Hi I am new here. I have been reading all of your posts about your children and their experiences at school and about their teachers. I have a 10yr old daughter in the 4th grade who has adhd. I have had all the same problems. I don't have any friends with kids like mine, so I searched the internet to find some sort of support. Its nice to know other people are going through the same thing I am, but at the same time it breaks my heart.
It shouldn't be soo hard for our children to go to school. I'm sick of the school systems treating our children like they are bad apples. God made our children this way and there is nothing wrong with them.
It took me from Sept 8 2007 until Feb 26 2008 to obtain an IEP for my daughter. I had to go to the school board to get anything done. (Which is ridiculous.) My dd has suffered all year with a teacher who thinks she just needs to try harder. Her self esteam is shot and now she has anxiety attacks because she is afraid of getting in trouble. It takes her 2 hours to fall asleep at night because she worries about the next day at school. According to her teacher, nothing she does is right.
I think I finally have her on a medicine that is working(Vyvanse30mg) but I am wondering if she will ever get her self esteam back or quit worring. Has anybodys child bounced back from something like this?
Thanks for reading and for your responses.
I'm so sorry for what you have had to go through.
I think some school systems are better than others. The school system I am in is wonderful. My kid is "pain in the A--" They initiated a 504 last year immediately. The guidance councelor is wonderful.
This year, my son has wonderful teachers who acknowledge he is ADHD innatentive and also understand my frustration. They are aware that my son is undergoing treatment but refuses meds. They are patient and understanding. They deserve a purple heart.
I know some teachers are ignorant regarding ADHD. I have to confess, that when I was in college and graduated with an elementary ed. degree in 1981 - the subject of ADHD and learning dissabilities never came up in the curriculum!
Don't give up and keep fighting. If you find you have uncooperative teachers, go above their heads to the principal - the law requires our kids get the services they need.
TNmom, I can understand why you feel a need to vent! It is awful that your daughter had to wait so long to receive help. And, like you said, it is awful that so many parents have an endless fight with the schools to get help for their kids. Disgusting! I am so sorry that your daughter is suffering from anxiety because of this. I don't know what to tell you about bouncing back. I do know that kids are resilient. Have you read any of Dr. Levine's books such as A Mind at a Time or The Myth of Laziness? I think you might find some hope there.my daughter had a horrible teacher last year. We had a year riddled with anxiety/depression, changing meds to "help her in school", it was horrible for all of us. This year, new teacher(for her) who is amazing, more familiarity in the school (moved up to middle school last year) and what a difference. We are finding out school is not educating her properly and will be moving her for high school, BUT it's mainly her LD's and for this year her self esteem is climbing and socially she is doing great! So even though academically it's EXTREMELY difficult for my daughter, she is doing well with the right team, it's sets the tone for everything.
I feel for you guys, but yes both your kids CAN bounce back from this year.........summer vacation, all about healing the wounds and giving a fresh start to the next year....................
I feel for you. Our previous school was wonderful and we never had any issues. We moved to another state and hence a new school and this year has been a nightmare for my DS (and so for me as well). My DS got a horrible teacher this year and he too has now developed some anxiety. It is so frustrating that one teacher can cause so much harm. I too am hoping that we can undo the damage that has been done. In my DS's case, minimal (and I do mean minimal) effort on the part of the teacher would have helped my son and we could have avoided all of this. It has been absolutely ridiculous.
Good luck. I hope both of our kids can bounce back from this year.
Welcome to the family. This place is a great source of strength and information. I feel for. I demanded a Team Meeting, and its this Thurs. I have DS's IEP meeting this May (for the nest school year) and I am writing to the prinicpal of the elementary school requesting that they match DS with a teacher that has experience with ADHD. Its work, work and more work but there isn't a better investment than your kids.In KG through 2nd grade my younger dd who is "marginal for ADD" really suffered. All the teachers tried to punish her into transitioning better or paying attention. By the end of 2nd grade she was a mess. Now 3/4 of the way through 3rd grade she is doing great because this teacher understands her. She understands that she is marginal for ADD and yet extremely bright. I am requesting a certain teacher profile for next year.
My older dd is gifted/ADD. She wasn't diagnosed until 5th grade despite 3 evaluations. She had very understanding teachers but her peers eventually started putting her down. She is in 6th grade and doing much better but she still struggles with confidence. Medication has helped her feel more in control. She DOES sleep now thank God! Going to middle school actually helped so that she could get away from some of the old kids and get a fresh start. She has met other kids like herself and is slowly coming back.
mamark39539.5222569444Thanks everyone for your comments and support. I am soo glad I found this site.
On a good note...my dd brought home her report card yesterday & for the first time this year she has all B's. I think her self-esteam is going up as we speak!!! The IEP's are soo important for our children I just don't know why it is soo hard to get one.
[The IEP's are soo important for our children I just don't know why it is soo hard to get one.[/QUOTE]
they cost the school money and are more work for them. Sad, but infortunately true.
oh, I can soo relate to this post! It is so hard to see so many not get the help that they need. Why cant the teachers have more training in ADHD and learning disabilities? Why does it have to be so hard to get the kids the help that they need?
