I just don’t know what to do (long post) | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=Greyhoundmom03]

You know, as I type this I realize that every time I talk to the school about something related to my son all I get is that it is somehow our fault. Every single time! This is why I feel so hopeless - they don't try to help, they just blame. No wonder I have been so frustrated! No wonder my son is frustrated and doesn't want to tell the teacher when he is bullied - somehow they will make it seem like his fault!

[QUOTE]

This blame game is so typical in some districts. It's embedded in the school culture of many (not all) districts. Read what Pamela Darr Wright (www.wrightslaw.com) says about this:

http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/articles/ALESSI1.pf.html

okiemom
okiemom39510.4966319444

I stopped strattera cold turkey with my then 8 yr old son, he said he wanted to kill himself, so I had no choice. He was fine, never noticed anything.

when we deal with the "lousy" kids, we go right to the principal in person and make her do something. We too live in a small town, and have bullying issues.

Your son needs some type of social interaction, these bullies are getting in the way of it.

You should request teacher changes, no classes with these bullies, not seating near them at lunch, etc.

You need to demand that the school keep your son safe from abuse and that he is to be educated by THEM on THEIR watch.

Don't be afraid to threaten the school with the promise of calling a news channel to let them know of this, and I bet money, your son is NOT the only child this is happening to, you just don't know of any one else!

Please post any updates. there are lots of us here for you!! (And your son!)

Thanks for the article. That was very helpful. I'm printing it and adding it to my file. I have been thinking of getting a private eval done because I don't trust the school. The article gave me another reason to further consider doing this.

Again, thanks to everyone for their posts. I am taking lots of notes - you all are a wealth of helpful information.

Bubbles, your comment was very insightful and I had never thought about the fact that my DS asking questions when he "missed" something as being a positive thing - he recognizes that he didn't catch something or wasn't paying attention.

For D&E, my son goes out of his way to avoid 2 of the kids that bully him. That is one of the reasons he was so shocked when the kid accused him of doing stuff - my son said he stays as far from him as he can. On that note, my son, the GC and the bully met today and to discuss things and while I haven't spoken with the GC (I missed her call), my son feels likde he stood up for himself in the meeting and so was feeling good about that. The bully said that he was having bad year this year because a good friend wasn't his friend any more and somehow this is why he is bullying my child. I'm sorry the child is having such a tough time, but if he wants to know what a bad year feels like he should be experiencing my son's year! My son has no friends, is being bullied by several kids and THE TEACHER!

Bethann, you have posted in several of my threads and while I don't think I've slowed down to respond, I have always appreciated your compassion for my son's situation. Thank you for being there!

I had a call from the principal today and boy was he MAD! Apparently he recieved a letter from our pediatrician (when DS had his med check last we he told her about the bullying and she got really mad. She said that she sees at least one child a week with this issue. She said she was going to write to the school and I said that was fine figuring it wouldn't hurt. Well I completely forgot about that until today when the principal called). He was very angry, defensive and accusatory. Same way he was when I met with him in the fall. What did he have to be soooo angry about? It was a letter from the doctor not my lawyer! Anyway, the doctor requested an answer which he can't give without my consent and so he wanted to know if this is how I wanted to handle things. Then he went completely off on my child saying he has teachers and children that have witnessed my son doing things (ie. making funny noises) and that my son completely denies everything - basically in so many words he called my son a blatant liar. Boy did that make me mad! I told him that I did believe my son didn't remember these things and that I thought he was so stressed out from all the abuse he has put up with since September that he is just trying to get through the school day and that maybe he really doesn't remember these things. I also pointed out that I feel everytime my DS or I report something that is going on it gets turned around and he is blamed. I pointed out that the only time I ever hear about any of this is when I contact the school. If he were such a problem how come I never hear about it. I also reminded him that no matter what DS is doing he doesn't deserve to be bullied. Also, at some point when the GC had talked to DS, DS mentioned that he had been bullied in his old school. Boy, did the principal take that comment and run with it. I am still going to have to address that one. DS did have an incident or two over the 6 years he was in the other school but it had never gotten out of hand and only one time did I ever have to go to the teacher with it but that was it. He did have friends and he wasn't bullied constantly. THe principal tried to again turn it into DS having some kind of problem. I actually stood my ground pretty well and told him a lot of things that had been really bothering me. He did calm down a bit when I pointed out that I didn't ask the doctor to write the letter that the bullying only came up when the doctor asked DS about school. Anyway, it was a long conversation. We talked about a lot of the bullying stuff and DS will continue to touch base with the GC to keep up with any bullying that goes on. We will be meeting later this week or next week to discuss some of this further as well as whether he qualifies for a 504 or the gifted program (he was in the gifted program at our last school. He is a very smart boy.) I hope there aren't any repercussions as a result of this conversation. I wasn't yelling but I was firm and said what was on my mind.

