I want to scream and cry....and hide | ADHD Information
I've got that angry tearful lump in my throat feeling. I want to hug my son until I cry and scream at him all at the same time. I feel like such a crappy mother. he's had an awful week at school and I just can't seem to "get it right" to help my child. No medication seems to help him. Did I give up on the Strattera too soon? Should I try a new stim? I hate the look DS gets in his eyes when the meds aren't right. He seems to be growing more defiant. I honestly don't believe it ODD.....but where does the line of "typical" defiance end and ODD begin. I have to wait until May/June to get into the ADHD clinic and I am dreading the waiting (which is a whole lot better than the 16 month wait list in Boston). I feel like things have gone drastically downhill in the past several months, the school is sooooo passive and does the bare minimum......I'm alone with the kids 90% of the time b/c DH works so much. Today, I hate ADHD. Today I want to be like DS and have a full on ADHD-type tyrade and expell all this frustration, anger and failure. Tomorrow will be better, because it has to be, but today I am at a loss and feel as hopeless as I ever have.
Just know there are people out there, like me, that don't even know you but totally feel for you. We've all had those days, whether ADHD is involved or not. Raising kids is tough. We're always second guessing ourselves. We're only human and can only handle so much at once. Hang in there. Tomorrow WILL be a better day!!!! hugs. Here is to a brighter tomorrow.oh twodoodles I know that lump in throat feeling SO well. Second guessing is pretty useless..............and we ALL do it. It really doesnt help. The Strattera wasnt working for you. Yes maybe you do need to try a different stimulant, but which one and how much, it's those juggling questions that build our frustration. You will work through all these questions, it just takes so much D _ _ N time! It's ok to yell, scream and hide for a little while...........get the kids settled, go outside, scream, hit your room, have a good cry, then take a hot bath, or have a glass of wine....or both..........tomorrow will be a different day. It's ok to get angry, it really isnt fair, BUT he will get better and things will continue to change and evolve, lots of hugs your way tonight.I really love the support I find here, because I just can't get in anywhere else.
thanks all
twodoodles,
It seems dark and grey right now but keep looking into your childs eyes-you will see they recognise the anguise in yours....dont give up this battle keep on.
Have you tried Concerta? its a slow release like Strattera but works quicker-my son has ADHD and Aspergers (Autism) and is very agressive and angry and this med helps ......If you need more info just let me know.
Hang in there you are a good Mom!!!!!!!
I know what you mean. Sometimes I wish that I could turn the clock back so that I could chose a different path in life. And sometimes I wish that I'd wake up in the morning as someone else completely.
Is pulling him out for the rest of the year and homeschooling an option?
A co-worker loaned his brand new truck to his 22 year old son who totaled it but luckily didn't get hurt. My coworker was then complaing about how he has to go through the whole process of purchasing a new truck, which he hates to do. I told him that it could be worse, he could be shopping for a coffin. My point? I lock myslef in the bathroom somtimes because if I don't I am afraid I will have a total meltdown in front of my kids. Il feel for you and wish I could give you a hug. Just try to remember that your child is not dying of some life threatening disease. He'll be there for you to hug and kiss tomorrow. With alot of hard work a kid with adhd can grow up to be happy productive adults. You can not be perfect, you can't always get it right, and you can't be a robot and never get angry or frustrated. Your child has a wonderful loving mother who wants the best for her family and you are doing the best you can. You can never be a failure as long as you try. When they are in bed at night go out and throw eggs at the traffic. It's fun and relieves stress! (JUST KIDDING)
I started crying just reading this. Its hate feeling like its my fault that nothing works and I hate the people who insinuate this. At my 9yo's last school meeting the local AEA rep insinuated that the problems 9yo continues to have are caused by lack of structure and follow thru at home. (By the way I had requested the meeting at the recommendation of our psychologist/doctor who believe 9yo is on appropriate meds, ect. and that it is time for the school to step up.) 9yo's teacher who also taught my oldest daughter basically said she didn't believe that as oldest is a straight A student, no ADHD, no problems. I was so mad!!! So if I didn't have another child who was a "good" student, I would have no defense as to my being a "good" parent. I'm sure the teacher thought she was bing helpful, but it made me even angrier. And then the other assumption that if I expect follow thru, contact school frequently, ect. I am a B____!
