I’m about to give up | ADHD Information

Gosh, you've gotten a lot of wonderful responses here. I didn't read them all but wanted to offer my advice (may be seconds, but that's okay! just reinforces the idea!)

Boys seem to be very strong-willed and determined. You obviously aren't making up his mind for him and I do agree that you may have an incredibly hard task ahead of you- let him fall. Let him do it his way until he falls. Constantly offer your help, reinforce your love and your dreams for him, encourage him in what he's doing...Leave notes for him, leave information on "How to get your grades up" on his bed and let him make the choice to read it or discard it.  He has a lot of things going on with him...he's growing and he's struggling. But do what you can...on the sidelines. It's obviously where he wants you so be there. He can still see you from there, especially if he's getting your 'silent' pats.
I don't know if you're a religious person or not, but prayer is a mighty tool in raising 'kids'. Some times when we have no resources available, we finaly go to the one that works the best. Pray specifically for him, that you want him to realize his path of destruction, that you want his mind to be cleared enough to make some monumental decisions (he's right in being leary of meds so give him info...), help him to see his worth and what it takes to get there, give him a peaceful heart and allow him to see that you offer things only out of love not 'dictatorship' (parents are often looked at in that light by teens).

As of now, I have not been in your shoes, so my advice is only coming from my heart.  I hope that you find some resolutions soon to help you and your dh cope and in the meantime, I hope your ds has a clearing of the fog he is so obviously in...

Best of luck to you and your family and keep us updated...

I too agree with the bribery idea. Some of these kids get even more beaten down by negative consequences. 

One other thought I had while reading this was how people/kids need to connect with others like them. If he feels like something is wrong with him, or he's "different" as they all do, it can make them not care and rebel. But I've put my son in a private school with LD kids (even tho he's gifted) and he finally feels like he fits in. The daily discussions of medicines, family issues, etc. is pretty common for all of them. The school is pretty far away, so I've wondered if there is a way to help him meet kids in our area. One other idea is to education him on how the brain works, how meds work, how many rock stars, celebreties rely on meds, etc. I really feel for you. (PS my son is REALLY into video games, and it works wonders as a bribe and a consequence. Good luck!
I don't have any advice, just a big hug and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  I'm frustrated w/ my daughter as well so I know the feeling you're going through.  hang in there.What is hard is you cannot help someone who does not want it will not be affective that way.  Have you talked to him about trying the meds and have him agree to give them a try for 1 month and let him know afterwards he can make a better choice.  I am unsure what else to offer I do however wish you well.

jaderock54,

That's really interesting. I think in general ADHD kids need both the structure and the very clear reward system.  My husband soon discovered that getting all the rewards, stars on his sleeves, and promotions was really cool (and not that hard). And the rules were so clear and of course everything very controlled, not like the real world (or our homes).  My husband was never in any sort of real trouble, just refused to do his school work. He was sort of the passive/aggressive type of troubled kid.

Both my children are very bright and both have ADHD (my daughter inattentive) but it does sadden me to realize that they probably will never win an award or be recognized for anything.  At least not in elementary or middle school. Maybe they will mature in high school.  Awards are for the kids who "have it all together." My kids just don't.  Sorry for the pity party but the whole ADHD thing is pretty depressing.

  I just don't know what do anymore. I'm doing everything and my son just won't help himself. He won't consider meds for ADHD or anxiety because part of his problem is he thinks he doesn't have a problem.

He is flunking out of school, gets mad when you try to help him, and won't do a thing to help himself.

He has been seeing a psychiatrist since the summer. This is the third professional and the best so far.  I don't see any improvement.  I think my son "is using the shrink" to placate me so I"ll leave him alone. 

The Dr. seems to feel my son has anxiety and should take meds but my son refuses.  He feels he may have ADHD innatentive but my son won't take meds.  The doctor's method seems to be to let my son be in control and suffer the consequences of his actions; to take responsibility.

Well, this is all fine and good but my son just doesn't seem to care. Oh, deep down, I think  he must.

Now, I spent all last year, advocating and communicating with the teachers, set up a 504, and all my son did was rebel, and frankly, passed with D's.  They probably didn't keep him back because the teachers in 7th grade just didn't want to deal with him.

Anyway - my husband met with the psychiatrist and he didn't seem to offer anything in the way of hope and when my husband asked how we deal with him  if he stays back, he said" we'll deal with it if it happens." Makes sense, I guess because you can't treat something that hasn't  happened.

My rambling point, my husband feels that we have reached the end of the line; that my son's problem is my son, that this Dr. seems to be consistent with current therapy out there and at some point, even taking my son to the psychiatrist is pointless.

What do I do?  Does my son have to fall into the gutter before he will help himself?  I assumed a psychiatrist had techniques to help these difficult defiant problems but I guess I'm wrong.

I'm think my son needs a residential school but I can't afford that and I don't even know if such a place exists in my state.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

Did you have testing done for him?  If he's got the numbers to look at so see the result rather than he "might have" something, it might sway him.  It might also help if you could find a "success story," someone who has it and has conquered it, to talk to him to show him he can get beyond his diagnosis.

Good luck!

He had a core evaluation from the school in 6th grade but he did well - no learning dissabilities but ADHD was suggested.

Long story short - in the search for answers we tried to get him tested, waited and waited, got an apt. at the same time found this new psychiatrist and cancelled the test because it wasn't a neuropsychological test and not even administered by psychologists.  But, now I'm thinking that was a wrong decision because he couldn't dispute the facts. I figured a psychiatrist could come up with a diagnosis just as well.

We have talked about success stories and destigmatized ADHD.  Believe me, we have done everthing and that is why we are so frustrated.

Hi,