Need Help! Kicked out of daycare! | ADHD Information

texasadhdmom, try calling a local childrens hospital. Sometimes going to a large place you will get a comprehensive evaluation with all the specialists in one place. The biggest issue with these places is usually the wait time for an appointment, but since he is young you've got some time on your hands. Maybe being home with him will be good for him, less transitions, Mom is going to need some breaks , but a positive environment without so much stimulation may be helpful for you to pursue your behavior plan.

 

Texas Mom, we have walked the same path!  I, too, am from TX.-Houston- and dealt with moves from daycare after daycare due to my son's inability to "control" himself.  Naptime was the hardest at his last daycare (before we had him diagnosed).  They were required to sit still/ be quiet for 1.5 hours!  It was tortorous for my son, so we set up a "system" where he was allowed to use headphones with stories.  We also used the marble system which all helped some but he was still impulsive and was in time-out in one form or fashion almost daily. The final straw was when I picked him up from daycare and all the kids ran up to me and said, "Blake was bad today."  As we were walking to the car he had tears in his eyes and told me, "Everyday I try to tell my brain to do a good job and be good, but my body won't let me!" 

We took him to a cognitive specialist at 4 yrs., and she tested him- Gifted and very ADHD.  As a school counselor, I've always counseled parents as to the benefits of medication, but when it's your OWN child and you see all the dangers and side effects...well...we were hesitant and my husband was completely against it.  It took us 6 months of diets, oils, food diaries-none of which worked- for us to "try out" meds- but only on a trial basis.  The first day was incredible.  They put him on 5 mg. of Focalin and we saw instant result within the first 1/2 hour.  The school noticed immediately as well.  Though we are currently dealing with side effects (weight loss/ anxiety), it has been the best move for him socially, behaviorally, and emotionally!  For us, it has been a Godsend to our relationship with our son.  Though not perfect, I finally feel like I have a good mother/son relationship whereas before, it was full of stress, discipline, and lots of yelling on my part.  I still yell, but not NEARLY as much!  So much for all of the counseling classes and years of experience...I now know God gave me my son w/ ADHD to help me be a better and more sensitive school counselor and advocate to parents and their children who are faced with a diagnosis and treatment! 

I forgot to add, I "resigned" my position as school counselor (after 15 yrs) to come home and be a stay at home with my children.  My ADHD son was a big part of that decision, and I haven't regretted it one day.  I'm getting ready to release him to public Kinder and I want to spend every free moment "catching up" with my boy and building a relationship that was PRE-MEDICATIONS discouraged by my constant need to discipline and "keep on top of things."3toons thank you for that insight!
Luckily I did find someone in my church that has been studying to get
her special education certificate and works with children like mine in
schools everyday as a substitute teacher. She gave me info for a local
Children's Hospital and said that they do have programs for children and
parents of children with ADHD.

We have also noticed that our son is most likely gifted, and have tried
many variations on his diet, and I can understand what your son (3toons)
said about wanting to be good but his body doing something different.
My son would be shouting "I want to take a nap" during his naptime
tantrum, but the teachers just couldn't figure out why he just wouldn't
take a nap. I have seen, and so has his psychologist, signs of depression
in him. He just feels like the "bad" kid and knows in certain situations
that he's just going to fail every time. That's heartbreaking as a parent to
watch him go through that.

Right now we're just praying we get to work with a specialist that will
monitor any medication they decide to give him and do all the necessary
tests. But I am definitely ready to be a stay-at-home Mom and work with
him 100% and build a positive relationship with him! Lately I feel like I am
always disappointed with him, "keeping on top of things", and constantly
telling him the same things over and over again and getting to the point
of yelling and just ending up exhausted. I don't want that relationship, I
don't want to be the bad guy!

Thanks again for all of your advice and stories!! I finally feel like we are
now on the path to a more positive tomorrow with our son!!i can understand why your husband wants to fight it, but if you guys educat yourselves about the meds and what they can do for your child, i think he would have a different vew.

I to was against it, until i knew more and the benefit it gave the kids with ADHD, once you have found the one that works for your child, the benifits are incedible, i always say "you need to do what ever it takes for your child to succeed in life"  My dd takes concerta and had difficulties at school, now she is doing great, I'm sure other moms that have been in the same situation can give you tones of info on what to do, in the meantime hang in there.


