son dismanteling EVERY toy - am losing it | ADHD Information

I haven't posted for a while. It's hard to even make sense writing I am wound so tight and so emotional. My 8 yr old son has been taking batteries out of toys for a while, but it has escalated to taking batteries out of everything - even his small watch. He doesn't do our stuff, just his and his sisters. It's gotten worse to where he's snuck up 6 screwdrivers and taken apart everything that has screws - including teeny leappad cartridges. He has little spy toys and other mini electronics - you know hte cheapies for 5 or 10 that he has taken apart down to the circuit board and wires. So I go in his room and there are literally 100s of screws on the floor and pieces of toys everywhere. I called his dad home and we put everything in the basement. Afew days ago it was a lighter and he scorched a teeny piece of a towel. He also opened a very dangerous, expensive knife set that his dad got for Christmas. All of this in the last week.

He has a Psychiatric appt on the 21st, but I may see if I can move it up. I am frantically calling to find a therapist who can see him multiple times weekly.

Son is ADHD and some other stuff - bipolar, ODD. He's on Concerta and Zoloft. Daughter is ok, but very high maintenance and argumentative. Husband works 80 hrs a week and we are separating next month.

So, I've made my case. It's pretty stressfull. But here's the hard part - how do you handle the fears that it may really get out of control. I mean to a point where you have to admit them to a hospital, or they start getting in trouble with the law a few years down the road Also, with the screwdriver/battery/toy issue, how do I figure out where that comes from. Is it OCD? Is it hostility? I know he is gifted, is it just a curiousity he can't control? So do you use punishment or compassion. I am using both but I don't know how to deal with him. I let him see my anger, my sadness for all the destruction, I let him know he won't have any battery toys for a long time and he'll pay to replace the ones that were his sisters, but I also told  him he needs to open up to a therapist and I will be there to work with him. Is that a mixed message?

Has anyone else had this experience with the taking apart stuff? Also, if you are doing it alone and the nightly routine has only improved from disasterous to extremely difficult, do you get a sitter to help? Do you just tough it out and keep trying new things? That's what I've been doing for years now and I don't know how long I can hold up.

Any feedback appreciated.

I think you need to move the appt with the psychiatrist up. Maybe it's a med issue?

Has he ever been evaluated by a neuro-psyche?

He's had evals for ADD, sensory, ODD, CAPD, giftedness, but not specifically with a neuropsych. I've heard that mentioned before, so that might be something to consider. Thanks!

[QUOTE=spamula]My brother, took apart things his whole life. One day my parents came home from dinner and he managed to take apart the tv set. He also managed to put it together and today he is 40 and can fix anything. He never finished high school but is now an accomplished artist/contractor.[/QUOTE]

My brother did things like this too. Okay he never opened a dangerous knife or set fire to stuff  (I would have that looked at), but he took things apart all the time. He's 33 now and is a qualified air conditioning technician, run his own business for over 10 years and is more successful than me.

My brother, took apart things his whole life. One day my parents came home from dinner and he managed to take apart the tv set. He also managed to put it together and today he is 40 and can fix anything. He never finished high school but is now an accomplished artist/contractor.

The knife and fire stuff is scary.  This would worry me.

As far as taking apart the toys, is it because he wants to see how they work?  It sounds like he is very bright and curious child.   Would it be possible to buy a bunch of electronic type stuff at a thift store that could be his for him to dismantle and tinker with?  If in his room isn't appropriate,  is there a place where you could set up his own workshop type space?   The stuff in this space is his to do as he wishes with and the other items in the house are off limits.

Maybe you could get him intersted in building with legos, k'nex, erector sets, that kind of stuff.  There are some really cool sets with lots of gears and things and he could build some pretty cool stuff.   We did a Lego dinasour over Christmas that walked and opened it's mouth.  We build a K'nex rollercoaster that was also really cool.   My ADHD daughter really enjoys this type of stuff and other things she can do with her hands - clay, building stuff, baking and making homemade potions in the back yard with water, mud, sticks, leaves, etc.

