Unmotivated Highschooler | ADHD Information

Please don't worry about college. When I first met with my son's current psychiatrist, I was all worried that my son would get into college. He told me that most anybody can get into some college these days.

Our kids don't do well with the big picture; take it a day at a time. Get him through high school.

bebop, I agree with you when you say, "Get him through high school." At least in the case of my DS, anyway.

Even though these are tough times for DS academically, I won't tell him college is not a possibility (look how many people have had rough times in HS and afterwards, then have gone onto college in later years and been successful). At the same time, I don't pressure him to decide about college right now, either (he's in the 10th grade).

My son actually wants to go to college. We don't discourage him - ofcourse the obvious would be to say "Well, if you keep failing, not turning in your work, and carry all your stuff around in your pockets, you won't succeed."

But, we try to turn it into a positive and tell him that if he wants to get into college he has to get good grades. To get good grades, he has to start to get organized, take instruction, pass in his work, and study.

He has already experienced the consequences of his current lack of study habits. All his friends are in the honors courses and he wasn't allowed to take any of them. He has to go into the lowest math class and he wasn't allowed to take Latin1 - which he wanted. Ofcourse, he tells me "I don't care, I have friends in the low classes." Well, we shall see.

Motivation is the problem - we aren't sure how much are son's problem is personality and anxiety issues and how much is ADHD. We will be discussing this with the psychiatrist at some point.

What bothers me is that my son's best friend keeps telling him to "get with it," study - you won't be in any of the good classes with me - what's wrong with you.?"

If my son would stop being oppositional, and take instructions, and admit he needed help,we wouldn't need medications (not that he would take them)

In a way, I'm hoping he fails English and has to go to summer school. This will hit home consequences of not studying. I'm not being mean. He has the capacity to get A's in English - he's brilliant. He fails because he doesn't pass in the work, doesn't bother to read his book report books and just plain doesn't study and does the minimum on projects.

He will not like taking summer school with the group of students who usually fail English. He'll put up a front, but I know he won't like it.

It's been a while, but I'm back. My son started 9th grade this year. Middle school was awful. He truly lacks organization and struggles with missing assignments. I was able to get him eligible for special ed and with his IEP his has a study skills class that is supposed to help him keep up with his coursework. It's not working. He's still lacking organization and struggling with missing assignments. In fact, he's failed two classes. I'm getting the same reports from teachers. He's unmotivated.

My son is also oppositional so he refuses to do extra credit or use a planner. He's only doing the bare minimum regarding schoolwork. Of course, he'll talk on the phone to friends, video games etc. It's a constant struggle to get him to do anything.

This weekend, I received a notice from his counselor about summer school and a program that's designed to help kids want to go to community college. I tried talking to him about both -- repeating the classes and the community college program. Besides, I will NOT have him sitting around all summer! He was furious and said he didn't want to go to summer school and could care less about college right now. I became furious but also saddened. Is he just being a typical teenager? Not concerned about college????

Should/Could I possibly waste my money to have him go to summer school? Do I enroll him in this program anyway and face his daily "attitude"? I'm the parent, I'm supposed to know what's best ... but I don't feel that way!

Help!!

Coolmom47: I can offer you support and understanding, as I have a son in the 10th grade (ADHD), who sounds much like your DS.

Was the IEP recently implemented? Also, is he transitioning from middle to high school? Personal observations with my DS are that transitions are hugely difficult. Even my older child (not ADHD) had a rough time transitioning from middle school to high school, then high school to college. However, she has not had to face the setbacks and challenges my son has.

As far as summer school goes, at the end of 9th grade, DS had failed 3 classes; and believe it or not, for years we truly have tried to do everything possible to help this child and continue to do so. Anyway, he was able to do an online course in the summer to pass one class, then the other two classes were repeated in the 10th grade. I thought the summer school would be a nightmare, but since it was only one class, was online, I could monitor him at home, and we received feedback frequently from the instructor, he did well. As you might imagine, he wasn't crazy about doing it, but I prodded him along and he ended up with a B as his final grade.

