Advice on my son | ADHD Information

  Can anyone give advice on this problem I am having with my son? His friend likes to get him in trouble. I started seeing this a while back and last weekend we were at a function for scouts and they were running around a trails well the owner raised his voice to them which I agree they could get seriously hurt I was fine with the discipline. The problem was my son does not always hear you the first time especially when he is excited. The other boy was much quicker to realize this was going on and he just turned around and left my son to take the blame. Then on monday at the scout meeting there was an incident with a pincone being thrown and he came in very angry with my son saying he threw it. Then the next thing he does is start crying telling his mom that it really hurt and there must have been ice in it. As he is doing all this  he is looking at me straight in the eye. He was crying telling his mom he needs stitches and going on. Other things like this have happen before and I ignored it because I think he likes to see me get on my sons back for stuff. After the meeting I asked my son why he threw a pincone at him and he was all confused and said he did not do it. He did not know what happen. My son is by all means no angel. He after all has adhd, I don't think my son was lying because he was shocked, and confused if he was lying I could tell he would have tried to cover up like I did not mean to hit or whatever. I am good friends with his mom and I don't think this would go over well if I tried to tell her what I feel is going on. If any one know who Eddie Haskell is well this boy is a prime example he is all sweet to teachers, and parent but I have seen him with kids.  I am sure he is adhd also but his parents would not even accept my opinion. My son is not a very social butterfly and does not have a ton of friend so he tends to like people who probably are not the best influence just to have friends.

Ann

 

We just got home from a scouting event and again a bad day. This time I caught him and spoke up. First the boys were told what group they were in some went to the sheriff car and the others were fingerprinted. The boys were told not to go out until their group was ready. But of course some went out so I told them to go back in side well the boy who is giving my son a hard time went in and told his mother and she said go back out.  Any way I went out and heard him tell another boy Andrew did that and I looked and it was a crushed can. My son was no where around. I  told him look he is not here what do you mean he did that. O it was the last  time we were here he said. Well I told him I am on to you and you better lay off.

Funny thing is I picked them up to go there because they are good friends and when he got out he made a point to say to me OH BYE. He was so sweet about it.We will see how tomorow night goes!!!!

hi just wanted to say my daughter is 6 and there are 2 other children in her class that are just a buisy as her and she i drawn to them they get into trouble every day and because my daughter is the new one in the class she gets the blame i have had both set of parents coming up to me saying since your daughter has come to this school she has caused nothing but trouble there children are perfect which must be nice ha! ha! if only but i have asked to teacher not to leave them play together but they just continue to play and have a love hate relationship thay either get on or fight i wish they weren't in the samw class so come september i hope they change class but is really funny how they are drawn to one a other perhaps the other children like getting your son into trouble because some children are cruel. I have to agree with trying to minimize contact. Foster positive friendships. You dont have to cut the friendship off, or get into a big thing with the mother. Sometimes relationships (adult and child) just need to "cool off" for a bit.  So for scouts when they have to be together fine, but try to minimize extra playing time. Encourage other playdates.

Thank you everyone, As I said my son is no angel and does not need help getting in trouble it is how you said you want to go over and smack him in the head. We have both said they are like brothers get along one minute and the next hate eachother. I have decided that when he starts something I will not look at him and I am not going discipline my son  in front of him. The funny thing is my husband was friends with this boys uncle when they were younger and somewhat of the same situation went on.

I am so sensitive when it comes to my children. I wish i could let thing roll off my back but they struggle so much and  it makes me upset.

Pippy I have 2 older girls and when they were in elementary school I found girls to be so mean. I understand where you are comming from.

 

I don't have any advice for you becasue I haven't relly dealt with that but I do know about the struggles with social issues and it's so hard sometimes.  We just want our kids to be happy.  I hope someone here can help you.  Just know that oyu are not alone.

There will be children that will clash with your child, bring out the worst, etc.  Not to say your son is innocent, but there are children that just tend to play off each other.  My son in 5th grade has one particular friend like that.  I just try to minimize his contact with this child, and point out the issues to my son.  I try to explain what happened and how some people aren't good for him, and encourage other friendships. 

Once your son realizes what is happening, he may be better able to defend himself to others and prevent issues from arising.

Oh my... my son has the same exact friend at school. like someone else said, just teach YOUR son not to be around that kid. Try to encourage other friendships, which can be hard, as even my son does not want to be friends with many people. But after this boy trying to get my son in trouble so many times, and wanting to go over there and smack him in his head, I talked to my son about what i saw. My son agreed with me and he has chosen not to be around this boy. There are still times when they CAN play nicely, but my son knows once the other boy starts being mean, my son will ignore him or pull himself out of the situation.

I also can't talk to the boy's parent, as we work together and she likes to think her son is an angel. But this boy provokes my son to the point where my son will stick his tongue at the other boy, or calls him stupid, and then the boy comes running to me or his mom saying oh... he called me stupid. Luckily his mom will at least say well, you guys have a weird relationship, one day you hate each other, the next you love each other.

If you are good friends, you could try to present it in a "joking" sort of manner. You could say to her next time, oh those boys, they always seem to be getting in each others hair. One moment they are friends, the next they don't like each other. Say it, but laugh it off and make a joke of it so she is not intimidated or offended by your remarks. I have found this to be somewhat useful when it comes to my son. "there they go again" with a laugh...

Hope that helps you!Did you actually see what had happened for if you did or do point it out and confront the trouble maker.  It is sad because our children have ADHD the blame falls on them.  Like other said to limit the contact maybe for cubscouts can he go into another troup next year. unfortunately there is only one troup for each grade level. I spoke to the leader and she said the same thing if I see him starting trouble confront him and she would watch out for my son. She also has a hard time with him but he also kisses up to her. His dad is in the military and he is very strict and I feel he is doing it because he gets spoken to often at home and this is his way of feeling better, seeing someone else get disciplined. They are in the same class at school and I asked him everyday this week if he was nice and he said yet I think he does it in front of me so I will punish him. I am on to him and that will change.

twingle 9098:  i know of a boy (from class) and a girl who do the same thing to my son.  one makes up actual lies and the other pesters him so much that when he does respond, she's off telling me and her mom all about it.

my son has learned to ignore his friend's lies and the teacher (thankfully) now understands what is going on and does not try to drag my son into the discussion about "what happened".

as for the girl, i'm trying to teach my son to ignore her nonsense as we feel she is trying to be the "center of attention", whether it be positive or negative.

sounds like your son's friend is vying for attention as well -- i try to teach my children that friends should make you feel happy inside, not tense or on edge about what they'll say or do next...i don't think these are healthy relationships and best left to "cool down" as others have said.