Is it ADHD or something more? At a loss! | ADHD Information
Twinkletoes: You are not alone. Your daughter sounds a lot like our 5 yr old son, a lot of the same arguments, tantrums and sneaking things they know they shouldn't. I feel like our home is always chaos. I've read the 1-2-3 Magic book and we still use it, it works sometimes but not always. I'm in the middle of reading "Chaos to Calm" right now but haven't found anything new yet that we haven't tried. Diane's suggestion of sending (or dragging) to their room does help if you can get them there. My son is 65 lbs so it's a struggle sometimes for me but he's had several screaming tantrums in there pounding on walls & the door. I can understand being aprehensive about seeking out more help, given your last experience, but I wouldn't rule it out. The next person you seek out may be your life saver!Green's book "The Explosive Child" and "10 days to a Less Defiant Child" are other good books.
My daughter has spent her fair share of time in her room over the years and most recently with nothing in it other then the furniture and her clothes. She got the picture pretty quick that we meant business by taking away all her stuff and spending extended periods of time in her room with nothing.
Our home is also chaos on many different levels. It's the mess that trails behind my entire family, the the uncertainty that goes with volatility of my daughter's behavior, the crazy schedules we maintain and on and on. At least with well managed meds and a good therapist, things have settled down with my daughter.
Hang in there. Most of us hav been there and it does get better with time.
Twinkletoes, your "typical day" sounds SO familiar, and my son is seven. Idon't think I ever sat down, ever, until he was maybe five, and started
meds. Then he might actually play with a toy, or do a whole puzzle.
Luckily he has some anxiety about being on a different floor or in a
different room than me, and I take advantage of this. If he goes upstairs
in his room for more than five minutes, I know that something bad is
happening, and I wouldn't in a million years be able to predict what it is.
In the Curious George books the adults often stand around "with their
mouths wide open" and I know exactly what that means now. He is also
violent, like you describe, right down to the specific threats (he
threatened to throw his juice at me this morning). I restrict his activities
much more than most parents of second graders, and he is just starting
to get resentful about it. It is just survival on my part, though. For
instance, no markers except in the kitchen, no Play-Doh ever, anywhere,
no going in any kitchen cabinet ever, and I have sewn all of his pockets
shut because he seems to acquire things without a good explanation
(money, pens, scissors, hot wheels, keys, nuts & bolts, the faucet
assembly from the school water fountain...) I would rather prevent these
things from happening than have to deal with them, since we already
fight about 80% of our waking hours anyway. By the way, "The Explosive
Child" is a great book, it made the most sense for me.
Hello Everyone,
I've been lurking here for a while and recently created an account so that I could post if necessary. I've mostly stayed in the "Alternative" forum, but am now branching out because I'm at a loss as to what to do for my 5 year old daughter. I'll give as much background as I can while keeping this as short as possible, but if you need additional information to offer advice, please ask and I'll expand.
My daughter has been difficult since she was born starting with colic. Her sleep issues didn't improve until recently when I began supplementing with Omega 3 supplements. She has taken melatonin since she was 2 at the advice of her doctor to help her fall asleep, but she didn't sleep through the night and in her own bed until I began the Omega supplements a little over a month ago. When we ran out she started to backslide until I got the new higher dosage of Omega and she is now sleeping again.
Her behavior has, for the most part, declined over the last few years. She has periods where she seems do better, but they are short-lived. She is extremely hyperactive and very much seems to be "driven by a motor" as described in the ADHD symptoms checklists. She talks nonstop and if she doesn't have anything to talk about, she will babble silly made up words or songs or just repeat herself. In the car she is doing that as well as kicking the seat, fidgeting, etc.
