Am I expecting too much in the morning? | ADHD Information
I know that mornings for most families that have a child with ADHD can be .. .challenging. I am curious as to what type of routines you all do that work.
Do you require that beds be made and rooms picked up? Do you eat
breakfast together? Do you wake your child early to give meds so mornings
run smoother when they kick in? Do you have your child eat before meds
suppress the appetite? Do you provide some sort of motivation for a
"smooth" morning? If you have other children that do not have ADHD, do
you require more of them in the morning?
Well we prepare for the next day by having all clothes laid out, shoes and socks included. We also have the book bag packed and anything *extra* he wants to bring to school in it. No last minute * I need to find my...FILL IN THE BLANK*.
Then I wake him up 45minutes before we need to leave. His job is to get dressed, completely before he can eat breakfast or watch any tv. I do have to help sometimes..or encourage him..but not as much as I use to. I then give meds, and breakfast at the same time. While he watches tv , i get ready. He knows that when that one show is over...he turns of the tv, brushes teeth and puts on coat and we are off.
I dont require bed making or any chores in the morning other than the usual "put your clothes in the hamper" and put your bowl in the sink. We do bedmaking, etc when we get home.
This have been our routine since Ryan started school and also goes for Camp, which he attends from 8 to 6 every day in the summer. There have been challenging morings and calm mornings but the routine is a neccessity and works well for us. Ryan is 10 and has ADHD.We also dont take the bus, I drive so that helps , because we arent working on the bus schedule.
We have Bins marked for each day Mon-Sat, shoes, shirt, undies, bra, pants orwhatever go into that bin on Sunday evening. DD can choose alternatives, say wear Tues clothes on Mon,but we don't add or take away anything, it all has to be worn.
We don't make beds( never saw the point), and DD's chores are done in the afternoon( sweep/clean pool area, feed dogs).
DD gets her meds as she is brushing her teeth, first thing in the mornings, but she doesn't, and has never had appetite suppression.
The ONE issue we have in the mornings is Hair brushing, she hates to, and would rather just not do it. SO, She brushes it in the car on the way to school, and has to be done by the time we pull in or I will brush it, and she hates that even more.
I find that sticking to a set routine everyday of the week helps, and when there is a change in the routine it is all messed up for a few days.
my daughter is on Strattera so her meds are 24 hour. She gets clothes out the night before and backpack ready, except for her lunch. She gets up an hour (at least) before the bus and does the SAME thing every day (we've varied and it doesnt work). So, shower, dress, make bed, come up, eat and take meds, dry hair and bathroom "stuff" and out the door. I make her lunch unless she is buying it. NO tv, maybe she can play DS if she is ready on time and puts it down when I say so.for us, our DS gets meds at 7:30 with juice/breakfast (in bed i might add to encourage the relaxation and eating). it just helps him to nibble on the food for a while before having to get his body up. the meds kick in enough after 30 minutes to move to the next steps: getting dressed and teeth and then what I call "the room check": dirties in hamper, lights out, grab cups/plates from breakfast before coming downstairs.
each day after homework, backpack goes immediately to the front door. sneaks by front door. i'll leave his coat there in the early morning too.
this routine works well for my youngest (6yo DD) as well. and i find even for myself that the last minute rushing throws me out of whack. it's best if i know where kids stuff is so that i can focus on getting myself out the door to work.
ps) i don't worry about beds either in the AM. sometimes they don't get made all day, but at least if mandatory things like homework, showers, laundry are in good shape for the week, the beds can wait for the weekends.
< =text/>_popupControl(); We also don't sweat the bed-making. My oldest son, non-adhder, asked me as a child,"Why do I have to make it? I'm only going to get in it tonight." Now, I don't go for that logic about most things, but I only insist that beds get made if we are having company or when I've just washed the sheets.
We get up about an hour before the bus, he gets dressed right away because he's always cold, then he comes to the table and eats, possibly while doing any homework that we left from the night before. We do almost all test studying in the morning so that it's fresh at school. Then he takes his meds and vitamin, finishes his milk, and heads to the bathroom for cleaning himself up. Then shoes and socks, backpack check, and then he can put on the tv if there is time before the bus. He's responsible for standing at the window and keeping a look-out for it as it comes around the corner. When he spots it, I get a,"Bye, Mom! Love you!" as he bolts out the door.
