How can u tell if its ADHD or... | ADHD Information

How can u tell if its ADHD or misbehaivior? I know how my son is with meds and without meds. But sometimes, he would do something without the meds (i give him weekend breaks) and I think to my self is this the adhd or should he know better? For example, I tell him something and he talks back. Not in a rude way, but to either defend himself or give me an excuse. If I tell him to do something, I expect him to do it immediatly. I know that children with adhd have trouble with tasks...but i only give him 1 simple task to. I would tell him to pick the piece of paper that fell. he would reply "but i didnt drop it". My response would be "I didnt ask you who dropped it", i told you to please pick it up". Then he would reply underneath his breath while picking up the paper "i hate doing favors". I dont tolerate that, but I am wondering if I am being to tough with him, or is the talking back part of the impulsiveness. I am trying to teach him to think before he speaks. Should I cut him some slack? Your thoughts please. hi bettybee --- i think defending oneself without being rude is acceptable, to be allowed to give an explanation of how the situation came about, seems only fair.

but i am ADD and i wouldn't cut him slack on talking back in the dropped paper situation at all because children have to be taught to be helpful/altruistic and the fact that they will only be miserably unhappy if are entirely selfish.  only ever doing "favors" for themselves is a surefire route to really disliking oneself, in my opinion at least! 

my two cents - for what it is worth, is the tougher you are on him - the easier it is for him to help defeat his own demons anyway.  that's my perspective.   and children are generally so much happier when there is a level of discipline surrounding them and they can KNOW that their parents are looking out for them so the onus of responsibility is not entirely on them.

i wish you luck with it - it sounds as if you are doing a great job anyway but yeah, replying under ones breath does NOT sound like impulsiveness to me. 

altho i think with ADDers it is important to "pick" ones battles because constant criticism and reproving of behaviors will then lead to the child simply not listening at all - to any of it.  so i guess - as long as he DOES pick up the paper, grumbling or not, that's ok...  but don't cut him that much slack that he is constantly allowed to get away with being rude/obnoxious behavior cos i can't see how that helps him in the long run.

i am sure there will be some times when it is the ADHD but i expect you will recognize them for what they are...?  i think there are some occasions with ADDers when it is helpful to get them to repeat back what you have said to make sure they have "got it" --- but i do that with one of my nephews who is not ADD just because he will try and get away with it --- i look him right in the eye and say "repeat back to me what i just said, Harry."  and he'll say "keep this door closed" or whatever it was i asked - so that's nothing to do with ADD it is just to make sure he does what has been asked of him!

good luck! 

chjones39500.4590162037With my daughter, we rewarded compliance.  Any time she did anything we asked big or small she received a tally on her chart and tons of praise from us.  Once a tally was earned, we didn't take them away.  With her tallies, she earned back the gameboy that had been taken away for other bad behavior.  

For us, this worked really well.    We focused only on one behavior.  It was easier to track and follow through on our end and she knew exactly what she was working on.

I don't know how this would work for you guys, but you could try predicted his response and then phrased your original request something like:

 "Hey, I know you didn't drop the paper, but I would really appreciated it if you could pick it up for me."

It gives him less opportunity to make the comments you don't like (and btw, I think all kids say stuff like this) and also let him know how much his help means to you.   Or if you can't head him off at the pass and he makes his comment, say something like"

"I know, but I it would really help me out if you..."

It validates that you heard/listen to him but you would still appreciate his help.

Thanks horsemom...you've made alot of sense in what you said.

I tried the reward system. it's okay..but i can only give but so many chances b4 i lose my top. i personally have to deal with my short fuse, and my short patience. i have made alot of changes in myself...i had to for me and for my son...also i am a full time working mom so i havent figured out a reward system that will really work for us yet. I know routine is also key..which we have...i just dont want to raise a child who will be a rude adult.

I had enough of DD's attitude a while back and took everything out of her room, I mean EVERYTHING. I left the bed, and her clothes. I even took the door because she slammed it. She has earned the door back, and a few of her Bratz  and barbies, but the TV, Game boy, PS3, Wii, and stereo are MINE. We limit screen time, so they have all been moved to a  different room. She is working on getting the stereo back, and wil probably have it tomorrow.

I did find this drastic consequence got her attention, and reinforced that I mean business.

Wow edbson. You mean business. I have thought of that....i havent being able to bring myself to do it. This might sound selfish of me..and I do apologize...but i need tv and the ds....and the toys...and the ps2  to entertain him so that I can get things done around the house. If my son has nothing to do he will be tearing up the house.DD is only allowed 2 hours of screen time per week, and ONLY on weekends. I send DD outside to play when she is not busy doing chores or homework. She has to earn screen time, and at the end of the week I do sometimes let her have more, but not often. I DO run atight ship, and I DO mean business, bt I also rarely have behavior problems from my kids. U know what....i cant even deny that I'm a little bit of a sucker. Sometimes, I give in...

My son is in 6th grade and is having similar issues.  I think part of our issue as parents is that we don't want to stamp out their right to defend themselves.  They need us as proving grounds for knowing when it is appropriate to stick up for themselves, but on the other hand we have to impose respect for our status as parents.  Very fine line to walk. 

We use the marble system and he knows to expect to have a specific # of marbles taken away if he uses a rude tone with me.  He can defend himself without being rude and this is indeed what we need to teach them: appropriate conflict resolution.  In your case you made a simple request., not asking for too much.  I would turn it around and give him an example of courteous requests he makes and you perform them without arguing.  Its simply the right thing to do out of respect for each other.  Having said that I use bribery a great deal too!  Hey, I try anything if it works ...its a means to an end.  I do use the xbox to bribe with and it is quite effective.  I've learned to pick my battles as well.

I have used bribery as well..quite often...then i started realizing that if i need him to do something for me, he would ask what he is getting in return. So my phrase that I keep repeating to him is "This isnt lets make a deal". Rasing a child with ADHD is so difficult!

My kids have come to understand that everyone helps out around the house when I request it- it took a long time but they don't argue much anymore.  I started out by telling them that they're part of the family and helping each other is what families do, and I reminded them of that frequently.  And there are always consequences for not complying with a polite request from me.

Recently I've started laying it out a little more for them.  If they complain about helping out I tell them all the things I've done for the household/family during the day and ask what their contribution has been.  I make sure to let them know that the things I do are part of being a mom, but what I ask of them is part of being a kid. 

My son tend to talk back more when his meds have worn off too- the filter between the brain and mouth doesn't work so well without the meds and everything in his head slips out.  There are still consequences though- cutting him slack on it now will not help in the long term.

Edbson - we too similar drastic measures with our daughter a few months back.  We were having temper issues with resulting violence (hitting, throwing things, etc).  After spending a weekend with basically nothing in her room, she caught on really quick that we meant business.   She's absolutely hated being in her room alone for that period of time with basically nothing to do.    They do catch on quick don't they? DD was having attitude issues, talking back, slamming doors, refusing to listen basically. I fixed it.