The bottom line is that my son got a bad teacher (or at least a bad teacher for him) - she has said many hurtful and down right abusive things to him which then set him up to be bullied by the kids. He was new to the school, had no friends, no one he could trust and feel safe with. If he is acting out now, and I'm not saying that he isn't on some level, how can anyone blame him?! He has been treated like dirt! I don't think he'll ever feel safe or liked in that school. If the teacher and principal had just worked with me back in the fall I don't think I would be typing this now. How frustrating!

GREYHOUND,

does your son have any friends at this new school? If not, this is exactly the area needed where the GC can help you and your son with. There has to be at least one child in his class that is his type of friend.

I remember how easily influenced we are at age 12, the beginning of the teens. But there are so many different types of children in the school that the Guidance Counselor must know at least 1, ask her about this. She must know someone who can buddy up with your son just until your son is more comfortable like at lunch time, so he isn't alone.

The principal's behavior explains why the teacher is allowed to get away with what she is doing to your son. Why is this princiPAL even in his/her position? The bottom line for the principal should be to stay on top of these things that are going on in his/her school during their watch.

Don't be afraid to contact special education. There has to be a PAC group in your community, it's the parents of the children on IEP's and 504's, etc. They also need to know about the bullying, as well as the parents of this child!!

My son qualified for a 504 recently after testing out of his IEP. He has the 504 to keep him organized and to allow him special accomodations, all due to his ADHD. He tested out of the IEP because he needs to special education.

Keep us posted Grehound!! We are here for you!!

BETHANN39511.0974768519

I agree with bethann, the teacher can get away this because that principal sounds horrible. Hopefully he will move forward since your conversation and wouldnt "admit" to you the issues to save face, as long he deals with the situation. I'd move higher up the chain if he doesnt, like the superintendants office. There is no reason of any kind this kind of bullying should be tolerated, never mind justified. You're poor son, imagine having to endure this environment. Props to you both for getting through this year, sometimes it JUST NOT FAIR.

Go Grey hound! Wow - you sound so strong, I'm really really glad! That
call from the principal - what a nightmare! How defensive can you get? I
think I'd be looking for who to contact above him, with as many actual
quotes form the conversation as you can recall. that sounded completely
inappropriate, unhelpful and disturbing. What exactly was that call meant
to accomplish? You never know if your letter to the superintendent might
be in conjunction with other families concerns or ones the super was
already having.

That incident last fall I'm sure has not blown over in terms of the
principal's career, let alone in the minds and reactions of folks in a small
community. I'm sure that problem in informing this one - and maybe
why he reacted so poorly. At any rate I think the superintendent, school
board, need to know that whatever prior issue they had with being a
bullying culture has not been resolved in the slightest.

An just for the interim, since the GC sees your son daily - can you meet
with her alone face to face? I'm not sure the phone really helps in this
case. I'd sit with her, because she is currently the one source of any
compassion your son has at school, and outline for her the ways in which
her handling of the situation have been inappropriate? How to phrase
that so it doesn't sound like a list of demands? But really - she's trying
but in some aspects not helping - I wonder if she might be responsive if
she could understand better how her actions, well intentioned, are not
effective in terms of the bullying. She sounds like a kindly person to him
- which is huge - but her handling of bully interactions isn't going well
and she really needs to hear that from you.

