Not sure how much this will help, but we use a positve grab bag for our son who is 5. When he does something positive in an area we're working on, he gets to pull a piece of paper out of the grab bag. The papers say things like "10 minutes of playing a board game with Mommy" or "An extra dessert." The idea is for more of the things to be social interaction related, with a few other things thrown in. We still do time out, but this helps us focus more on the good behaviors. Just something to try to move from the negative to the positive.
Jake's not very social. In fact, he often prefers time alone to being around others. He's mostly motivated by tangibles -like toys. But that get's really expensive, and I'd like the focus not to be so material, kwim? What other kinds of things do you have listed on your papers?
you can have rewards be anything............playing a game with Mom, going out for an ice cream, time at the playground, an extra half hour of stying up on the weekend..........etc. Look at Ograms marble system on this board, have him earn marbles, or poker chips, or whatver and he can cash them in for activites not "things".
My son is four and a half. I don't know for sure what his issue is -but I'm thinking ADHD may be likely. We've been told Apraxia, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Autism, developmental delays, etc. Who knows anymore.
My biggest frustration at this point -is the fighting. He is so easily angered and he immediately goes to hitting. He regularly grabs my younger son (3) by the throat and slams him to the couch or floor. My youngest is not always the innocent, but by and large the anger issue is Jake. He just gets so angry and mean. He wants everything just his way and if it doesn't work out --he blows.
We've tried reasoning with him (though he's four so that only goes so far). We've always done time outs. Our rule - you hit, you sit. The boys can both recite it. We've gone from putting Jake in time out in the corner chair to having him go to his room. We've had them start sharing a room because I've read that siblings that sleep together in a room, often tend to get along better during the day. No change.
I've started not trying to figure out who started it. I don't care. Just stop it. they fight and the TV goes off. This seems to have some effect -but what do I do when they're fighting and the tv is not on....?
They're fighting at the babysitters and both grandma's. My MIL was upset yesterday because she had to literally pry them apart a few times, and she was shocked at how violent Jake can get. I don't really agree with spanking, though we have used it on ocassion. I firmly do not agree with spanking as a punishment for hitting --it just doesn't make sense to teach them not to hit, by spanking, kwim? I'm just at a total loss. I don't know what else to do.
I feel for my younger son, because he bears the brunt of most of these 'attacks'. Though, Jake has even gone at his dad and I, too. I think there was one time where he had smacked grandma, too. But Mikey is now reading the signs in Jake, and when he sees it coming he jumps on him first - so that Jake can't get him down.
I try to constantly praise them for playing well together. I'll tell good job sharing, or I like the way you asked for that, etc. They do have times where they do very well together, and I try to reinforce that.
However, they can't keep fighting like this! Any suggestions???? I'm willing to try ust about anything at this point. My home feels like a constant war zone.