HELP!! | ADHD Information
Tonight is the night that I have given up!! My 8y/o ADHD son had me shaking like a leaf and left my husband, our 9y/o and our 6y/o climbing up the walls. I have bugs from all the food he hides in his room under his bed. His room smells like a sewer because he peepees in his laundry basket and who knows where else. I received a note home from his private school with a message saying he received another merit loss for not handing in his homework and to make up all his work by tomorrow which is impossible.
He goes to a chiropractor 4 days a week, I drive them to and from school which is an hour and a half or more each time, I have emailed his teacher and talked to his teacher and she told me that she makes allowances for him but he has to do his homework because there will just be more and more work as the years go on. He was making high pitched squeals all afternoon, interupting, throwing balls inside and in the post office, calling his sister names after she got upset at him, disobeying and talking talking talking.
His neurologist down here told me that this is the way ADHD children act and I need to make sure he does his homework before his meds wear off. We just moved down here and there is no other ADHD specialist that we can find. When I call her she doesn't return calls and makes me feel like an idiot. My doctor put ME on strong antidepressants because I feel frozen- I can't do anything. The public school he was in before I pulled him out had a 504plan but he was failing everything so we put them all in private school. At least he is passing everything but math. What CAN I DO? I put him to bed - he needed me to snuggle and talked to him a bit; he calmed down after 2 clonidine and 3mgs of melatonin and a benedryl for his terrible allergies. He is afraid he is going to die or that I will leave him and all i feel like doing is cying because I can't help him more and our family is not handling this at all today.
Thanks for letting me vent. My doctor said the antidepressants will take a few weeks to kick in but I AM A MESS NOW!
Wow, that's a lot. My son has ADHD, ODD, mood issues, yada yada. I really get stressed about schools worrying about things like homework being important. My son is bright - I could care less about homework. I didn't make him do it, I told his first grade teacher to grade him accordingly, and by the last report card, I didn't even look at it. To me, it's like telling a paraplegic to walk it off, or buck up, the world will expect him to adjust. With emotional, behavioral, and chemical imbalances, kids don't always have the resources to cope.It seems like, with these kids, everything comes at once. Please know, that this will pass. I am on two anti-depressants and they really help. I think the right school is the most important thing. My son (altho gifted) is in a school for learning disabled kids where the teacher can pick up when I fall apart. I am lucky to have had him in private schools where the teachers understand, (altho we've gonme thru 4 schooles) give lots of hugs, and forgive me for showing up in tears in the morning.
Reach out to familly or friends, or these posts and find the support you need. Sometimes what is hard is thinking about how easy it is for other parents. At least here you can find others who often reach that point where they are scared and ready to give up. I wish i could help somehow - I know exactly how this low point feels when it happens!!
I have been crying for the last hour. I just can't seem to stop no matter what I do. I have to stop by the time Jon wakes up in an hour or two. He never sleeps throught the night and I hold him tight so he can eventually sleep again. I need to be his strength and right now I cannot be. I am going to speak to the principal of his school tomorrow.
Thank you for responding, LeftyMom- I am a lefty, too. I think that I will just let his homework alone for now. I want him to have confidence but he thinks he is bad a lot of times. He does sit in school and tries to behave. I know I am rambling so I will stop now. Why can't anyone find a way to help these children?
I agree, that's ALOT of meds that all cause sleepiness, I would be worried about his health. They can all suppress respirations ( except Melatonin).
It sounds like alot MORE than ADHD also, I would see a Psychiatrist and go from there.
randyjim it really doesnt sound like his meds are working for him. What is he taking? Careful with his bedtime meds, thats a LOT of stuff causing sleepiness there with all that Clonidine, melatonin AND Benadryl. You need a new doctor. Any psychiatrist should be able to handle ADHD and meds, obviously the one you're seeing isnt so great, but I'd find some one else. As far as school, I agree wtih leftymom that you should find a school that is more accomodating. Sometimes these kids just HAVE to have their homwework modified. OR modify it yourself. Have him do every other math problem and every other sentence, whatever it takes so he does some of each, then write a note and attach it to his homework with the amount of time spent doing it.
Hang in there, we've all been in that place where you cant imagine spending the rest of their school days like this.................then they get a vacation and we get a breather , keep searching for the best for him you can get.
I made it through the night. Jon came into the bedroom and slept with us. He was very very restless, though. I went to his school this morning and spoke to the assistant principal. We will wait to see what happens.
On the way to school this morning I told Jon I would like to start a new school myself and get teachers that could make teaching fun and have no homework. We made up classes like 'rocking math', 'happy history', 'laughing language', etc. There was a comfort area where overstressed out children could cuddle in a bean bag with a gameboy or Ipod. There would be 'marvelous music' in the classes and separately, there would be a lot of art and 'silly science' would have a lot of hands on work. He was so excited and wanted to start a school like that immediately. He even told me that there could only be healthy snacks and school would be from 8-3:30. He said that then he wouldn't be nervous of not being able to do his work. He even suggested that the older students could mentor the younger ones 'one on one'. We also talked about a class called 'mind your manners.' Why couldn't a charter school be started for these children?
I am going to look up a child psychiatrist and get him an appointment. I am not happy with his doctor down here also.
Thanks for all the help!
Have you considered asking for an Educational Evaluation? MANY of the things you and he have dreamed up can be worked into an IEP>I don't think private schools are required to have IEP's.
My Dr had to put me antianxiety medication and an antidepressant. It's hard dealing some days. I hope the meds work for you.
Does you son have any comorbids; extreme anxiety or ODD?
So glad you are taking him back to ped psychiatrist....sounds like his medication
isn't right for him....Check with schools in your area about the IEP...... all pubic
funded schools have them.....even if you have to go out district...