Sending you tons of luck!!

Stay strong, you know what is best for your son and stick to your guns. We are there with you in spirit. Don't let them try to bully you!!

Please let us know how it goes!!

Wish me luck - we are meeting with the school tomorrow. We are going to talk about several things and I also asked that they give me info on homeschooling. I think it may be time to pull DS out. I'm not convinced we can "fix" everything that has happened at this point. DS and I are just too frustrated. I just have to find the courage to make the change.

Ask your son if there are any kids that he feels comfortable sitting next to in school or ask him who he definitely does not want to sit next to in school. Convey this information to the teacher so that she can arrange better seating. This is not too much to ask.

It is really good that your son is seeing a counselor.

Are there any clubs at school where he could meet nice kids?

Even if he is doing something a little goofy, it doesn't mean that the other boy has a right to bully him. It is not like your son is doing something horrible if he is even doing anything at all. 12 years old is probably a hard time to switch schools. Can the guidance counselor go observe him at various times throughout the day and report back to you to give you a more clear picture of what is actually happening? Did the counselor accept the other boy's reason for admitedly being mean to your child?

Good luck! It is so hard to watch our children suffer!

I'm so sorry your son and you are going through this. Take this up with school superintendent if the principal is not dealing with it in a direct, no nonsense manner. Children can suffer for life with the bullying that they sometimes endure. You have two things going for you: First, if what the other children and teacher says is true- ask for a home teacher (if you don't work) and a referral to the school district's guidance director. Second, if this is not true, than you can go to the principal or, if he won't work with you, the superintendent to take action by either implementing a 'no tolerance' behavioral policy for bullying.

Support your child; children only have us as their strongest advocates. Good luck and know that my thoughts and prayers are for your family.

If your son's ADHD is manifesting itself in being messy and goofy at school then he needs "help" from the teacher and he certainly doesn't deserve to be bullied for his DISABILITY. If your son is crying every day after school then tell that to the adults in charge. They have failed him. It doesn't matter if they think you are a lunatic. They have failed him. It is one thing to not be accepted by a new group of kids but your child is being targeted. I would get right back to the gudance counselor or principal, whoever is more helpful, with your feelings. Tell them you want to work together to help your son. I would definitely take this over their heads to the superintendent if you don't get results.

Do everything you can so that your son isn't a target for unwanted attention from adults or other children but don't let any one blame him if he is bullied. Find out fromt the adults what quirky behavior is going on and then talk to the doctor about medication and tools to compensate for the behaviors. Sounds like the teacher does not know a whole lot about ADHD if she is blaming him for having his papers spread around. It just means that that is a challenge area to find a solution for.

I am unsure what to say except that is awful and does the school have a bully policy or any teachings? My child's school does a whole training on bullying and how to identify it and encourage reporting it and they take everything seriously. My district tries to nip it fast and the bullies get serious consequences.

I'm sitting here crying so hard I can hardly type. I just don't know what to do. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and I'm getting more and more depressed myself. I wish I could just go back to September and start over. THis school year has just been a mess.

