ADHD and Christianity | ADHD Information

I'm not sure how people will view this post, but hear me out. So many times, people with ADHD or other mental disorders have a tough time being "that model Christian".

Anybody here feel like you've been misunderstood within the church and labeled "a sinner" because of ADHD issues?

I know of a lady who the leaders of a church are mentoring because she is messy (doesn't look good to those you are leading). She has ADHD. To top it off, her fiance died in a car crash years ago. My thinking is, "Why make an issue of it? Wasn't Einstein messy?" I mean, really.......does it matter? This is an example. She is looked down upon and it breaks my heart. She is an awesome musician but isn't allowed to play with the church music team because (I'm pretty sure her untidy appearance) and occasional argumentativeness. (She likes to challenge people when viewed necessary.)

Who knows....maybe this is an isolated experience. But just maybe, others of you have felt the same judgement from churches. Please share your stories!

If not you, what about your kids? Have they been judged by church leaders or children's church leaders for their ADHD behavior?

twirly1

twirly139463.8134027778

I can't really say I have experience with what you are seeing however, if you ask me, it sounds more like the ones in the church that are treating her that way are the ones not living up to the model of christianity.

When I was a kid my mom would struggle to get my sister and me to "dress" for church. She went to the pastor and asked for his help in getting us to be more cooperative, his response..........If they are coming to church why worry how the're dressed? (Paraphrased) Needless to say, my mom wasn't too thrilled but at least we didn't have to go through the usual Sunday morning fight anymore.

That's a great story. "Religion" tends to look and focus on the exterior.....looking right, sounding right, etc....but healthy spirituality focuses on what is going on inside. Alot of us were raised up in churches that have forced us to portray this "perfect image" when, in reality, we all have our struggles and need a place to feel safe and real....especially those with ADHD.

P.S. Anyone have a hard time sitting through an auditory sermon? Common....where's the interaction and visuals?

twirly1

Wow, I just realized why my family always sat in the back row!

Fortunately this happened when I was about five or so there was no permanent harm done. One Sunday my parents were having a really hard time getting me to sit still, I'm not sure exactly what did end up happening but when my tooth hit the pew in front of us so hard that it broke (my tooth, not the pew), the blood curteling scream that I let out brought the sermon to a very abrupt stop.

I have to confess, I don't go to church all that often these days but over the years I've learned how to deal with my attention problems in a much less disruptive way when I do go.

I remember growing up, and finding sermons to be unbearable. I don't
think the standard model of church fits well with ADHD. Although I find
that playing with a wad of silly putty, or something to keep "busy" while
sitting still during lectures and such helps a lot.

Not sitting still has always been seen as a sign of disrespect - and we
ADHDers can't help but seem disrespectful. It seems to get worse the
harder we try sometimes.

It's unfortunate that she's been excluded from the other church
musicians. Perhaps there is another outlet for her music - I bet other
churches need a musician.

...but, I don't advocate getting her away from the church she is in now.
She is being "mentored" which, while it may not be the right help right
now, does show the church community does care about her. And losing a
fiancee is one of the worst things that can happen to a person (speaking
from experience) and a supportive community is vital.

We are all human. We all make mistakes - it's unfortunate that there is so
much emphasis on "looking perfect" in society (everywhere - not just
church).
-p

Wow! I am shocked and appalled at how some of you have been treated within your churches! My husband and I are members of a Baptist church, and we lead a kids ministry there (costumed characters and puppets) and I must say, our church has been nothing but supportive of us and our son, both before diagnosis (when they pulled me out of bible study more times than I care to admit) and after diagnosis and treatment.

They have handled his behavior outbursts, tantrums and such with grace and love. They have been truly behind our decisions, and have been a huge support to our family as we have navagated these waters with trying to find out what was causing all these issues, and then what to do about it once we did.

I am sorry that many of you have been chastized and avoided by people who are purported followers of Christ. So many times Christians let their own personal attitudes and judgements get in the way of the real message of Christ - sharing His love with a dark and weary world. It is a sad thing when it happens, and I just wanted to say that I am sorry it happened to you.

Yeah, it is sad that Floowers of Chirst would act like this, but this is not the majority.

Most of all, they are understanding and supportive. I just "fee" alone because of my own perdonal feelings and thoughts, not to say people ayt my church would judge me. They'd want to pray for me! I have just been battling with issues for awhile myself.

I feel for this lady, as you go to chruch to grow and fellowship and surround yourself with Gods love, not to be treat badly! You can go into the world and have that!

Twirly- it's the reason I stopped going to church and began exploring my beliefs on my own. I was raised by a mother who was very devoted to/dependant on her church. Unfortunately I did not fit in quite so well. Over the years I got increasingly critical feedback from church leaders- my clothes were "sinful", the music I listened to was satanic (according to my mother even christian rock is bad- the rythym is what makes it satanic. ), the questions I asked were "leading me down the wrong path". By the time I was 16- adhd unidentified, depression untreated because it was believed that I just need to pray more and God would make me better- I'd basically lost it, was on the verge of suicide and ran away from home. When I came home 12 weeks later I found out that my mother's church had pulled away from her- her friends and support group avoided her and she recieved a lot of not-so-helpful advise from the leadership.