Here is my answer: I could have written this.  When my son was 2 I knew he had ADHD.  NO ONE WOULD LISTEN TO ME!  They do not do a true "diagnosis" I was told until they are 6ish.
HOWEVER, my dr. understood that I needed a break or I was going to kill my child.  So, he was willing at 4 to prescribe something to help him calm down.
My son's father FOUGHT ME TOOTH AND NAIL.
I was unable to give him medicine until I threatened a lawsuit once we tried EVERY OTHER THERAPY.  Changing his diet, etc.  He was forced by my son's father to FAIL at school FIRST before trying medication.
Pity, as no child should be forced to FAIL before they SUCCEED.
Keep calling around to other drs.  There will be one who will see you, understand, and prescribe meds.
They will NOT diagnose ADHD yet.  But us mothers KNOW.

P.S. My son chews on anything he can get into his mouth to this day.  I NEVER found any behavioral therapies to be of any use.  Would you give a child with a cold, behavioral talk?  No, you would give them their medication.  To me, it is no different.
Yme!39559.6997800926Oh, I know what you are going through! It sounds like you are really
struggling with your son's behavior and so is he. It may seem hard to
believe right now, but things will get better as he matures. If he has
ADHD, he will be 20-30% behind his peers in maturity (probably all of his
life).

Most doctors do not want to prescribe meds for kids under 6 because
they have not been tested on kids so young. (I believe that is what I
read.)

When my now 6 year old dd was 4, it was rough. (Her entire babyhood
and toddlerhood was rough!) I remember going to her preschool (half
day) with butterflies in my stomach, afraid to hear whose hair she pulled
or that she hit a kid with a block, or that she ran into the parking lot, etc,
etc.

It sounds like you are trying all you can to help him. Sometimes it just
takes time, as well. My dd does take meds, and she started them at 5,
because I wanted her to succeed in kindergarten. (What alarmed me was
that she had choked a kid at camp because he wouldn't let her play with
him. That started the diagnostic ball rolling.) Much of our children's
misbehavior is due to poor impulse control. Their brains are unable to
inhibit impulses as well as "normal" brains. So much is beyond their
control but that does not mean it can be excused. I have had great
success with 1-2-3 Magic. Also, dd is doing a lot better since she has
matured some and is on appropriate meds.         & nbsp;    

Just a thought...can you enroll your son in the public school prek? I
moved my daughter out of her private preschool and that was a good
decision. (She qualified because she had a speech delay and was adopted
from a foreign country. Prek is not mandated so kids that are considered
high risk get first dibs.) Best of luck to you and your son! Come here for
support and advice. This is a great place.     

Yes, many of us know what you are going through because we have been there. My son is 5 and was diagnosed at in September. He is in Kindergarten. I knew when he was 3 and in preschool that something wasn't right, and I suspected ADHD. My son is medicated for now, with great results.

As far as the chewing, do a search for "Sensory Chewy Tubes", then go to Ebay to purchase them. They have been a godsend for my son's sensory input.

Good Luck, and don't give up

Hi Texasadhdmom. Don't fight your husband. Tell him you know he wants what is best for your son and that you want to take him to a specialist and will follow the specialist's advice if he says to medicate for a month. If your husband can see the change he will come around. My son started meds at 4 1/2 and it was a complete turnaround the very first day.

Just get through this time period. Talk to your pastor or pediatrician. Let your husband join this forum and voice his concerns if possible.

We are all here for you.

My son was also kicked out of day care...which was also difficult for me because my other four children had gone there for years.  He had many episodes starting when he was about 4.  Biting, hitting, even once putting his hands around another childs neck.  And I had no clue how to discipline him.  The last straw was when during nap time, my son was "playing with himself".  Talk about embarrassing....I wanted to die!
I was called in to a private meeting where they told me for the safety of the other children, he had to leave.  And they suggested I took him to counseling, because maybe he had been sexually abused when he was younger. 

I did take him to a pediatrician, and he was diagnosed with ADHD.  I was very much against meds in the beginning, but I realized it was something that was necessary for him to succeed.  He is 8 now, and is an A student.  

My son was diagnosed at 5 in Kindergarten.  I had suspected issues with ADHD at around 3 as well.  He is one of those kids that won't necessarily initiate impulsive behavior but identify and amplify behavior and is thus the first one to get caught.  My son is a sweet little guy though but had problems in preschool.  He was kicked out of Kindergarten in the middle of the year.  Although we were able to renegotiate him staying, the scars were still there for all of us.   Tomorrow we are going in for a 504 meeting to see if some accommodations can be made.  I am unsure if the 504 plan is used in preschool however.

He was put on Focalin at first.  It was like night and day.  Our stress levels rapidly decreased.  He was able to process things more efficiently.  I have a degree in Behavioral Psychology and some course work in education My entire degree and education are lost on my son.  Right out the window.  I firmly believe that medication is very helpful, especially at a younger age when children are learning social nuances and interactions. 

