Does your child have a best friend? | ADHD Information
Hi,My 6 year old son who is in kindergarten loves school and is thriving.
Although his teacher says he is well-liked by all of the kids in his class,
he has not made that one best friend or great buddy. When we go to
school, kids say hello to him and, overall, he seems happy. He has also
only had one playdate request during this past year and he was never
asked back, for some reason.
I'm trying to line up more playdates for him, but I emailed two of the
moms in class for playdates (I know them fairly well) but they haven't
even responded. I'm not sure what to do about this? My son is not asking
for playdates not does he complain that he doesn't have a good buddy at
school. It's me that is concerned! He is fairly outgoing, but definitely has
a shy side in new situation. There are also no kids in our neighborhood
for him to play with. He has younger brothers so I think he's just fine
playing with them.
Any advice as to how I should get more playdates/friends for him? Do I
ignore the fact that the moms didn't even write back? Do I ask them if
they got my message? How do I get my son more involved socially?
Thanks so much!
Try getting him involved in cub scouts, soccer or baseball. That will give him a social network and in time he will develop some friendships.
My son is 12 and never really had a lot of friends. Everyone knew him and was friendly. He has in the last couple of years developed friendships with 2 boys and one girl. They are all 12. The boys were all born within 6 months of each other (June, August and November). The girl is the youngest of them (April). These kids all live within a block of us which makes it great, because they can walk back and forth.
Give it time, it will happen.
I am having this same problem (see 12 year old lacks attachments). It bothers me too - way more than my son. Right now I'm so pissed at the self centered parents who don't even have the grace to reply to you. One thing I am noticing is that mine gets along better with boys 2 years younger. Maybe your's would too? It's kind of hard to have a best friend when you're not in the same grade but at least at age 6 it might be okay. Sigh. It doesn't help to have to deal with all the challenges of adhd plus other people's selfishness.My son has developed better friendships since I pulled him out of the public school system. I don't know if that really has made the difference or it just happened.
I think another thing that works against our children developing friendships is the way the world has become. Children do not have the freedom that we had as children. I was kicked out the house and told to be home in time for dinner. I was free to roam the neighborhood as a kid. And when we lived near relatives in Washington state, all the cousins spent time together, I didn't have any outside friends. I remember going to work with my parents when it was apple picking season at 10 or 11 to earn money for the Fair.
Parents are with their children all the time because of fear and I think sometimes they are making the judgement calls that their children should be making about friends. Everyone is afraid of a child going missing.
I always hated that don't talk to stranger program. Sometimes you have to talk to a stranger to get directions or help. I always felt it was an extreme reaction, overboard. I taught my daughter to be careful and sometimes you had to talk to strangers.
My son's best friend at school he met on the bus and is a grade above him. He's not close to anyone in his classes. He does have close friends at his daycare. It took him a good 3-4 months to get close to them, though.I worry about this. My son is 13. He has always had "school friends" meaning kids he would call his friends at school. He was rarely ever invited to social events. He never invites kids over, or goes to others homes. He doesn't seem to mind, although I mind. I think it isn't natural. He is starting to realize that if he doesn't make it happen: it isn't going to. This week his friend wants to go to a local place for 4 hours for the kids to do putt putt golf and rides? I am nervous. My son is much less mature than his "age." I also worry about strangers as they seem stranger these days. I am sure that the freaks are here, just like when we were kids, except now the TV just talks about it more. Who knows. I called the mother of the kid he wants to hang out with on Sunday. So far, no return call from her.
I need a drink I think.
My son is the same way, He did not have a best friend but the teachers told me everyone likes him. Well he became friends with a boy a few houses away. I tried to let them have a friendship untill they got into mischief everytime he came over. I had to tell the boy he could not come over any more alot of circumstances other than mischief. The influence he had on my son was not good. Then along came another boy and I thought this is great I was friends with his mom and this would be a good match. Well I was wrong this boy has alot of anger issues and he would blame my son for things he did not do. I noticed my son being angry when he got home from school. I even caught him telling lies about my son.
Two weeks ago I had a pet and the teacher told me he has become good friend with his reading buddy, the boy is 2 yeas older. I am a little worried but I met the boy and they played great together. You would never know he is 12 they are the same size and they have the same interests. He even told my son to stay away from the first friend because he was not a good kid. I hope this works out but I am watching carefully. Both boys have reading issues. I believe he acts younger than he is and my son does also. I hope they are a good match.
Does anyone have these issues with girls or is this a boy thing????
Will is almost 9 and still doesn't have a good buddy. Everyone likes him, but he doesn't get invited to sleep overs or play dates of any sort. It really breaks my heart but he doesn't seem to notice much. He had his first sleep over a few weeks ago but they haven't invited him over yet.
But then again, I worry what will happen if he does get invited over. Will he be so excited that they cannot control him? what about his meds?