Sometimes there is strife during this process, sometimes none, but we all know what's happening next, so it usually goes fairly smoothly.
I have to add that I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I don't have the added stress of getting myself going in the morning. My 17 yo handles himself.
BPQW39547.552337963My son takes his bath at night. I wake up about two hours before him and do my morning routine. Our clothes are ready for the most part prior to him waking up. I still make the decisions on clothes. He doesn't seem to mind at the age of 6.
I wake him up 30 to 40 minutes before he and I have to leave for our schools. I, too have to guide and help him in the mornings with his clothes. We make it a game to see who can get our shoes on first etc. I'm one of the fortunate ones that on most mornings he is pretty easy going. It's the evenings for us that can be tricky.
As for beds we may or may not get them made during the week. This a week point for me. When we have guest or clean sheets the beds are always made. My major thing is making sure laundry in the laundry pile/basket.
As for breakfast he receives his med at breakfast along with his food and milk.
Edbson- I agree with the last poster. I'm impressed. I wish I could be a Sunday night planner. I do good to be a daily planner . At least our clothes are clean for the week.
I've got an ADHD 7 yr old and 9-yr old so I run our house/mornings like a drill sergeant--or it all falls apart. I work at the same school as my children, so we all have to walk out the door at the same time, which means I am getting ready at the same time they are (sometimes with husbands help, but he travels a lot so I am often alone in the mornings.)As incentive, reward, we use the chip system--poker chips are rewarded to reinforce positive behavior. Chips can be cashed in each day for TV time, computer time, staying up late, etc... Noncompliance has natural consequences (no chip, go to school with unbrushed hair or teeth), or if they are really holding things up in getting the family out the door on time, they loose a privlege (like reading in bed).
The night before, EVERYTHING is done, including showers/baths. I cannot fathom the idea of getting my children to bathe in the mornings and be on time!
1. Clothes are picked out--shoes, socks, underwear. Shoes are even untied to make sure that doesn't interfere. No changes allowed.
2. Backpacks, coats/sweaters are put together with homework, library books, snacks, lunch, etc... or whatever extas are needed for field trips.
3. I set the table for breakfast, put out meds, (although the cat ran off with the Concerta one night--that god she didn't swallow it.), and ask kids what they want for breakfast--no changes allowed the next day.
That morning, we follow the SAME routine every day and rely heavily on timers.
1. Wake up kids an hour ahead, put on a kitchen timer. They have 15 minutes to get dressed (including socks and shoes) and get down to breakfast. If they make it in time, they are rewarded with a chip. In that time, they must get dressed and make their beds-no exceptions, I have unmade bed issues.
We now wake up my daughter 15 minutes earlier because she has such a hard time waking up. It lets her ease into the day.2. They take meds right at breakfast--before it can ruin their appetite.
3. They get 20-30 minutes to finish breakfast, also using a timer. If they get done before the timer, they earn another chip.
4. Brush teeth after breakfast.
5. If they finish on time/early, they get to play card games with Dad, or I might reward them with a few minutes of TV time. Otherwise they usually just read, play with the cats, etc... while they wait for Mom to finish getting ready.
Most mornings it goes fine, but we still have mornings when my daughter is so "out of it" that getting her to eat breakfast takes an act of Congress.
Momtotwo39548.0117708333Wow!! Bins with a weeks worth of clothes? We should be so organized-- what a great idea! We do try to have dd pick out her own clothes the night before and it helps. the beds aren't high on our priority lists. It seems that the no matter what the routine consicts of, sticking with the routine each day every day works best for us. DD doesn't shift gears or take to changes that well-- pretty typical. Wow!! Bins with a weeks wor.....
[QUOTE=Momtotwo]
The night before, EVERYTHING is done, including showers/baths. I cannot fathom the idea of getting my children to bathe in the mornings and be on time!
