Childs behavior | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=sayheysharon]

My adhd 5 year old wakes early in the morning, and is expected to stay in her locked room, playing quietly with her barbies while I sleep until I get up at 7:30. My (also adhd) 4 year old is sleeping in the room next door to my 5 year old, and must also stay in her locked room until I get up, though she usually sleeps until almost 7:30. I wouldn't be able to trust them while I'm sleeping to have the run of the house, lord only knows what mischief they'd make! My 4 year old is a walking disaster-maker and my 5 year old is aggressive to her sister, so they have to be separated unless I'm supervising. But they are awake and unsupervised in their locked rooms while I'm sleeping...

I had to resort to locking their rooms at night because they would wake me numerous times a night for months on end, and when sleep deprived, I am not a happy or nice mommy. (They each have potties in their rooms, in case you wondered about night time peeing.)

Sharon
Claudia 3/03
Cami 4/04

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What will you do if something happens to them? What if they are hurting and need help and they can't get out the door to get to you because you have locked them in their rooms? I don't agree with that at all. I don't think it's safe for the children.

Sharon
Claudia 3/03
Cami 4/04

Locking their rooms seems very unsafe to me, too. What if there were a fire or if they became sick? I understand sleep deprivation very, very well, but I think there are better solutions. Do you work nights or can you go to bed earlier and get up earlier? That locked door idea just scares the bejeebers out of me. What if one of them freaks out and tries going out the window? You won't be able to continue it when they are older or you are going to deal with major oppositional issues. Not only that, I could see a friend or neighbor reporting it to social services. It just isn't right.

Our ADHD son does not sleep perfectly and at times sleeps absolutely horribly and makes us crazy, BUT we have found solutions in big rewards if he stays in bed for a certain time (like a week). After the routine is established again, it gets easier.

I'm sorry but I think that is absolutely rediculous if they are that bad, then you might need to get up earlier with them. You CAN'T lock them in their rooms all night. Stop and think for one minute what happens if your house catches on fire and the fire stands between you & them. You can't get them at all. They are to little to reach the windows to open them or can't get them open. What would you do then?

Since my youngest son was two and had a febrile seizure in the middle of the night I do NOT let my kids close their doors let alone lock them in.

I'm glad others brought up the fire scenario - that was bothering me too. I tend to err on the nervous side, I guess, but still...

To the original point of whether ADHD kids need more discipline, I was reminded of something our counselor said - "Kids with ADHD need more parenting than other kids. With most kids you could be an ok parent and they'd be fine, but a kid with ADHD requires a lot more from you as a parent." I think she's right, hard as that was for me to accept. I want to be the cuddly comforting sort of mom, I don't like being the disciplinarian - yet I don't have the option of being the mom I want to be, I must be the mom my child needs me to be.

This means never spanking, hitting, and (as rarely as possible) yelling - I don't mean "tough love with a stick" discipline. I mean clear, consistent rules, I mean never giving an inch, not letting it slide "just this time" because she's tired or I'm tired or whatever. What I say goes, and what I say goes NOW, not in a minute or when she's done with whatever. Zero tolerance for backtalk, whininess, foot dragging, rudeness, etc. She's allowed to pound the couch, but not jump on it, scream at the couch or pillows but not at me or herself - she can get out what she needs to but it must be in a way that doesn't hurt or endanger anyone.

It IS more discipline I think than normal, at least compared to her friend's parents - but discipline in terms of maintaining order. Because disorder, confusion is so anxiety producing for her, even if she's the one stirring it up. ADHD doesn't make sense all the time - but having really firm, calm boundaries for the world helps them soothe a lot of their inner distress. Figuring out exactly what's ok and what's not ok is I think part of (at least of my dd's) ADHD. Lax discipline means that appropriate behavior is subjective, which is not helpful to their troubles processing the world.

[QUOTE=Crunchy Frog]

I'm glad others brought up the fire scenario - that was bothering me too. I tend to err on the nervous side, I guess, but still...

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Wow I couldn't agree with you more. Absolutely well said.

I don't think spanking is going to work. It didn't work with my 7 yr old and he was doing the same thing.