My 12 ADHD DS hasn't had any real problems in school ever - he has good grades, has always been liked by his teachers, has had friends (not necessarily a lot but at least a few - there is something about his personality that sometimes bugs kids),etc. We moved last April and he started a new school. Things went fine as far as I knew. He had trouble with the kids on the soccer team last spring being mean but we just let it go figuring it would pass. This fall everything seemed to fall apart (except his grades, thankfully they are still good) - the bullying has been constant (subtle but constant) the teacher was a witch at the beginning of the school year and meetings with her and the principal were a joke an didn't help. I thought maybe it was his medicine so we tried Strattera - 5 months and a thousand dollars (or more) later we are going back to his old meds but increasing the dose. First I have to get him off the Strattera. THe bullying continues. I've written to the school and the guidance couselor is trying to help. I thought things were going a little better but I've still been on edge waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Well it has happened. Today the guidance counselor called to tell me what happened. DS told her about this boy who has been bullying him (he has complained about him in the past to her and she acted very quickly). So she set up a meeting with both boys and the other boy admits to being mean but says it is because DS talks in funny voices all the time, splatters paint during art and when classmates tell him to quit he doesn't. DS is completely astounded at this - he says he doesn't do this. THe guidance counselor says she could tell my son was shocked and that if he is doing this he doesn't appear to be aware of it. So DS comes home and tells me about this meeting (I don't tell him I know about it - I just let him talk). He told me everyitng the guidance counselor told me. He is crying because he says the boy just totally lied about everything. I review everything with him because I think maybe he is doing some of this stuff and doesn't realize it but he says no he isn't. DS has never lied to me up to this point. I have absolutely no reason to not believe him. SO then I think maybe he has ticks but if this is the case, why don't we see these behaviors at home? At home he is the same kids he has always been. He comes home crying almost every day. The town we live in is a very small close knit community and we are the outsiders. None of us in the family has been able to make friends or connect with people. I feel like the school thinks I am some kind of nut case. I don't trust them at all but then again I find myself wondering if waht they are saying is right about my son but then deep down I just don't belieive it - mothers instinct or denial? I dont; know what to do. I wish they would put a camera in the classrooms - I feel that is the only way we will really know what is going on. I just don't believe them. Could he really not realize what he is doing and be doing all these goofy things? THe teacher told me things at the beginning of the year and while I believed her on a cettain level (yes my DS is unorganized and I could beleive that he might leave an occassional paper laying in an inappropriate spot) but she made it sound like he just left all his papers all over the place. I just don't know where the truth is and I don't know how to find it. I don't trust the school. Oh yea, I have started having my DS see a counselor just so he has someone else to talk to. I think maybe I need to see a counselor as well.

Last year at this time my life was normal and good - what happened!

Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry for all the typos.

I can so sympatize with you with acting different at school verses home. My question is where is the teacher or assistant during these episodes?? I would be quite clear to the school, I will accept nothing unless it's documented through an adult. Go with your mommy instinct and fight for him. My husband is active duty military so I understand being an outsider esp with a child that is socially/emotionally 2 years behind his peers.

You can stop the Strat cold turkey if needed. Good luck,

Doesn't his school have a "zero tolerance" policy for bullying? I would speak to the principle instead of the counselor, I am betting if the other child is actually punsihed for it the bullying will stop.

is he in middle school or elementary? I only ask because if it's elementary it's once teacher so she'd (or he) know if he was doing these things. A group of teachers are harder to get feedback form though.

I feel for both of you. It's heartbreaking when they (and us) have to endure this stuff.

i would go with your instinct and accept that your son is telling the truth - entirely. as to what to do about it - and the bullying... i have NO idea. i am so sorry that he is stuck in a school that is obviously incompetent with dealing with bullying too. i wish i had better (any) advice to give.

i can't think that it is acceptable for your son to be the recipient of this bullying but i can't think of any strategy (off-hand) that is going to stop it - there are these nasty, sly children - they just DO exist and they look for a target/victim, why they do it - i don't understand and have never understood (something i think possibly to do with the fact that they can? that they enjoy it?? that they have internal unhappiness and need to take it out on others???).

i have never understood it (but then again - i am ADD so not being a "normal" perhaps i am unlikely to understand it from a "normals" perspective). but i think there MUST be books on bullying and how to combat it - have you considered having a look at one of those. or even another forum dedicated to bullying and how to combat it? and getting some advice from there?

i wish you all the very best in overcoming it. it needs those in authority (and other older peers - even more effectively) not to condone it at all.

