even when she is caught in the lie she continues to lie about it.
This is my 14 year old dd. I have never been able to completely get rid of the lying but I always give her the option tell the truth and you wont be punished and if she admits first time I do not punish her at least this way I find out the truth. If she continues to lie she is punished severly. She used to steal and still does she has escalated to shop lifting now. One way I got her to stop stealing from her sister was to steal back from her with make up etc so she understood how it made you feel . This worked and she doesnt do it as often any more but I cant stop her when she is out. This sounds bad but I hope one day she gets caught as she might then learn there are consequences. I dont think she understands that stealing from shops effects people too. I have tried to explain but I dont think she listened.
I would say that she shouldn't be punished for stealing, because you really don't know for certain that she did infact steal them, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't receive some sort of punishment for lying about it. She should have been straight forward from the start. I know not all kids are, but they "should" be. I'm hoping as my kids get older, that I'm doing a good enough job of instilling this in them.
I wish you the best of luck, and its good to hear that you are going to seek additional help. The people here are wonderful and very helpful. Good luck, I hope you can figure something out soon.
We do know for sure that she sis take something for her grandma since it was the first time that we know of all she had to do was tell her grandma what she did return the items she took and apoligize. the book situtation she is not going to get punish for because you are right we have enough proof to say she acullally took them. But she does know that we are going to be looking really close at what she brings home. She brought home a really nice binder full of notebook paper today and said a friend gave it to her. I told her yesturday not to take things that kids give you. But she said she did that and her friend insisted she take it. So back to school I go tomorrow to give it to her teacher to give back to the friend. And if the friend did give it to her then I told her to tell the friend thank you but my mom won't let me take it. THis sie has been great. and next time we go to the doctor we are going to talk to her about couseling or something along those lines. Melissa
I wouldn't even wait for the next apt. We can call our pediatrician and get a referral or advice over the phone. In our State we don't even have to go through the primary doc to see a mental health provider. We can self-refer. But if you are going to self-refer, you have to know of someone who is good.
I am on state insurance so I have to get a referal from my primary doctor. She is due to see the doctor in the next couple of weeks for her check up so I just thougth I would bring it up then. she has already missed so much school becasue of doctor appointments I really hate for her to miss more. But if thing don't enprove by next week I wil probly go ahead and cll my primary doc. Melissagmsouth, keep us posted. Tell her you are going to get her help because you know that she wants to be trusted. Trust is earned. Spanking won't help the stealing and soap-in-the-mouth won't stop the lieing won't work. It will probably make lieing worse. Melissa, please do see a mental health professional about your dd's stealing and lieing. Her stealing seems unusual. I have had relatives with OCD and stealing is a compulsion for a couple of them. They steal dumb stuff (like a box of cheap cookies) at a holiday celebration or a sweater that is three times too big. I have a feeling that your dd isn't a "bad" kid but a child that hasn't been figured out yet. As your pediatrician for a referral to someone who is good with this sort of thing. my 5 yr old ds w/adhd used to take little things before he was diagnosed. Things like pencils, crayons, etc....I thought it was impulsiveness. Since on meds he has not taken anything else.
Could it be that her new meds are not helping w/impulsiveness and she needs something else to help w/that. I often hear others talking about adding another med like tenex???
When we finished talking last night. We left it with her telling us she found the books. she said she wanted to keep them and that is why she didn't return them to the library and tried to pass them off as her teacher gave them too her. She knew if she found them I would make her return them to the library.
Well we went in this moring she was clam not nervous at all. we found out the out of the 12 books she had one check out to her and the one she had bought. the other belongong to the library. 9 of the book the scan code have been taken off. But it still had the school library stamp on them, then two of the books had the scan code and they were souppose to be on the shelves. She looked straight at me and calmly said mom I didn't steal them I found them. Usually when she lies she get lound and crying and really upset. so I don't know what to belive. Is it possiable she did find them? Or am I in denial. DH says we really can't punish her for stealing because we don't knowfor sure that she did. I am still going to get her to the doctor. and she if we can see a professial. I will mention the stealing from grandma's and I am also going to go through her backpack from now on. If she did steal them then she now know I am going to be checking so maybe if she know that nothing like this will happen again.