It is so sad that so many children/parents have to put up with this and fight so hard for what some people take for granted. It is so nice to be able to come to this sight an know you are not alone.
I'm hoping that your days have gotten a little better. You know, I was thinking earlier today about buying a work-out video for kids (of any age). These guys have so much energy that when left unstructured, goes in all sorts of directions. It's a hard job for us to manage it 24/7, but it's also very hard to deal with the 'aftermath' of idle hands. I've even thought about buying a small punching bag to direct some of that energy. But you know, just consider some things that will really exert some of that extra frustration and energy. Sweating and exercising is good for all sorts of reasons. Especially in an ADHDer's case. 
Buy some modeling clay and some things to mold it... These are just a few ideas. I've been in your boat. I'm in your boat a lot of days. Others, I feel like we've made some real headway. It's a rollercoaster ride. But also, try to do some things that really promote some bonding time. My boys love to cook, especially my ADHDer...he always wants to help me. Include him in some of that, it really gets them talking, too. You'd be surprised what you can find out in moments like that. It often leads to an understanding you didn't have prior to that very moment. We're here for you, we're all in it together.
I've kicked around the idea of homeschooling, but honestly I don't think I could do it. My son and I are too much alike and with my DH's schedule I am only alone when my DD goes to 1/2 day preschool 4 days a week. I know that all sounds selfish, but I don't that I would be able to transition from Mom to Teacher well, and adding in my little one, it just wouldn't work right now. I'll be more open to the idea when DD is in full day K, 2009-10.
My DH is gone camoing today-Sunday. I asked him to come to the school with me to talk with the teacher b4 school started today (she left a note in his bag asking that we talk) and just my asking put him off...even though he has 3 days to camp and he would be "off schedule" 15 minuted, maybe. This kind of attitude isn't helpful and has me concerned on a bunch of levels. BUT aside from the unhelpful attitude from DH today has been a better and I am hoping the weather will hold out so I can have some outside fun with the kids this weekend.
Hi...
This is my first post; I can completely relate to the angry-tearful-lump syndrome. I'm generally rather patient and can take a lot of hits and keep on smiling, but it's the ol' dam analogy: I take and take, and the pressure builds and builds until that moment when I (literally!) see red, the dam breaks, and - well, you can imagine. Right now the water level is very close to the red zone.
Gotta just hang in there...
TwoDoodles I have to throw in my 2 cents worth here. One of the most important things you can do is staying connected with your child in the context of ADHD. Unless you yourself are diagnosed its so easy to lose that context. Coming back here to the forum on a regular basis will help you retain the confluency between your kid's behavior and ADHD. Keep that relevancy in the forefront of your daily life and it may help some with those helpless/hopeless feelings.
Also, take care of yourself. You're the bottom of the pyramid that keeps your kids aloft. Selfish intention--? who cares if the end result is a healthier place to be the mom your child needs you to be. Get angry and then get active to making changes...in your son's medication, your stress level through means that are viable in your situation. Live in reality that the medication mine field is tricky and we've all been through it so it is normal and you need to live with the awareness that there may be no quick fixes. Don't expect things to stay status quo. In fact, the only thing you can be sure of is that things will change, turbulence will happen and you will cope because its your kid and the stakes are high. If you were a bad mom you wouldn't have bothered posting.
Hi all. We had a great weekend, even though DH was gone from Friday to Sunday. Took all ADHD books off the shelf and skimmed through them, making notes and re-engerizing my knowledge=patience battery. I also had a meeting with DS's principal and expressed my growing concerns over the negative feeddback DS is getting. He has a reward chart from school, but I've notice more time spent in the negative, resulting in no reward for petty things (like blowing bubbles in his milk at snack time and not stopping). We started a new chart system that is based on the teacher's hourly schedule and creates more opportunity/requirements of the teacher to catch him being good. He was so proud of himself yesterday, and it was nice to see him happy with himself. He's been trying really hard and I have too. I have ADHD myself and on somethings we are too alike, in others complete opposites. He creates noise, noise makes me agitated. Good stuff, huh? I've contacted a wonderful therapist to help me too. I would like DH to be more involved but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't make him read a book, attend meeting, or go to doc's appointments. All I can do is whatever will provide DS with the opportunities for success.
It's amazing how taking a few steps in a positive direction can make such a huge difference! I love your "knowledge=patience battery." Way to go!!