I do realize that there are a lot of wonderful churches out there that embrace the creativity and energy of adhd people without a second thought, but I think the traditional church model is hard for people with adhd. Much of the religion centers around exercising self-control, something our brains just won't let us do very well. I guess we should be thankful that the Christian God is much more forgiving than some of his followers.

I understand perfectly! I have a hard time sitting thru a sermon without doodling or fidgeting. Now that I started Adderal I am doing better. I only yold one lady o far, and she happened to have ADHD herslef, but is not taking meds.I am certainly hesitant to share it with others, as to their reaction, if they'll judge me or feel differently.I am sure they won't but who know's? I am just know meeting a friends from that church and still feel very alone. My old friends from another church are going to the same church I go to now, but I would never share it with them for fear of more "osterization.( spelling?). I went thru a period 4 years ago where I was very OCD and these people were aware of it, and didn't really befriend me much after that. So, I am uncertain now if they are distant, these strangers in a new church would be or not? I am feeling very "alone" right now, and don't have a lot of people to share this with, because they don't understand! Thank God you all do! well she could simply switch churches to a less vain one

Someone PM'd me but it got deleted accidently, can you please try again, whoever it was? Thanks! Yeah she could find a God loving, people loving church where they are not judgemental, or else ignore it and pray for those people!

I completely quit the church due to the awful ways I've been treated there.

I don't care what anyone thinks, NO ONE has the right to tell you what to do, what to think or what to believe!!!

Think or believe what YOU WANT! Go to church if you want, not because someone says you have to. Who are "they" anyway to tell you what to do? No one has the right to control you.

What's going on inside you is between YOU AND GOD and no one elses business.ADHDinsane39529.2963773148

Hey Twirly1,

I am not an expert by any stretch. But I am 50 now, and been through a lot of this, so, I am hoping some short replies that may be helpful.

I'm not sure how people will view this post, but hear me out. So many times, people with ADHD or other mental disorders have a tough time being "that model Christian".

It took me a long time of trying this myself, but I realized that there is no model Christian. We are righteous 'in Him', because of him, anything of trying to live as a "model" is leglism, and best to stay away from. Because nobody can do it. The requirements of a 'model' is acting/being 100% righteous all of the time, and of course nobody is except Jesus. So trying to be or acting like one is, is exhausting and futile. The concept of the model Christian is a man made idea.

Anybody here feel like you've been misunderstood within the church and labeled "a sinner" because of ADHD issues?

Yes, I have because of poor attendance, walking out because I could not sit still, to go get coffee or stimulating conversation. I was very embarrased and ashamed before my wife and family. And felt the evaluation from others.

I quit worrying about this when I realized that I still sin, but I am no longer a sinner. I am complete and righteous 'in Jesus'.

If she is wanting to be mentored on this kind of thing, I think nothing wrong. If the church is mentoring her because they think her appearance does not comply with their standard, then that is legalism. And Jesus came to replace legalism with Himself.

"The Law (rules, regulations, appearances, and techniques for reaching God, trying to be a Model Christian, doing things to please God, etc etc. infinitum ad nauseum) came through Moses; Grace and Truth through Jesus Christ"

So, I realized the "techniques" were replaced by a person, Jesus Himself. I also realized that since I am now 'connected' to Jesus, I am now 'disconnected' from the appearances and techniques.

And anybody who is promoting the reverse is still trying to please God by techniques. I don't think most folks do this on purpose, they just have realized it yet. I also did this kind of thing at one time myself.

Who knows....maybe this is an isolated experience. But just maybe, others of you have felt the same judgement from churches. Please share your stories!

I have heard pastors give seemingly logical explanations of why Christians should not take medications for mental disorders, like ADD and Depression, and I beleived them, did so several times, relapsed and my frustration deepened. I think most well meaning but not informed.

But my frustration with the Church and my ADD, in the long run had a great deal of benefit for me, as it forced me to realize the difference between the 'Church' and the 'appearance' church. And now I sense being free from what Church people think. That's has been huge for me.

If not you, what about your kids? Have they been judged by church leaders or children's church leaders for their ADHD behavior?

For us, so far no problem. Sorry about the sermon, but I have struggled a lot with this issue, and finally feeling free of the church thing. Still a believer, but finally no longer trying to please people and other Christians. Hope this helps. Sorry about the lenght. Take care.

twirly1

Edited by twirly1 on 16 January 2008 at 7:31pm

The Dalai Lama says there are so many religions because there are so many personality types. We can't all just hammer ourselves into whatever mold we were brought up in because of the fear of Hell.

I was raised a good Christian, went to Wheaton College, and then realized why it all seemed so wrong and disturbing to me....because I'm just NOT and Evangelical! No matter how hard I tried, it wasn't me. My vision of Christianity, or more correctly, spirituality, was so different from that of mainstream Christianity, that there's basically nothing there for me. So why should I kill myself trying to be something I'm not?

