i have heard of an increase with divorces where the kids don't move in and out of a home...instead, it's the parents who more in and out so the kids have more stability. my neighbor and i were recently discussing this...not in reference to strictly adhd children, just a new scenario becoming more common with divorces.
i'm not saying that this is right or wrong...it "could" work better for some families...IF one could afford 3 different housing situations-but that's not financially possible for most. nor do i see many ex's willing to share an apartment, even though the ex would not be in the apartment/home at the same time, one would be with the kids OR the other.
just chiming in...there is so much more placed on kids at an early age academically these days, i think it's hard to communicate the homework stuff, etc even in the best of marriages sometimes...who needs to go where, etc. i just know that my kid's cannot rely on daddy to pick them up on time, OR help them with their homework much and we are still happily married and living together, but still have issues of the day to day communication stuff with hectic lifestyles.
each family and dynamics work differently...i wish you the best in figuring out what is best for your family:)
shelley
I'm new to this board but thought it looked like a great resource. Currently my EX and I have a straight 50/50 split of our 2 children, one of which has been recently (last 6 months) diagnosed with ADHD and is currently taking Focalin XR which seems to be the one medicine that is finally working well with him.
I am looking at proposing that the kids stay with me on more of a regular full time schedule, ie. at least during the school week. The kids go to school in my neighborhood and school district and my EX lives in a different area, but within driving distance for school, etc. The reason for changing custody is for a multitude of reasons related to my EX's inability to best care for the kids, which I won't get into for this forum, but what I am really curious about is if there is any research that shows what works best for ADHD kids in a split home?
I appreciate your input, thank you.
-- mad cat --
I know everyone's situation is different, but think the best thing for kids is for the parents to try to be the adults and allow the children to know and spend time with both parents. Not sure if your ex wants to spend time with your kids or doesn't. Everyone's situation is different. the problem that I have been having is that my kids go from no boundaries at my Ex's house to having boundaries at my house. Too many differences between households. My ex also had severe depression and mental issues to the extent of being put in a ward at the hospital for 1.5 weeks a year before we got divorced. bottom line is it now affects her ability to be the best mom she could be and unfortunately courts just look at assets and money and seem to not care about the kids as much.
One thing that doesn't make sense is how you mention that your daughter's situation detiorated so badly with depression and interactions with peers, yet you had the kids full time. ... I'm just saying that both parents need to take responsibility for their kids and it is always sad when I see whether it be the dad in your case or the mom in my case that doesn't put the kids first.
I have an 11 year old daughter madie, with ADHD and we are going through a horrible time with her natural father regarding custody. We have been divorced for more than 7 years and Madie has always lived full time with me. My ex- has never been consistent with Madie or given her the special care she needs. She was diagnosed with this when she was 3 years old but I don't think that he agrees or accepts that his child has any thing diferent about her! He has always been in & out of her life never maintaing her routines or caring about how any slight change throws her off whack! She would always come home dirty, sick, crazy & physically fatigued. I begged, cried, screamed for his understanding in how to care for Madie. Nothing! A few years later she had spiraled out of control and was very despressed, she was rejected by all her peers and her grades were horrible. I had warned her father for years of this happening to her (I could see it coming). When he saw how bad her situation had gotten, he then filled for custody and said I was not taking good care of her. !!!! I was shocked, instead of helping her, or saying "I am sorry for never believing you that she had so many issues", he took me to court. Of course her psychiatrist recognized that he had never been active in her life and made a reccomendation to the court that he should not have custody of her. I had dedicated my life this child and was not about to let him take her away, so I fought back with the best lawyer I could afford! She is now on medication and is doing much better (she also has not seen her father in about 6 months). Madie lives with me and he has supervised visits every other weekend (2 hours). I no longer accept telephone calls from him nor am I flexible about visitation if he is not here at 6:00pm I do not answer the door at 6:15pm! I now have full control over her routine and am able to keep consistency in her life. I would definetly recommend having a sole primary residence for any child regardless of ADHD issues.
Madcat,
I am standing and applauding you for your stance. WTG!!!