Diane V!! | ADHD Information
We had ds's parent/teacher conference last night. I left in tears and cried all the way home. Diane V, I directed this at you because you and I have 'spoken' briefly about this and I know you've been where we are. We started ds early, he will be 7 in July and in 2nd grade. Well, would've been. Last night, we had decided to hold him back. He's struggling so mightily, really getting down on himself (I'm stupid, I'm so dumb) No matter how many HOURS we would spend trying to get him 'up to par' with the rest of the class, ds, me and dh were defeated.
All of us are beat to death, especially our ds!! I'm heartbroken. She even said he's started to act out behaviorally, that's when I looked at her and said "He's not moving on, we will repeat first grade. " and she politely agreed. I had spoken with the principal about this and she insisted that SHE had the finaly say so (this was when we wanted to hold him back LAST year) and that he definitely needed to move ahead!
Now, here we are. Before we left his school last night, dh and I met with the testing coordinator (so very nice) and started the paperwork on a formal assessment...Ds's teacher and us are concerned that there could possibly be an underlying issue other than ADHD. Just double checking...
However, on a GOOD note, we talked to ds and explained the situation. "We know school is really hard for you right now, but it's because you're too young NOT because you aren't able. You're very, very smart" and we went on to explain that we would do our very best to still have his best buds over and to keep in contact with them. We assured him at his small school that they will see each other often. He smiled. 
We told him that no kindergardner could do what he's been doing and he SHOULD be in kindergarden. He lit up like a tree!
We also assured him that we would finish out this year with him still trying to do well, but that there would be no demands when he got home. We let him know we'll work on kindergarden level things and books (especially) and we'll work on anything he wants that he may be ahead in.
This morning when ds woke up ON HIS OWN!!!
, he got ready and everything without any insistance. He came into my room and gave me the best and most wonderful hug and smoocharoo I'd ever gotten from him. I actually got tears of relief and joy for the first time ... maybe ever.
My question to you now is, is your daughter doing well since holding her back? I don't expect a miracle but I do expect that this will relieve ds from some major burdens on his little man shoulders. Were there reprocussions (sp?) from her peers and teachers that may have been judgemental?
Anyone can feel free to post here, I just know that you, Diane V, have much information and advice to offer in this situation.
I'm so very, very thankful for this site and for all of you for being helpful and patient with all my posts!!
First, I think you made the right decision. I'm not sure the decicison to move up last year was the wrong one, if in doubt, move them up. Retaining should be a no brainer. You should be really comfortable with that coice. I think you have though so long and hard about this and know it's the right decision. So does your son, it shows by his relief. I am proud of you all for being able to make this really tough decision, knowing you will hear people disagree with your choice (but he's not their child).
That said, my daughter still struggles EVERY single day. She, however, has several coexisiting issues, including an unspeicified LD ( well hopefully soon to be speicified new testing done last month) NLD traits and anxiety, plus her physical stuff. Anyway, I think if they are behind in reading they are in SO much trouble as they move on. She has such a hard time becasue she is SO far behind in reading. Her attentional issue have made it so difficult for her to get any kind of "practice" in. Last year I hit the brakes and lost it with school, hired an advocate and was like GET her up to level, I dont care how, but it's not happening this way anymore, she needs more help and you need to find it. They've helped and she is FINALLY progressing. We had NO issues holding her back socially, she made new frineds immediately (and she has major social issues), but she's never been friendless. She is still SO immature, there is no doubt in my mind we'd be in a really tough spot if she was supposed to be going to high school in September.
We did move during mid first grade, but the second year of Kindergarten and the first half of 1st grade were fine, no judgemental.
Thank you so much for replying!
The more the day goes on the more relief I think dh, ds and I have all felt. I think we can see a light at the end of ds's tunnel. I know he'll still struggle but it can't possibly be worse and shouldn't even come close to where we are now. He is 'behind' for first grade level reading but not at kindergarden level. I feel really confident in the fact that he may end up doing really well once we get him in his age-appropriate classroom. I hope we are as blessed as you all were with the non judgemental people and peers. I am willing and ready to stand and fight for our choice against anyone who disagrees. My mom, very unsupportive when we tried holding him back last year, called and aplogized last night. She loves her grandson (and me) very much, I think she too can see the light now. He needed this so badly. Thanks, again, Diane.