Taking things/Lying | ADHD Information

Well he takes things like keys, old pair of my glasses, has taken 2 new boxes of my contacts and threw them away, just silly stuff.  I think most of it is for attention but I just want to be sure you know.  And recently he's taken something from his 19 year old brother's room and I'm sure you can imagine that won't set well. 

I have taken EVERY thing away from him tv, playstation, stereo...you name it!  I am very consistent with punishment and also rewards if they're warranted. 

Well I tell him all the time that after he lies so much no one will believe anything he says, even if he were to be telling the truth.  Sometimes it seems that I get through to him but here recently it seems like there's nothing I do that makes a difference and I'm very frustrated.  And I know it doesn't help that he started middle school this year and seems like he gets all involved with girls wanting to talk to him but it seems like it's so hard for him to make and keep friends. 

What sort of things is he taking?  Is it that he's taking things that aren't his and then hiding the fact that he took them, or is it more along the lines of borrowing without asking (or returning)? 

I think impulsivity plays a HUGE part in this type of behavior.  What sort of consequences are there for these things?  Whatever they are you have to make sure it's something he values (video games?) and also be super consistent.  It just seems to take our kids a lot longer catch on sometimes.

The most effective way to handle my son's (9) lying has been to call him on it every time.  I just tell him in a very matter of fact voice that he's lying and how/why I know he's lying.  He seems to go through phases where he does it more often, but I've also found it helpful to remind him that I won't be able to believe his side of the story when something happens because he lies about everything else.  I do have to admit to losing it one day a few months ago and telling him that he'd better stop lying about stupid stuff because one of these days his friends are going to realize that he's lying to them all the time and they won't want to be friends with him.  I felt bad after, and did apologize, but something seemed to connect in his head because he went a long while without lying after that.

Hello...this is my first time with the message board but I need some advice/group support with my ADHD son.  We've tried it seems EVERY option of getting through to him on issues such as lying and taking things that doesn't belong to  him from rooms in the house.  Does or has anyone else dealt with this?  Is this ADHD impulsitivity or what???  Thanks!

I think it is an impulsive thing.  Our son does it also, not very often and he's not even sneaky or devious about it.  I truly think that he believes things are just there for him to have, whether they are his or not.

Within the first couple weeks of school (before meds) he came home with a stocking cap that wasn't his.  When I asked where he got it, he said he found it (he's 5) I explained to him that when we find things at school, we give them to the teacher because it belongs to someone else that is looking for it.  His response--"finders keepers, losers weeper"--typical 5 yr old.  The funny part is what attracted him to the hat, he loves silk tags, he sucks his thumb if he has one and this hat had a great one!  We took it to his teacher the next day and as it turns out, he truly did "find" it, another boy had dropped it in the hallway.

Unfortunately we spend more time w/our ADHDr's repeating the rules and other things that seem to us like common sense, I think eventually they get it, it just takes longer. 

Well my son is almost 13 so it really worries me....and I know he's curious about things and all that but as a mom it just concerns me.  You know he could take something from the wrong person sometime and end up getting hurt but I just can't seem to get through to him about doing things that he will be held accountable for.

My son does this, hes been doing this since he were little he takes things like keys, mobile phones little keys anything. I dont think he does it delibrate i think he does think that the item(s) do belong to him. My son as ADHD and suspected Asperger Syndrome.

 I should mention that ds has just been diagnosed with adhd. He has issues with impulsivity. We started him on adderallxr 2 wks ago. He is doing great!!! But my husband does not want to tell the school of our diagnosis or the fact that ds is on medication. He just wants to wait a little while and see if we need to tell the school. He is deathly afraid of  labelling in our small town. Word gets out and people treat you differently.

So far I haven't felt the need to tell the school, but now that ds is in after school detention I am wondering if it would benefit ds for the school to know what he is dealing with.

