my daughter is 10 and when we started meds last year i just wasn't ready to add an ything else to her plate, it's tough enough being a kid these days. having said that...i really think my dd could benefit from some social skills classes. i did a google search and there are quite a few online programs to try, has anyone tried any that they liked? if you have your child taking some social skills classes in your area how did you find out about them? i know that i have the name of a mentor/counselor somewhere that i got when we were in the midst of diagnosis, i'm just not sure i want that hefty bill either, it's bad enough that we are paying about .00 a month for her ritalin LA out of pocket. i guess i'm just looking for a cheaper/effective source than having her meet with a coach on a weekly/bi-weekly basis.
any advice for me?
shelley
Does her school's counselor offer any classes on friendship? I would go that
she is involved in gymnastics and dance. she also plays the flute.
i will check with the school...i just ordered some marbles to start the marble program here at home...and i just ordered some parenting books-i'm ready to tackle/work on a few things here at home...
she's come a long way...but still has a way to go, especially in maturity/social issues. i just want to hard for her to be a nice, honest person. she just sees things from only her perspective, or at least that's what she'll admit to. she's hard to get a long with, i see that...but at the same time she can be such a joy:) parenthood...it's not always easy. as a parent it's so hard to not compare her to others, whether it be her brother or her friends. i just want the best for her and i'm revved up to help her make some changes this spring/over the summer. she just is "more"...and seems to like conflict...i just wish that she'd be a better role model for her brother. i'd love to give her more responsibilities and independence...this is one area that i need to work on. even at 10 i tend to hound her too much, mornings and bedtime routines are not real smooth, but then again ritalin isn't in her either.
i struggle with the whole issue of, she has adhd-and she can't help it. i struggle with the maturity issue...i know that she probably is 30% behind, as most adhd'er are...but i still want her to act like others her age.
day by day...we just do our best with her. she's got the love and support here at home, i just know that some things we are doing isn't working and we need to try other things too. she's just "harder" to get along with than the "normal" kid...and i feel like i could be doing more these days. eeccckkkkk!
shelley
You sound like a great mom, Shelley! I know what you are going through.
Our school counselor mentioned the social skills group that meets during school hours to us. If there isn't one the school counselor should initiate it.
Yes, I've had to come to terms with my son's immaturity as well. I've (still am) learned to lower my standards. It is truely a concerted effort and daily practice in unconditional love on my part. Our ADHD kids are our best teachers in this life because they challenge so many aspects of our view of how things should be or at least how we THINK they should be. That thought is malleable and we can mold our perception into whatever form we need. Our kids rearrange our construct of what normalcy is. Most mothers love their children effortlessly, whereas with us, I think we have to make more of an endeavor to seek out and define what our kids are capable of, and love that, whatever it may be.
It is hard , heartbreaking, to watch them struggling with social issues and their peers. I've tried to be a friend for my son when he has none. That too has challenged me as a parent, because often the two roles conflict and do not mesh well. Its a very fine line to walk like so much of what we do. But the very fact that you want to be the best for her brings promise and hope to the picture because her parents' support and love is what she needs most. The other stuff is just icing on the cake.
shelley, a couple of thoughts. IMO 10 is THE hardest. You really start to see that struggle with girls. This was the year I devoted everything I had to my daughters social development. I really think it helped some as the years have moved along. We are halfway through middle school now and although she's not going to be voted Miss congenialty or most popular, she is holding her own.
Schedule "playdates". Do as many as you can stomach . Ideally 1-2 a week. Ask your daughter what she'd like to do, for example, go bowling. Ask her who'd she'd like to bring and have her invite them, then you call or email the Mom and make the plan. If you have her bring some one over, plan activities for them. Like a craft, or buy some cheap tshirts for them to paint, or canvas bags and a bunhc of patches to iron on or glitter pens to decorate, SO many choices. Have sleepovers with 2 or 3 girls, and help them do their hair and nails or play with make up. If they're into American Girl, have an American Girl sleepover, they bring their dolls and multitudes of accesories that come with them and have a BALL. The key is have their activites planned out, and be there to supervise. The movies is always good for a first time "playdate" no need to be TOO social. Make it fun and interesting for the others to come over. Try to have birthday parties for her someplace fun, have a "spring fling" in your yard with girl stuff to do.
For sure call school about the socail skills group. Both my kids are in social skills groups at their different schools run by the school counselor. One diagnosed ADHD one not. They work on things like eye contact, joining the conversation, taking turns. VEry helpful. You could do thnis outside school too. Look for organizations for kids on the autism spectrum they run a LOT of those kinds of programs.
Diane V39505.5117013889When I was looking through a local summer camp directory I noticed a couple of summer camps devoted to helping kids with social skills. I do live near a large city, so I don't know if it's something that could be found in all areas or not but I though I'd mention it. Many parents have to send their kids to camp/daycare during the summer so you'd be killing 2 birds with one stone.
shelly I pm'd you a place local for us that does what jaderock mentions for summer camps and they do weekly ones too, expensive, but you'll get the concept.thank you all for your comments and nice replies. i just am so type A and yes, i am hard on myself and her:) my hubby just keeps telling me that we need to let her be her to some extent and let her just enjoy her childhood...
we do playdates...and sleepovers. i just went to the hannah montana movie 2 weeks ago...last week we were in mexico as a family-wonderful trip! we live in a very kid friendly neighborhood, but my dd is who she is and the 12 year olds she doesn't really connect with and it's not working the best with the 8 year old girl next door either. it's hard...we are having a neighborhood 4 family get together on saturday night and there just isn't a girl that will be there that she connects with. the boys all play together nicely...i feel for her. she did open gym with a friend this past friday...we invited the friend over on saturday, but that didn't work for the girl. she's inviting another friend next week to go to gymnastics with her...so, believe me i'm trying! she truly is friendly...she's always talking to someone, and she appears happy...it's just she just doesn't pick up on some social stuff. she's going with school for three nights/4 days-an educational retreat later this month and i'm staying home, and i'm worried on how she will do, etc. i need to let her go by herself...eeeccckkkk!
last summer she did ymca camps...and many other things. she always makes a friend, it just seems like it's the keeping them part that she has trouble with. she has one good friend at school...her teacher said that she has many friends in the classroom...but the phone doesn't ring for her like it does for her brother...she doesn't get the birthday party invites, etc. it's hard.
i'll keep plugging away..it's just nice to hear that i'm/we're not alone. i have one very good friend with 2 add/adhd boys...we vent a lot to each other. and we have several in our neighborhood too.
it's truly just hard being a kid these days...all of the scheduled activities and the homework...i try to fit as much fun in as we can. ice skating, etc. tonight it's floor hockey for my son and dance for my dd. eecckkk!
thanks again everyone! this is a wonderful place.
shelley
Sounds like you are doing the right things to help. As long as your dd seemsSo my daughter is 12 and we are in therapy.
Through research and phone calls we found several social classes for kids with ADHD but they were either limited to boys or not covered by Insurance.
So we work with a therapist on behavior modification. We go in the evenings to a discounted program through a local Jewish Services organization. The therapist we see is a child specialist that during the day works for the state evaluating young child for behavioral issues.
We looked long and hard before we found this situation. They take our Insurance and when it runs out in a year they work with us on payments.
The experience has been amazing. It is so helpful for my daughter to hear ... from a neutral third party ... about what is and isn't appropriate behavior. And each week the therapist gives her assignments she needs to fulfill.