in my school, in my house (it was a boarding school) one girl turned up who attempted to start to bully and form a clique in her year (the year below me) and pick on this other sweet enough girl and she was part-way successful but the older sixth-form students (aged 15/16 or so) - they were the ones who took her to task and stamped down on her behaviour.

but without the acceptance of peers - bullying just can't be... so when the younger children saw that it wasn't considered acceptable by their prefects and the older students they also stopped.

the nasty girl retained an element of her heavy brutality and manipulation but not to the same level or extent that she had presumably had in her last school (from which she was expelled)... so i can't say that she became a nice person - she was a typical sneaky bully doing things along the lines of deliberately stopping talking when someone walked past (as if to imply she had been talking about them) and then laughing really loudly two minutes later (as if AT them).

as you say, that sort of subtle, unpleasant picking (on one girl in particular) - not quite passing the food to her; seemingly not hearing what she said; but it was not so much what she did - as the fact that she had deliberately decided to show dislike to someone for the 'hell' of it. with no rhyme or reason behind it. totally despicable if you ask me. but as an older girl - it was quite HARD sometimes to pick her up on her behaviour because, as you say, it was often incredibly subtly vicious.

if she had pushed her over - or deliberately ripped up her homework or similar --- you could take her to task. but you can't really do the same thing if someone is just quiet when someone walks by - or laughs loudly two minutes later.... it is really difficult to know how to deal with that sort of thing.

i don't know what her problem was --- but fortunately she left again to go to a different school after two years. i think she had a very unhappy family life or something --- or perhaps she was just born unpleasant, who knows?

but the surrounding peer pressure of disapproval of her behaviour, of the fact that it wasn't seen to be cool or funny or clever - just rather unpleasant and mean-minded... i think that helped to limit a lot of it, as far as was possible.

but if there is a 'generalised' acceptance of bullying within your son's school - i have no clue how you can combat it? i hope you can find some great strategies...... your poor son!

My son does things like this and is totally unaware that he is or has done it.

If you son does not have an IEP, perhaps you can transfer to a private school. Or perhaps you should homeschool for the remainder of the year.

I second what so many others said - whether he's got tics or not is a
separate issue from the bullying and hopefully the guidance counselor is
onto that - although I can totally see her letting you know, as an aside.

I agree too that adult observations are more relevant here than the
"testimony" of a kid who's on the spot for bullying, I mean come on.   If
the bully was saying that in front of your son to the GC, that's like
bullying him right there - humiliating him in front of an adult and trying
to divert attention from his own inappropriate behavior.

The school really needs to have no tolerance for that kind of excuse-
making. I do think touching base with the principal might be necessary
to ensure there aren't repercussions for your son from this whole GC
incident.

And fwiw - I see my kid's counselor one on one, or with my husband but
without my daughter, fairly regularly, so we have a chance to really talk
and I usually come away from those meetings feeling a lot better. It
helps to talk to an adult who really knows your kid's issues and who can
sort of give you realistic encouragement and understanding. It is so hard
to see our kids suffering - I think that is a mother's true torture. And to
be so alone in the community yourself. Hang in there - your son is lucky
to have so much love and support at home. _ Is there anything you can
treat yourself with that might open some doors for you? A continuing ed
or yoga class or a membership to the Y or a low-key volunteering time
with a cause you care about?

Thank you everyone for your posts - they really helped me not to feel so alone. I really don't have anyone to talk these things through with. My mom tries to understand and help but she really has no clue. All she knows is what she hears on tv show like Dr. Phil. My husband and DS's father also tries to help but is really just too caught up in work and also really doesn't understand things. He finds it easier to just ignore it. He has gone to the school with me for meetings and so is very supportive that way, thank goodness.