These things I could handle if that was the worst of it. I've been very resistant to speak to a professional about medication because she is so young and I'd rather try alternatives first. However, I'm beginning to feel like she may need more. She has talked about not having very many friends at school and seems to get a note from the teacher almost everyday lately for something. I do think the teacher expects a little too much from 4-5 year olds that are in Pre-K and have other parents say their children are on "yellow" (instead of green) many days too. Unfortunately, her behavior at home is wearing me down. I've tried time out (she becomes absolutely hysterical and it's impossible to keep her there), loss of priveledges (taking away favorite toys, t.v., movie night, etc.), rewarding good behavior (i.e. focus on the positive and not the negative), redirection, and spanking. Nothing seems to help.
When she becomes hysterical she will hit, pinch, scratch, and kick to get away from me (if I'm trying to put her in time out or remove her from something she shouldn't be doing). She has now begun threatening me. For instance, this morning I was trying to brush her hair. She didn't want it brushed and told me that she would throw her yogurt at me if I didn't stop. When I got out of the shower this a.m. I found her with a chair moved up to the counter where the suckers are hidden. I explained that she couldn't have a sucker in the morning and those were special treats. She also found a highlighter. I told her she could keep it, but only if it was kept on paper (she has a history of coloring on other things). She got her coloring books and all was fine. So, I went to dry my hair and came back to find that she had highlighted an 8 inch section of the leather sofa. She is now grounded from t.v. for the rest of the week. Yesterday, she stole my boyfriend's contacts, tweezers, and fingernail clippers from his bathroom and put them in her purse. We discussed stealing, I took her back to his house and made her apologize. Her excuse... She didn't know where her toys were to play with. A couple hours later she took a couple boxes of muffin mix and dumped it around her kitchen area in her room along with hair paste, hairspray, and honey. We again discussed taking things that don't belong to her and the mess she made and how the concoction could have been toxic to her little brother had he eaten it.
I don't know what on earth possesses her to do these things. These are just a few examples from the 24 hours. It's like this most of the time with a few rare breaks. My biggest question is... Do your ADHD kids do these type of things? Is this behavior common with ADHD or is it possibly something else? Does anyone have any ideas as to where to start to get help? I took her to psychologist one time and the doc in that one hour started putting thoughts in my DD's head that had never been expressed by her (i.e. Telling her that "it's not your Mom's fault that your Dad doesn't visit. I know it may seem that way, but it's not"). My DD has never expressed that concern and hadn't said a word about her Dad during that hour. Since then, I've been leery of trying to find someone else. Her former pediatrician kept dismissing my concerns. I haven't found a new pediatrician yet.
I appreciate any personal stories, advice, or pearls of wisdom that you may be able to offer.
Well, I'm new here and by no means a doctor, but your daughter sounds EXACTLY like my 3-1/2 year old son. It's totally wearing me down. We got a diagnosis of ADHD just before Christmas, but now with the meds the anger issues are still there as well as the sleep issues, so our behavioral psychiatrist is thinking about some alternative meds that help autistic kids with anger and sleep either in addition to or in place of the current drug.
Omega 3s did help us at first, too, but they were not the "miracle" I had hoped for. We're now on Dexadrine, which seems to help a LOT at school and with the hyperactivity and frequency of tantrums, but the intensity of tantrums seems to have gotten worse.
As far as discipline, we have similar problems. Timeouts ONLY work if he's sitting on my lap facing away from me and I hold both of his hands across his chest like a straight jacket. I have to keep my head crunched down or he'll headbutt me! And sometimes I have to hold him there for 1/2 hour. The other day we tried locking him in his room and letting him "rage it out" - which of course ended up in a giant mess of things thrown across the room. I did make him clean it up when he was finished, but I may just empty out the room from now on.
I wish I had advice for you, but I'm in the same boat! Feel free to e-mail me anytime you need to vent. I know how hard it is to find other parents who can sympathize with having a child try to throw a TV at you...
Thank you for your quick reply. It is nice to know that there are other parents out there that are dealing with the same thing even though I wish none of us had to!
My daughter's former pediatrician recommended locking the door from the outside a few years ago as a way to keep my DD in her room and make her sleep in her own bed. Her father talked me into trying it. It terrified her! She has a lot of anxiety anyway, but the fear of being locked in her room was way too much for her. I never want to see that kind of fear in her eyes again.