THanks for the advice. I will keep you all posted. Also if anyone else has advice please feel free to share it. THanks. Melissa
Hi guys, Just need some advice and encourgment I guess.
My DD is 11, She was Rx with ADHD at age 8. She started doing better after we got her on meds. She started off with Aderall and she sis well with that until age 10 then she started haveing nervous side effects from it. So with a lot of trial and error with different meds. She is now on Vyvanse. She started this med in febuary and up it to 70mg in March. She always has had trouble with lieing. But this last year it has gotten worse. you can't believe anything she says. even when she is caught in the lie she continues to lie about it. She also makes up stories and tells them like they really happened to her She told one to her grandma the other day and she asked me about it. and none of the stuff she said happened. We have tried everything Spanking, Grounding, I even have put a little bit of soap in her month. Nothing has worked she continues to do it. I have also noticed since January her bring home junk toys or pencils or trading cards home sahying friends at school gave them too her. well she really dosn't have to many friends and I don't thin the friends she does have would always give her stuff, but I didn't question her. Well then in febuary she started bring home books telling me her teacher gave them too her. Well I thought maybe he was clearing out his library. Making room for new ones. Then last weekend we went to the other grandma's house for easter. When we got home I found stuff that belong to her that I know she wouldn't have gave to DD. So we questined DD. She tried to push it off as her brother did it. Well we finelly got the truth out of her and then we made her call her grandma and tell her what she did and apoligize and then return them to her. Well then today she brought home more books and I took a closer look at them well these had the librayr scan code on them. So I made her go get all the books she has brought home in the last month and a half. There are 12 books in all. Most of them she said she found some of them she said the library gave her and the rest she said the teacher gave her. well probly half of these books still have the scan code for the libary. So now I am woried she has taken these books. she says she hasn't but I just don't know what to believe. So tomorrow her father and I are going to the school with my DD and talking to the librian then to her teacher to find out where these books came from.
DD was Rx by her ped. And we have just stuck with that. But since comming to this board I have nmoticed that alot of you have their kids seeing a Phychologist or a Phychiatrist. Should I talk to her doc about going to see one of those. THey have never mentioned it and I didn't know we could until I came here. Also what is the difference between the two.
On a side note she is in the fifth grade. Because of them playing with her med this year her grade are shot. so Her teacher has told us that he is going to put her back next year.
Sorry for this being so long. And THanks for any advice or words of wisdom you can give. Melissa
Good news Melissa. I would lean toward the psychologist also. It doesn't sound like a medication issue but if that's the way it looks later you can always see a psychiatrist if you need to.
Hi, JSt thought I would let everyone know that I went to my daughters DR. and talked to him and this is waht we found out.
The Dr. Put her on Risperdal for her moods. and also gave me a number of a cousler that I am now waiting to here back from. He siad to give this a try for awhile and see if it helps. He want s ot use a pychiatrist as a last resort because he said a good one is so hard to find. He said now days that alot of them are so over book that you go in get your meds and then leave. That it is hard to find one that will spend any time with you. So I agreed. and wait to see how this is going to work out. THanks again for all the advice and help. MelissaWe usually give the option of telling the truth first without punishing too. and then we punish if she continues to lie. As for here taking stuff so far it is stuff that she dosn't need or dosent even know what it is or what it is use for. as for the books she could have check out them she didn't have to take them if she did. She still says see found them. And we can't prove otherwise. so she just got a good lecture for that. And she tell us when she has got something. The stuff she took form her grandma she had hid in the glove box of the car well when we got home she immedaly opened the glove box with me standing right there. When she was bring the books home she would say her teacher gave them to her. So I didn't question her until I realize hay he is giving away alot of books he is not going to have any left. and then the thing she bring home from kids she show me. Look what I got today from so and so. so she wants me to know about the items. she just lies about where she got them.
As far as your daughter I am sorry you are going throught this also. I don't think it is wrong hoping she gets caught I would want my daughter to get caught too. Who knows it sould be the best thing for her. Thanks for the encourgment. Melissa