Others with kids that repeated grade 8?

Anyone have experience with a teen that stayed back in 8th grade?

My son is heading on that path.  He's slipping again - not surprising - his next report card will be F's and he would have to work really really hard to pull himself out of the hole.

He is working with his Dr. and my husband has an apt. with him alone to talk about what we do if he does stay back.

Just wondering if anyone had experiences.  My son is oppositional and defiant and I fear after he has tantrums he'll just withdraw.  Can't do much more than I am doing now I'm afraid. He's just not accepting the help being offered to him and we aren't ready for meds yet. (well, my husband and I are not opposed to them but my son will not even talk about them let alone consider taking them ...yet)

a/k/a rswf

I have a son in a similar situation at this time (10th grade), and as with you, I feel our family can't do much more than we have been doing.  Our DS, too, is somewhat resistant to intervention, accommodations, help, etc.

We've been working with his school and have come to the conclusion that he would be best served at this time by transferring to an alternative school (associated with school district); there, it will be bare minumum course requirements, no homework, smaller classes, and more opportunity for 1 on 1(and he's open to the idea); don't know if this is the answer, but as he is failing and, as you said with your DS, our son has much much work to do to get back on track, this is probably the only solution at this time (plus, his asst. prinicipal, etc., strongly recommend...). 

What are your options?  Has he been evaluated at school or otherwise?  You said your husband will be meeting with a doctor, so, hopefully, that will shed some light.  Best of luck to you all.  I certainly feel for you and can relate.

Oh, and I forgot to add, it has actually been just the last couple of years that he has been on stimulant medications (presumed ADHD), doctor still trying to find the right med for him, and he soon will be starting Daytrana Patch.  Hopefully, he will comply and not take the patch off, once he gets out the door in the a.m.

Might I add that he is described (mostly) as a pleasant, polite, and cooperative young man at school, BUT at home, he has his teen moments and can become quite rude and obnoxious.  I do understand that he is very much frustrated, though.

Diane V - thanks.

hangindere- I don't know what my options are right now.  The school evaluated him in the end of 6th grade and he scored high average IQ - and didn't have any outward learning disabilities.  ADHD was mentioned as something to look into.

Last year my son had a 504 which he rebelled against - he passed barely with D's.  This was recommended by the second psychologist we had who diagnosed the ADHD innatentive.  My son hated this guy and acted up even worse.

This new psychiatrist said probably ADHD innatentive but is very sensitive to my son's refusual to take medication.  I know they have talked about it.

My son's behaviour is also is pretty good at school but blows up and acts badly at home.  He is being forced to take an after school math workshop because he failed a state test. This still won't be enough to help him.  No sense in hiring the tutor because he won't do the work.

I wish we could put our son in an alternative school like your son but we don't have such a thing.  There are vocational high schools.  My son thinks he's a know it all and complains the work is easy but he is failing.  He's not a bored over achiever.  No matter what you suggest for him to do, he gives lip service but doesn't do it.  I think he is conning the Dr. and my husband is going to tell him that he is doing nothing at home. 

I'm grateful that I finally found a good psychiatrist and one that my son is willing to go to.  I think my son is in an alternate reality.  He won't admit he has any problems let alone ADHD.  My husband fears that if he stays back, he will refuse to go to school. 

I am going to ask my husband to ask the psychiatrist if there are alternative highschools for kids like my son.  I don't know how I'd afford a private school but I'd figure it out somehow.

When you talk to my son about the possibility of staying back he just gets mad - blames it on everyone else.  It really is his oppositional personality that is the problem and no medication in the world can change that.

I know people with ADHD have had rough times but somehow survive and turn things around but I'm afraid right now, I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I just see a really rough year ahead.  On one hand, I think he should stay back because he really isn't ready for high school.

On the other hand, emotionally it will be devastating if he stays back.  Not to mention he'll be even harder to live with.

Hi,

Your son sounds like my husband at the same age. He just refused to do the school work in middle school. His parents, who were well off, sent him to military school. Not that I am suggesting that, however, (and my husband said it was exremely tough and he would not send our own children) it worked. My husband said he decided that it really wasn't all that hard to do the school work and the military school structure rewarded the boys for success and severly punished for failure. It didn't take him long to figure out the all the rewards were worth the effort. He graduated top of his class, did well in high school (regular), went to a top university, attended an ivy league school for his Ph.d and was a professor at an ivy league.  Currently he is a medical school professor. It was a tough road for him and he knows that if medication were available he would have done even better. While most people would say he is a success he struggled and worked very hard at school.

With some ADHD kids it is not until college that they excel because they are finally pursuing their passion not someone elses. It's a long long road.

bepop:  Isn't this great to have this website with these helpful posters? 

I would like to add a few things.  First, regarding the alternative school my son now attends - I remember in the past my daughter telling me how our school district weeds out kids that have behavior problems or can't keep up academically and sends them to the alternative school.  At one point, I doubted this to be true but now see what she means.  I'm curious to see how things will go at this school.  I do like the idea of smaller class size and one-on-one; though, truly, I would prefer he stay at his home school.  But if he did stay, since he does not qualify for an IEP or otherwise, at this point, I believe he likely would fail 10th grade (even the assistant principal sees it going that route).

My son, too, has been a class clown, wants to blame others for his problems, and sometimes he, too, resists help (even though he claims he wants to do better and will accept help).  I regularly remind him of learning to be accountable/responsible - put the ball in his court (I can be sympathetic, too, mind you).

IMO, parents (like you and your husband) who are informed, concerned, and work together are definitely a plus when kids meet these challenges.  Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a long time to see the fruit of our labor, something I am sure you already know.

Do you have any older children or kids around the same age as your son that he might trust to take him under their wing/mentor him?  I wish we had someone like that; his older sibling tries to guide him but becomes exasperated.  There's that sibling rivalry there, too.

Have a great weekend.  Keep us posted.

hauseof4 - interesting you should say that.  My  husband has a first cousin who was having troubles when he was young.  He was sent to a military school and straightened out.  His brother, on the other hand, didn't get the opportunity and is emotionally disturbed.

We had an incident last night.  Apparently my son has slipped back and is mouthing off and acting like the class clown. I had to sign a note.

Long story short, my son's current obssession is magic - he's quite good. He told me that he was going to have the magic to fall back on when he couldn't finish highschool.

I told him that although his magic was a great hobby and he'd be able to perform someday, he couldn't count on that as a living and dropping out of school was not an option in this family.

My son promptly banged the table, broke a plate and called me some horrible things.  I left him alone, we had a talk and although he won't admit he has ADD - he said he doesn't want to stay back but he gets distracted in class.

Naturally, he won't admit the distractions are his ADD innatentive - no, no - he has to blame it on everything and everyone else.  This is my problem and this is why my husband is having a private meeting with the psychiatrist because we are hitting critical mass.

I know these things take time but we are running out of time.