I've used a similar hold with my daughter as recommended by the psychiatrist that I took her to (one time), but I'm not really sure if it helps or makes it worse. It seems to anger her more and it takes longer for her to calm down because she is then angry because she can't move. She completely freaks out.
One thing that sometimes works if she is not completely hysterical is to lower my voice to a whisper so that she has to stop screaming to hear me. I'm usually down on her level at this point looking her in the eye and using calming words. Unfortunately, that doesn't work all the time as she is often too worked up to care what I'm saying.
twinkletoes, your dd sounds a lot like mine before we got her evaluatedand on medication. It can be incredibly draining dealing with a child who
does things like ours. We took dd to a neuropsychiatrist at Kennedy
Krieger in Baltimore. They specialize in neurological disorders. I would
suggest a complete evaluation with a specialist such as the one we saw.
Pediatricians are great, but not trained in these disorders as much. We
decided to put Jillian on Metadate CD 20 mgs. This is a long lasting
stimulant which helps her "put the brakes on". We also use the book 1-
2-3 Magic. Both of these have helped tremendously. Jillian's teacher
uses a "behavior chart" so I know how she does throughout the day. Jillie
tries hard to get all her points so we can go to the Dollar Store. Her
school counselor also gives her a bag of goodies if she's had a good
week.
It's hard for our kids to make friends because our kids are sometimes
"the bad kid" at school and most kids shun the bad kids. Plus, learning
how to share and take turns, along with their impulsivity really hurts their
friendship skills. I have Jillian signed up with a psychologist at the
recommendation of our ped. She wants her to have play therapy and
maybe some counseling to help her with the friend issue and rushing
through her work.
I so know how you feel. My dd just turned 6, and this has helped as well.
Jillian has adhd, which also means she lags behind her peers
developmentally by at least 20%. She's very smart, but sometimes she is
still a handful. Hang in there. With the right help (and the passage of
time) things will get better. Let us know how things go. The earlier we
get a handle on these challenges, the better.
Come here often for lots of great advice and support, too! &n bsp; Hello Twinkletoes,
Your daughter started out as my son did -- with severe colic. He has ADHD and is very high on the hyperactive scale and did many of the same things as your daughter at her current age.
I agree completely with Chinamom that your daughter needs a complete evaluation from a specialist, such as a neuropsychiatrist or child psychiatrist or a whole team. That is the only way you will know what is really going on. She may have ADHD or it may be something else completely. Try a big medical center to get an experienced and knowledgeable specialist. We also had a few eye-rolling experiences with psychologists before we found someone who knew what they were doing.
There is a lot of discussion on this forum about medications, and the same questions and comments always come up. No one likes to medicate their child, especially for something that is widely seen as a "behavioral" problem. I believe that the people who are successful with alternatives have much milder cases, because most of the alternatives do not even target the true neurobiological problems that people with ADHD have. I also give my son Omega 3's and I do think that it helps even his mood out, but it doesn't touch the basic inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity that we see every day.
Having been through 3 years of medication (admittedly, not always easy when trying to find the right med and dose), I see how my son has blossomed at school, that he has friends, that he is not the "weird" kid (or the weirdest, anyway
), that he works at grade level, that we never get calls from the teacher, that we get along as a family, that he no longer hits, kicks, screams. The praise that we give him can be genuine and sinks in. There are few power struggles. He is now 8, and there is no comparison with his earlier behavior. He *knows* how to be well behaved now, because it is his normal state, so he recognizes when he has crossed a line, which still happens when he is unmedicated. We work with him with the guidance of a child psychiatrist and have had him evaluated by a team of MD's and Ph.D.'s to get the full picture of what we are dealing with. The thing is, the behavior is much easier to deal with because you might get an hour or two of hyperactivity in the evening vs. a full day of screaming, hitting, anger, hyperactivity and doing crazy, inexplicable things. You can face it with much more humor when you know it is short-lived.The treatment will depend on your daughter's diagnosis, but getting that treatment and professional support is essential for your own sanity. No one will force you to medicate, but you will learn options and gain experience in the world of people who really understand neurology and neurochemistry. These kids are a huge challenge, and I have finally learned that it's ALL about brain chemistry. Most people see ADHD as a behavioral problem -- change something about the environment, and the child will behave -- but that's not it at all. You have to get at the brain chemistry so that the child can have the option of knowing how to behave.