I talked to the principal and he understands my point of view about trying to show ds the value of honesty. But he said they have been very patient with ds this year and feel that maybe he needs to feel the consequences of his actions to make a difference.

The school has been very patient, his teacher is wonderful, all of the teachers and staff like ds and treat him so well. I talked to the teacher in charge of detention and she said he was not going to be the only kindergartner in after school today . She said she is kind and gentle with the children and they do get a snack. They have a little packett of work to do as well. I explained that he may have a very hard time with hyperactivity because he usually "lets it all out" after a full day of school. She said she understood and itwould really be no problem.

Then she told me that she and the other teachers feel that ds is gifted and the only problem is that he gets bored in regular class. He is a good kid and has a great personality and no one feels like he is being mean or bad, he just has alot of energy and is mischevious.....

She told me to pick ds up early today since it was his first time in detention.

I really am confused..... to tell the school about his adhd would cause them to judge him, I know from others experiences. But he needs extra learning time for his behavior, he really is immature and the adhd makes it harder for him to "get" the rules and consequences......

 

thesamman39493.3371990741

thesamman, I feel for you. we also live in a very rural and small town. I have, however, told his teachers because without that knowledge they were putting too much on ds. Our ds is in first grade and was diagnosed in kindergarten (March '07).  It's hard to watch them look at him differently, but YOU are his only advocate. No one else is going to 'go to bat' for him, so to speak.  Only his mom and dad.  I have stood up for him and have to really seek answers on my own, but it's worth it for him. His teachers know that we are supportive of him, we encourage and work with him. We don't leave it all up to the teachers. That helps THEM and in return, they do try to be more kind when speaking to and about ds. You definitely catch more bees with honey than you do vinegar. Don't be sour to them, don't make it a long, lengthy conversation. Give them the basics, don't make it a heavy, burdened thing. "Sam was struggling, we sought help with his doctor and things are really looking up...We would like to help out in any way to make your days with him easier, so if you could keep an open communication with us on how he's doing we would be very appreciative..."  I have been notorious for making such a heartfelt hoopla over it, when really it didn't have to start out like that. It leaves everyone a little more blah about the situation instead of really optimistic. JMHO

thesamman, I agree with you, that is too harsh. he did the right thing by bringing them back, as hard as that would be for a 5 yr old.

I would call or go to the school and let them know about this, and stop it. That is quite ridiculous to do all that in kidergarten.

I think having him bring them back and tell the teacher is humiliating enough for him!

OK, yes that is for sure harsh. I cannot believe they are making a 5 year old stay after school for 2 days especially after you explained the situation and it's his "first offense". They haven't even given him a chance to show he understands...................

My 5 yr old son came home with 2 crayons, a gold pencil and a little car. He lied about why he had these things in his backpack. Finally after awhile he told the truth. In guidance that morning they watched a movie about stealing. He said he just wanted to be like the boy in the movie????

We discussed stealing and lying and I told him to take the things back to school and give them to his teacher. I wrote a little note to the teacher explaining what had happened. I thought ds would learn a lesson and see how much better you feel when you are honest.

However, when ds got home from school today there was a note in his folder saying he had to talk to the guidance counselor and the asst. principal and he must stay after school for 2 days as punishment.

I know he has to pay the consequences for his actions, but I almost feel that the school ambushed my plan to teach him the value of honesty.

 

IMO.......  that seems a little harsh for a 5 year old.  You had already dealt with it

 and was correcting the situation...with him having to take the items back and

 with the

note about the movie ....I just think it was harsh for them to make him stay after

school for 2 days.  

 Now talking with counselor and principal seems okay to me...so he

 understands not able to ...take  things that  isn't his.

I think I would also have a talk with teacher, counselor and  asst. principal

myself.   This is a five year old...

