for lack of effort comments that result in bad grades on report card or progress report. Otherwise we only reward for high grades. I dont ever want my daughter to feel bad becasue something was hard (my daughter has LD and school is quite difficult for her). She gets .00 for each A and .00 for each B. This is for test grades and report card. You dont have to use money, I just do because nothing else would hook her.

As far as meds go, most stims have the risk of appetite suppression as a side effect. Most people try to compnesate with bigger high calorie breakfasts and dinners. We are now using Strattera which is non stimulant so am finally in a place where appetite is not an issue for us................there is no way to predict ahead what meds will do what until you try them unfortunately.

Thanks. :)

Do you think his meds are working?

All his meds will need adjusting due to puberty. If you have already done that, then I would either discuss changing the dosage of his current med, or changing meds.

Have you tried adding guanfacine? It helps my son a lot in addition to his concerta. It mellows him out, and he eats.

I, too, am a teacher.  I have an ADHD 15 year old and ADD 14 year old.  I probably have a tinge of either disorder in me, but have learned skills to cope along the way.........I was always a straight "A" student.  I loved learning.  My parents didn't have to micromanage me.  I was gifted.  My kids are, too.  But they don't have that motivation that I did. 

They are boys and their psyche has convinced me that A LOT has to do with hormones at this age level.  My ADHD as a 13 year old was like a time bomb......we never knew when he would blow.  When he did, it was big and ugly and quick.  Then he was calm again.  As he's gone through the stages of puberty, he has calmed down quite a bit.  He is also on Focalin 15mg which has been very good "FOR HIM".  (Keep in mind that everyone responds to meds differently.)

I have been able to cope by "letting go".  What that means is that I let go of preconceived expectations for my kids.  Sure, I would LOVE for them to get better grades, be motivated, self starters, etc.....but many times they are not.  I have to remind myself that they aren't me.  I try to communicate a ton...much more than my parents did with me.  I also try to communicate acceptance.  Deep down, the D's and C's (and occasional F's) bother me.  But they are still my kids and I will always love and accept them. 

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force him to drink.........."

twirly1

Welcome to my world. 

Don't have any advice but you are not alone.

My son, also, does not act out in school but saves it all for home.  If anything, my son is passive/agressive at school - just kind of sits there and refuses to work.

My highly intelligent son is failing 8th grade - not because he can't do the work - he won't do the work. He won't accept help - he has an oppositional personality.  He is under the delusion he should be in advanced math - he has an F and just failed the State Math competency test - Even with this evidence -  he won't work to bring his grades up.

I Walk on eggshells.  I try to let the bad language go - he usually lashes out verbally when upset.  It's hard. I've lowered my expectations but he does have to graduate high school and to do that he has to get out of 8th grade.

Well, I certainly can empathize here. Mine is 14 and a real pain most of the time lately. The brief period he was on meds (end of summer thru beginning of school year) were like having a different, much easier to like child.  Now he has decided that he is in control and doesn't need meds, so he won't take them. He was stil having trouble with not hearing and processing directions when he was on Vyvanse, so that is his excuse, that and kids complained he was "quiet." The stomach problems were legit, but he won't even consider trying something else. He says he is fine and I need to lay off him.

How about medicating the parents?

 

rswf..........I like how you think ........... [QUOTE=rswf] How about medicating the parents? [/QUOTE]

Sign me up! :)

my thirteen year old boy is in the 8th grade also he has adhd and has put me at my wits end in part he si a typical 13  year old boy going through puberty but his emotional state seems to be highten to a major extreme he too is failing language art in school and has A's in all his other subjects and of course the school never contacts you until the problem has escalated where it couldn't be an easy fix it is much easier to make up one or two missing assignment insted of 13 and he comes home adn lashes out on his younger brother all the time and fights and talks back with me my mother and my father the only ones he is nice to is our dog and my daughter.  It seems nothign works cause he has hit this I just do not care stage and no mater how much I do to work with him he doesn't care infact I will admit he ahd to sketch somethign for a laungage arts project and was frustrated and upset that I did the scetch fro hima dn he traced mine because i couldn't stand to watch him suffer and continue to sprial down I have learned fro the past in elementary school and now in jr. high they do not really care fro our kids in our area all the care about is meetign there state qota on how much reading and math they are required to teach insted of working with my child and how many teacher would really ask any child going through puberty to right a journal entry to reflect on there grade in his/her class the last nine weeks and consider what they plan on doing in the futur to improve.  Especially when the child has adhd and just faild the last 9 weeks for not turnign in his journal to begin with.  I will say I am glad I am not alon and if you ahve a good schoool and teacher that works with your kids that si great oh and I am dyslexic myself so helping ym child with his writing in this class, I would hinder him more than help oh and zoloft helped me a few years ago when my sone went through a similer period in school with doing the work adn never turning in the assignments

 

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