Chinamom and Joy2,
Thank you so much for responding. Again, it's so great to hear from other people in similar situations. Especially, after dealing with so many people telling me that she just needs more spankings or more this or less that.
I guess it sounds like I should start with a neuropsychiatrist? I've never even heard that terminology before. I'll start doing google searches to see what I can find in my area.
There was a time that I thought so many behaviors were a result of poor parenting. Admittedly, I've made mistakes, but overall I feel that I'm fairly consistent and really try (to the point of exhaustion) to maintain boundaries for my DD. Having seen many of the same issues on the paternal side of her family, I now realize that there has to be something genetic to all of this as the environment has been completely different for my DD. My son has a different father and his behavior, mannerisms, and personality have been very different since day one despite being raised in the same environment. That leads to me believe that it's not just my parenting. ;-)
Do any of your children have less problems with focus than they do with hyperactivity and impulsiveness? DD seems to be able to focus on a task fairly well when she wants to. She is incredibly smart. In fact, her teacher noted on her 9 week progress report that she had already learned everything she was supposed to learn for the entire school year in math. She was at or above average in all other subjects.
Hi twinkletoes, welcome. I dont have that much more to add to others posts, as I agree with them all! First thing, solid evaluation and get a diagnosis for what is truly going on.
One thing I can think for starters while you sort this out, is you need to get control of as many situations as you can. For example, the marker incident, if she's had incidents in the past wehre she drew on things other than paper, she NEVER, I mean NEVER gets markers if you're out of the room. I know once they're 5 we all think, oh thank goodness no more toddler years and keeping them in sight every second. Well, you cant do that with her, you still have to be there advising her of appropriate behavior all the time.
The tantrums, you cannot engage her. I know, I know, I've been kicked too, but they cannot be reasoned with midst tantrum, they just cant, dont even try you'll make yourself crazy and set them off more. They need a space to learn to calm down. crazymadsmom mentioned the room and it being trashed, thats how it has to be. It takes a lot of time, but it WILL get better. They'll get sick of having to spend all that time cleaning up if they trash their room every time. I actually like the idea of taking things out if you can. Then they can be put in there and tell them you will NOT talk nor can they come until they are calm......EVERY time. Dont back down. I dont have a lock, but have literally stood outside my daughters door and if she opened it, pulled it shut (no talking 
). We've done that back forth for SO long, until I end up standing there holding it closed 
. She knew I was out there so she wasnt scared she was just, really, really mad. BUT she learned I meant business. My favorite way to physically get them to their room if necessary is either they are laying on the floor, grab both ankles and pull them across the floor they cant kick if you have both ankles. OR carry them like a baby cradled so you can squish their arms and ankles. I know this gets harder as they get older. You shouldnt have to do that much though. Once they learn they get ZERO attention from you, they will give up (this might take weeks). The other key is ALWAYS, ALWAYS talk about how they could've handled it differently, once they are calm. Then when they do cool it without flipping out praise them like they just became president . Eventually they'll learn to trick you and come out of the room saying they're calm, and start right off, then just put them right back in there without talking.
Anyway, my son has a huge problem with focus, but I know from others that people with ADHD can hyperfocus when something interests them (I have never personally witnessed that, however
). I think that the neuropsychiatrist will need to tease out a possible focus issue. It can be hard to tell in kindergarten, especially if she is very intelligent -- she may understand the material very quickly and then be on to the next thing. If she doesn't have a focus problem at all, she may end up with a different diagnosis.< =text/>_popupControl(); DD seems to be able to focus on a task fairly well when she wants to. She is incredibly smart.