1. Clothes are picked out--shoes, socks, underwear. Shoes are even untied to make sure that doesn't interfere. No changes allowed.
2. Backpacks, coats/sweaters are put together with homework, library books, snacks, lunch, etc... or whatever extas are needed for field trips.
3. I set the table for breakfast, put out meds, (although the cat ran off with the Concerta one night--that god she didn't swallow it.), and ask kids what they want for breakfast--no changes allowed the next day.
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I was laughing at the *Cats got the concerta* comment! I dropped one of Ryans Vyvanse one morning and spent a good deal of time searching as we have 4 cats and I was so worried someone would eat it!! LOL
Also COMPLETELY agree with you on baths/showers..NO way in the world would Ryan be able to shower and get ready for school! Id have to wake the boy up at 5 am!!!!!!!
YOU have a great routine and its very similiar to mine..except for the bed..doesnt bother me one bit!!
jacks889739548.2624305556I give a lot of five minute reminders. My 12 year old has requested awake up with a 5 minute window to get out of bed. Because our
mornings are quite early, my husband still moves my almost 10 year old
along with getting dressed and brushing teeth. Once they are downstairs
and eating breakfast, I give reminders (which work better some days than
others).
We always have the backpacks at the door the night before.
If things run smoothly then they have time for a poptart - yes, dessert at
breakfast - I am so proud! I try to assuage my guilt by buying the new
whole grain ones.
Edbson - A whole week's worth of clothes on Sunday! I'm impressed! I
guess you're not one of those undiagnosed parents like some of us. LOL.
wagst5 is right. I also take a huge BREATH when youngest gets on the bus. I am NOT super organized either, it's a great feat that we're finally in a groove now in April (school year about to end!). We have LOTS of bumpy mornings, but by this point in the year I am proud to say the mornings that involve tears are rare
. To me, no screaming and no tears means success! We're certainly not the Brady bunch........................(am I dating myself again)
Yeah, it really is about personality type!And I would just love to be one of those more relaxed, laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of moms. Instead, I put the "A" in Type A, as you can see from my post.
I just can't function any other way. Don't let the organization fool you though. "Smooth" really is a relative word. Like Diane, Wagst5 and others, we still have bumpy mornings with screaming and tears cause I ain't no Carol Brady either!!
Speaking of the Brady Bunch--don't laugh at me--I actually use this with my kids to teach social skills. (I could do an entire thread on this topic) A friend was telling me how much her kids love it so I bought season 1 and my kids LOVE it. We have all 5 seasons now and watching it as an adult, I am amazed at how much character education is built into these shows! There is family dynamics, conflict resolution, sibling rivalry, peer pressure, teasing, bullying, etc.... It's great for my NLD daughter and I use specific episodes as reference to current events--ex: DS, you are being a stinker like Bobby was that time he.... I use Little House on the Prarie for this as well. I can stop my kids in their tracks by telling them they are acting like Nellie or Willie Olsen. (I also use the occasional Draco Malfoy reference to help teach my son the meaning of acting like a jerk.) We also reference the good stuff as well and it tickles me to hear my daughter say "Mom, this [situation] is just like when Marsha...." or "I want to be as smart as Mary Ingalls."
Brady Bunch rocks--cheese and all!
Momtotwo39549.2477893519I think everyone can agree that having a routine is the most important thing. Different routines work better for different kids, but the important thing is for them to know what to expect, and for there to be no surprises. I have five kids with four different bus schedules. The teenagers get up on their own(I refuse to get out of bed at 5 just because they insist it takes two hours to get ready for school). If my son forgets his alarm, or wakes up late, and doesnt follow his shower, eat, get dressed, eat again routine, it really messes him up for the day. My youngest two, both on the daytrana patch, are the last two on the bus, and fortunately I dont even have to get them up until the rest are out the door, which gives me time just to focus on them. They hate being cold in the morning, so if they are moving along as they should, I pop their clothes in the microwave (sounds crazy) so they are warm when they put them on. If they are being difficult and we get behind, they know we skip that. It's amazing how well they respond to little things.....
