Discipline? | ADHD Information

My DD does not respond at all to consequences. It's almost like she
doesn't undertand why she's in trouble? Does that make any sense?

She will go to the office at school and be in trouble...she has no emotion
at all. They say, "she acts like she's not in trouble and has no remorse." I
agree with that because she says she's sorry but does she really get what
I'm sorry means? She's 7...she's always been this way. Her impulstivty is
getting the best of her these days. The Aderrall Xr doesn't seem to be
working. She was suspended on Thursday...which I am getting the school
situation taken care of with a meeting on Tuesday with the powers that
be.

But really....does she get it? I have this horrible feeling she doesn't. And
what is a parent to do to help...we've tried the marbles system. That
works for like a minute then it's gone and she doesn't care anymore.

Possibly we're missing something with the diagnosis?

It does not sound like something associated with ADHD. DD knows there are consequesnces, she doesn't always think before she acts, but knows something bad will happen once she does somethig she isn't suposed to.

Does he have a beahvior plan in place at the school? Has she been evaluated for LD's by the school? If not then you probably won't get anywhere as far as the school goes, not without an IEP/504 or behavior intervention plan in place.

edbson39487.5498726852

[QUOTE=lexismom]She was suspended on Thursday...which I am getting the school
situation taken care of with a meeting on Tuesday with the powers that
be. 

[/QUOTE]

I have a powers that be meeting on Wednesday for the suspensions with my son.  He gets emotional when we are fussing at him but its like it never happened once he gets back to school and he has forgotten.  Thats of course how he was before he was diagnosed.  Not sure how he will be now.

The meeting is to get 504
Accommodations put in place for her. The IEP is next. I will bring it up and
watch how they dodge the subject because they probably have no idea what
it is.

I don't think she's forgetting...it's like it doesn't sink in?

She has amazing grades so I don't think it's a Learning Disorder at all. She
gets straight A's unless she missed turning something in. It's the social part
of the school that is lacking.

some kids just need to be told over, over and over, and over AND over. It takes a LONG time. This is why consistency is KEY. Always the same consequence for the same action. Has she had a full neurosoych evaluation? Who diagnosed her and follow her? Does she see a therapist? Therapy cna help reinforce the value you are trying to teach at home and at school, but one on one and all about HER, no other agendas come into play.

Lexismom her photo on your avitar is adorable had to mention that.  Anyways she may not understand what is going on or they need something else something that will be more affective.  Also is she getting in trouble for things she cannot even control. If you want an IEP you need to request an educational evaluation in writing, or you will get nowhere.

This is A-Typical ADHD behavior. Been there, done that. No, she does not get it. And she does not get what the adults are fussing about. I have to laugh when a young ADHD kid goes to the office and the staff searches for signs of "remorse." What a joke. Many of the children are at a much more fundamental level than that complicated emotion.

I would suggest a really pragmatic approach. State the painfully obvious. Assume nothing. Tell her how people are reacting/feeling, in great detail. What the expressions on their faces mean. What the tones of voice mean, exactly. Tell her what the adults want to see, and what they don't want to see. Social stories targeted at kids with autism seem to be a good source for this.

She may be very tired of all of the negative input. When you are always in trouble, it just gets old. Maybe try cutting down on the negative. After awhile when I picked my son up from school, I just didn't say much to him. I figured he'd heard about enough. Emphasize the positive things she does.

For the marbles, perhaps you two should go to the store and she should write down the things that she wants to earn. The key with rewards is that the reward is motivating. Maybe you could suggest a trip to the ice cream store with a parent, or a bike ride with a parent, or baking cookies 1:1 as a reward.

When the school's solution becomes sending the child to the office, suspending, and searching for remorse, it's time to get a document from them that requires them to actually make a positive contribution to the situation. A 504 is a good path.

NoTellin39487.9364236111

My first thought is that her meds need to be adjusted! But, you didnt state if she is on meds.   My son, 7, was the same way until I found the two things that he loves.. movies and video games.   Now, when he misbehaives he gets talked to about what he did, why he did it, how it affected / made other people feel, and also try to put him in that same spot by saying "what if that happend to you? How would it make you feel?"   Just like when interupting.. I'll say to him "When you are trying to talk to me and you feel like I'm not listening, how does that make you feel?" and he'll say "mad, or bad, or angry" and I'll say "thats how I feel when you are not listeniog to me! It's not a good feeling, that is why you shouldnt ignore people. It's not nice!"   or something like that.   And, if needed, I'll take away video game or movie time.    He recieves a weekly report on Fridays and if it isnt good, he doesnt get video game time over the weekend. When his' meds are workign properly the report is always good becasue he can control himself much better.

I think it's key to find out what they care about and use that as a tool to help with behaivor modification ... be it watching tv, playing video games, talking on the phone, playing with a favorite toy, going to bed early or staying up late, or picking out the dinner for that night, or doing a special craft or project with a parent .... many many things like this.

You now...you hit it on the head. This week I told both my kids...you can earn TV from now on.

15 mins good bed

15 mins good morning

30 mins good reports from school

This works! For now at least! Then I will change it to dessert or treats or something....

Thanks for making me realize that it's working!

My son is the exact same way!  He's 14 - flunking out of school, gets weekly reports that say he is skipping detentions and fooling around in class.

When we talk to him about it, it's never his fault, they are picking on him, he doesn't care about detentions, etc. etc.

When he trashes me at home with disrespect, he sometimes will give a hollow appology, and sometimes he doesn't even understand that his behaviour is unacceptable.

We and the psychiatrist have pointed out that his behaviour will lead to staying back and all his friends will go to high school and he won't.

He acts like he doesn't care!  We have tried everything too - take away computer, TV, grounding, rewards, etc. etc. nothing works.

My son isn't on meds because he won't take them.  I don't have an answer for you but I think this is programed into our kids - some kind of personality thing. 

 

I'm having problems with my son understanding that he has a choice about how to act.  It helps that his school sends him to the same place for discipline and as a reward, and they treat his fidgetiness the same way they do any other discipline issue.  

Can you get her an aide at school?  If she has someone pointing out to her when she starts getting out of control, maybe she can start to recognize it herself, and ask for help.

And if the meds aren't working call her doctor to see if it can be changed.

Good luck!

My son when he was young didn't appear to care about consequences either, and still doesn't appear remorseful for his behavior. I always thought it was because he impulsively did things, was always in trouble so learned a coping mechanism, and also wondered what the heck he did to cause everyone to freak out. At 17 he definitely has a conscience, although has great difficulty admitting when he did something wrong. He never appeared to be effected by loss of priveleges when he was young, but he has turned out pretty well, and is going to college next year. Finally he's going to be out of the house Yippee I think I finally did something right.