Good luck.

My son (9) has "disassembled" EVERY toy he's ever owned.  So did his biological father apparently.  He recently expressed interest about what's inside a computer- I took that out of his room right away.  

I think that taking things apart is pretty normal for a lot of kids- it's curiousity and the mechanical mind.  I have been assured by my son's grandparents that at some point he will start putting them back together again, but not until he's much older.  I agree with the idea to give him a specific place/items to use.

Was he taking the lighter apart or was he just see how it worked?  That's something that you should keep an eye on, but your best bet there may be to take a trip to the fire station and have a fire fighter explain the danger of playing with lighters/matches.  It may have more of an impression coming from them and, in my experience, they're always happy to take a minute to show you around and talk to the kids.

It sounds like you really have your hands full, and I would be concerned with the lighter and the knife incident, BUT otherwise I'm in agreement with those who see a positive side in taking things apart. Your son may have an aptitude for engineering, mechanics, electronics, and if you can encourage his interest in positive ways, it could be a wonderful thing.
My son started taking batteries out of things at age two and then quickly moved onto taking things apart. His interests were a surprise to us, since no one in our family has these leanings, but we gave him old phones and small appliances to take apart. Maybe I was (and still am) too lenient, but at one time he had a whole room in our house for his "take-apart stuff." Now he has half the garage (and still makes messes in other areas.) It has been challenging and aggravating at times, BUT may son is now a sophomore in high school who is an honor student, received a 4.0 first semester, was community science fair champion last year, and had an adult in the medical field call him with questions about lasers yesterday. He is a computer whiz who helps teachers with computer equipment at school, he's been paid to design a website for a business, and he works part time for his dad as a "techy."  God willing, he is headed for a very bright future, and your child might be too.
If it were me, I would keep the appointment to address your concerns, but I would also encourage his interests in every way you can. Books on electronics and mechanical things; let him have a little "workshop" area if you can, as long as he follows safety rules; legos and other building toys; garage sale stuff to take apart; if there are any adults who could be mentors, great!
Good luck!
We can put a positive on things he is curious.  I would let him know if he cannot take care of his things he may not get any newer ones and why it is a problem. My eight year old just went through something like this.  Though he didn't take anything apart that I told him he couldn't, he took things apart so he could "build a robot".  The robot never materialized and he got tired of it after awhile.  I just looked at it as a way to get rid of some toys that needed to be thinned out.  My ex brother in law when he was young took apart telephones and such.  One time going next door and taking stuff off the bottom of the neighbors car which happened to belong to a policeman.   He  grew up to be a car mechanic, and a good one.So many mechanically gifted adults start out like this!!  Too bad he doesn't put the stuff back together, for your sake .  In the old days, they took watches apart to see how they worked (including Einstein).  That's not too interesting anymore since we don't have mechanical watches!

My son and husband like to do something called Fishertechnik.  It's expensive, but you can get used sets on ebay.  It's the best toy for mechanically minded people because it's the miniature version of real machines, and they work!  Do you think he could focus on putting something together instead of taking it apart?  Would he follow the rule of -- I don't care if you take it apart, but you have to put it back together again? 

Another thought is, when garage sale season rolls around again, you could buy him old appliances and tape recorders for a quarter and let him take them apart and then throw them away. 

Did he use the lighter just to see how it worked or was he trying to set a fire?  Big difference.  Same with the knives.  Those things are fascinating for little boys (and many big boys, too), but it doesn't mean he has the intent to harm.  If he is just curious and not trying to hurt someone or set a fire, I wouldn't worry too much. 

I wouldn't punish him.  He probably can't stop himself.  He also probably won't be able to identify why he does these things.  Maybe he just likes unscrewing little battery compartments.  Maybe he likes to see how things work.  It's not a real destructive or hostile tendency or he'd be beating the toys and throwing them against the wall (Sid in Toy Story just popped into my mind).  If this is new behavior, maybe he's overshooting on the medication and showing some OCD.  I would find things that he CAN take apart and let him go crazy in a positive way. 


