Thinking of getting help for myself | ADHD Information

A therapist is a great idea for you. We (husband and I) saw a social worker who helped us learn to deal with our son. Gave us lots of good ideas to make our family life better.

Also, we save our money all year and send our son to summer camp. Overnight summer camp. Saves our sanity. SAVE US. Helps him (he's Asperger's and ADHD, age 9) become more responsible and independent. Just a thought. (A really expensive thought...) He goes to: www.campbuckskin.com.

Good luck.

 

(hugs)  Thanks guys.  My son had decided he doesn't want to go to camp this year but he probably has to go to summer school anyway. Last weekend he spent a night with his grandparents I have to admit I was not missing him. 

My husband and I went out to our favorite place for dinner and when we came home, there was no drama or tantrums - peace and quite.

Diane - I have a very close friend who I talk to. She gave me the name of the current psychiatrist.  Problem is, she is going through a divorce and I don't want to burden her with my stuff. I saw her last night and we'll probably hook up eventually for a gals night out.

Other than that, I have no one that is going through the same thing.  I did meet a woman, of all places, at jury duty who  has a son ADHD innatentive and we bonded for that day.  I have her e-mail and I'm afraid to contact her because our kids are the only thing we have in common and I don't want to build a friendship on complaining.  Am I nuts?  I could drop her line and say, "thinking of you, how is your son?"

I have looked for support groups in my area but there are none.  That is why this board is such a wonderful place.

My GYN gave me the name of three therapists and I'm going call them.  Thanks for giving me the support I needed to make that call.

It sounds like a great idea.  My son has started seeing a psychologist for his anxieties, and it's such a relief for me to just have someone to bounce ideas off of.  I think that it has decreased my stress a lot.  Once my little one is a little older, I might spend an hour with her every other week myself.  It's nice to just talk openly with someone who can guide you a little bit. We started working with a LCSW with my daughter behavioral issues.  Once we had her on a better track, my husband and I started working with him on our issues.   I also talk to him individually from time to time.  It was the best decision I have made in a long time.  It has been incredibly valuable.

I am also very fortunate to have a great group of friends with kid/husband issues as well.   Definitely do your girls night out.   As much as you don't want to burden your friend with your issues, I bet she will be glad to be a sounding board for you.

I would also drop the women you meet an email.  If you connected on the kid level, you might also connect in other ways too.  My youngest (my adhd daughter) was also born with a cleft lip.  After her birth I connected with other mom's with kids with clefts.   It was very helpful.

Hi,

I also do Yoga to help with the stress levels. It has really helped me but I still lose my cool.

My best friend and I really mean "my best friend" is going through different but similar issues with her daughter. So I have her to confide in. I was telling her how isolating mental health issues with your child can be. You just can't tell everyone. She agreed. For some reason if it's a mental health issue everyone has an opinion they love to share.  Usually against whatever you are doing or you believe. However, if your child were diagnosed with diabetes or some other disease I don't think they would question the diagnosis or treatment.  But bring up mental health and everyone is an expert. Drives me nuts. 

I am sure my husband and I are headed to counseling. I am not against the idea just don't want to waste my time unless the person is VERY experienced with the stresses and struggles of raising ADHD kids.  I am very lucky that my husband and I are both on the same page of dealing with our children but I still get very depressed and stressed out which does effect my happiness and in turn effects our marriage.

 

I certainly think you are making the right decision to seek help for yourself.
Sounds like you are dealing with a lot of challenges and need help. You will
feel better when you make that appointment. (I meet with my dd's therapist
briefly before she meets with my dd, and that brief time does me a world of
good. It's nice to have someone really listen.) Go for it.

   I think it's a great idea. You DO need to vent and you DO need to hear that you're not going to lose your mind. It's so hard when things are like this, you get in this "spin" and can't get out. You're head is filled with all this STUFF and you cant look at it from the outside. A therapist can help with this. Do you have a group of friends or family you can sort of talk this over with? Except your husband? Especially some one with a child in similar circumstances?I think you should email the woman. She wouldn't have given you her email address if she didnt want to hear from you.Sometimes kids have to fail before they turn around.  Hopefully, going to summer school will help him see the reality of the situation.  Have you considered family counseling?I think it is a GREAT idea to talk to someone. I was going to a therapist myself for awhile just so I could a third party listen. With everything that was going on in my life and some of the things that were happening with my son, I had to vent.

