< =text/>_popupControl(); If you were truly a horrible mom, you wouldn't care what the school says, how he behaves, or that he doesn't seem to have friends. You take care of his needs and worry about him.
I would explore a meds change, since it seems that the first one is rarely the best fit, and from readng here it seems that Adderall can cause mood issues.
Aside from the adhd, your son may very well be acting out just to see what you will do. He may push and push just to find where you might stop loving him. Stick in there! Your horizon is on its way!!
No advice here, just that my heart goes out to you - I'm also mostly oneI don't have any advice to add, but I did want to chime in with support. I'm raising an ADHD stepdaughter (10, 4th grade) who drives me bananas on a daily basis. I spent years feeling like a horrible stepmom, but here recently I've been trying to let go of my guilt because I know I'm not.
This place has awesome support - I'm glad you found it! I don't post a lot, but I do read here every day, and it's been a huge help. Hang in there!
First thing--let go of the guilt. You are not a bad parent and this isn't your fault. You are working hard at doing everything you can do to help your child.
You are doing the right things. You are providing him structure(very important for ADHD children), you are giving him an outlet for that extra energy and you are watching his diet. I didn't cut out sugar but just try to limit.
If you think of ADHD as a difffernt way of being, then you realize what works for the rest of the so called "normal kids" doesn't work for our kids. You will gets lots of well meaning advice, listen to it, and then use what you think will work and dump the rest. Read everything you can to educate yourself. You are your child's advocate.
If he is still having problems, look into some coaching or counseling. Sometimes our kids are a little too smart. They know they are different and they truly do not know why they do the things they do. I think they need someone to talk to about it besides Mom.
Reta
Remember -- Normal is just a setting on your dryer.
I was told when my son was 4 that he might be ADHD. As a parent I was not sure that someone can say that a 4 year old is ADHD. He was in a Child Develpoment Center since 6 months of age, and he was hyper put what 4 year old boy isn't. I thought maybe he was having difficulties due to my divorce and that my ex completely cut off contact with my son during and after. I moved from that state to another state closer to my family and when I enrolled him into school his behavior became more unbareable than before. He would get up and run around the class during story time, he would have uncontrollable behavior, he always talks out of turn, you name it. I was at my wit ends by now. The teacher asked me if I had had him tested for ADHD, I told her I did but I was not happy able medicating him just yet. By the time kindergarten started, he was kicking down easles, talking back to teachers and pretty much doing whatever he could get away with. The middle of kindergarten myself and the teachers had enough and I decided to try the meds. His behavior changed some and he was able to focus. His grades went from almost retained to most improved. Now he is in the 1st grade and he is the best reader in the class. But we still have some issues. He seems to feel that he doesn't have to listen to anyone, he is always talking back to adults, and he has trouble making friends. He has no friends in school and only wants to make friends with people who treat him terribly. I have put him into counseling and he is still on meds, but he is really driving me crazy. There are days when I really feel like I can't do it any longer. I have had times when I cried after picking him up from school after hearing what he has done, because the meds wore off. I just recently had them increased, but I am praying that he can grow out of this. This is the first time I have found others that are going through what I am. My new years resolution was to just be a better parent and have more patiences with him. But I really believe that he does so things because he knows that it gets to me. I sometimes just want one day alone, but I am afraid to leave him with others in fear that he might do something. I have put him in counseling but we just started, I have put him in sports and I have stopped him from watching too much television. I don't give him sugar and we have a set time for homework. I just need to know what I am doing wrong and why is it that nothing seems to work. Now he is not sleeping and I am afraid to go to bed with him wake. What should I do to have more patience and understanding of what he is going through? By the way he os 7 years old now and in 1st grade.Stressfulparent39467.8087731482I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your son. I think must of us have all been there at one point or another. Hopefully your counselor can help both of you through this difficult situation. We found working with a counselor to be very beneficial.
Maybe play therapy or social skills class can help with his problems with peers.
It sounds like you are on the right track with sports, limiting tv (we were told no more than 30 minutes of screen time tv or computers on school nights) and providing the structure for his homework.
What meds is in on? If you aren't using an extended release version, that maybe something to look into. If he is having a lot of trouble at home after school, you might consider an afternoon booster to help get through the evening.
If he is having a hard time sleeping, you might try Melatin. It's a supplement that you can get at most stores. If you try it, start low and then work your way up. Too much can cause nightmares.
There are a couple of books that you might want to read. One is "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child" and the other is the "Explosive Child". Both are great resources and provide some very concrete things that might help your situation.
www.addresources.org has a section with podcasts. There are a bunch that deal with parenting. The "Parenting Toolkit" by Feinberg is a good one.
Hang in there...
Right now he is on Adderall, he was taking 10 mg, last week it was increased to 15 but the last 5 mg is the afternoon buster and I have noticed that he is having troubles sleeping lately. Thanks for the advice I am going to look into the Melatin.What does his doctor say? I agree with horsemom that if he is having os many issues on the Adderall it maybe well worth trying a different medication. Has he tried anything else or only Adderall? If the not sleeping is new since adding the afternoon booster, before adding something else (even melatonin) it's worth giving something else a try or at least trying horsemom suggestion of giving the booster earlier. Who diagnosed him? Who is managin his meds? Is it a psychiatrist?
Everything you've done so far is great and is going to help, the more structure the better. All kids do better knowing whats happening next . Patience is difficult, but the less he "gets you", the better. These kids thrive on conflict, so try as hard as you can be firm, but dont argue or engage him when he is defiant. This is the hardest part, but one the most successful.
From what I have read, you can go up to 3 mg of Melatonin (spelled it wrong in the original post). I think some people start at .33 mg or so. With my daughter, we usually use 1 mg. She'll usually ask for it if she is having a hard time falling asleep.
What time are you doing the additional 5 mg? If it is possible to do it a little earlier than you are now, it might help with the sleep issues.
Is his defiant behavior worse on meds than before? If things are worse, it's possible that the Adderall is causing problems and he might do better on a Ritalin based stimulant. If it's the same, it's probably different issues. Your counselor should be able to help figure out what's going on.
I can totally relate. What is frustrating to me is advice for solutions I have tried multiple times over with no success - not to say the people making the suggestions aren't great support. Sometimes you feel your situation is different, and there are no great answers. That's where I find myself often and the solution is to just keep trying while understanding that your situation is unique and nobody should judge you for making the choices and trying the solutions you think might help. My son often yells at me that I hate him, and I tell him how much I love him, but he is too young to understand. When you see other moms with "typical" kids and you are frustrated at yours, keep in mind we are here going thru it to and we totally understand how hard it can be.