Twodoodles,
First off, go to the nearest mirror and repeat--"I am not a bad MOM, I love my kids and we will make through this. Tomorrow will be a new day." Please believe me when I say you truly are a good Mom, you are just a bit frazzled by everything. Moving and going back to work are major stress events in anyone's life without a ADHD child.
Been there,done that--- as an active duty person and as a Navy wife of a Submariner. Since you have moved, that means you do not have a support network in place yet. Join some group, like church or Scouts. You need to have some others to support you emotionally. Going back to work only makes it harder for all of you. This move means Dad has probably gone back to sea, which is hard on everyone too. (The coming and going can disruptive to the schedule.)
My 12 year old still drives me crazy. We have major sleep issues that have improved some with Vyvanse. We have the puberty thing added to the mixture and that really makes life exciting. I have told him many, many ,many times, "I love you dearly, but I don't like you right now because the way you are behaving."
Yesterday we were cleaning and he told me I was bitching at him. I told him I wouldn't be repeating myself a dozen times if he would just do what I said, when I said it. (Like that will ever happen.) Two ADHD people should not live together. He and I are cut from the same piece of cloth, which makes it harder sometimes.
I have a couple of ADHD moms as friends and we share stories. You really need that connection because they truly understand the challenges you face daily. Not just the behaviour issues but things like meds and social situations. Meds can be a big issue with friends that don't understand. My other friends offer solutions that worked for their kids, but my kid isn't like their kid and they forget that.
I guess my message is for Diamondagain too.Crunch Frog, Thank you for admitting that you said that to your child. I just feel like I'm the only one not on top of everything or else it just doesn't show with others. I seem to have to actually stop and think every time I go to talk to my daughter. Things I want to say are very reactive and should not come from a mother's mouth. I have to hold it together for my whole family. My husband is active duty Navy and is gone. We just moved under orders to join him all the while not being able to sell our home in Orlando. My kids are having to go through so much. The move, the new school, new house, and a mommy who was staying at home with them to a mommy that works all hours. (Remember we now have a mortgage and rent to pay, or i would love to still be at home with them), and a daddy who is always out to sea. I feel like so much of this is my fault by moving her away from the friends that accepted her and home that we loved. I thought that our family being together was more important. I don't think I have risen to this challenge. I get so angry and frustrated with her. I try not to say anything or let her see my anger or frustrations. But I'm slipping more and more. She's my baby girl but sometimes just loving her takes the life out of me. There is nothing left for the rest of my family or for me. So, I say some not so nice things to my daughter when i'm pushed over that ledge. I feel like I am breaking her. That her behaviors are because of the inconsistent life we have. Or maybe I'm not parenting her the correct way. I feel like I have failed her. I just want her to be happy. I care less about her fitting in with the norm than I do with her sense of self and happiness. Right now she is struggling with her esteem.Diamondagain,
I feel for you. I have felt like a bad mom so many times. For not being consistent, for saying things out of frustration, for not being able to make decisions that solve the problem once and for all.
But we love our kids and are trying to do our best for them. Being under so much pressure makes it so hard.
Before ds was diagnosed and on meds. our family life was chaos. My husband and I were constantly argueing, my non adhd son (12 and very moody) was angry alot and poor 5yr. old (adhd) had such low self esteem from thinking he was "bad".
The adderallxr has changed our lives. We are much calmer and happier. But having to up the dosage recently brought on so much anguish and guilt on my part. It seems like alot of people on this forum have gone through all of this and I am so thankful to have their understanding and experience.
twodoodles what dose concerta is he on? maybe he just needs another increase? have you tried tenex with it? the other day I was soooooo angry at my son i told him to shut the he// up. smooth i know! i think we've all been there.
Twodoodles, I am going thru the same thing. I told Will to just go away and several other things that I'm trying to forget I said. it's so hard raising these kids.
Hang it there!!
Twodoodles, having a plan for decreasing the stress is a start. DO something, talking is a beginning, but get a support network in place. Write it down and then check it off as you fulfill each step. Cover the bases of both physical and emotional stress release. Getting control of your behavior will make it easier to cope with your child and know we fall to stand tall and its all okay as long as we seek to improve the lives of our kids --sometimes that means starting with ourselves.is his AM behaviors aggressive physically?
IF NOT then managing his am environment is a must.
stimulus works both ways creative stimulus and attention seeking stimulus.
we all know about atten seeking behavior.
but there is that element for some us adhd that have a problemm understanding ans processing what we hear.
just like social development is a learned therfore part of brain development.
hearing also anarea that isnt typical learning in adhds
i dont know the age but this may be a very good time to introduce cognitive therapy.
and find also a way for his hearing / sound making to also have a creaive oulet that hasa a few rules and can recieve positve attention for.
I have been going to an ADHD support group for a couple of years and it has helped me so much. Talking to other moms who are dealing with the same issues (kind of like this board!!) makes us all feel more normal because we have these shared experiences with our ADHD children. Most friends/family can't really relate because when your child is "normal" (whatever that is) they don't deal with the issues that we are facing. I would recommend looking for a support group in your area.