You are not losing your mind..I promise

I don't think its bad to want to get away.  My 9yo spends almost every Sat night with her Grandmother.  It gives 9yo a chance to have a lot of 1 on 1 attention.  She rarely has any behaviors at Grandma's.  (Why would she, no sisters to argue with, no homework.)  She is the youngest grandchild, the others are all JH/HS age, so Grandma loves having her too.  She comes home in a good mood and my husband and I get a chance to get some time together.  9yo also does not like large groups so the option of going to Grandma's when one of the other children has a sporting event or large activiity is great.  She feels she gets a treat and is not missing out on anything.  I've got to admit I wish she would want to do more with the family, but as long as she's happy, I don't think its wrong to avoid stressfull situations.  After a stressful week of school, fighting over homework, having her yell at her sisters, me, dad, out of frustration its wonderfull to have her come home on Sunday, give me a hug and say I missed you.  We do things as a family that are low stress, so she can really enjoy family time.

Yoga and seeing a therapist every other week is apart of my three-fold plan to deal with my stress levels that I've implemented the past month.  You are wise to do something about your situation before you reach critical mass.  Yoga..what can say it is my religion that I have let expire.  The Practice has pulled me through divorce and helped me on my journey of being a single parent.  My biggest mistake was letting it go when we moved to Florida 2 years ago.  Yoga is as much an internal process as it is  an exercise for the body and seeing a therapist is simply supportive of that process.  I find myself drawing parallels with my son's ADHD when I'm in practice....don't push till painful, look for challenges within your realm of capability; cannot change my body and cannot change my son ....work with what you've got and don't compare yourself to others and their accomplishments.  Sounds cliche and yet so very powerful.  You are on the right path to balance and awareness.  Have confidence in knowing that.Nothing wrong with receiving help yourself it helps put things into perspective.  I myself have started counseling for I deal with my daughter and husband and not much help plus have a stressful job.

hauseof4 - I'm glad you posted because I, too, lose my cool, but I know, if I didn't practice yoga I'd be a volcano  I don't know about you, but when I'm practicing yoga, especially at my studio, for that hour and 1/2, my  mind is totally clear of all stress, the chatter is gone and when I am done, I can think more clearly.

And - It's my practice that has given me the courage to admit I need some help.   The postive feelings on this board only reinforce it.

I remember one episode last year - a Sunday morning - my son was just impossible - he started a fight and the psychologist, at the time, told me to not let my son engage me in fights and, if necessary, to leave the house.  Luckily, there was an 8:30 a.m. yoga class and I left the house.  Ofcourse, hubby, at the time, accused me of running away from the problem GRRR - well, I went to class, relaxed, calmed down, and by the time I came home, my husband was with my son, and everyone had calmed down.

 

Mamark - you are so right and that is what I am afraid of.  In retrospect, I should have let him fail 7th grade when it didn't really count.  Oh well, can't let the past upset you - can't change it.

Oneheart - You are so wise - I thought that yoga alone would help.  So many times my practice has served to ground me.  Yoga really is about balance and approaching problems with a kind heart, and calm mind.   They say it is important to start a practice when things are going fine so you will have it when life gets difficult.  If I didn't have this practice, I wouldn't have the strength to realize that I do need a therapist for myself.  Yoga has given me the self confidence.  It is amazing how combining the right postures with the right mindfullness can help.

Didn't mean to turn this into a yoga thread.

 I am going to search for a therapist this week.  I'll start with the three names my GYN gave me. 

 

 

 

HI,

I had posted in the past asking if anyone had spoken to therapists for themselves to help deal with things.

Well, now I think I'm going to do it.

My  14 son is not getting better; in extreme denial; won't consider medications of any time; the defiance is getting worse; the grades are not improving; he's on the verge of staying back or at the very least going to summer school; and no matter what my husband and I do as far as rewards, incentives, etc. it does not work.

I'm sure you've all been there or are there now.  His psychiatrist has not given up on him yet.

My husband and I understand my son has ADHD innatentive with coexisting problems but my son's refusal to accept help of any kind is the problem. I am finding it harder and harder to live with my son's lies and excuses.

My husband and I talk about the future; we understand the need to be calm; we have accepted it's not us.

I try to look at things realistically; I practice yoga; I particpate in a yoga sangah with Budhist studies for help and guidance - this does help immensly - believe me.

One thing my practice has taught me is that if you need to get help to solve a problem, even if it is seeing someone who is a professional listener - do it.

I need validation from someone that I'm not going to lose my mind.    I don't know how I'm going to keep it together so I can help my son, if he won't accept help. I will not blame his rude and disrespectful behaviour on the ADHD.

Rant over - needed to vent.