Who did you tell about child’s diagnosis? | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=leftymom]My son asked me if I thought any firemen had ADHD.... [/QUOTE]-- a perfect job for our kids! Probably quite a few firemen and EMT's have ADHD -- hyperfocusing for an hour in a highly stimulating environment. What could be better?
My grandfather was a fireman, and my mom thinks that he has ADHD, too. He's 93, so I guess they don't outgrow it
.[QUOTE=Joy2]The truth is, some people see ADHD as a moral failing and not as a medical problem. If you know you are dealing with someone like that, it's not worth the pain you will put yourself through defending yourself. I have misjudged people in the past and opened up too fast, only to get the lecture about how all boys are on Ritalin, etc., etc. I am more than willing to stand up for what I believe, but you just wear yourself out dealing with these people, when you know you are doing the best for your child. Stay away from anyone who sees the world through black & white lenses. They tend to be intolerant.
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Now that's a perfect analysis Joy2.
I am a perfect example of someone who got worn out dealing with people who see the world in black and white, at least on this subject. And worn out is an understatement.
My DS was diagnosed over 7 years ago and other than the school, my parents and a couple of close friends I have told no one. Of course that leaves me feeling isolated and alone much of the time. I don't trust people with the info - some people (even a couple of my good friends) don't believe ADHD is real and then their is the gossip factor (I have some friends I just don't trust with inof like that). Society as a whole can be so judgemental and I guess I just can't handle it. My DS is a great kid and so much nicer and better behaved than some non-ADHD kids I know. We moved recently and the school I am at now is just terrible with the entire ADHD thing - I am just floored with their lack of knowledge and compassion. I wish I could share my DS ADHD with others. It would be so nice to have some support.Who you told about your child's condition and when?
I told pretty much everyone who was/is important in my life and my child's life. My then partner, who actually helped me as her son was ADHD, my parents, sisters,relatives,work. The school knew as they were the first to test him.
- What did you tell them?
I told them Ryan was diagonosed with ADHD and that he would be recieving help at an early intervention Pre K program. I also told them that we had decided not to do meds, at this time but it was something we were researching. A year later, when we did do meds, I told the same people.
- When you did share this information, was it well accepted?
I have never had anything but support from my family and friends. Actually it helped ALOT as Ryan was getting a reputation as the child NO One wanted to be around. With his meds and therapy he is a much changed child. He has his ways and all who love him, now accept these quirks. I am often asked *how he is doing, how he is doing in school, on meds etc*
- Did you ever feel alienated by friends that you're child was perhaps now
labeled as a "bad child."
More worried before than after. Ryan also has alot of friends that are ADHD, and other conditions as well that are mainstreamed into a regular classroom. I think he has 4 ADHD kids just in his class. I know his best friend is ADHD
Who you told about your child's condition and when?
Both side of parents and my sisters, dh is an only child. school, and three close friends. dh has also told friends and coworkers. some right after dx, some a little later on. dd was having many issues in school, and i talk to my parents and sisters on a daily basis, i would cry a lot and get frustrated and they were my outlet. so i think that when the dx came, we collectively let out a sigh of relief and then went to work on a solution.
- What did you tell them?
school, family and two friends know that daughter was dx and is medicated. the two friends i told spend more time with my daughter and one has adhd herself. coworkers and other friends know that she has been dx, but we have never talked about meds.
- When you did share this information, was it well accepted?
my sister has adhd (not medicated), so my family was pretty accepting, they also spend more time with dd so they know what she is like on and off meds. my mother in law thought i was crazy and that she was fine till this christmas, when mother in law came in from fl for 10 days and got to see daughter on and off meds. i am not so crazy now. my neighbor (adhd not medicated) was very understanding and is supportive, my friend who is more into natural solutions for everything was not very receptive about meds, but she toned it down nicely and i appreciate it.
the friend that i told but did not discuss meds, has actually been the most help. she is an educator and has a son who is the same age with some of the same issues. she gives me lots of direction when it comes to education plans and coping skills. we have never talked about meds, becuase i don't think it is necessary to tell everyone about that.