I'm trying to just not let it bother me so much.
my son with adhd is 8 years old. he doesn't really have a best friend either. he had one in kindergarten and first grade but they both moved away. he has never been invited for a sleepover and has never had a play date. he has tons of friends at school and on his sports teams, but none very close. it does worry me at times, but he doesn't complain very often. his sisters (who are 12 and 14) are constantly going to friends homes and having friends over. he spends a lot of time playing with the dog when he is at home. for the most part he is around kids his age during school and sports and is definitely not an outsider. my goal is to be patient and be in prayer about God placing someone in his life that can be an awesome friend. I'll chime in the girl perspective...My 13 year old daughter (not add) has one best friend. They have been friends since 2nd grade. Aside from her BF, she rarely does things with the other kids in her class. She is social with them at school, but outside of school, she has very little in common with them. She is BIG into horseback riding (rides 5-6 days a week and competes) and is not at all interested in the more typical teenage girl stuff. To keep her a little more connected with girls in her class, she does play soccer and basketball on the school team.
My 11 year old daughter (adhd) has a couple of good friends - one she has known since K and another that's be her BF since 2nd grade. She has a couple of other girls she hangs out with at recess and does stuff with them occasionally. She too plays sports at school as well and is social with most of the kids in her class because she has know most of them since K. If you put her in a situation with kids she doesn't know, she gets very stressed out and anxious. This is something that caused a tremendous amount of stress on the basketball team played on this fall/winter. It took her 3/4 of the season to feel comfortable with her team.
As a kid growing up, I was the odd girl out most of the time. I was always the youngest in my class, not very good a sports and always picked last for things. In the middle school years, I never really had a best friend. I am thankful that my girls have the two good friends they do. I just hope nothing every comes between them as it would be really really difficult for them.
HorseMom39565.8549537037
Per Twingle, I don't know that it's really an ADHD thing, but more of just an individual kid thing and/or an environment thing. My son is 5yo and does have a best friend at school, who is another boy in his class. He also likes to play with several of the other boys. Now he is into having "girlfriends" and says he has about 4 or 5 of them.
When he was in daycare, pre-diagnosis, he had trouble making friends with the boys and really only had one girl he liked to play with. She of course moved, then he found another little girl he liked to play with. He was pretty miserable in this environment so we ended up taking him out.
Again, preschool was a night and day difference on the friend front. I also prefer the parents at the preschool to the daycare, so that may make a difference, too.
I wouldn't stress over best friendships when they're young if they seem to get along well with other kids. And don't overanalyze a lack of e-mail response -- e-mail is so not personal and easy to misread. Try talking to another parent at a school event and suggesting a play date there, or making a phone call so you get a response and a reaction. And I agree with trying other activities, such as sports, which can expose your child to new potential friends and help you create new opportunities with other parents.
Good luck!
Does any one thing best friends are rare or this is an adhd thing?
Horsemom my girls are like yours an occasional best friend. They only do swimming in school for a sport and they swim with our local ymca. Most of their friends are from the y! When they were in elementary school they had the most difficult time. It was not till they started swimming did good friends come into play. They would get invited to friends houses but my son barely ever does. All of my children are very shy maybe that is why the problems arise.
Hi,
My dd (inattentive type on Daytranna at school) is 12 and will not pick a best friend. She says it is not fair to pick one BF and exclude the other ones. 
That said she doesn't have a lot of friends. She does Girl Scouts and the girls are not mean but they roll their eyes at my dd. (well, so do I). She has had one good friend since the first day of kindergarden. This girl has many friends so only has so much time for my dd. She has invited my dd for sleepovers.
I worry about it too, but I hope it will work out. At the beginning of this year, she found a friend who was in all her classes but I think she was too clingy and I don't hear much about her anymore. We asked her over many times but she was always "busy".
She has a week of overnight summer camp this year. She did it last year but didn't find a BF but I hope she will have more luck this year.
I only had one or 2 BFs in my school years and I turned out okay. I am keeping my fingers crossed!
I'm speaking as a special ed parapro in classrooms. particularly kindergarten -- that's where it starts. Kids notice and pick up on kids who are "different". Be it special ed, or just general problems like ADHD or being hyper and frankly those kids get ostracized.
I can't tell you the number of special needs parents who have said that their kids aren't invited to birthday parties or sleepovers. I believe it's because these kids (and their parents) lack the understanding of disabilities and kids being different. They go home and tell their parents "Johnny acts bad in class" and so Johnny is left off the guest list. Schools also have their groups of cliques and it starts as early as kindergarten!
Perhaps have an end of the school year party and invite a few kids yourself. Usually, there are at least TWO kids who will go against the norm and try to be friends. Talk to the teacher about this and extend the invitation to them. Talk to the principal or school social worker about peer to peer interactions or friendship group. Sometimes having another child from another class to play games, etc. helps.
The moms of special needs kids in my school meet and have play dates together. If you know of other moms in the school, start a network! Hope this helps!