hello...teachers who are insensitive | ADHD Information

That teacher is an A$%#0LE- sorry to be so crude- but jeesh- I am so sad and mad reading your post. That teacher is a bully. Berating and belittling a kid in front of the class is sick. And for no reason- really, if the teacher wanted to see different behavior from your son that is not the way to get it.

OP- Your post really resonated with me. I am feeling so desparate regarding the school's innability to work with my kids. I have 2 kids on meds - one is adHd one is adhd-pi. I have worked very hard to get decent behavior out of my kids and we truly have a peaceful home life (98% of the time). That is no small feat considering our family is Dad&Mom(Mom with add), daughter 12 (adhd-pi +puberty), son (adHd- 11) and son 5 (pdd-nos aka atypical autism). There is no back-talk, very few sibling arguments (and they are pretty harmless), and the kids obey the rules and follow directions (but need reminders on chores and directions sometimes). BUT AT SCHOOL- OY- they can't get decent behavior out of my son at all. I just got his adhd checklist and it was BAD. It was so bad, I am shocked that I never got a phone call about this behavior- I only heard about it when I requested the checklist. So I feel like I can ceate an environment where the kids can do well, be happy, be productive... but the real world isn't like my home environment- it is like the school. And in the school they are failing. (Not failing grade-wise- failing in the general sense).

I am at my wits end and can barely muster the energy to revisit the whole dosage/meds/treatment issue with the doctor and wonder why I should when I can get the results from my kids without a dosage increase. Sorry- this turned into a personal vent- but hope you take some comfort in the fact that you aren't alone- I beleive our unique kids will find their groove somewhere- but these school years are just so hard.

Sometimes I think our kids need something different than the typical school - whether it's a private school, charter school, or home school. I wish the public school system was better, but my son had a horrible experience. There are options - it's worth looking into them. I'm so sorry for what you are going through - It will get better.

Kids in Space,

You nailed it on the head. The environment has a lot to do with it. The way schools are set up just aren't up to speed with dealing with creative/ADHD types. So many schools are so rigid. But our kids need fluidity.

It truly is time for a revolution in schooling. Parents need to challenge the current systems and "experts". Rather than challenging the schools and requesting THEM to change, so many of us are putting our kids on meds and forcing them to change so that they "fit in to the current school system".

We are the ones paying the med bills, dealing with the side effects, etc......

When are schools going to be challenged more?

twirly1

< =text/>_popupControl(); One of the greatest things our children can hear from us is,"I'm so sorry that happened to you." That, combined with listening to them tell how it made them feel (without trying to make it better or explain it to them), can heal a great many wounds. Doesn't stop us adults from wanting to inflict a few retaliatory jabs, though....GGGRRRRRRR!!

I feel that if you have gone to the teacher but got no where, then it is time to go elsewhere. If you feel the principal will help, then make the call. When you meet tell the principal about the meeting you had with the teacher.

Is your child on an IEP or 504? If so, you can also reach out to special education.

Don't ignore something you feel so strongly about. Mother's intuition is usually right!

[QUOTE=mcnamara5769] I then went to the principal who said, and I quote, "this is no big deal," and my son needs counseling since most kids would be able to let this slide without it bothering them. [/QUOTE]

How frustrating! My DS would have been completely humilated if this had happened to him - I know because his teacher has made similar comments to him and it just devastates him. It doesn't matter whether other kids would let such a comment bother them or not, the comment was inappropriate! In the business world people can get fired for saying such things. I am currently reading The Gift of ADHD and the author mentions that ADHD kids can be much more emotionally sensitive than non-ADHD kids. I never knew this. I'm looking forward to reading what she has to say about this "gift".

I don't have any advice, just understanding for what you and your DS are going through.

I have heard that private, including religious schools, do not provide services for ADHD. I wonder if you did send him to public that you find it a better experience for your son. There the laws keep the teachers from being allowed to say the things that they do at his current school. In the publice schools, they have to follow the laws/rules.

greyhoundmom,

stay on those teachers. that really upsets me whenever I read your post. How is your son doing? Any improvement with school, friends, teachers, etc.

Hi, I'm new here. I came here upon realizing I had no one with whom I could really talk to about all of this. I have a child with ADHD and one with ADD/OCD/Depression. My husband is also ADD. I am finding myself spiraling into depression myself watching my kids struggle, trying to financially afford to send both kids to therapy and realize that very little is working at this point. My son's behavior has improved, but the grades! I worry daily if they will ever survive on their own. The stress is unbelievable. I watch other kids excel and breeze through things my kids just blankly stare at. I'm a teacher, so I see it all.

My son, who has ADHD, has made a lot of progress behaviorally. Recently, I forgot to give him his meds and he had a bad morning. He came home crying that his teacher had told him to stop acting like a big baby in front of his classmates (He has no problem making or keeping friends since most kids think he's rather funny.) He told me how humiliating it had been. The teacher knows he is on meds and, in my opinion, should have noticed the change in behavior and thought "gee, perhaps he didn't have his meds?" As a teacher myself, I have never humiliated a child by calling names. And if I had, I would have apologized for such behavior. Thanks for being here. I'm sure I'll be back often to gather support.

Welcome Macnamara,

Yes, you found a place where you can share whatever is on your mind and others will "listen" and some respond. Just knowing this messageboard is here can be calming and reassuring! You might find a support group in your area that could be very helpful for you.