Just IMHO - I feel the lack of motivation in school and lack of concern about college may be a combination of immaturity and a "defense mechanism" (shutting down or appearing indifferent when feeling overwhelmed). At least that is my observation with my DS.

Don't give up. It can be done. I can see a faint light at the end of our tunnel for my DS and have faith he'll reach it someday; maybe not as soon as his peers but eventually he will get there... This is coming from someone who has been at the end of her rope many times and is still hanging on! Good luck and best wishes.

Hello Coolmom and welcome. When the struggles in life are this challenging and difficult a failure chain results. Unfortunately, those with ADHD do have limitations which prevent them from bringing out their personal best. So much mental energy is used trying that the end results all too often is just giving up. No student wants to fail and no student wants to do badly in school. The child lacks motivation because after being caught in a failure chain he has convinced himself that he can't succeed so why bother trying. If your son is on a downward spiral in high school I doubt he is feeling passionate about going to college at this point in time.

What has been done to help your son manage his symptoms of ADHD? In the absence of effective treatment, the frustration and struggles as the child gets older become overwhelming and when that happens the child begins to shut down. What appears to be oppositional behavior is actually the behavior of one who feels totally defeated. Your also dealing with hormonal issues due to age which makes things that much harder for all concerned. However, your son is a typical teen becasue talking on phones, having friends and playing video games is so much more fun than school work and being responsible

What you need to address first and foremost and getting your son help in terms of managing the symptoms of ADHD. These children have so much potential and can do very well when given the right tools. Special classes or repeating classes will do absolutely nothing for the ADHD child who is not getting effective treatment because ADHD is not an academic problem. They dont have learning problems but rather a problem with learning due to lack of focus. I'm so sorry to hear that your poor boy had such a struggle in middle school and now high school. He doesn't want to fail. He just doesn't know how to get out of such a failure chain.

There is a lot of help out there. What interventions have you explored in the past and when was your child first diagnosed? As parents we try our best but unfortunately we dont have a crystal ball. Hang in there. So many here have been through this journey and are more than willing to share their wisdom with you :)

Luvmykids0239565.9125115741

(hugs) I know exactly what you are going through - I could have written your post.

I can't offer must advise but just some moral support. My son has been diagnosed with possible ADHD innatentive but is also very opposistional - which is his major problem.

He does what he wants when he wants. He won't take medication - he insists he doesn't have a problem. He is currently seeing a psychiatrist who is wonderful and has been able to get him through the 8th grade. We are holding our breath right now because he may have to go to summer school - he has to pass Math and English right now. He's got a high IQ but failing grades. He has problems with organization but insists he can organize He is the messiest kid and all his teachers say his biggest problem is organization. Ofcourse, my kid gets oppositional and refuses to take the suggestions to help him.

All I can say is don't give up. Trying to find what motivates our kids is the toughest thing. I wouldn't even worry about college right now. I'd just worry about the current grade and current semester.

There is a lot of help available but when you have oppositional kids - like us - they sometimes defy the help.

Don't give up.

[QUOTE=Coolmom47]

Help!!

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You sound like me. Lost and helpless. It is so hard to have a child like this. My son is not yet in high school and already hates school and doesn't want to go to college/high school. In my opinion, our children are different. School is EXTRA hard for them. It is set up for them to fail in my opinion. I think ADHD kids should have a TOTALLY different format for learning. I could go on and on here.
Long story short, do you have him on meds?
If not, get him on them.
If he is, does he have some form of a talent or interest that he could turn into a career? There is an inevitable point in life where you may find that your son won't go to college. If this is the case, at least see if there is something else he is good at and could make a living at.
I personally wouldn't make my son go to summer school-unless it was necessary to stay in his grade, or to get his diploma, etc. It will make him hate school even more. How old is he? If he is 16-have him get a job for the summer. He will learn very quickly how much better school is-or he might just learn something.
If he isn't old enough to work this summer, you need to start setting boundaries (actually, this should occur no matter his age.)
When my son is oppositional, he loses privileges. Such as computer and TV, etc. It sucks but he needs to listen to you.
Hope this helps.
P.S. I have already been beating the ear drums about how important college is, all the while knowing my son may not be able to do so.

