My Reply to ADDentist; Posted: March 31 2008 at 11:43pm
-------------------------------------------
First I wanted to commend you on all the work you've done to research your problem and try to find a solution. 95% of the people on this earth keep reliving their problems because they don't bother taking action.
Good stuff on the affirmations! Keep that up.
I've got this theory i'm tossing around in my head, and I think that it'd be helpful in your case, to hear how it works, just briefly.
Our identities and existence as human beings, our behaviours, and the processes of everything we do really falls into 4 categories- or Layers, as I prefer to think of them.
The Physical layer,
the Mental layer,
the Instinctive layer and,
the Spiritual core.
Physical concerns your body and health, Mental concerns your knowledge and thought patterns, the Instinctive concerns your instinctive emotions and the Spiritual concerns your moral emotions and your spiritual being. They're all intertwined of course, and layer on top of one another, kind of like layers of the earth's crust (or if you don't know what that looks like, layers of an onion).
Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, Affirmations, and similar Cognitive Behaviour Therapy work because they help us readjust ourselves on the 'Mental Layer'; they change how we look at something gradually until that 'paradigm' is permanently fixed. I can 'Affirm' that I'm good at making friends, and gradually, my subconscious will start to think to itself that 'I'm good at making friends' and help me past that hurdle.
When I used to use affirmations, I found that on a deeper subconscious level I felt like it was 'missing something'. You have probably felt that before too. That's probably why you apologized for them, saying they were 'shallow and cheesy'.
I very much understand your feeling, and I would describe them very similarly. I wouldnt call them 'cheesy' (that's just an insecurity of yours that will one day be overcome) but I see them being shallow. Not shallow as in vain or self-centered, however; shallow as in 'shallow -reaching'.
You see, the Affirmations only reach and affect the Mental Layer of Your Being. Underneath, on a MUCH DEEPER level, the part of you that's still underdeveloped is the Instinctive layer and most importantly your Spiritual core. There's too much for me to go into, regarding how to permanently solidify Confidence in these areas, but we can start by helping you connect to the ADD segment of your Spiritual Core's identity.
(To clarify, when I say spiritual, it's not necessarily a religious thing. Some people fulfill themselves spiritually by participating in religion, and it works very well, but its not the only way or the most direct way.)
Let's try this simple technique, to help you ease your insecurity in having ADD and being different. This is the shortened version of my technique, and I've never told anyone else about this trick, so I'm hoping this works well for you. I'd REALLY like you to let me know if it does work after you try it for a week or 2.
1- Sit down somewhere comfortable, quiet. Close your eyes. Breathe deep shallow breaths through your nose, filling your lungs gradually. Breathe out through your nose, also gradually and slowly. Keep breathing this way until you feel your body relaxed.
2- Think of a time you felt relieved about something. It can be something trivial, but the importance is the way it made you Feel. Notice the tingling warmness throughout your body.
3- Imagine the warm tingling feeling kind of like a light shining and glowing from your body. Imagine seeing yourself from behind, seeing your body glow as if you were looking at a camera-angle behind yourself.
4- Now imagine that glowing warmness in your body shoot out from you in many streams on a horizontal plane, unending. The light is not diminishing in you, but rather just continuously spreading out from you towards certain other people; specifically, the ones with ADD.
5- Those streams of warm light, spreading out from you like a web, first shoot out to people in your town/suburb. Then like a webbed network, they continue streaming from each of those ADDers, to other ADDers in your state or province, then streaming to ADDers in the neighbouring states, continuously spreading to the whole country, then to the whole continent, then over the oceans to the other continents, until there is a warm gridlike light that is wrapped around the whole planet.
6-The brightness of the warm light is evenly spread throughout the whole network, and joins every single ADDer in the world. With ADD being conservatively estimated at an even 2% percentage of the population, that means your light brings together 120 million people around the world.
7-Feel the warmness glowing throughout your body. Feel the light and warmth grow brighter and dimmer with every breath and exhale. Allow yourself to sit in this state for about 5 minutes, just feeling the warmth, envisioning the light network, and letting the sense of community and identity sink into you and who you are. Let it lend you strength, and drink in the togetherness that this process gives you.
Phew... that was a lot of typing and a lot of spiritual stuff. Almost got metaphysical there!
I really hope this helps you. Like I said, try it out for a few days, and post a comment of your experiences. Everyone reading this is welcome to try this. (Yes this means YOU too). Please share your thoughts and help everyone enrich the experience by giving your additional insights after you've tested this.
KCTang39540.8119444444
*What stage in your ADD life are you in now?
Out of denial for about two years now. 35 year old, married, two kids, dog, mortgage.
What's your #1 challenge right now? Is it finding a doc? organizing your life? Getting along with people? Being productive at work? Finding meaning in life? Controlling your thoughts?
*If you could wave a magic wand and get rid of ONE challenge in your life, what would it be?
I wish I could make friends more easily and feel more comfortable relating to people socially!
*Why is it a challenge; What does it impact in your life?
I'm not sure why its a challenge, but it is. I basically have no friends outside of work and family. It sucks.