So sorry to hear of your situation, but as many others here who have been through similar throes....it will get better!

Yes, you are absolutely right...if the teacher said that to your son, knowing he takes meds for ADHD, the teacher must be clueless or else is an insensitive bully who likes to put down children. Either way, seems it would be good to assume the former and go have a talk with him or her.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, so I can empathize with your son. Grades are important of course, but I think even more so is self esteem and self assuredness. Looking back, the most important factor in my life was my mother's inequivocal belief in me, no matter what crazy or "stupid" thing I did or did not do. And now, looking back, it's not grades that kept me employed and productive all these years, it was being able to dig in and do what needed to get done, even if it was late and not as good as it could have been. That ability, that resolve, was cultivated by good teachers, challenged by the bad ones, and protected and nurtured by good ol' Mom!

Hang in there and keep us posted!

Macnamara I would be having words with the teacher for what she did is not professional and there is a such thing as confidentiality. If she does not change after talking to her then go to the principal and go up the ladder. I do hear what you are saying the financial part and the worrying about the children's future, and the depression I myself have bouts. What I am doing for me is getting into counseling think about it for yourself.

welcome to the board.
Jillette39460.805

I'm sorry to hear this happened to your DS. My DS who is in 6th grade and in a new school (we moved recently) has a teacher who has done similar things to my DS. It has been an awful year because of her and my DS isn't a behavior problem or anything, he has just been having a harder time focusing so he sometimes has to aks for something to be repeated. I can't imagine how she is with children that have really serious learning or behavior issues. I talked to the teacher and then to the teacher and principal and got no where. I know how depressing it can be. This school year has really taken its toll on me and I too have had some bouts of depression because of it all. I am serioulsy thinking of getting some counseling for myself. Just not sure I can afford it. Does your company or DH's company have any kind of employee assistance plan? I'm am looking at getting some help that way as I think I can get a couple of sessions free.

Good luck!

I have been very disappointed in the "christian" schools in my area and maybe it's the same everywhere. They are only interested in children who fit their mold and when they don't they just want them out. Gotta love today's "christianity" but that's a whole other topic.Confounding my problems, I happen to teach at this school, have spoken with the teacher, received a ton of defensiveness and was told I was wrong. I then went to the principal who said, and I quote, "this is no big deal," and my son needs counseling since most kids would be able to let this slide without it bothering them. Boy do I feel validated! To make all of this even worse, this is a Catholic school! We will know they are Christians by their LOVE, will we not? So I sat down with my son, looked him in the eyes and told him all the things I absolutely love about him and asked him to do the same. I'm going to attempt this every day since he too often hears what is wrong. As for the school, I feel trapped and incredibly frustrated. Why don't you put him in public school? There is so much more support available in public school than private. If you don't like your local school, you can apply for an interdistrict transfer to a school that you do like.[QUOTE=Greyhoundmom03]

Good luck!

[/QUOTE]

This just infuriates me, but at least we all know we are not alone (nor are our dc). It is so SAD, though! It is not right that teachers hold so much power over our dc's fragile self esteeem. My ds had a similar terrible time in 8th grade. He had one teacher who treated him like trash. She ven told her "gifted" kids how much she couldn't stand him, and she told him and his other ADHD friends that they would certainly be bullied in high school and she couldn't wait to hear about it!

I woulnd up talking to someone at the superintendant's office with two other moms who had issues with this teacher. Believe it or not, she ws FIRED....

Unfortunately, I have seen this happen a lot with teachers. They are human, too....and they snap sometimes. Just think of how difficult it is for you to handle your unmedicated child at times. Imagine that plus an entire classroom of kids. It's extremely stressful.

But even still, teachers need to be reminded that humiliating a child in front of the class is actually EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Call it that and then see what the school does.........

Teachers learn about abuse. Do a search on emotional abuse. You will find humiliating and belittling there.

Stay on 'em....be tough.

twirly1

Insensitivity is usually related to ignorance. Teachers need much more training in this area. I would challenge and ask/write the principal:

1) What training has your staff received on teaching ADHD?

2) What inservices/conferences have they attended?

3) What is your primary source that you point teachers to in dealing with ADHD isues?

4) What accomodations is the school willing to provide?

5) What reprocutions are there for teachers who humiliate a disabled child in front of their classmates?

If you write it out, they will get scared. Better yet, if you have access to an attorney, better yet.

Don't let them slide by. Hold them accountable. Write newspapers and contact press if need be. Don't settle......

twirly1

Hello and welcome Mcnamara

You need to contact the teacher and tell her what you son told you and explain how insensitive that is. If that doesn't help, then contact the principal, superintendant, etc. That is very insensitive and cruel to be done infront of the class, yet alone done at all

Greyhound, your post made me sad. Your poor son can't even ask for something to be repeated?! At least he is showing interest in wanting to learn, what is wrong with the school.

Does he have an IEP? The superintendant needs to know about this if the principal isn't helping you. I wouldn't drop it and let it get the best of you. That is horrible what is happening to your son!

I am in a very similar position of a teacher who thinks she knows all about ADHD but it is not to be used as an excuse so no leyway for my DS. (private school). If any of you have gone to the principal, do you find it is easier or worse for your child? I worry that the teacher will find more to jump all over my DS about. He has been good most of the time A student, and wants to learn but at recess struggles and needs some teaching of how to make friends, not speak impulsively, etc. So that is all he needs. worry though if I push it, my son will face the consequences.