I can only hope.

Thanks for the responses and support. It really does help to know there I am not alone. I hope to offer my support to you too!! HUG!

[QUOTE=momiss2]Good luck forcing a teen to take medication.[/QUOTE]

Not sure why the child only started needing meds as a teen? Maybe I am missing something here. My point was that if the child had been taking the meds for as long as ADHD has been affecting him, it should have been well drilled into his routine to take them long ago.

In my case, my son wasn't diagnosed until 6th grade. In 4th grade a teacher suggested he may have ADD. We went to a psychiatrist who concluded that he was just a normal "active boy". It didn't come up again until 6th grade when concerns came up about him approaching middle school. Believe it or not, up until 6th grade my son was on the honor roll! Thorough testing was done and it was determined he did have ADHD. All this time I dismissed his messiness and constant losing things to just being "him".

With the middle school environment (more classes, different teachers, tougher curriculum), a psychologist was recommended, but not medication. It wasn't until visiting another psychiatrist in 7th grade that medication was recommended and that's when the fight for taking it began. It seemed then that everything became a swing of an oppositional issue or attention issue.

Again ... his grades ranged from A's to F's. But it was a combination of things which included missing assignments or whether or not he liked the teacher. It was never related to behavior until the last two years. I could be wrong, but I attribute some of that to puberty. He's always been social and had close friends.

So here we are at the first year of high school and the beginning of my story.

natural consequences become extremely beneficial, expecially the older our kids get. These are, of course, more difficult to let happen, but do have a greater impact. We are all doing the best we can, and with uncooperative teens, it is even more difficult.

What helped a little for my son- 17 year old underachiever - was to give him an hour of school work time in his room a night. I didnt' bug him to do the work, all I could do really was provide the opportunity for him to do it. There were consequences for failed tests ( I kept in contact with the school) loss of vid games for a week. I pretty well had a list of what would happen if he didn't hold up his job as a kid: Skipping - no vid games 1 night Failing test- no vid games for a week/ or phone/ or computer. He was monitored daily pretty much and had a short and fair consequence that was given without lecture and nagging. He knew that if he failed he wouldn't have much choice but to go to summer school. He's going to college next year, never was a great student but never failed anything. Overall an okay but different kid. Lifes far from perfect. He's always been very very difficult and oppositional -Thank god he's moving out next year. Yippee. Good luck

To quote bebop: "Ofcourse, I don't want my son to hurt or feel badly but I can't protect him from himself forever or he won't be able to function as an adult and learn to make his own decisions based on consequences to his actions." How true, how true! How many times I've thought the same when it comes to my DS!

BTW, very good post. Your son is lucky to have a mom like you.

Wow ... lots of good things to think about. First, yes ... everyday my thought and prayer is just to get him "through" high school so it makes sense not to worry about college right now. I made up my mind a while ago to accept that he may not go to a 4 yr university as I did ... it may be community college or trade school. He has a strong interest in cars. This kid set up a system so I could listen to my ipod in the car .... he's bright and totally brilliant with technology. There's no reason he shouldn't be getting at least "B"s. Its all for stupid stuff in my opinion ... like, not filling out a planner, turning in an assignment or studying for a test.

Times are different too. I was "expected" to graduate from high school. It was never a question of "if". So my expectation is there for my son. High school is harder now too. The requirements to graduate are a lot tougher than when I graduated. My son is taking physics and economics. Things I didn't take until college! Terms are now trimesters so things are coming even faster. He's in the lowest math trying to get through algebra 1.

