I would just let mom know that you appreciate her opinion but that you and your dh make the final decisions about your family.
My mom was the same way when I got custtoddy of my gs. She disagreed with adhd and asperger's dxes. I just continued to do what I thought was best. The past few years she has slowly come on board. My borther's son was dxed with adhd and she started telling him what I have done and am doing. And the positive results... Give it time....
Another thought: Would it possibly help to invite your mom to go to one or more of your son's doctor appointments? She could then ask the doctor directly about medication side effects and about the weird diet she is recommending.Here is my problem. My son is 5. He was diagnosed with SID when he was 2. We have dealt with most of those issues pretty well, with the major lingering one just being food issues. He was just recently diagnosed with ADHD (hyperactive/impulsive) and started Concerta 18mg. We are a week into the meds, and he is doing really well. The behavior has seen massive improvement, we have noticed it here at home, and I have gotten many comments from school as well as church staff regarding his improvement. So, you would think all was well right?
Well, it isn't. My mother is probably my best friend. I am so much like her that it is crazy. We talk on the phone every day, and we are even in business together. We get along great. Most of the time that is.
However, my mother refused to accept that my son had SID when he was diagnosed with it, even though she saw improvement in him when I started changing his diet and working with him on those issues. She said things to me like, "he will only drink from that cup because you don't MAKE him drink from another" and "he only eats those things because you don't MAKE him eat other things". Never mind that I went the 'tough' route with my son in the beginning and he went 2 days without eating ANYTHING! That is why I don't fight those battles, they aren't battles you can win. He isn't being stubborn, he CAN"T handle the texture or taste or whatever.
As I am sure you can guess, she is opposed to my starting meds for his ADHD, even though he is doing really well. She is sure the "terrible side effects" are going to permanently damage him and that the meds will "turn him into a zombie". When I talked to her about it, she faxed me a bunch of stuff on some weird diet that is supposed to fix his ADHD. I don't know what she thinks he will be eating on this diet, because all milk products, all pork products, all wheat products, all carbohydrates and simple sugars are banned. That would basically make only vegetables ok, and he refuses to eat any. ARG!
I have a very supportive husband, who is on board with the treatment we are pursuing, but he isn't a big talker. I have only talked to my mom 2 times this past week, and they were both strained and short. I told her he was doing well, she snapped that she was sure it was too early to tell what was going to happen. She asked what he was eating, and I told her that he was eating well and just left it at that.
I really miss being able to talk to my mom, best friend and confidant about this. This has been such an agonizing decision for me, and I made the decision that I thought was the very best for my son. I just wish she could be supportive. I need her in my corner, and it hurts that she isn't. We aren't telling many people about it yet, because we want to see how things progress before we have to start "defending" our decision.
Has anyone else had this happen? How did you handle it - besides getting into a big argument, or cutting off ties with the person? (Those options won't work for me, because she is my mom and I totally respect her)
Sorry to ramble, but this just hurts.
it is so very hard for those that are not living our life to understand.
The tension with your mother is certainly not good for you.
Remember, you are doing this for your child. None of us want to medicate our children.
Good Luck
I would just ignore her, that works for me.
I too get tired of people who have better ideas, I KNOW DD and I KNOW what works and what doesn't.
On a side note, have you tried or considered the Feingold diet? We have been using it for about 3 yers with phenomenal results. We are also gluten free, due to celiacs disease in my oldest, but it does help alot.
I hear ya loud and clear!