i'm a 26 year old female and i've been taking adderall for over a year now. lately i've begun to have some questions about whether it is overall good for me or not.. if anyone has had experience with this or can relate, any advice would be appreciated.
i've had adhd all my life; never medicated. i've always been a strong student so i was able to "deal" with school and college, swinging by with B's and C's...but saddened somewhat as i feel like i never retained any knowledge. never quite connected to my real potential.
the adhd seemed to get worse with adulthood; i attribute this to increase of responsibilities. i was constantly bouncing from one idea to the next about career choice; anything involving sitting still was torture. always felt off in space somewhere, forgetting things, wandering off in the middle of tasks, not able to listen. my high energy and intelligence just never got applied to anything.
first experience with adderall was when i was 21 and in college during an experimental phase; snorted some because everyone else around me was. i remember quickly feeling mellow and able to sit still while all around me became hyper... like they suddenly became me, i became them. they noticed my sudden stillness and giggled, saying, you're calm because you need to be on it!
i forgot about it til last year when i had the oppurtunity to return to grad school. i was put on 10 mg of XR, 10 mg generic a day by a general practitioner.
it really changed my life for the better... gave me an ability i felt to "point" my energy and creativity in directions i could choose...like i'd connected the dots between what i wanted to do if only i could finish what i started and all i was capable of doing. and for the first time in my life, i had a consistently clean house, i knew where my keys were, paid attention in class, i turned assignments in on time. i'm a writer and for the first time in years, was able to begin working on novels again.
and i felt more "comfortable in my own skin" than ever before... simply because it felt so good to be able to be responsible, consistent and actually listen when people spoke. i no longer felt restless, unsettled and hyper, fighting a losing battle to follow through with the most basic things which i watched others my age doing with ease, like remembering where they put things, having organized notebooks, not risking a traffic accident due to distractions. i keep going on about this but i'm sure many of you can relate.
Recently, however... i've noticed that the medicine has started wearing off a few hours earlier than normal... and in my trying to balance focus on a heavy graduate course load and a new husband and his six year old son... i feel like i'm competing with time in order to get from point a to point b and study before the medicine wears off. this makes me anxious and i've found myself taking an extra pill in the day frequently just so i can cover all the ground i need.
this has made me feel icky, especially in that the drug's negative stigma as a narcotic. no matter how many times i've been told this is for the people who it doesn't calm down who abuse it... it doesn't completely comfort me, in spite of how i know it has helped me. also, i've found plenty of information about dependency, addiction.. it would seem i'm getting addicted or dependent.
i'm confused by this because... i am dependent on it; without my medication, i feel disengaged with about 90% of things I must engage with... unless they are specifically entertaining to me. i lose that peaceful sense of self-control and return to a state of absent-minded hyperactivity...which is a little less acceptable at 26 than 6! i struggle to communicate complete thoughts instead of scattered fragments.
i intend to talk to my doctor as soon as i can get an appointment... but i just wanted feedback from others who were ADHD also, too. The stigmas just get me down, especially when it seems that i'm becoming a part of them even though... all i'm trying to do is just go with the flow of life instead of bouncing around everywhere. Dependency and addiction? i'm a bit unsettled.
well silly, anyone can become addicted, not only people who do not have ADHD. That said, you needing the medication to control your symptoms is not the same as addiction. 20mg of Adderall XR is not excessive. You may just need a dose increase. As you've stated stress and increased responsibilities will increase your symptoms. I believe calling your docotr is the right decision. You may need a dose increase. Another option is maybe switching to Vyvanse, same medication as Adderall in a different release without the abuse worry. Do a little research on it. hey silly - this may sound counter-intuitive but perhaps what you need is a med-break?
"Recently, however... i've noticed that the medicine has started wearing off a few hours earlier than normal... and in my trying to balance focus on a heavy graduate course load and a new husband and his six year old son... i feel like i'm competing with time in order to get from point a to point b and study before the medicine wears off. this makes me anxious and i've found myself taking an extra pill in the day frequently just so i can cover all the ground i need.... When felling down, anxious or stressed, I often feel like the Adderall I take has no effect. If my anxiety gets really bad, I take an anti-anxiety med, not more Adderall. It sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate so you shouldn't feel week or needy in needing some help, especially since adhd compromises our ability sometimes to see, sort, and stick with priorities.
"this has made me feel icky, especially in that the drug's negative stigma as a narcotic. no matter how many times i've been told this is for the people who it doesn't calm down who abuse it... it doesn't completely comfort me, in spite of how i know it has helped me. also, i've found plenty of information about dependency, addiction.. it would seem i'm getting addicted or dependent... I had this exact same misgiving with my first stimulant trial...I told the psychiatrist that I was petritifed of my new-found dependancy on a drug--not for the "high" but for the way it allowed me to feel like I'd always wanted to feel (after all, what could be a more compelling reason to be dependent on something?!). My doc smiled and said that's what a lot of his adhd patients' response is to their initial med trial.
"i intend to talk to my doctor as soon as i can get an appointment... but i just wanted feedback from others who were ADHD also, too. The stigmas just get me down, especially when it seems that i'm becoming a part of them even though... all i'm trying to do is just go with the flow of life instead of bouncing around everywhere. Dependency and addiction? i'm a bit unsettled.... Silly, one of the hardest things for us, diagnosed as adults, is 1) to accept our adhd traits (and how they make us "different", and b) be comfortable with how we choose to manage them. This "inner acceptance" may require a process that helps you to sort out a number of things in your life and thinking, and it can be very hard to achieve that process and acceptance alone. Your husband and close friends may be of help, or your doctor or a counselor may be better able to help with this process. You've shown great perseverance and intellect so far in life, so as long as you keep that in mind and have faith in yourself you'll work this latest challenge out. good luck and keep in touch! [/QUOTE]