Medication does not mean there is any psychological deficiencies, it is only to even the playing field.  ADHD is physiological and the medications treat the physiological issues, not psychological.  Behavior modification helps the child and caregivers adapt to the effects of the manifestations of the ADHD.  

All of these replies have helped so much. I really think my husband has
finally come around and is willing to "take the next step" after he heard
what happened today.

And chinamom - I am going to be a stay-at-home Mom now (was
suppossed to start next week, but alas, plans have changed) and enrolling
him in a PreK program where we live would be out of the question - we
live in a very bad neigborhood with a very bad public school system
(almost innercity). So I do think that me being at home with him could
benefit him if we start on any meds - as I will be able to monitor
everything and address any concerns (and educate myself about meds in
the meantime).

I also have been looking to find a pediatric psychiatrist rather than
working with his psychologist - as punkin's mom kind of confirmed my
theory that behavioral therapy might not work for all children with ADHD.
I have known there was something a little "off" about him at about 2
years old, and some days it still feels like we are in our Terrible Two's still
- so I can see that immaturity that you bring up.

Thank you so much for all of your feedback and stories! None of our
friends or family have a child like ours, so it's been difficult for me to
cope with raising him, so your input has been amazing!

I'll keep you updated. Thanks again
texasadhdmom39559.8981712963Good luck with what ever your decision turns out to be. Remeber you can't outlive gods grace. I always new that once I finished college I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Everybody teases me about all my college years for nothing. I have a BA in nursing. A teachering degree and my certification in Ma. But I don't work I am a stay at home mom to my dd 10, jd 8, cj5. Jd is autistic, bipolar, has adhd, odd. This is the best job ever. Jd does not go to school, my other two do. Jd has been a hand ful since he was a baby. I choose to stay home because not only does their dad provide very well for us but I want to be there for them as much as possible ( plus jd can not go to school, public nor private) lol. I think whenever finacially possible it is great when one parent can stay at home. I know this isn't always possible and god bless all working parents. Both my parents worked and I am okay. I think lol. I love staying home because I know not everyone can appreciate jd's specialness and the gifts he brings. It would kill me for some one to mistreat him because they are ignorant and he is special. So keep your head up. If you feel you need to medicate go ahead. If your child had diabetes you would give him insulin right. Well adhd is the same. Good luck keep us posted.
I am new here, but have been reading up on many of the postings for a
few weeks now trying to help my ds (4 1/2 diagnosed ADHD at 4) and
trying to get a better perspective on what to expect as a parent.

Today has been the worst of days. My unmedicated son has been having
trouble at daycare for the past month or two. Nap time seems to be his
trigger - he turns into a complete monster. We've tried behavioural
therapy suggested by our psychologist, but I feel likes it's all to no avail.
Today he was kicked out of his daycare. They had to call me and tell me
he was no longer welcome there anymore, which was hard to do since
they have taken care of him since he was 18 months old. He was sooooo
violent, defiant, loud and disruptive during the naptime towards his
teachers and other classmates. He has kicked other children in the head,
kicked his teachers, calls them stupid, spits, yells, and today he actually
ran out of the room and up and down the halls (apparently the deal
breaker for his daycare). Recently they also brought up concerns about
him obsessively chewing on his clothes, paper, and eating anything off
the floor!

He's been unable to benefit from any behaviour therapy, doesn't care
about the punishment, doesn't seem to be motivated by ANY rewards
(tried something similar to the Ogram marble thing, and everything else
under the sun).
His bad behaviour is across the board too - he acts up at home, daycare,
and church, pretty much any situation you put him in.

I feel like I am losing him!! I feel like he is slipping away from me and I'll
never get him back.

I think the next step is medication, but my husband still wants to fight it.
I have read so many success stories on here and almost all involve
medication of some sort for the severe cases.

Can anyone empathize with me? Has anyone here experienced this?
I know in my heart he's got ADHD - and possibly some other combination
of neurological problems, but his Clinical Psychologist won't believe many
of the things I say are symptoms of something and doesn't think young
children like him can be diagnosed.

I can't stand to see my son live his life with this and not be able to help
him. We tell him what we expect before any situation, keep it short and
simple, he repeats it back, and then fails misserably every time in every
situation.

I even called the local Neuropsychology Center here in the city and they
told me "NO" they wouldn't be able to help with that and referred me to
another psychologist who only focuses on behaviour training with young
adults?!!

I am in tears as I write this, and hope that anyone out there can offer
some guidance or share their similar story.