- Did you ever feel alienated by friends that you're child was perhaps now
labeled as a "bad child."
NO. and if they do alienate you then they are not really friends. and a lot of people are ignorant about adhd, so i just don't tell them. it is hard to know what adhd is untill you have lived with it or loved someone with it. i had one teacher say, "oh, adhd, i think i read something about that." and then later say that she had no idea, what adhd was like till she met my daughter.
i don't tell everyone because i don't think that everyone needs to know. i don't tell everyone that i wear contacts and that dh has high blood pressure, because they don't need to know.
WE told everyone, because we all get to the point that you think that you are losing your mind. Maybe it's not your child, it's you.
It's great to have some legitimate reasons for things being the way that they are. Also, I was so thrilled that our family did have a problem, and we were going to get help. I did have my moments where I grieved my "perfect son", but we desperately needed some help.
Things are better. Good luck,
I have told most of my good friends, and they have been very understanding. I've found that anyone with any type of mental illness in the family is very in-tune to what is going on and easy to talk to. I have some friends who live in a more theoretical world and have an opinion about everything. I don't tell them because they just won't understand and will just be judgmental.My son, however, was the out-of-control kid before meds. With medication he is an absolute sweetheart because he isn't doing all kinds of impulsive, hyperactive stuff, so people can really see the difference. If he were just inattentive, I probably wouldn't tell anyone except the teachers. We have had wonderful luck with teachers so far and they have been very supportive (they have also the "benefit" of seeing him off meds for a day or two!)
The truth is, some people see ADHD as a moral failing and not as a medical problem. If you know you are dealing with someone like that, it's not worth the pain you will put yourself through defending yourself. I have misjudged people in the past and opened up too fast, only to get the lecture about how all boys are on Ritalin, etc., etc. I am more than willing to stand up for what I believe, but you just wear yourself out dealing with these people, when you know you are doing the best for your child. Stay away from anyone who sees the world through black & white lenses. They tend to be intolerant.
We have told almost everyone, but I would recommend doing it on either a "need to know" basis, or "need support" basis. In other words, teacher, coaches, and boy scout leader were great and super supportive. I told friends that I trusted because I needed the support and shoulder. I occasionally mentioned it to others, like neighbors and later wished I had been a little less open, just because people talk. The other thing we do is talk about it as a difference with a lot of advantages - especially for later in life. Lots of energy, often very bright, etc. My son asked me if I thought any firemen had ADHD, and I told him you can be anything with ADHD, so you're opinion really counts too. I have a 5 year old who was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago. Since
then, my husband and I have not shared his diagnosis with anyone for
fear that he will be labeled by both friends, family and school. I know at
some point we'll need to share this information, but for now we're just
trying to help him in any way that we can.
Would appreciate if you can share your experiences with this, and
specifically, please let me know:
- Who you told about your child's condition and when?
- What did you tell them?
- When you did share this information, was it well accepted?
- Did you ever feel alienated by friends that you're child was perhaps now
labeled as a "bad child."
Thank you!!
Michelle
We were at our wit's end with our son, and I was convinced of his diagnosis at least a year before we finally got it. I have shared with plenty of people - his teachers, the family and close friends, even our rabbi. I have found that EVERYONE has been incredibly supportive. I think he was labeled as a "bad child" before (and probably us as "bad parents"...), but now they understand that many of his actions are beyond his control. Also makes me feel like less of a failure as his parent.
But I'm a pretty open book - we shared infertility stories with everyone before we adopted our kids, so not much I keep secret!
I told my mother and my closest friend immediately upon diagnosis. Both are adamantly anti-medication and ignorant about ADHD, even suspecting that it is not real. One of them not only opposed medication, but also opposed IEPs. These are educated people. They were not supportive because they did not "get" it. I wasted many, many hours discussing ADHD and what I was dealing with on various levels with them--home, school, sports, socially. Not only did they fail to provide support, they increased my stress level. Because of their input, my ADHD road was tougher than it needed to be. I've come to the conclusion that if you are not living it, you very likely cannot support a parent who is. They simply have no input of any value.