I talked to my sons therapist about it. He knows the rules and he knows the consequences. When he breaks the rules he has one of his favorite things taken away for 24 hours. When he is doing well he is rewarded with a sticker on his reward chart.

I think he's getting over on you.
spanking is ineffective and I agree with Diane you need to hire help with the kids while you sleep for you do need your sleep. If something were to happen to the kids while you were sleeping they are too young to be left un-supervised you can get charged with not adequate supervision or endangered the welfare of the child. I work for DSS and had a case like that not long ago and the children were removed not just for that but for nasty house on top of it. The family today keeps a cleaner home and I was able to send the kids back home again. Also to add they are really nice people only made the one mistake.

I don't think that spanking works very well with kids with ADHD. I would use a rewards system and see if the behavior improves. We give our kids stickers for all sorts of things that we want them to do. After they get a certain amount of stickers they go to the treasure box and pick out a prize.

If your son's medications are wearing off at this time he might also be prone to this sort of behavior.

he's playing you. Spanking wont help.

Although he is 7, I doubt he's old enough to be unsupervised and unsupervised with a 4 year old. He is going to push the bar as much as he can and if you're sleeping, what can you do? Maybe you need a babysitter for nap times? I am learning to lower my expectations. Just because I think my child should be able to do certain things, it doesnt mean she can, so there are things a 13 year old should be able to handle, but mine cant so I just have to do them for her. Like supervising her cleaning her room. He doesnt sound ready to be unsupervised while you nap. 7 is pretty young and a 7 year old with ADHD is even less mature.

Here is my question: Does anyone believe that they are claiming it is the ADHD that is causing the problem instead of a discipline problem? Case in point. I work nights and so when I get the kids from school, my oldest knows that he must stay in the house while I nap. I will not let a 7 and 4 year old go outside unsupervised. Anyway, after I put on the movie for them, the 7 year old was slamming doors, raided the pantry after I told him not to, entered the only adult only room I have and played with the Tv in there, opened the front door ( while I was sleeping) and invited the neighbor kids in to play!!!!!!!!!!

After I told my husband what happenned ( I was screaming due to being tired and lack of sleep), my son was told to put on his pajamas and asked by hubby what the rules are. He stated he knew he was not to be in that room, he knew not to open the front door, etc..... Hubby stated that he was an ANGEL for the rest of the night for him. That tells me that he CAN behave, he just really has to WANT to behave. So, what am I to do? Hubby states I should spank more often!!!!!! Any thoughts?

< =text/>_popupControl(); I think it's very unfair of you to expect a 7 yo to watch a 4yo, and to expect them to be happy watching a video while you sleep. I think you need to make other arrangements or one day you will awaken to a tragedy that cannot be blamed on a child. Being asleep is like not being there, and you would be in serious trouble if something happened to them while you were asleep.

ok, I am sorry for starting a moral debate!!!!! Here is the senario:

I work nights in the ER, pick up the kids after sleeping for 5 hours, do homework with the oldest and then set them up in the media room. This room has been child proofed so there is not that much that can happen to them. If they get bored in there, they can go to the toy room, another room set up just for them and also child proofed. I am on the same floor with them sleeping for about 1 hour from 4pm until 5pm when hubby comes home. Then get up and go back to work.

I got upset because my oldest son opened the door!!!! That issue has now been handled. Hubby bought chain locks and placed them on the door at the top where the kids cannot reach them. They cannot leave the house without an adults assistance!!!!!!!! I was also upset that he entered the one and only adult only area with my new furniture and played in there. That is where my opinion of his choice not impulsivity came into play. Believe me, as an ER nurse I see it all, all the accidents and my children are safe at home with me.

I am dealing with this issue now- some people (all adults that don't deal
with DS much) saying that I am making excuses for him, he needs to see
a psychologist for all the lying and stealing he has been doing, he has to
be held responsible, etc. Other adults (his dad, his teacher, the people
who deal with him the most) agree with me that it is all rooted in
impulsiveness, combined with the first signs of imagination. He is also
seven, and he has been pulling some doozies lately. We live alone, and I
set my alarm clock for 5:30 on the weekends so that I can shower before
he wakes up. I can't turn my back on him for a minute. He stayed with
Grandma and Grandpa for President's Day, and they both fell asleep in
the afternoon and he took apart grandpa's new calculator, painted
everything in his office with White-Out, and wrote on his desk with
Sharpie. Yes, he knew better, but there was no one there to remind him.
There is a long list of things that we wish he could do, but we have to
accept the kid he is right now.

longsally, you get to look forward to the whining when you let your
younger child do things at a younger age than the older one did because
they are more responsible.. I remember that from my own childhood (I
was the "good" one of course).