Cudos to all of you who have their kids seeing a psychiatrist. I've tried off and on for years only to have my son sit there and refuse to say absolutely nothing. I couldn't continue to pay the price by the hour for that.

Medication -- that's been off and on too. First, a refusal to take it. Then, trying new doses and brands that change his personality was a turn-off. He said he could focus, but all his friends are asking what's the matter with him. He doesn't like that and frankly, neither do I. I could see a big difference and often the medications made him incredibly irritable. It's hard enough without the meds. I thought the Special Ed assistance would help but sometimes I even question if it makes a difference. All I get is emails about his lack of organization and motivation.

I like the idea of devoting an hour to study and a list of consequences for failing tests etc. (Thanks Momiss2) and that means consistency and followthrough on my part.

Thanks again for all the support! Keep those ideas coming! They do help.

[QUOTE=bebop]

Motivation is the problem - we aren't sure how much are son's problem is personality and anxiety issues and how much is ADHD. We will be discussing this with the psychiatrist at some point.

What bothers me is that my son's best friend keeps telling him to "get with it," study - you won't be in any of the good classes with me - what's wrong with you.?"

If my son would stop being oppositional, and take instructions, and admit he needed help,we wouldn't need medications (not that he would take them)

He will not like taking summer school with the group of students who usually fail English. He'll put up a front, but I know he won't like it.

[/QUOTE]
I think that if your child has symptoms of ADHD and he is not on meds you are doing him a HUGE disservice. I don't want to be rude. However, it is no different to me than when a child is ill and the parents are holding back meds for that situation. It is abusive. Just hoping your child's failures will give him a "push" for success is outright lining him up for failure after failure, instead.
In addition, having a best friend without these issues and in advanced classes telling him to "get with it" is the same as telling a blind person to "just open your eyes AND SEE."
My child is brilliant as well. HOWEVER, schools are NOT set up for our kids to show it. They are set up to fail. Even with IEPs and extra help. Our kids should have their own way of learning - one that doesn't involve forgetting homework, and books, etc. I could go on and on here.
If you are sending your child to school and he or she has ADHD: 1. he or she MUST be on meds to have a chance in hell of surviving. (Both their grades and more importantly THEIR SELF ESTEEM.)
2. Hoping that their "shame" of failure will make them do things differently is not gonna happen.
3. Saying things like the "lower" math, etc. makes him/her feel LOWER.
I hope I wasn't rude. It was not my intent. Just wanted to share what I have learned from dr. after dr. and book after book and website after website, etc.

Oh, and to the original poster: if I had to hold my child down and force his meds down his throat, I would. NO CHILD SHOULD BE ALLOWED BY THEIR PARENT TO REFUSE MEDS IF THEY ARE REQUIRED. (And seeing my son off vs. on-THEY ARE REQUIRED.)
Also, I understand how hard it is to find the right one (medication). You need to find one that doesn't over medicate, meaning making your child half asleep and lethargic. But, you also need one that helps keep the frontal lobe active.
FOR YOUR CHILD'S SAKE: Try one more dr. (or back to one you liked). If you are having financial problems: 1. ask the dr. if he or she has a sliding scale for those without insurance. 2. Apply for medication assistance programs through the drug companies. Do a Google for: "prescription assistance program" and see what you find. I am about to lose my health insurance and will be making the choices of what meds of my own I have to stop, take less of, etc. due to lack of health insurance. Might be time to vote democratic, huh?

Yme!39567.6723148148Good luck forcing a teen to take medication. At that age they have to know they need it in order to function. They know their own bodies and minds. Mine on the other hand, at 17 if he decided he wasn't taking them, I'd probably encourage him to move out then, because we don't need to suffer. It definitely depends on the severity of the ADHD and how well they can function, how well the family can function, and is he trustworthy in the community/school/friends etc etc. Every kid is different, and nothing is black and white (not to us anyways)

Coolmom - Encourage his interest in cars. Also, there are very successful, rich and happy people who are in the trades. I pay my mechanic anything he asks when my car needs repairs. My son's highschool has an automotive course where they learn mechanics.