These two characteristics seem to be somewhat common amongst ADHD children. I asked our psych why I should believe my son has adhd when he can sit for HOURS reading a book and barely move a muscle, and she responded that the ability to focus on things we are simply tolerating as opposed to things that we love is one of the litmus tests of adhd. Can a child listen to a lecture about something as mundane (to me!) as state history with nearly as much focus as they watch their favorite TV show? My son lacks the ability to cope in this way. I'm still not 100% convinced that he has adhd instead of just disregard for things he doesn't like, but either way he needs help learning to tolerate.
Go to YouTube and search "Celebrate ADHD". The man lecturing is the brother of a great friend of mine. These are short, free videos that will give you a lot of insight and free you up as a parent.
twirly1
Yes, Diane is right -- do not engage, do not set up power struggles. You cannot "win" this or control them, regardless of what people tell you.Set up a very controlled environment so that it can't become a power struggle -- (wish I had done this more when my son was younger -- trust me, I know power struggles). If you need to remove her from the situation, do so. Spend less time explaining and more time changing the environment or removing her from the situation, if needed.
You will feel somewhat powerless, though, until you get more help, including a diagnosis. Then you can begin to make rational decisions about what will really help her. The more I read these forums, the more I see that unmedicated (or incorrectly medicated) kids with ADHD push their parents into power struggles which eventually sends the kids spiraling into ever more defiant behaviors. I think that we were on the brink of that before our son was medicated because he did so much crazy and impulsive stuff -- and really didn't do anything positive all day!! Now there is much to praise him for and we have real joy with him around, so there is very little defiance. He still gets angry and sometimes lashes out, but always apologizes because we basically have a good relationship. If we had gone three more years without meds, I am sure we would have an incredibly defiant 8-year-old and a pretty miserable home life.
Your description doesn't sound unusual for ADHD at that age. It seems like impulsiveness is her main symptom right now. You should try a magnesium supplement. Have you read that thread on the alternatives board?
I tried putting her in timeout again last night and holding the door shut to her room. I hadn't tried in a while and thought she might handle it better now that she is older and not scared to sleep in her room. I was wrong... I feel awful... She had a night terror. Her first in almost a year. She was mostly incoherent with her crying and screaming, but she said "door" a couple of times. She must have some kind of anxiety about being closed in. I'll just have to find another way to control her rages without feeding her anxiety.
Quixote, my daughter has been randomly picking up things and hiding them in her purse, backpack, room, etc. a lot lately. It's sooo frustrating! I don't know how many times we've had the discussion about taking things that don't belong to us and that stealing is wrong, God doesn't like it, etc.
She is pretty good about playing alone or with her brother without me being nearby, but she'll do really good for a while then I'll go in and check on her and she'll have gotten into something she isn't supposed to. I keep everything that I can out of reach, but she finds step stools or chairs to get to things (i.e. there is a nice fingernail polish stain on her bed and on the entertainment center!).
I do my best to keep my eyes on her during all of her waking hours, but I'm a single Mom. I have to shower and get ready for work in the morning and she sometimes wakes up before I get in the shower. I also have to tend to her brother. I use loss of toys/tv/favorite activities as consequences more than anything else and it doesn't seem to prevent further episodes. I think the next thing on my list of consequences is having to be stuck to Mommy like glue. If I can't trust her in her room alone and I'm folding laundry in the living room, then she'll have to stay in the living room! Maybe that'll make an impression. I don't know...
I'll order "The Explosive Child" today! Thanks everyone for the recommendation.
[QUOTE=twinkletoes]I tried putting her in timeout again last night and holding the door shut to her room. I hadn't tried in a while and thought she might handle it better now that she is older and not scared to sleep in her room. I was wrong... I feel awful... She had a night terror. Her first in almost a year. She was mostly incoherent with her crying and screaming, but she said "door" a couple of times. She must have some kind of anxiety about being closed in. I'll just have to find another way to control her rages without feeding her anxiety.
