I'm just curious what you all think - I'm beginning to wonder if maybe part of my dd's social skill issues revolve around the whole feeling of anxiety about being out of control.
For example, when she plays with other kids, she sits down and says, "OK, so you're the kid coming home from school, and I'm the other kid and we're going to..." etc. Basically she directs the action and then even if she appears to concede certain points or let the other kid act how they want to, she often manages to steer things back how she wants it, rather than just going with the flow.
When talking, she can take turns OK (although if she has something to say it can be like "holding it" waiting for the bathroom, she's that anxious) but when it's her turn she spouts this huge stream of consciousness pronouncement and has trouble turning off the speech.
I'm wondering if this is a common part of ADHD? Something to do with lack of control of the situation and wanting to keep things within her own grasp so nothing too unexpected or stressful happens.
Do you see your ADHD kids' major social problems being similar to this - having trouble with equal give and take?
YES
We see all of this. Our psychiatrist does relate it all to ADHD. He says she "feels so out of control" herself so much of the time she will try to control as many situations as she can.
Diane V39506.6182638889I think some of it can be normal. Do you know if she does this when she goes to the other kid's house too, or at school? I've noticed with my daughter and her best friend (neither have adhd) that when they play in my house my daughter is very controlling and bossy, but the friends mother says that when they're at her house it's the friend who's controlling and bossy and my daughter just goes with it.
Then again, everything kids with adhd do is normal- they just do it MORE.
Related to this, the developmental ped. told me that ADHD kids feel very out of control and so sometimes they feel the need to control their worlds as much as possible. This conversation came up when we were discussing how hard any change is for my child when his meds are not in his system (e.g., change in bedtime routine when his brother was sick or when Dad comes home late from work).
we have the same problem. My son has to "run" everything all the time and cannot go with the flow. This "bossy" attitude of his is a real turn off to other children. I made a list of things that son needs to adhere to on play dates. They are 1. let guests go first 2. let others talk 3. let guests choose what they want to do 4. no complaining about our friends in front of them 5. no yelling or screaming. Its a start but all I have to do is remind my son of the rules and he is able to steer himself back on track. ( most of the time)