I am supposed to have a meeting with a bunch of people at the school next week. A few weeks ago I sent an email to the GC about the bullying and about issues my son is having with paying attention. The reason I am working with the guidance counselor is she is the first person st the school that I felt might try to help me. DS's teacher is a bully herself and I believe some of the problems we are having with other kids are the result of her comments and behaviors toward my son. I met with her twice early last fall and she was just defensive (the first time I met with her tried very hard to dance around the issues so as not to seem like I was attacking her. I really wanted to be able to work with her.) I realized then that she would not be of any help to me. Based on those meetings and her behavior I do not trust her. I don't know why she hates my son so much. Her biggest issue with him was he would "miss" things she said and so woulf ask questions which resulted in her having to repeat herself. He also left some papers on a counter next to his desk several times and this upset her quite a bit (DS's teacher the previous year allowed him to do this so it took several incidents of her telling him to stop before he was able to remember not to do it). We also met with the principal and all I can say about him is that he is just arrogant and totally not helpful.

In my note the the GC I addressed the bullying and also suggested that maybe my DS needed a 504 plan just so the teachers would let him sit up front (I've made this request several times to no avail) and possibly record the teacher's lectures so he wouldn't have to ask a question if he didn't hear something.

The GC has been touching base with DS after school most days to give him the opportunity to talk about the bullying when it happens and she acted very quickly on one incident but I don't believe the principal was involved. They do have a bullying policy and I think they think they are doing something but obviously more needs to be done. Interestingly enough, the school district is curently running a "No Place for Hate" program due to a racial incident in the fall. THis community is a small close knit community in the north with very few minorities. We aren't minorities but we are different because we are new here. I have told the school this. My kids think the "No Place for Hate Program" is a joke because it hasn't helped them be more accepted. I have also told the school that I don't care if no one wants to be friends with my son, I'm not asking the kids to be hisfriend. I just ask that they leave him alone and treat him with respect.

Several of you mentioned that even if my DS is doing goofy things, this doesn't give anyone the right to bully him. This is sooo true! The GC also said that DS shouldn't be bullied due to his behavior and that they will address this. But, I have to say, DS and I both feel the school doesn't take the bullying seriously when the bully blames DS. Crunchy Frog, you really hit the nail on the head with your comment about the bully futher bulllying my son by trying to divert the attention away from himself and humiliating my son. I don't care what DS supposedly did, the bully should have been in trouble at that moment. INstead they left it that he wasn't in trouble and the GC will investigate further. To make matters worse DS thinks the bully went and told another kid about the meeting with the GC. My DS also asked the bully on the bus what exactly he had done to him and the bully made fun of him and wouldn't answer! I called the GC back and let her know all of this. I was sooo mad! The entire call with the GC just seemed like everything was about what my son does to deserve being bullied. You know, as I type this I realize that every time I talk to the school about something related to my son all I get is that it is somehow our fault. Every single time! This is why I feel so hopeless - they don't try to help, they just blame. No wonder I have been so frustrated! No wonder my son is frustrated and doesn't want to tell the teacher when he is bullied - somehow they will make it seem like his fault!

So, now about all the things he is supposedly doing that he doesn't remember doing - Why doesn't it happen at home? Why did it only start happening this year? No Tellin, you said your son does this. Can you tell me more? I am really baffled by this. If they said he was swinging his leg, humming or tapping his foot I could understand. He does these things at home. So do I and so does the whole family. But, I've never seen him do anything that would make me think he is splattering paint or talking in funny voices. He says he will make his funny voices if the kids ask him to (they think it is funny)and he does it sometimes to say things back to he kids that bully him when they are bullying him. Again, why don't I see any behaviors that he doesn't remember doing? The GC said he was seemed truly shocked when the bully said what he said. HE really feels the bully was lying. Earlier in the year when I told him some of the things the teacher has said he acknowledged that he had done the things she said but not to the degree she said they had happened. I feel like I am in an episode of the twilight zone!

And yes mamark, the school has failed my son, big time! I think all of the problems we are having now are the result of them failing him earlier in the year. I have failed him too by not fighting harder earlier on. I really thought a lot of this would get better with time. I am also not a confrontational person. Guess that needs to change.

Thanks again for "listening" and commenting. Your comments have been helpful. Sorry again for all of the typos - I'm not the greatest typist.