Quixote, my daughter has been randomly picking up things and hiding them in her purse, backpack, room, etc. a lot lately. It's sooo frustrating! I don't know how many times we've had the discussion about taking things that don't belong to us and that stealing is wrong, God doesn't like it, etc.
If she is only 5, she probably doesn't get this concept yet. It sounds a little compulsive, to tell the truth. She probably doesn't know why she does it. I would just put it back and not make a big deal of it. The moral implications are lost on her right now.
She is pretty good about playing alone or with her brother without me being nearby, but she'll do really good for a while then I'll go in and check on her and she'll have gotten into something she isn't supposed to. I keep everything that I can out of reach, but she finds step stools or chairs to get to things (i.e. there is a nice fingernail polish stain on her bed and on the entertainment center!).
I do my best to keep my eyes on her during all of her waking hours, but I'm a single Mom. I have to shower and get ready for work in the morning and she sometimes wakes up before I get in the shower. I also have to tend to her brother. I use loss of toys/tv/favorite activities as consequences more than anything else and it doesn't seem to prevent further episodes. I think the next thing on my list of consequences is having to be stuck to Mommy like glue. If I can't trust her in her room alone and I'm folding laundry in the living room, then she'll have to stay in the living room! Maybe that'll make an impression. I don't know...
I'll order "The Explosive Child" today! Thanks everyone for the recommendation.
Have a look at Ogram's marble thread -- about rewarding every little thing. It works great. However, it sounds like she might need medication to stop doing completely impulsive things (like drawing on the couch, putting things in her purse, dumping the muffin mix). I believe that you can't stop the behaviors using behavioral methods alone if the brain chemistry is not allowing them to control their behavior at a very basic level (impulsivity, hyperactivity, anger, defiance, focus, etc.)You wrote:
My DD has made comments about not being able to be good also. It tears my heart out. I don't want her to look back at her childhood and remember being in trouble all of the time. I want her to remember all of the fun things that we do together. I'm afraid that the amount of time she is in trouble is going to overshadow that. She told me the other night that she didn't have any friends to play with at school that day and that everyone has a friend but her. I cried for the next half hour or so. It breaks my heart! I know that she does occasionally, at least, have friends to play with, but it sounds like she is having trouble in that area. I plan to speak to her teacher about it tonight at P/T conference.
It does tear your heart out. When my son said what he said I knew then (he was in first grade and a young 6) that we had to do something and began by talking to his pediatrician. That led to parent and teacher questionaires and conferences with his teacher, counselor and the principal to determine what each party would do to help him, then ultimately to several months later a full scale evaluation using many tools. My son is emotionally less mature than most in his grade and cronological age so relationships work out better when he is with younger children. He is also very trusting of what others say so we have to be careful who he plays with or he ends up getting taken - money, getting in trouble for something he didn't start but went along with etc.
Sometimes, I don't know if she is lying to me because she has been lying so much lately. That is relatively new for her. It is important though to remember the things they say are from a child's point of view so saying everyone has friends but him from my son meant that today someone didn't want to play with him. Not for the last 6 months. I have to try to remind myself that adhd is only a part of my son and that he is also a child and will do the same things all kids do. I don't want him to use adhd as an excuse or a crutch for why he has done something, but acknowledge that it is like his dad and I having to wear glasses to see better and his grandfather taking medicine for diabetes. Something that he takes medicine for and something he is learning to live with better.
She also has to sit much of the day as she is in a full day Pre-K program. Most of the schools in our area only offer half day, but our school only offers full day. For the most part, I feel that it has been extremely beneficial to her because she needs A LOT of organization and structure to function at her best. Day-care didn't provide that. I do feel that the teachers are expecting a little too much out of 4 and barely 5 year olds. She got a "red" yesterday for talking during nap time. I realize she shouldn't have been talking, but sometimes (most of the time) I think she can't control it. All children ADHD or not need structure but also to move around a lot - sitting still at that age for long periods is just not natural for them developmentally. My son went from a high quality developmentally appropriate preschool and private kindergarten to a first grade where unmedicated he was expected to sit for most of a 6 1/2 hour day. He was on red a lot in their behavior control program. You are not alone!