WHOA!
Everyone's mornings seem to go much smoother than ours. I am NOT a morning person, so there's ONE strike already. Will doesn't like to be told what to do, , strike two.
Something else will usually go wrong and then we strike out. I then tell my DH to hurry up and get them to school! 
I always feel guilty afterwards but nothing we've tried seems to work, unless Will wants it to.
Willsmama~
Well, if it makes you feel any better, it depends how you want to define "smooth".
Let me tell you, when that last child gets on the bus, I have to stand there for a moment, and thank god I made it through one more morning!! My idea of a good morning is one where they all made it, fully clothed, fed, and with their meds. That doesnt mean that the words "stop it, quit it, settle down" (and every once in awhile a "shut up!!") hasnt come out of my mouth more than a dozen times. Once in awhile, the inevitable meltdown happens also, and that just makes me feel terrible for the rest of the day too.....
The best I can do is to keep it easy and simple in the morning. I would love to be one of those organized people with lists, and systems, and consequences and rewards, but I realize that I will never be like that. (I'm lucky if I can find them clothes for the day....let alone the week!) So, the easier I keep it for me, the easier it is for them. Yes, I am the one usually putting breakfast dishes in the sink and dirty clothes in the hamper(and my mother tells me that I am not teaching my kids anything about responsibility), but I figure, thinking about the day ahead for a child with ADHD is probably stressful enough...... I'd rather do some things myself and let them focus on being kids. Besides, they can make up for it on the weekends
"MOMTOTWO" Will you please live with me???
My dd is really into the reruns of Full House - which is the 80's version of the Brady Bunch. Hehehe. My dd can be very negative, so I often make Sponge Bob references by calling her Squidward ... hehehe. If she is grumpy or crabby I say, 'Oh okay Squidward.' This usually gets the point across that she's being a bit too negative.
As for morning routines - I find I will have to change things up every once in a while. The chart will work for a month or two and then fall by the wayside. So we try other stuff and might come back to a chart again. I found that there has been huge improvement over the last 3 years. The older she gets the easier it gets. We still have some really bad days - like the time she sat naked and crying on the couch because she had nothing to wear that would please her - and I am standing with my coat and keys ready to leave But those days are fewer now.
MORNINGS HERE ARE TOO MUCH! MY SON WILL DO NOTHING ALL MORNING. I LAY OUT HIS CLOTHES, HE EATS, TAKES HIS MEDS AND THEN ARGUES TILL HE LEAVES. NO FUN. I WISH MORNINGS WERE MORE PLEASUREABLE AROUND HERE. IT IS OUR ONLY BAD TIME OF THE DAY! WE HAVE NO REBOUND HE SLEEPS WELL AND EATS A LITTLE(A PROBLEM) BUT WE ARE WORKING ON IT. WE ARE ON VYVANSE 30 MG, ZOLOFT 25 MG, AND MELATONIN TO SLEEP.
That makes me feel a little better.. But every morning here is a battle no matter what we do. All he has to do is put his clothes on, they are already out for him, eat, we will make him whatever he wants, brush his teeth, I comb his hair and pack his lunch/snack.
And every single morning, I end up yelling at him at least once, and that's a good day. He seems like he just has to have his daily dose of yelling. Like Bill Cosby used to say, the kid seems to thrive on "a beating". (no flaming, I don't beat him, it's just an expression)
I will say that one day this week, he did everything and we didn't have to yell. I told DH, quick, get him to school before he loses it!! 
I told my girls (5 and 9 & both adhd) they have a specific breakfast to pick from - e.g. Monday is cereal, Tuesday is toast or bagel, Wednesday is waffles or french toast, etc. - which was working great until I hear them singing yesterday "Dad is great -he gives us chocolate cake" - (from BIll Cosby) apparently my husband let them eat choc. brownies for breakfast while i was in the shower - he said he just couldn't deal with the yelling, crying etc. for one moring
I wish I had an "Alice" from the Brady Bunch!
What my childs OT did was make a morning chart which did help. Use pictures of what you want the child to do or the words and they can check things off as they go.