My daughter is also in the fifth grade. Her social skills are the same as your sons. But she has also failedthe fifth grade. So her teacher are holding her back. But even if her teacher didn't her father and I would have. We have been warning her all year that this might happen. So I think she was prepared for it. She dosn't seem upset by it as of yet but I guess we will see how it goes when the school year starts. She only has one really good friend in her grade most of her friends are younger than her. Which I could count on one hand. I feel we are making the right decision for her. But on the other hand. if she had done well in school we would have gone ahead and moved her forward otherwise that next year she might have trouble with boredom going over the same things. Godd luck with your decision. I know you will do right by your son. Melissa
If he is bright and smart, holding him back will make it more difficult next year academically.
My DS is socially immature, he has ADHD-inattentive and he is gifted. He has finally found peers with the kids that are ahead of him in school instead of behind because he relates to them on the same level. I'm not saying this will happen for your DS, but holding him back may put him into a more socially stressful position. However, if there are a few schools feeding into the middle school, you may find that there are more social options for him.
On the subject of better chances of dropping out, my brother has dyslexia and severe ADHD. He was held back in Kindergarten and he went through school only one year ahead of me instead of 2. This deeply affected his self-concept and he did drop out in grade 11, but he returned and graduated with me when he realized he couldn't get a job without graduation. Today he has graduated from university and has a job pretty high up in the organizing of the 2010 winter olympics.
Life does get easier for these kids, but none of the decisions are easy.
I agree with the others. I think that in most cases, holding back a child after K or first grade will have a negative impact, particularly if the child is not behind academically.I held my 9 y/o back a year in 2nd grade. I told him he could go to 3rd grade but it would mean a lot of work and a lot of homework. He said he wanted to be in 2nd grade again. This year, my 8 y/o was withdrawn from school several weeks ago due to problems with dx/meds/hospitalization. I am going to homeschool and perhaps catch him up this summer.
BUT: throughout the hx of the US- schooling began at age 7 or 8. Younger children were not thought to be able to sit still for hours and do school work. It was only in Germany about 30 or so years ago that kindergarden was developed for 6 year olds. So why is it that a 5 year old not being able to sit still and do work gets penalized? What is the rush to teach children to read and write and do math? Some children are ready at 5 (or earlier) and some are not ready until age 7 or 8. It's my belief that because mom's are now working a lot more out of the house that schools are starting at K4 and K5.
My son will finish 5th grade this year and I'm thinking of holding him back. His maturity level is not the same as other his age and he has a really hard time making and keeping friends. The kids will move on to middle school, so he will not have to deal with anyone making fun of him. Has anyone else done this and if so, was it a sucess. I've read a few sites about this causing him to have a greater chance of dropping out later in his school career, but is this really true? He is not ready to move on. He is bright and very smart, but I can forsee moving to middle school being a big disaster.
this is always such a debated issue. While I very much agree with retaining in Kindergarten or First grade for social issues, I'm not sure about older grades. If he was academically behind and socially behind I'd be all for it. If he's at or above grade level academically he may be bored and that can lead to behavior problems in itself. What does his teacher think? Does he have a 504 or IEP and get accomodations at school? Talked with the guidance staff? Just curious.
I have an immature 7th grader. Middle school is a whole new world. She is holding her own though socially, but we ARE seeing the gap widen.
Being held back in the upper elem. grades can be traumatizing for a child .. He sees all of his peers going on ahead. For a child[adhd] who has low selfesteem and may be struggling ,this just reinforces his sense of inadequacy.
May I suggest that you talk to the teachers, try to get him a support network in place for next year?
I have a 14 yr old [Nov bday] who has been younger than his peers his entire school life. He has adHHHHHHd and As. Both cause immaturity issues and socialization difficulties. But, ya know what? He's finishing his freshman year and has finaly come into his own.
I fought tooth and nail for social skills classes,even some run by the local hospital's youth program.
Remember that the the fire that burns also forges steel.
Also, if your son has social issues, I think this can make it worse. Holding him back won't change the way your son relates to others or vice versa.
My son is above level in most levels of school, however he has dsygraphia and there have been some issues with his work and teachers saying he is choosing to write that way.
He will be placed in a social skill class next year instead of Physical Education. He has a counsler that will work with him. What concerns me most is his impulsiveness and I'm afraid the School Police Officer will write tickets if he becomes disruptive or disrespectful. He is so impulsive and that is one issue I feel will get better with maturity.
I still am very worried about moving him up when he is not emotionally mature.
My daughters will graduate high school in june, when they were transitioning to middle I was terrified for one of them she was below grade level and had anxiety. socially she was ok but she had her twin sister, because of this I did not keep her in the 6th grade and I sent her off to middle. Well that was the best thing I did she began to blossom and do fairly well we had accomodations in place and she was fine.
In june she will graduate and has been on honor roll all year. They will both go on to college in the fall. What helped them the most has been in the past few years being on the swim team at school and at the local ymca. The have become more social ,the friends from the y are their best friends. They have good friends at school but the spend most of their time with y friends.
Do you have accomodations?? That would be my first step to make sure he is ready to go.
I was held back when I was in elementary and it was not great!!! I told my self that if any of my children were in a position like that I would try my best to not do that to them. Eventually he will see these kids again and they may make fun of him then. Kids are not very nice sometimes as we all know.
My son is in 6th grade in middle school. He also had dysgraphia. Those problems are difficult and get more difficult as you go on, but in some ways things also get easier. Teachers accept typed things now! Made our life a lot more manageable.
My dd liked middle school better than elementary. Five elementary schools feed into one middle school so there are tons of kids. Dd's meds were all fine-tuned in 5th grade and some kids just contined to think of her as a mess and wouldn't accept her. When she went to middle school this school year she found a lot of kids with her interests and kids who were behind in puberty. This has been a fantastic year for her. A fresh start socially.