[QUOTE=momtobug]

Greyhoundmom03...I can totally relate to your whole story. My son is almost 12 and experienced the exact same things as your son in the 4th grade. Lord, do I know how you feel.

First of all, your not going to get any help from that teacher. She will continue to be cruel and mean to your son. I went through the same thing and believe me, no matter what you do, you will not change her. I'm sure that she is treating your son poorly and that is why these kids think its ok to treat him the same. They are following her lead. Second, my son was actually acting out and he also said he didn't do it. Well, truth be told, he was, and he just didn't remember. The reason why...he was tuning out. My son was so filled with anxiety the moment he walked into class, that he just went into his own world. He would sing, shout out things in his head, anything to relieve the stress of his situation. The minute he got home, he was fine. I didn't see these behaviors at all. I did however have a very unhappy child that would cry for hours and feel like he was nothing.

I have to say it was the worst year of our lives. I never thought we would get through it. If I could do it all over again, I would have taken him out of school and homeschooled him instead. That year has really had a long effect on my son. He has never been the same after being treated so poorly. He has made progress with therapy, but the pain still remains with him.

You need to go into Mother Bear mode for your son. I don't care what the school or anybody else says, you need to really fight for him. I wish I would have gone with my instincts and fought harder. I know better now and I'm a warrior for my son.

Good luck...I so understand your pain. Come back and vent whenever you need to...big hugs to you!

[/QUOTE]

Thanks for your post and especially your experience concerning your son's acting out and not remembering it. In thinking about things this weekend I was actually wondering if he is trying to protect himself from all the abuse and so does things wothout really realizing it. From your experience it sounds like that is a possibility. He did tell me that he when the kids bully him he makes come backs to them in a silly voice. Obviously this makes him seem "weird" but I think he does it because somehow using the silly voice makes him feel safer or something.

I too wish I had pulled him out and home schooled him. I gave it some thought but just didn't know where to start. I am going to seriously look into it and be ready in case we have problems next year. I have made a few connections recently so I feel like I have a place to start. I have promised him that he will not have to go through another year like this one. I am very concerned that the damage this teacher and school has done will be hard to overcome. When I meet with the GC this week, I will still be asking about the possibility of home schooling for the rest of this year.

Thanks again for your input!

Greyhoundmom03...I can totally relate to your whole story. My son is almost 12 and experienced the exact same things as your son in the 4th grade. Lord, do I know how you feel.

Good luck...I so understand your pain. Come back and vent whenever you need to...big hugs to you!

It does sound like you may be able to work with the GC. Some principals don't feel that bullying is there job and turf it to the GC.

I would ask for the 504. I'm sure that you have to make the request in writing. Ask you psychologist for help with the list of accomodations.

Don't feel guilty about not helping your son sooner. You didn't know. Direct all that energy toward finding a solution.

You're a good mom.

mamark39509.438912037If your son needs an 504 plan or iep take a written letter with you asking for it to the meeting. Make sure they are taking notes at this meeting and request it verbally also. I would also mention to them you are thinking of contacting a lawyer if your son isn't stopped being bullied by the other students. It does sound like the guidance counselor is trying to help, but the teacher is not stopping this and that is part of the problem.

Follow your instincts and fight for your child. I was having similar problems w/my dtr, and because I know she has some annoying behaviors I encouraged her to just avoid the other kid, etc. I have since found out this child is bullying other children.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Chances are this kid is bullying others. It helps to be able to go to the teacher/principle when you know your child is not the only one being picked on. Not that I want to cause problems for another child, but it sure takes away the whole assumption that your child some how caused the situation.

It is never OK to bully and no good reason to be bullyed.

I think when your son asks questions because he didn't hear the first time, that is showing a great compensation mechanism. He should be praised for it, not punished! His adhd is causing him to miss things when listening. If this teacher does not let him ask questions later, maybe it should be in his 504 that she also give him written instructions, then he won't have to bother her later.