Encourage the interest in technology. Find higher education programs and careers that might interest him. Now a days, a 4 year degree is not necessary for some careers. I think if you can find something that motivates him, that might make him work harder in highschool.

Keep looking, if you can, for a psychologist or psychiatrist that your son "clicks" with. Since my son refuses medication, we are so grateful that he is willing to go to the psychiatrist. If it wasn't for this Dr., he would be staying back in 8th grade.

YME - I am sorry you will be losing your health insurance and have to pay out of pocket for medications. I think that is a tough thing. Are there less expensive generics?

I read your post and respect your opinion. Every child is different. My son will not take medication - period. It has been suggested to him by his psychiatrist, who specializes in ADHD and has told me that my son is the type of child that is most difficult to treat.

I can't force medication down my son's throat. Ofcourse, if it was a life threatening disease, I would. My son fights when he has to take antibiotics. My son asked me one day "you won't sneak medication in my food like you do the dog." ? And - most of my son's problems are personality and anxiety related. He refused to take antianxiety medication too. If the psychiatrist told me that he has to take these medications I would adminster them. The psychiatrist is trying to build trust so why would I jeapordize that shaky relationship by sneaking medications into him, which may or may not even work?

I am lucky he is even talking to this Dr. He hated the last one, who by the way, suggested medications but said my son probably would not take them. My son wouldn't even go to that guy. At one point, my husband and I had to force him in the car. He goes willingly to the new Dr.

The current treatement plan is to show my son that there are consequences to his actions. In my son's case, going to Summer school would bring him closer to admitting he does have a problem, possibly ADHD and that he should maybe try medication so that he can avoid summer school and failing in the future.

Ofcourse, I don't want my son to hurt or feel badly but I can't protect him from himself forever or he won't be able to function as an adult and learn to make his own decisions based on consequences to his actions.

Coolmom,
That is a tough situation. I know that teenagers, even without additional issues, can be a huge challenge.
I have a couple of thoughts:
- I think if the study skills class is not working, I would go in and talk to the teacher, special ed., and anyone else to see what else can be done.
- Not keeping up with a planner can definitely be a symptom of ADHD. It is being forgetful and disorganized. I've been trying to get my daughter to use hers reliably all year, and I've offered her incentives. It hasn't worked. The only time she's kept it up is when teachers in specific classes instructed their students to do it and checked on it. I wish all the teachers would do that all the time!! Would it be possible for you to have it added to his IEP that teachers are required to check his planner daily?? Or, alternately, to provide him with a written agenda that he can take with him?
- If he is failing classes, I would definitely call for a meeting. Apparently his IEP isn't working and something needs to change.
- I would try to find the underlying cause of his apparent lack of motivation. I think someone else posted that it is likely a defense mechanism and I agree. He doesn't want to appear stupid, so he pretends that he doesn't care and won't try.
- I think bebop's advice about encouraging his interests cars and technology is excellent. These interests can help motivate him to do well in school and pursue his interests in the future, if you and/or other adult mentors can help him see that he can have a bright future doing things he likes, but high school is the path to getting him there.
- In your other thread I recommended Dr. Mel Levine's books. I think The Myth of Laziness could help you and your son understand what is going on with him. It's important for him to understand that he is smart and that he can overcome his learning difficulties and use his valuable talents.
- I think if it were me, I would back off talking about college at least until you can get him back on track in high school. (But I always make sure to point out interesting newspaper stories about inventions in technology and that sort of thing; help him visualize the type of career he could have...)
- Are there any alternative schools, charter schools, or perhaps an online school he could attend that might suit him better??

