Whits end,Is it always this hard? | ADHD Information

You have not failed your boys by any means.  You have worked hard to try to help them, and when normal parenting techniques haven't worked, you have pursued professional help and been willing to try many things to help them get on track.  That's a great mom, not one who failed her kids.

Maybe show your dh some research about bipolar so he can see that ds2's behavior is symptoms of it, and it's not that meds create the condition.

I'm sorry you are going through this again w/ your other child.  Maybe the path will be easier this time b/c you've learned so much from helping ds1.

Lethy proud mom, your two boys are so lucky to have you. Research shows one of the best indicators to whether ADHD kids do well in later is if they have one committed adult who sticks with them. This is you.

I know how hard it is on you, my 13yo ds is Gifted/ADHD with a LD and Axiety that is running out of control at the moment. Started that he would throw up on school mornings, even tho he likes school, now he throws up every morning when he wakes up. Have done all the tests, spent all day yesterday in emergency with adverse reaction to nausea meds.

Poor kid is at his wit's end, always feeling so guilty about how much trouble he's causing.(Of course I feel guilty because I can't fix him)

So, try and remember that what you are doing is incredibly difficult on you, and that you are doing a mighty job, no matter how much it feels like you are not doing enough.

You are certainley not alone

You've got a plateful lethy proud mom! You sound like you're working
super hard to understand and help and guide your sons, and not getting a
ton of support from your dh - that's a really hard situation. Be easy on
yourself - you haven't failed anyone, you've just got a lot on your plate -
it's got to hurt, sometimes hurt a lot.

The good news is that it sounds like you've come a long way with jd - no
doubt the last couple of years getting to where you are had a lot of tough
moments - but he's handling it all better now, which is awesome! And it's
got to be really scary to imagine going through all of that again with cj -
searching for his own best dx and meds and doctors, etc. Surely your
husband can see that this wasn't caused by meds - right? After all cj
hasn't been on any yet. And he can see how well jd is doing. So hopefully
he'll help you as you focus more on cj's issues.

I think there's a stage where you're just too horrified to just buckle down
to get to work - you kind of have to mourn the fact that your kid isn't
whatever fantasy you had in your mind - and it is real mourning (and I
think we all have those moments again and again where we are reminded
about what we'd hoped for our kids and it hurts all over again) - but then
you kind of step back and say "well, this is my kid - and I love him/her"
and you list for yourself everything you're proud of about them (I read
somewhere to tell your ADHD kid at least one thing each night you're
proud of that they did during that day, no matter how small or hard you
have to stretch to find it - they need to hear it) and you just have to sort
of start the work you need to do to help them. So you'll do it. You did it
with jd and so you already know maybe better than you did how to go
about seeking a dx, who to see, who you like, who takes your insurance -
you know the ropes a little bit. You can do this. We moms are so much
stronger than we look, lol - you can do this. Your boys need you to, and
you are the best mom they've got! I have tried both of my little men in training on natural focus aids. Will jd tries to be a "big" boy for his brother, you can tell that he is getting sick of the taste. cj on the other hand is having an extremely hard time taking these suppliments. He keeps telling me that he will try harder to "be good". He is not having so much luck with that. He had to write his name for being "over active" and accidently stepped on a childs hand . He was very sorry that he hurt his friend. But was more confused on why he was being punished for an acidient. I was not really sure what to tell him. Any advice.lethy proud mom39539.8750115741 Thanks every one thay took the time to offer their wonderful advice. I really appreciate all yalls responses. As of last night I have decided to try cj on some natural focus aids. While the tablet don't taste good the drops ad drink aren't so bad. I really hope they work but if not the his ped. Says he should try meds. We are keeping our fingers crossed. Jd is also on these natural vitamins. I hope they work. I will keep u guys posted. In the mean time keep the advice coming. ThanksNow they cj on a behavior plan at school. I am trying everything that I can. I am not having much luck with his behavior. Please tell me soethings that have worked for yall. Thanks

W use 1-2-3 Magic for our children and it is really great if you carry through. The first time they misbehave we say: That's One. then we wait about 30 seconds. If the behavior is not ended, we say: That's Two. again we wait a few seconds. Then we say: Take 5. When we say that we put the erring child in the bathroom or their room for 5 minutes. If the child says: when is time up; or, is it time yet; all we say is: the clock is reset.