My son brought his report card home this week too... Effort was S- ... what.. the teacher is saying he isnt trying? He tries so hard, but he has ADHD!! She gave him a U in homework after I asked her repeatedly to not give him a bad grade for turning in his homework late. I assured her that I sit with him every single night, sometimes as much as 2.5 - 3 hrs a night, doing his homework (1st grade!!) and that I guarantee that it's done every night. He just forgets to turn it in the next day .. again .. he has ADHD! .. And she knows it, but once again marks him down for it!
He is currently getting evaluated for a reading disability. The principle called me to see what kinds of testing I wanted done on him. I was so surprised becasue I thought she'd be the expert and would tell me what tests they'd do! I didnt even know what to say to her! She gave some name and said that since he's already diagnosed as having ADHD, she will not do a behavior test, but will test for a reading disability. She stated when the testing is over that we'll have a meeting and at this meeting I'm brining up IEP and 504 accomidations. I cant have him contining to get these grades for all the hard work he's doing!
I can only hpe next year is better!
they do this because they know you dont know what kinds of tests to ask for. I never knew what tests to request or even what kinds of evaluations. I hired an advocate this year, my daughter has multiple learning disabilities and has always struggled. By requesting the right evaluations we've shown the school has not been educating her porperly, they now have to place her privately with transportation including a summer program for allof high school. It ended up being quite costly for them. If I didnt have some one guiding me on what to do though, they would've kept pushing her along and making it look like she was progressing and she's not. She would've graduating with minimal education and no skills. Now she'll be in a wonderful program that'll guide her to vocational work or even help her learn work, or college prep if she is capable. It will be completely individualized.just wanted to send you some HUGS - i feel your pain.
DS9 has been on a IEP since kindergarten, surviving 2 schools. current school is fabulous.
one thing that i've been trying to do with DS over the years is trying to model for him the necessary coping skills. he's not mature enough to cope like an adult, so i try to impart tiny lessons about coping. examples: for a long time, he couldn't leave a store without buying something. now, if he doesn't see anything he wants, i say "it's OK to save your money and not get anything today. there's always tomorrow."
another: his teacher this year has been known to be strict and sometimes grumpy - my older son had her for english. so we warned DS9 about her, that he always has to be on his guard and keep his work in order and on time. we constantly try to praise him on his daily accomplishments (he likes to use their accelerated reading program a lot).
bottom line: there will always be disappointments in life/the system/your boss/your job/etc. yet there are more ways to cope with and work with it.
good luck and blessings to you.
janyben- My 8 y/o has the same problem with homework. We used to sit with him for hours and it was impossible for him to do it. Now he hates math and spelling so much it will take a lot of work to change. Your child should NOT have to suffer through this work. A child's work is playing!!! You need to WRITE a letter stating your child is ADHD and needs accomodations for homework. Send a copy to the teacher, principal, schoolboard, newspaper and doctor.
Our son's school will not make the accommodations for anything so I am not making him do the work and next year I will homeschool. I WILL take this to the newspapers/TV after the school year.
Know that so many people here can empathize with you as they are going through the same thing or have gone through it.
Welcome,
It does feel good to know that we aren't the only parents out there fighting for our children. I was so glad when I found this board. I felt like I was all alone. Our family and friends couldn't understand what we were going through. I have found a lot of useful information and stories, on this board, that sound as though I were writing them.
Good Luck and keep fighting.
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I have a daughter who has gone through this similar situation. However, she found the IEP and pullouts to be a source of anxiety so after putting her through this for 4 years, the panel finally listened and made her a self advocate on the IEP. It has been a big step in bringing home smiles and she is doing great, but has to work very hard.
I can say this. We are all unique, and thank the lord that children are unique, and their process of learning can be different than the traditional. But it is hard in the public schools. These programs are great, but sometimes you have to just step back and listen to your kids and what they are really feeling. I had to really be persistent. Since the school was so against her repeating even the first grade when I asked and really wanted her to, they keep passing them on and hopefully there is room on an IEP or the school has the necessary help to keep these kids moving along with their peers.
I also do not have any friends with daughters going through this. Mine just turned 11. It seems everyone's daughter is "academically gifted". I see more similarities of parents with boys. Recently, I had a conversation with one parent who considered changing her daughter's teacher because she didn't think he was going to be challenging enough for her, and the famous quote ever "I don't want my child to be bored". I have heard that one over and over. It makes it a whole lot harder when you don't have anyone who understands. So, I just want you and everyone else who posts to know that this site provides a lot of comfort to me as a parent.
I know first hand that family love goes a long way too. If there is ever a bad day, just coming home to someone who loves and cares for you can wash away some of the hurt. My daughter and I are very close as I am working with her at home with school work, test preparation, etc, she has been great about it. I also think this experience has given my daughter strength and courage and she is very intuitive about people, understands character flaws very well, and has some very good study strategies.
Tackling the school is hard. You have to be really ready with your notes outlined or whatever you can do so that YOU can direct the meetings, not them. I learned that.
Good luck. Just with your love and affirmation, your daughter's self-esteem will blossom. I see it in my daughter, and congrats on the report card.
Your child can definately get back lost self-esteem and "recover" from those bad times pre-diagnosis and treatment! I truly believe that so much of that recovery is due to parents who advocate for their children and lessen those feelings of inadequacy at home. Our kids have such a hard time in the world, if you can give them a safe haven that promotes their well-being, your a step ahead of the game. By doing what you do for your child, you are really promoting a healthy and self-sufficient future! Congratulations! BPQW39540.6105787037