Good luck. I know it's all easier said than done.
Quite frankly, I had to fight my kid's dad and parents tooth and nail to get him on meds, and to this day they are all in denial that he has this and only gives him his meds BECAUSE NOW HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT HE NEEDS THEM.

I'm angry that I had to go through that. But at least he is on them now.

This is AWESOME!! I feel so much better reading your responses. Thanks so much!

Bebop, Inspiredbymusic, and hanginindere: Your encouraging words and suggestions are really appreciated. You've given me a lot to move forward with.

YME! : I have to admit, I was abit taken aback by some of your comments, but challenge is good -- forcing me to open my mind and see things from different perspectives. I know you mean well and speak from your experience. I respect it totally! Thanks!

Ok ... so let's add another thought: With all that we've talked about so far, my son wants to take "Drivers Education". What are your thoughts on that? He is old enough to start the training. He actually can already drive (thanks to his dad) which makes him anxious to get his permit.

Here we go!!

coolmom - your story sounds so much like mine. My son wasn't diagnosed until the 6th grade and medication wasn't suggested until last year by the psychologist that wasn't the right fit. My son also functioned well up until middle school.

I too, thought the messiness and everything else was just him but I knew, early on, starting from 4th grade there was some kind of problem with his behaviour and homework problems. We started looking for help from 4th grade on and it wasn't till last summer that we found the current Dr.

In retrospect, I keep thinking that if he had received a proper diagnosis early on, we could have started medications because at the early age, it's easier to make your kids take them. However, in my situtation, and I guess yours, we got the diagnosis late.

If you have a defiant child, and believe me, I know how tough it is - they like to fight with you.

Yes, puberty is an issue. My son is social too. But, here is the key to figuring out what is puberty and what is not. All of my son's friends seem to act in that "silly, obnoxious, Jr. High boy way." They all seem to have to be reminded by their parents to do their homework and they all give their parents lip when they are asked to do extra chores and stuff BUT here is the difference.....

All and I mean all of my son's friends are functioning quite well in school. They rebel a little, but they listen to their parents. When my son's friend falls out of line, his mother grounds him, he falls back into line and minds. In fact, my son's best friend's mom is quite tough - she would not put up with what I put up.

She has even said to my son" why don't you study more and do your work"? I have not confided in her his problem - I don't know her that well, but she has notice how smart he is and how well he gets along with her son and she can't figure out why he is failing.

His friends seem to be maturing but my son is not. I am giving him more responsiblity at home, which he will do, but he rolls his eys alot. (LOL).

Yest. he came home late because he had detention. The reason was so stupid - he has not brought his agenda book to school signed in months. Well, he knows he's supposed to get it signed but he doesn't bring it to me and I'm not going to be his babysitter and remind him anymore. Half the time, he rips out the pages he doesn't want me to see.

So, I said to him yest, that this was his problem - he loses points and grades and gets detentions for silly things and I asked him why he had such problems fillign in his agenda book. I even joked about it and said adults have agenda books that they pay hundreds of dollars for - palm pilots. He just answers" I don't know."

That has nothing to do with ADHD - he has decided early on to not fill in the book and instead of figuring out a way to make the task doable, he just doesn't do it. He doesn't even try. If he said he tried but it was hard to focus and he got distracted - okay - but he just outright refuses to write anything down - so consequences - he get's marked down for missing assignments and now after school detentions.