After 5 minutes we let the child out of time out if they are not screaming etc. If they are screaming we reset the timer.  We do NOT engage in conversation with the child or explain our actions. Works really well but the book explains it better.

randy

Time outs did not work for my son because he didn't understand them and he became angrier.

I have just had to run a lot of interference and was very selective about what he did. There are just things that will overstimulate or rub them the wrong way.

It does get better. My son has made it to 12 all in one piece, which surprises the hell out of me most days.

Thanks so much both of you for yalls suggestion I haven't really heard about 123 majic but I will try it thanks. I have tried timeout but don't really follow through when he starts to asked 200 times is he done. I looked forward to trying this method.

Lethy proud Mom,

We have all felt like we are the worse moms in the world and sometimes it is the people we love the most, (like family and friends), that can make feel that way. You are a good mom and a caring mom. Your husband is in denial. You did not cause this but you can help your sons with it by providing a safe haven for your children. It is good that you have recognized some of the symptoms in your younger son. You won't have to try and figure out what is wrong, you have a clue. You are also learning coping skills that you can teach them.

I think we need a multi-faceted approach to our children's health. Good nutrition, lots of exercise, the proper meds and counseling/coaching can be the most benefical thing we can do for them.

Good luck and keep us posted.

I have a daughter who is 7 and ADHD, it is hard. Now I do have a 6 year old that acts out because her sister is always getting attention whether it be good or bad, she just wants attention so if she has to be bad then she will. It does sound as though in your case that maybe he too may need to be tested as well and there is no harm in doing that so you know what your dealing with, whether you choose to do meds or not. This process is so hard  and heart wrenching we all just want whats best for our children and the trials of trying medications that we really know nothing about other than what we read is so difficult. I have heard that you need to treat Bi-Polar before you treat ADHD. Im sure if your son was diagnosed with what he has been your doctor told you that. Now who did his diagnosing? His ped. or a pysch? Im only asking because my ped. did my daughters but then once we discovered that her heart couldn't tolerate the meds she referred us to a pysch. and now we have to wait to get a whole new evaluation from him... Talk about trials I feel your hurt and in no way have you failed your boys, we as parents aren't giving an instruction manual we can only learn as we go along and luckily they are resilient. They just know we love them and that is all that matters. Keep your head up and learn as much as you can, Im new to this as well and Im constantly reading and trying to get as much info as I can. I could go on but I don't want to take up anymore of your time, take care. Please dont blame yourself or beat yourself up about this situation. Children lash out physcially when they are unable to express their feelings verbally in a logical way so they lash out in frustration in a physical way. Your child is not soiling himself intentionally as he is probably not emotionally ready. I would indeed have your child tested  as mentioned above as these disorders can co exist and are highly genetic and in the mean time, stop blaming yoruself for what your child may have no control over. Good luck and please keep us posted. Luvmykids0239534.4369444444 Thanks for the advice. Every bit is helpful. Keep our family in your prayers.I would have him evaluated, BP, and ADHD can both be hereditary. If anybody has some helpful advice please let me know. Here is our situation. I have an eight year old son name j.d he is bipolar, has adhd,odd,and aspergers. After many tearful days for him and many dr. visits he is now doing better. Originally the dr's thought he had only adhd, and tried all the "normal" adhd meds to no avail. They did help with the concentration some, however they left him a very angry, depressed little boy. He was so full of life before, just extremely active and misbehaved. After an incident at school, he was finally diagnosed as bipolar. And was put on different meds. He is doing better now after two years of skills training and play therapy. His meds are finally correct. All this said leads me to my next situation. My 5 1/2 yr cj is starting to display the same behaviors as jd did, how ever he is by far more worse behaved. It is their fathers belief that all the meds mad jd bipolar. I can't take the stress of seeing cj go through what jd did, but how can I let my baby behave like this. He hits me and his siblings, he cussus, he is defiant, and very active, he doesn't respond to time out, removal of toys or any form of discipline. Cj also wets his pants 1or 2 times daily. I am not sure why or if he does this for attention. He also wears pull up during naps and over night, or he would wet the bed. This began about six months ago. I feel like I have failed my boys, who I love soooo much, terribly. Please helplethy proud mom39534.2757175926