My granddaughter is doing so much better with her IEP...she is happy and now
wants to go to school....before it was horrible...
He will be evaluated by a ped psychiatrist here in Ft Myers. However, he was tested several times at the U of Florida and there were no underlying issues. I am praying it is still that way.ALL schools in the US who receive federal funding are REQUIRED to test kids for LD's at a parents request, BUT it has to be in writing.[QUOTE=Diane V]the public school told you that? Ohhhhkay................they will be difficult to work with! EVERYONE has IEP's.[/QUOTE]
Yes- as long as you are in the U.S.A.
An I.E.P. is a special education document, written by a team that may include parents, teachers, school staff, administrators, (and medical professionals- but the parent usually has to pay $$$ for them to show for IEP meetings- I just relay my doctors' advice at the meetings), that outlines services to be rendered for your child. The school, by law, is obligated to follow the IEP. If you are in the USA you have the right to have your child evaluated (or to have a private evaluation) to see if they qualify for an IEP.
http://www.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/iepguide/index.html
KidsInSpace39483.6925115741[QUOTE=KidsInSpace][QUOTE=Diane V]the public school told you that? Ohhhhkay................they will be difficult to work with! EVERYONE has IEP's.[/QUOTE]
Yes- as long as you are in the U.S.A.
[/QUOTE]
SORRY, I was just taking that as an assumption....my bad 
..........reaction to a school saying "we dont have IEP's". not wanting to have Individual Ed Plans is not the same thing. A lot of districts use intimidation tactics like this to scare parents off.
If you have your child evaluated and they are below grade level and require school services through special ed, they have to give and honor an IEP. They may make life difficult getting it, but they cant NOT do it. You may have to pay out of pocket for solid evaluations and/or pay medical professionals or an educational advocate to support you, but they cant refuse to honor it. If their disability is getting in the way of their learnig they need to give proper support.
Yes- we had an IEP in Gainesville, FL. However, the school board here has been in a LOT of hot water with the federal government for their refusal to work with handicapped or LD children.the public school told you that? Ohhhhkay................they will be difficult to work with! EVERYONE has IEP's.When my husband and I went to the school here in Fort Myers, FL we were told they don't have IEP's. So we pulled them out and put them in private school.[QUOTE=edbson]ALL schools in the US who receive federal funding are REQUIRED to test kids for LD's at a parents request, BUT it has to be in writing. [/QUOTE]
And even if you don't go to a public school you can request the evaluation from your 'would-be' public school (your home school as they call it here). Even if your child isn't a student there your local public school (at whatever level your child is - elementary, middle, high) will facilitate the testing. Like the previous poster said, submit the request in writing. Once the request is submitted there is a legal countdown going on that the school goes by. I don't know exactly what it is or if it varies by state- but around here it is something like- after request they have 30 days to assemble trial team and have initial meeting- after that they have 45 days to begin testing- after testing they have 60 days to complete report and have 2nd team meeting where services will be discussed, decided upon, then they have 45 days to write IEP. Once IEP is signed by team (including parents) it is in effect.
Now- if you are in a private school they do not have to follow the IEP- in some cases the child can continiue at their private school but receive services in a separtate environment (ie: speech). So my point is, for the free testing, if your kid is in private school, you mostly will get answers from the testing- but probably not services unless you switch the kid to a public school or have a REALLY flexible private school with the ability and willingness to the implement and follow the IEP, even though they are not obligated to.
This process is pretty lengthy and involved and often for adhd it is more likely accomodations (such as preferential seating...) than services (such as occupational therapy) that are decided upon. You can ask for accomodations and ask that that a 504 plan be drawn up outlining the accomodations your child needs. Again,you meet as a team, agree on the 504 plan details and then everyone signs it. It is a QUICK process compared to the IEP deal. However it is not as legally binding as the IEP.
KidsInSpace39484.2965046296I just wanted to give you my support. After reading and re-reading your posts, I definately agree you need a new Dr., a child psychiatrist - one person to manage meds and therapy.
A new Dr. won't automatically make things all better - believe me, I talk from experience, but your son may need a med change. If you are not happy with his current Dr., get a new one. They are out there - allthough very hard to find.
Public schools have to by law comply with 504 and IEPs. The more liberal the state, the more cooperation you will get. I'm not sure about private schools.
Try to take care of yourself too - easier said than done.
Randyjim - your post about starting a school makes me want to cry! you really inspire me! My son is in a school that has a LOT of those qualities - and a teacher that is always ready to throw traditional stuff out the window. She has 11 boys - all ADHD, Autism, Aspergers, etc. and it is a handful. They have mood issues, quirky personalities, etc. But she laughs all day long and loves them like her own. They all have individualized plans and she GETs the meds and what the parents go thru. The kids can bring Ipods or DS players for recess - she knows they all need their own "bubble" sometimes. The chairs move, they write while lying down. My son had his stimulants increased and fell asleep on the way to school - she put him in a room to nap for a while. They have private rooms, challenges for the bright kids who get bored, it goes on and on. She pushes them, and knows when to back off. She loves them like a mom, and they feel it. These kids know when a public school teacher thinks of them as her problem child. My son is very bright, but is thriving at a school for learning disabled kids. I drive about 3-4 hours a day to get my kids to their separate schools and it's worth every minute. If you can pay for the private tuition - keep looking, even if the school is 40 miles away - you can make it work. These years are important and the public school system in most places isn't ready for these guys. I've considered home schooling, but he needs the social piece. He told me the other day he likes this school more than any he's been to. Since he was 5, he's been to 4 schools, so that means a lot. He's 8 now. Hang in there and keep routing for him. You sound like you know what he needs, it's just so freakin hard to find!