My son (7yrs) also has been in the habit or taking things.  Latley I find him bringing home change from school in his lunch box and I have been catching him sneak it in his money jar.  If I think back I can remember him doing this once at camp when he was 5 before he was dx with ADHD..makes sense now.  I also do believe it's impulsive and he is not thinking.  Last time he brought home money we had a nice little chat with him about stealing and how wrong it is.  So far so good but you never know..I am sure it's not the end.

nutmegmom,

do you think he needs his meds increased? I only say that because it sounds like his impulsive behavior may have returned.

Just wondering!

Bethann-He may..his teacher wrote a note to me on Friday saying he was daydreaming a lot in class last week.  I am going to see how he does this week and if still prob. then will take him back to doctors.  He really has only brought money home a few times but still it's very wrong and he should know better and the fact that he was sneaking it tells me he knew it was wrong.

Sandraka, We have discovered just recently that we, too, are having these same issues. He takes keys, stuff out of the trash, toys from either of his two brothers (one older one younger) and just lately he took his toy back out of his teacher's desk while she was out of the room.  Wish I had advice for you, but unfortunately we are in the same boat!  Maybe it helps to know you aren't alonw in your struggle?

One thing we must remember is that children WILL test boundaries. My 13 year old stepson is often looked at as gold (in comparison which we aren't 'supposed' to do) and he lies through his teeth. I lied. You lied. We all did it and some times still do it as adults. That actually comforts me, odd sounding I'm sure...We just learned, somewhere down the line, when it's better to 'white lie' than hurt with the truth. Sometimes we do it for other reasons...if we're telling the truth now!  Hopefully, our boys will soon realize what it feels like to be manipulated and lied to themselves, often enough when you get what you're dishing out it is the best taught lesson.

For instance, our son went through a little phase where he'd do something rotten and say "Oops, sorry..." SO one night while eating ice cream out, ds pulled a stunt followed by an "Oh, I'm sorry" (unheartfelt) so I took his ice cream and dumped it on the ground and said "Oh, oops, sorry!" Sounds harsh, but boy did it make the impact.  It hit home with him.  Never happened again. So, that's just my reasoning right now and it's helping me to get through one obstacle to another right now.

Good luck to you and I hope you can figure out some answers. Let us know how it goes...

Ilovemyboys-my son also would take things out of the trash at school and bring it home...I thought it was kindof funny.  Now that he is on meds he doesnt do it.  He would also come home with pockets of mulch, rocks, sticks...whatever and sometimes if for example he brought home rocks..he would get really attached to them-would have a meltdown or get angry if I tried to throw them out.  It has been awhile since he has done that though but he still from time to time get attatched to little object.

oh boy! We had that rock issues for YEARS! Not anymore, thank god! They would be everyhere, her pcokets of her coats and jeans, backpack, OK and WHY would you add rocks to an already ehavy backpack !!!!

Nutmegmom!! OMGoodness!! DS definitely has a rock collection in his room!! How funny!!  I thought it was just his little hobby!!  Who knew it was an ADHD thing!!  He is on meds, but still does these things...

  Funny how I feel not so alone.  He still picks up a rock here and there but not like the pocketful of rocks he used to bring home.

We also have the rock collections....I keep throwing them away....but they keep

appearing......She even has a favorite rock.....    Which I do not touch.....it is

kinda of pretty......   She wanted to know what it was worth.....LOL

 

Our rocks get names, faces drawn on them and the lucky ones get a house built for them. My daughter also takes things from her sister's Room. We are always getting her about it . But nothing seems to work . She also gets up in the middle of the night and eats , It would be great if it was health food . But it is always junk food . I have talked to the doctors about this , and they just seem to blow it off .

ds did his time in after school suspension. I think it backfired on the school because he liked it for goodness sake. He had to go to the library after school (one of his favorite places) work on some kinder work(he loves that) and do a phonics/reading program on the computer(oh heaven!!!).

I didn't say this to the school but this is not going to get the desired result of making ds not want to go to after school again.....He has to go again one more time this week and his time is up lol.

thesamman39493.3368287037