*What specifically about your ADD is causing that challenge?
I wish I knew. I think I'm aware, and have been, that on some very basic level I'm "different" and feel self-conscious about it. I think to a certain extent people sense that I'm different too and some react to me differently. My feelings are subconscious and not easily changed through things like cognitive behavioral therapy, affirmations, or RET, although those things help somewhat.
*What sources of help/info have you been looking for help with that Challenge? All manner of books on social skills, conversations, cognitive behavioral stuff, affirmations, self esteem, etc.
*What has worked and what hasn't?
Believe it or not, affirmations, as shallow and cheezy as that may seem, have been a very positive thing in my life. Louise Hay 101 Power Thoughts and her self esteem CD have been very helpful. Some of the other reading has helped. Just becoming more comfortable and less apologetic about who I am as I get older.
(Answer any or all of the questions in blue. Explain as much as you think is necessary to understand your post)
Just click reply! And type your answer!
*What stage in your ADD life are you in now?
I've been taking meds for a year, and am now slowly reorganizing my life.
*If you could wave a magic wand and get rid of ONE challenge in your life, what would it be?
Focus, in regards to task and project completion.
*Why is it a challenge; What does it impact in your life?
Every 2 days, I get excited about making positive change in a different area in my life, so I'm just running back and forth between projects in my mind.
*What specifically about your ADD is causing that challenge?
Both my Hyperfocus and my Distractability.
*What sources of help/info have you been looking for help with that Challenge?
Read books on organization, gone through/will later continue coaching, asking for advice from friends without ADD
*What has worked and what hasn't?
The Coaching and the books have been great to get the idea of the system to work, although I must admit my ego and my need for creativity got me messing with the system that was being taught, and picking and choosing what I wanted to do, and what I didnt want. Interestingly enough, after my own ideas sucked #$%&, its helped me humble myself and just use the system as is (slowly, but surely).
This one was a toughy, but I gradually warmed up to the idea of telling some friends I have ADD (only the really close ones). One co-worker friend of mine in particular has been very helpful in giving some advice. Mind you not only is he well organized, he's also very intelligent with starting with goal-setting and seeing through the whole project, step by step. That's of course really important to note, that you should only take advice from someone who HAS THE RESULTS. Even I make mistakes with this one sometimes, and in the past i've asked for opinions from people who really didn't have the results to prove they knew what they're talkin about. Going back to the whole 'asking for advice', I gave a general idea as to what the project was, and spoke to a guy who's really smart at that kind of project. After hearing through what he thought of the beginning stages and work to be done, I asked him what he thought, if he were in my shoes with the same project, what would be his next 2 steps. This has given me a real sense that i'm working on the right stuff, by getting that second opinion, that unemotional opinion that Ive been struggling with deciding on (ie where to start, what to be doing), ESPECIALLY since I've gotten to the point where I dont trust my own judgement on this right now. After some time and experience, God willing, I'll get there too!
Hi everyone, KC here, I'm Inattentive type ADD, been officially diagnosed for about a year now. Just had a question to ask everyone of you reading this, bc I thought it'd be interesting to hear your response about what your life's like right now:
-where you're at in your life path now, and
-what challenge do you face at this point in the path.
If you can give your answer, it will be of GREAT help to the other ADDers reading, because it can help identify clearly what your ADD challenges are, in a specific way, that others can relate to and maybe PM to share ideas/advice, or get ready for if it's something that may come up later in their life. Make sure you follow the format below to keep things simple and on track, sticking with the *blue questions to guide you.
-Where are you now? Are you undiagnosed and considering seeing a doctor? Are you trying different meds with your dr, and hoping to find the magic combo? Are you 3 years running on that medication and really having the 'perfect life'?
*What stage in your ADD life are you in now?
(Answer with a One-sentence response to the blue question)
What's your #1 challenge right now? Is it finding a doc? organizing your life? Getting along with people? Being productive at work? Finding meaning in life? Controlling your thoughts?
*If you could wave a magic wand and get rid of ONE challenge in your life, what would it be?
*Why is it a challenge; What does it impact in your life?
*What specifically about your ADD is causing that challenge?
*What sources of help/info have you been looking for help with that Challenge? *What has worked and what hasn't?
(Answer any or all of the questions in blue. Explain as much as you think is necessary to understand your post)
Just click reply! Copy the template below, and type your answer!
Thanks! KC
(P.S. I'll be putting up my response after I get this work stuff done!)
(P.P.S. I really want to know what you have to say! I'm looking forward to it! Reply now!)
(P.P.S. Use this template to make answering the questions much easier. Just copy & paste, then type your response next to the black dashes!)
------------------------------------------------------------
*What stage in your ADD life are you in now?
-
*If you could wave a magic wand and get rid of ONE challenge in your life, what would it be?
-
*Why is it a challenge; What does it impact in your life?
-
*What specifically about your ADD is causing that challenge?
-
*What sources of help/info have you been looking for help with that Challenge?
-
*What has worked and what hasn't?
-
------------------------------------------------------------