You know, it is funny that you stated that. My 4 year old IS very reasponsible. He will be 5 in May. If I tell him to do something, he does it, no questions asked!!!! He NEVER lies, always follows the rules and is a perfect child in every sense of the word. He even prefers to drink water with dinner than soda!!!!!!!!

He is a social butterfly who everyone, adult and child is drawn to. He NEVER gets into conflicts with others. If I ask him to watch a movie while I nap, I GUARANTEE you, he is in the media room watching tv until I get up. The only time he ever didn't was when he came to CHECK ON ME!!!!!!! ( not kidding). He "tucked in " my feet and then patted me on the back, kissed me and then went back to the media room.

longsally my 6 year old can be SO much more responsible than my 13 year old also. Again you cant change that, you have to just deal with it somehow. My 6 year old doesnt "forget" everything. I can trust my 13 year old as she is 13 and not mishcievous, BUT it's not the same. I just think for everyone's piece of mind you need to make arrangements for your nap. You DO need that sleep, but he's not ready to completely unattended. Maybe an older neighborhood teen could play with them for that hour? It's worth .00 - .00 a day.

I dont think there's anything wrong with sleeping while the kids are up if they are responsible enough for that. I actually could trust my kids, I just dont need to sleep when they are up. It's individual. Jaderock your kids are ready, longsally it doesnt sound like your son is, that's all.

I didnt mean to start a moral debate, it was more just pointing out we have to accept the things our kids (individually) are not ready to do and work around it.

Diane V39505.6317939815

Longsally, I too am inclined to tell you that adhd or not, your 7 and 4 year old should not be unsupervised...but...i dont know if we are all jumping to conclusions. You did mention that you have a husband so maybe your husband is there when you nap and you just didnt specify. If they are unsupervised and you must nap because you have no other choice....maybe taking a nap in the bedroom while your children are watching a movie in the same room with the door closed so they cant get out. But i recommend against this because your children should never be left unattended no matter what. If you cant find someone to take care of your children during that time, that I would suggest you find another job that will fit your famly schedule better because your children should always come first.

Also, of course he is disruptive when you are asleep whether he knows the rules or not. Nobody is watching him!! Most kids with ADHD only thinkin the moment...they dont really think about future consequences...Thats what it means when they say kids with adhd are impulsive. When your husband is around he wont be as destructive because the moment he attemps to do something wrong, your husband is there to put an end to it immediatly.

bettybee21539505.3829398148

Ok, so I have to admit that DH and I sleep in every Sunday morning while the kids play downstairs (it's a split level, so it's not that far, really). That means they play/watch tv for 2 hours or so before we get up, but they very rarely have a problem.

I'm assuming that you work nights so that you don't have to pay for daycare- I started a daycare because it was either that, or work nights. Is your 4 yr. old in pre-school? Could you nap then? I don't know that there's much you can do if you're not in the room to enforce the rules, so it may just be a matter of having to fiddle with the schedule.

I do have to agree that spanking more won't help- it really doesn't occur to these kids that they'll get in trouble if there's no one watching. I guess the same could be said of all kids though.

You're child is telling you by his behavior that he needs supervision, otherwise will do what he wants.

I could never have slept because my son would have done the same things.

I agree, my DD is almost 11, and needs to be supervised. Not constantly like a toddler, but enough to keep her from burning down the house, and having a neighborhood kids party.

Some kids are ready younger, and some aren't.

If I'm following right, the problem time is when you're napping 4-5 PM? I know that's a common time for meds to be wearing off. Might you be seeing some rebound difficulties? Some kids can get bad ADHD symptoms when the meds are wearing off, but then can pull themselves together some. Maybe that's what is happening for him? If that might be a factor, then maybe you can juggle the meds schedule or your nap so that nap doesn't overlap with rebound.

