How does ADHD affect the nonADHD siblings | ADHD Information

My DS has about a severe a case of ADHD as you can get.  Its funny because once upon a time when I was a camp counselor and nanny I was one that said ADHD wasn't real.  I just thought the parents we to blame, and we lazy......fast forward 20 years and here I am.  At first I was determined to go the meds route and we did diet changes of every kind, supplements, massage etc etc etc. 

Sometimes I feel guitly that not only did my son need something so he could just function outside the walls of our home and all they ways if affected him, but I couldn't watch the way he his ADHD affected my other child.  It just killed me.  I couldn't leave them alone, he was very aggressive with her (she is 2 years younger) and it affected my ability to parent either of them positively.  We had to leave activities early b/c of his behavior, he was extremely time consuming, every aspect of family life was affected.  I could deal with having one child with ADHD and the other also loose her childhood b/c of it.  Since meds they play so well together (not perfect of course) I can allow them to play without hovering and my son doesn't act impulsively aggressive more than any other older brother with an annoying little sister.

Did your other children factor into your choice?

it did for me. At least I think it did. My daughter was never aggressive on or off meds, but she took up SO much of my time and energy (mental energy), I coudnt do it. I still struggle with this. Even medicated she needs SO much of me, my time, my mental energy, ALL of patience. I dont have as much for her much younger sister. Then my poor husband, there's no patience left for him!

We do have a more manageable household now that meds have been stabilized though. At least 90% of our homework battles are gone, that just took up so much of our day AND all my patience.

My daughter is compassionate because of it.

The school even knowss is. She understands what her brother is going through because she sees when is IS medicated and when he is NOT medicate (monrings) beofre it kicks in.

She loves him unconditiontional. They are typ8ical kids, fights, etc., but no one else can say anything negative about him or her and that matters!!

I know one of the main factors for us was how it affected the whole family, and even if DH and I could have dealt with it, I think DD would still have been a key factor in whether or not to medicate.  None of us were happy.  I spent my days dealing with his behavior and was exhausted by the time DH got home, and it didn't leave a lot of time for DD or DH.  We were very fortunate to have a therapist and neuropsych who thoroughly understood the meds and where able to explain how and why they worked and all the pros and cons. 

As for the day to day living with him, DD has always tolerated him fairly well.  She does get impatient with him when he doesn't catch on to new ideas or information as quickly as she does, but she's like that with everyone- we have to have lots of talks about how everyone learns differently. They have always played well together (with lots of supervision when younger), and DD likes to roughhouse with him.  When she was small (she's two years younger) he would encourage her to jump on him, which I allowed as long as he didn't try to do the same to her. 

She does get upset when we have to limit activities because of him, but I've always made a point of spending extra time with just her or making sure she got first choice about the next activity.  Since he's been on meds our outings have been much more pleasant. It'll be put to the test in a couple weeks though.  During spring break we're going to drive from Baltimore to Philly to see the Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute.  We've done the museum before when we stayed up there with my parents, but we'll be adding a couple hours in the car this time- we'll see how it goes.

I think on the positive side though, nothing really fazes her when it comes to other kids.  Some of her friends get upset by the boys in her class when they get wound up, but she doesn't seem to notice.  Heck, one of the kids in her class overturned a desk and threw a chair (he's got a few issues of his own) and the teacher said she was about the only one in the class who didn't jump 10 feet.   She just came home and said she thought the boy could use some medicine like her brother's (it's not the first time she's told me that either).

 

I didn't start meds because of how my son's behavior was affecting my daughter, but I can definately see the change now that we have.  My 12 yr old daughter used to just stay in her room most of the time, because she didn't want to deal with her brother - and I couldn't blame her.  My son's behavior affected our entire family in such a negative way.

But since we started his meds, his behavior has improved and I am happy to report that we are seeing more of my daughter!  She stays out in the family room more often, and she and her brother even play together, board games and leggos and such.  Before, his impulsivity would have sent her running after about 10 minutes.

It has been a wonderful change for us!

Oh for sure it wasn't just about my DD. ADHD affected our whole family.  My DD absolutely adores her brother, and just like other people have posted, she is very tolerant of kids on the preschool school class that have "issues"....even if they hurt her.  (Makes a momma proud )  She'll have a better understanding of the WHY behind DS's behavior when she's older, at 4 she doesn't understand.  She's a peanut for her age (29 lbs) and one of the last incidents before we decided to try medication involved DS literally throwing DD off the couch (she was 2 at the time) because she wouldn't do what he wanted. 

Things have improved overall and I'm thankful for it, even if we're still trying to figure out meds and find other tools for DS.  I still focus more on DS's progress etc on a daily basis but I get better quality of time with them both.