Sorry to rant - I'm just sitting here realizing that next year is going to be challenging ( I think I better sign up for two yoga classes and meditation)

bebop39569.3482175926

Coolmom- I agree with Yme and I understand your frustration because some of your son's actions in school like forgetting to get agenda book signed, not turning in assignments, lack of motivation to study etc. all sounded like my 15 yr old daughter. Your son sounds like a bright and intelligent young man please don't let me fall by the wayside. Stay in the fight and fight for him even if he does not want to fight himself. I was so turned off by meds after 3 yrs of no real progress with my teenager- she hated the meds would not take them so even though we switched meds 3 times still none worked for her (she had headaches, lethargic/personality was gone) so I did not force her to take them. I was completely burned out from having to chase down homework, and missing assignments and was just ready to give up on my baby because I thought she would prolly fail and end up a HS dropout once she got to high school even though I had seen that she had potential to be a consistent A/ B student(she had good grades when she decided to turn in work and study for tests). She was also very artistic and athletic so it was hard for me to see her not caring about her grades/ school and being unmotivated. I felt like a failure as a parent. Then less than 2 mths ago months something that is short of miraculous happened I decided to do more research on ADHD and meds and realized that not all meds will work for every person. Based on my research I went back to the ped and had him put on back on meds this time it was Adderall 30mg- OMG she has been doing fantastic ever since so motivated, happy, she actually wants to take her meds now(only side effect is loss of appetite)- all her teachers notice the changes and her grades have only been A's / B's since plus no missing assignments. She has even requested an extra credit assignment from her Lang Arts teacher to bring her grade up to 80% and 2 mths ago it was 60%. The moral of my story is keep trying and don't give up on the meds for your son it has truly been a lifesaver for my family. Good Luck

Coolmom 47: I, too, would like to see what others think about driver's ed.

Presently, I am teaching my son to drive (my husband handed this fun job over to me) and have thought of DS getting formal instruction, too. I certainly think it can't hurt! Another plus of formal training would be a discount on our car insurance. Our state requires a minimum of 6 months of training and his driver's permit is good for one year. So, I plan to take my time and squeeze as much in as I can before he is cut loose/gets that license!

As far as his driving goes, I have noticed that it helps (and I bear in mind that he is a newbie, only been driving for a couple of months with some previous off-road recreational vehicle experience) to explain ahead and reinforce frequently; at times, he follows through beautifully, while at other times, YIKES! - lucky we made it through that situation. I taught his sister to drive but it is different with him. He REALLY wants to put that pedal to the metal and I'm constantly reminding him (not always very nicely) to obey the speed limits!!!

Does your school district offer driver's education? Ours does not. Back in the old days, when I was in school, driver's education, theory and practice, was offered as part of high school curriculum. To me, that made it easier (money-wise, location-wise, anyway...).

Any tips from you or other parents about keeping a cool head when teaching boys to drive?

[QUOTE=Coolmom47]Ok ... so let's add another thought: With all that we've talked about so far, my son wants to take "Drivers Education". What are your thoughts on that? He is old enough to start the training. He actually can already drive (thanks to his dad) which makes him anxious to get his permit.

Here we go!! [/QUOTE] Personally I would use his desire to get his permit as leverage. Hope that doesn't sound terrible.

I have a son who is 15 1/2 (not ADHD, but also not an easy child). He has been going through a "rude" phase, so I often remind him that we CANNOT allow someone to drive who does not control his temper and follow the rules of common courtesy. That would be dangerous. We also will not allow him to drive if he is not showing basic responsibility and following rules. That would be dangerous too.

If you want him to go to summer school, or to write down his assignments in his agenda, or do makeup work or extra credit to get his grades up, I would use the driver's permit as an incentive. In other words, when he demonstrates responsibility by doing ________________ (fill in the blank with whatever you want), you will take him to get his permit. Then you can also add other conditions that you want him to meet in order to move forward toward getting a license.
Also, as a practical matter, I think in most places you get lower insurance rates if your teen has A's and B's.

My son's school doesn't offer driver's ed either, and we really felt in the dark about what to do and how it all works these days in our state. I found out that AAA offers a free "Dare to Prepare" workshop for teens and parents. It was an hour and a half and provided tons of useful information about safety, laws, and how the whole permit and license process works, plus some freebies. My son also enjoyed it and found it helpful. I highly recommend this and I don't think you even have to be a Triple A member to go.