I told my son's doctors. I also found their input to be of little value--even causing a delay in treatment.
I didn't need to tell the school. It was obvious. They initiated an evaluation and diagnosed. I provided them with a comprehensive neuro-psyche evaluation that I obtained privately. When I provided this 20 page report, it was ignored by the school, entirely.
I am also a pretty open book. Most people know about my daughters diagnosis. I've never had any opposition to it. It's very night and day with her. She is SO unable to listen off meds and able to on meds, it's quite dramatic. Plus she has SO many other things going on. I have found myself talking about it less and less as she ages and we have a better handle on things though...............every situation is different.- Who you told about your child's condition and when?
We of course told the school and teachers so DD could get the help she needed.
- What did you tell them?
I told them DD has ADHD/innattetnive and was on meds for it. ( meds are a must to tell the school, in case of accident or side effects)
- When you did share this information, was it well accepted?
Yes, I suppose it was, the teachers knew something was going on with her.
- Did you ever feel alienated by friends that you're child was perhaps now
labeled as a "bad child."
No, DD does not have a behavior problem, only innattenive, but it is important for people she is around to understand her problem.
I've told a lot of my friends and most of my family already. For me, it has been helpful - now when people start to get mad at him for not sitting still in his chair, I can say, "He CAN'T sit still."
Then again, he's been diagnosed with sensory issues for a few years now - since the worst of those problems are around food, I've become used to explaining things to people. It's amazing how quickly moms of "perfect" kids will back off when you let them know that your kid might gag and/or puke if they insist that he clean his plate.
I also tell pretty much everyone! First off, of course my DS's teacher because he was having so much trouble in school, and now that he's on meds I want her input on how he's doing, I want her to also watch for side effects, etc... My parents, my inlaws, pretty much my whole family knows. Also, my manager and co-workers because they see my struggling with DS at school and phone calls from the teacher. Also, since I have to take time off of work to bring him to the Dr ect .. I feel they should no why. My manager has a younger brother with ADHD so she's VERY understanding. My co-workers are very supportive, even though they dont know much about it!
And, friends, but I dont have many friends that are not family members .. but I did tell them!
I've only recieved a couple "negative" reactions, and that was one lady at work, whose son is in DS's before and afterschool program, said that I should get a second opinion because they give out that diagnosis too easily.. I just brushed her off. Another friend suggested I look at alternative options to meds before I consider meds, but she wasnt mean about it.
That's about it really. Everyone else has been very nice, supportive, interested, etc.... Except for his teacher. She doesnt seem to want to help him too much and expects him to live up to what all the other kids are doing in school! I have to call her tomorrow as a matter of fact. She's supposed to send home a report every Friday to let me know how his week was and I didnt get one last week!
I tell everyone and anyone! I think that if people know and are educated about it (ADHD) then they may interact better with my son. It always suprises me how many people know nothing about it, and say things like I always though ADD was something people said about all kids with energy..it drives me nuts, it isnt too much energy, it is a total life altering condition! It affects their social skills, their school performance, their behaviour, their mind, everything!!
so, I tell everyone about his condition and try to educate them about the realities of it and how to cope with it :)
I'm with you kitty... I like to educate people and I want them to understand that my son's actions are not really under his control. Telling people is also a defense mechanism for me, since it helps deflect some of the stupid parenting advice I often get from complete strangers.Hi,
I will tell you what I did. When I had my dd diagnosed, I only told a few people. I had to tell people when we went on the Feingold diet but sometimes I could say it was for allergies (which they have also) or just say "issues". Now she is 11 and medicated for the first time and I have told very few people at her request. I figure she should make the call on that one. I felt I had to tell the school nurse in case of emergency.
When my ds was diagnosed, it was different because he would have gotten kicked out of school at the rate he was going without meds. So the school had to know so they would keep him. Some of my friends know but I try to only tell those who are having trouble with their kids. I have a few "overachiever" friends whose kids are "perfect" so they just won't understand (I think).
Just my $.02,
lsaniga39455.6187037037Thanks so much for all of the great feedback on this topic. I really
appreciate the input.