BTW, if the kids can handle it, I think it's fine to leave a 7 yo and 4 yo in the house where the only adult is napping. A responsible 7 yo can wake up the adult if there's a problem. If the child can't handle the temptation to stretch the rules, that's another story. I think a pp suggested a rewards chart. Maybe that would be ample motivation to behave well during your nap.

[QUOTE=sayheysharon]

Sharon
Claudia 3/03
Cami 4/04

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Are you insane? CPS would probably have issues with kids being locked in their rooms.

I know mine would just remove the hinges and get out, even at 4-5 years old

[QUOTE=Mom2ADHDboy]

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You are correct. The problem time is the napping between 4-5pm. I always felt that since I am on the same floor with them 2 doors down, they CAN wae me in an emergency and I am home with them, one hour of a nap shouldnt hurt anything. Like I stated before, they have a child proofed toy room and media room to watch tv. They also have a fenced in backyard with a swing set to play on. I am not sure about the woman who locks her children in their rooms. I would NEVER do that!!!!!!! I do lock us all in the house. I believe everyone in the USA locks their doors when they are home so........I did have hubby add a chain lock to the tops of the doors fot security for the home and safety since the kids cannot open the doors alone.

Sometimes the neurons are firing and sometimes they are not. Sounds like impulsive ADHD behavior to me. Inconsistency is the name of the game.

Longsally I am glad you got it figured out I tend to over react so I am sorry. I blame it on my job and wow with yours I am sure you have seen it all. You have a busy job and working nights too that is amazing I can never work nights.

I have a brain tumor with seizure disorder and need my sleep desparately. But I still get up when my kids get up at 5:30 - 6:30 every morning. On weekends my husband lets me sleep to catch up. I have done this for 12 yrs. I would never lock my kids in their rooms ( the idea of being trapped like that scares me as an adult). I would not let my kids wander the house w/o supervision either.

If you want them to stay in their rooms try a baby gate for awhile and a good solid reward system. Like time w/ mommy or a big pancake breakfast!!!

When my children were younger I had alarms (you can buy them in Home Depot or Lowes) put on their bedroom doors so I would know if they left their rooms at night. You could also do a baby monitor or even put an air matress down outside their rooms and sleep/nap on that when no one else is around. There have been many nights that I fell asleep in my son's room (ADHD) putting him to bed.

" my children are safe at home with me."

If you are asleep, you're not really "there".

BPQW39520.6640740741

Yes, your children are too young to be unsupervise while you are napping. I know this because my husband use to do, while I was working during the day. He was a stay at home Dad for 3 years and the summers were awful. I know one thing that worked sometimes, we told the boys that they had to stay in their rooms while Daddy was napping and then they did something together. They each had game or reading to do.

In another note, I just learned how not to yell. My husband told me for years to stop yelling, but I did not get support from him or know how to stop. We are seeing a behavior therapist and he has help me. So now I actually go to each child and talk real softly about what I need from them. My train of thought, was when my children grow up and enter the real world, nobody is going to yell at them. So that is why I changed and it is less stress on me, not to yell.

Crunchyfrog, WELL SAID. I wouldn't expect a non add 7 year old to be perfect all of the time let alone one with add. A child will always try to push the limits. Locking them into the house? Into their room? scary

I cant really wrap my head around the justification of locking the kids in their rooms in order to sleep later. Just get up earlier. Sorry I cant get this one. I also 100% understand the NEED to sleep, but I know many people with kids with significant sleep issues, one who's son has autism and they always have the worry of him leaving the house, they DO NOT lock him in his room.

thats exactly true about children with Autism or any child small for that matter. of course the risk is greater with autism. Unfortunately my sister in law suffered the loss of her 4 yr old autistic son last summer. They were moving a wire for their satetllite and her husband went outside and shut the door behind him. While she was checking the picture on the tv in the family room he got the child proof door open and got out and wandered down the hill and fell into their pond and drown. Its a terrible tragedy.

I can't see any legitimate reason one should lock their children into a room for more sleep either. There are many mornings i desperately don't want to get out of bed, but you have to. Your kids need you.