The conclusion I finally had to come to though is that Evangelical Christianity could be "right" and very helpful for a lot of other people, and just not a fit for me. I know lots of blue collar guys who would probably be out getting drunk all the time and cheating on their wives if it wasn't for their devotion to the 10 commandments. The temptation is to say that because I don't fit into that mold, it must be a bunch of crap and anyone who believes in it is a complete idiot. That, however, would be missing the point.

I can never pay attention to the sermons. I can't take a lot of the "praying" seriously.....The hymns are painful. But if that's your thing, and it helps you to be a genuinely better person (but not a judgemental a-hole) then go for it. Just don't delude yourself into thinking that God thinks any less of me because I don't go to your church.

That sounds a little angrier then I meant it, but so be it.

I have to say I think it is wrong for anyone to judge anyone. The people in Church who judge others need to sit up front and pay better attention they have missed the message. I have adhd and attend church every week. I go to 2 services and home study and sunday school. They just think Im hyper person who had to much coffee. I dont worry about sitting still because it's impossible for me to do that but I also attend a pentecostal chuch we all know we don't sit still in church. Believe it or not On sat service its a lot of energy sun we have a lot of elderly and they don't move except one 80 something year old lady she sits near me and is never still nor queit she must have adhd also

but I have learned not to care. I am unoganized forgetful I try real hard I do get the snooty looks at times from the older people but I just pray for them and if people at church don,t understand I tell them oh well thats how my brain works smile and walk away. Some are actually interested to find out I am 41 and have adhd they think just children have it so I educate them on it. I am from NY and I am living in the south so they think I am also a rude NY that interupts and talks fast. I have learned my adhd is what makes me ME! and in church out of church I hide nothing I have been to some that were rude like you talked about I left that church. I think someone should help the woman maybe give her some suggestion in a nice way or joke around I find humor goes a long way. Be blessed Oh by the way I spell real bad sorry

Luke 6:31.

I have felt separated from my church due to my
affliction. Church's are built by us and for us. Like
everything else that man builds he claims as his own.

People still believe they own a church or they control
it.

So if your different, and We are, you will be treated
different just like any other place we go that involves
any sort social interaction.

ADHD has got to be a "righteous" persons nightmare.

Why did or why is this? Really that doesn't make much
sense? But what if?

Sometimes we forget we asked that question but but as
soon as they answer again we may be wondering about that
who painted that picture with the brown stain on the
wall. Or get angry because they repeated themselves.

People who believe their personal works have earned their right to judge... Tend to judge others and are
generally the core of church who have failed to remember
what church's original and simple purpose is. To
rejoice and and engage in fellowship.

I would not waste time on them. Keep in your routine and
you will find a place to rejoice. And if you cannot God
understand's. He made ya. He loves ya. He waits for ya.

p.s. Not a huge bible guy. But i take comfort in its
teachings. [QUOTE=iamsamz]

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I think this ladys main problem is she needs to find another church. I cant imagine anyone at the church I attend treating someone that way. (of course I am assuming her messy attire does not include going to church nude etc? LOL)

Seriously Im only a new christian - but what I am told and what i read in the bible talks about not judging others, and that christ got out in amongst what were considered at the time the lowest, dirtiest(by that I dont mean so much whether they used soap and water on a regular basis or not, but people who had disease, or whose lifestyle didnt meet the criterial of the 'pillars of society'), most sinful, rejects of society - not the people who were dressing the right way, making music the right way or saying the right things.

If I were your friend Id firstly find another church - one that is more supportive, less judgemental, and secondly pray for the people in the church she is currently in (and probably ask for forgiveness for the fact that I am judging them right now - im sure im right lol but im still judging)
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Can I ask, specifically, what it was that felt wrong for you? Ive no idea what wheaton college is sorry, and when you say " NOT and Evangelical!" - not sure what you mean by that -- did your church expect you to do something "Evangelical"

ie by killing yourself to be something you are not - what do you mean?

I hope you dont take this the wrong way, Im not disagreeing with you, and totally agree that you shouldnt pretend to be something you are not, or believe in anything you dont believe in. My experience of christianity though, has not been that I should do/be anything that isnt me, and isnt what I believe. There are plenty of things I do that are sinful - some to god, more to people from some churches etc where they have very rigid 'rules and regulations'. However at the end of the day I think it comes down to what God is saying to me, and though I am very very very VERY VEEEEERY (did I say very?) far from the ideal christian, and still sin big time on a daily basis, god is still there for me and working in my life.

So anyone oout there who has given up on god because they feel they cant ever match up to the rules of their church, forget that chuch, and just ask god, yourself in your own time, by yourself or with people you are comfortable praying with. Dont get hung up on what your church thinks - if you know your own heart, and they are judging you, find another church - pray for one. Dont let judgemental people separate you from god - they are not god, only god is god and at the end of the day - all that matters is how things stand between you and god... And if he is there for you, looking after you, and guiding you (at your own pace) you know it, and you dont need anyone else to confirm, or approve of that for you. If you know where your heart is, and your church is an obstacle - dont change your heart, change your church, and ask god to lead you to the right church for you