Keep the faith! It will get better and know that every one of us has had concerns about medicine and choices we make for our children. Just remember that sometimes we might choose the wrong thing at first, but as long as we learn and use that learning to make more informed decisions and continue to stand up appropriately for our kids we will perservere in the end!
In reading through some of the replies I recognize so much of what what we went through with our son. My advise - do have a complete evaluation. It is the only way to know everything you are deailing with and address all aspects of your child's strengths and areas for growth and change. ( I won't call them disabilities or weaknesses) In my last 3 years since diagnosis I've come to learn that many adhd children are also extremely gifted. They often have difficulty showing how gifted because they can't focus or sit still long enough to show it! I've had conversations with my son about exactly this. He has adhd, is extremely gifted and has had learning support for reading in first grade and OT for hand writing skills. Now in 3rd he is getting A's and B's, is reading at a 5-6th grade level but comprehending even higher, and we have learned that he writes better in cursive and with a pen than pencil (and let's face it his father's handwriting is awful so what can we expect!)
Our son is on Concerta 27 mg once daily and Omega-3's. We had a really bad preschool/kindergarten period and a horrible 1st grade as he now had to sit still all day and had a horrible, horrible teacher. Before meds he did all the things people mention in their replies and I though I was a bad mom and he thought he was a bad child. He once told me in tears that he just knew he would never be good. Now he knows he can do things in a proper way and that he is way cool, smart and capable and is beginning to recognize the difference between on meds and off. It is so great! I've also learned that I am not a bad Mom and now I'm even better because I am becoming more educated. Good luck! Stay strong!
Joy2,
I used to use a timer and told her that her time couldn't start until she was calm and staying in the timeout spot. I can't remember if it was the psych that told me to do that or if I read it somewhere. I've always just used one minute per year of age, but I can't get her to stay in timeout! I've spent 45 minutes to an hour trying to get her to start/finish a 5 minute timeout. At that point, she has forgotten what she is even in timeout for (like you mentioned). It's also rather impossible for me to spend that amount of time trying to get her to do timeout when I have a son that isn't even 2 yet and requires my attention as well.
NoTellin,
I've read a lot on the alternatives board. Actually, that's where I started on this forum. I recall reading references to magnesium, but I'll go check out that thread again.
Kstarspa1,
My DD has made comments about not being able to be good also. It tears my heart out. I don't want her to look back at her childhood and remember being in trouble all of the time. I want her to remember all of the fun things that we do together. I'm afraid that the amount of time she is in trouble is going to overshadow that. She told me the other night that she didn't have any friends to play with at school that day and that everyone has a friend but her. I cried for the next half hour or so. It breaks my heart! I know that she does occasionally, at least, have friends to play with, but it sounds like she is having trouble in that area. I plan to speak to her teacher about it tonight at P/T conference. Sometimes, I don't know if she is lying to me because she has been lying so much lately. That is relatively new for her.
She also has to sit much of the day as she is in a full day Pre-K program. Most of the schools in our area only offer half day, but our school only offers full day. For the most part, I feel that it has been extremely beneficial to her because she needs A LOT of organization and structure to function at her best. Day-care didn't provide that. I do feel that the teachers are expecting a little too much out of 4 and barely 5 year olds. She got a "red" yesterday for talking during nap time. I realize she shouldn't have been talking, but sometimes (most of the time) I think she can't control it.
Everyone,
Did you start with a psychologist, psychiatrist, neuropsych, or pediatrician? I'm having a hard time finding a neuropsych in my area. I think I may have found 2 that are on my insurance, but I can't find any references for them when I do a google search. I hate to just blindly pick one!