The more I read, the more I think it sounds like compulsive behavior.  Since he has a number of diagnoses, only the psychiatrist will be able to figure out what is going on -- could be the meds, too, if this is new behavior.  I can see how it drives you crazy since he seems to take everything apart.  What does he do in school?  Any hint of autism/Asperger's in his other behavior (like communication skills)?  Could it be the manic part of bipolar? (I'm just throwing things out there -- I know almost nothing about bipolar).

You definitely have your hands full.  Hope it all gets worked out soon, especially with the separation and everything else.  ADHD kids can be such a drain on the marriage, especially if they have other "challenging" behaviors (The word challenging sometimes cracks me up -- like there's a fun aspect to tantrums, defiance, anger, destruction and having no time to do anything except keep your kid out of trouble?).
Thanks SO much - it really does make me feel better. I read other stories and suggestions like yours and gave him a broken keyboard to take apart. The only rule is he can't take apart working things where they are destroyed. I hope it's curiousity, but what is hard is that he doesn't study the insides, try to figure them out, or put them back together - he just takes apart. He's found a few things I didn't get fast enough and took them apart and destroyed them - a hot wheels track, his sister's remote to a TV computer game, a bunch of his hot wheels cars, etc. Who knew they had teeny screws holding them together. He has wood, screws, K'nex, and Erector stuff that I've gotten for him, but it's just not enough. I've hidden the screwdrivers and he has to ask for one. When he was very young he used to cut electrical cords and place things on light bulbs to melt them, so I know there's something else going on, maybe just poor judgement and self-control. Still, I need a lot of help. THANKS for responding. Sometimes I feel my issues are unique and not many people can relate.

My oldest son has ADHD and has always taken things apart.  He loves junk, taking it apart, making new things, etc....He is 16 and goes to sites that show how to make "this and that" out of "ABC".  I don't see it as negative.  He's gifted with his hands.  Probably could be an engineer, mechanic, etc......Some people are gifted solely with working with "things".  These people are very bright.  I like the idea of getting him things from a thrift store to take apart.  He could be the next inventor of who knows what!  Einsten came to mind for me as well when I read your post. 

You may not be "wired" like him.  But please, don't punish him for it.  Give him other tools and find ways to engage his curiousity.  He is VERY BRIGHT.

The other thing that comes to mind is has autism been ruled out?

twirly1

There is a difference between taking things apart from curiosity, and
being obsessed with one sort of fastener. If it is all about the screws, that
is a little odd. Asperger's is the first thing I thought of, but I don't think
the doctors really understand all of this yet. You will probably find the
solutions before you get a diagnosis that you really believe in,
unfortunately. My son was obsessed with the buttons on "boombox" type
radios from about 18 mos old until he was four. Everyone said "oh. he just
loves music" "oh, he will be a musician" blah blah blah. No one noticed
that he never listened to the music, just kept changing tracks and
changing CD's. He would go crazy if he could see a radio and not touch
it. He doesn't have this problem anymore, unless he gets very
overstimulated in a busy place, then the buttons call to him again and he
locks onto a vending machine or photo kiosk or interactive display and
manically presses the buttons and screams. And he does not have
Asperger's, according to experts, "just" ADHD. All we can do is figure out
what stresses them out, and reduce it while teaching them to cope with it.
I guess it doesn't matter so much why.

Reading this again made me think of a little boy I worked with years ago- he was obsessed with electrical cords and tape.  He consdered it a great privilege to be allowed to wrap up the vaccuum cord after we were done with it.  One year for Christmas, when he was 4, his parents gave him an extension cord (had wedged something in the holes so he could really plug it in) and a large roll of duct tape.  He was the happiest kid ever. 

Sometimes kids have strange obsessions, just talk to the doc and get his opinion.