I am at my wit’s end... | ADHD Information
Hi all, It has been a very long time since I logged in and I have very much missed the advice and camaraderie of being around others going through the same turmoil. Recent events have prompted me to join in again and get some help.Here goes...
DS (almost 8) has been doing fairly good on Strattera over the past year. Of course good is all-relative. Let's just say the results were better than all the different stims we tried before the big switch. But now it is all going down hill real fast. His main issue is not staying focused in school. Before meds no work was getting done and at certain times while on the stems we would have lucid moments that would last maybe a month (Concerta was the best for us) and then the "honeymoon" period would wear off and we would have to trudge back to the doctor. Three months ago his ped suggested going to a psych so we could get an expert opinion. Frankly I think I am more informed than the psych we chose most of the time, but we continue to go and give our feedback while he doles out the pills. DS is now up to 60mg of Strattera and we are in this downward spiral to where the school is now talking about putting him in the special day class for next year. While normally I would not be opposed to this - I can not see how this will help a child who passed all the testing to be in the GATE program, is above grade level in every area and just needs help actually completing the work. I asked the teacher if he was in the special day class would the curriculum be EXACTLY the same as if he was mainstreamed. He was a bit fuzzy on his answer.
I love my son and only want to give him away some of the time - but I am truly losing faith in the world. DS does not care about any consequence given to him - ever. He is so excited about 3rd grade and when I tell him he may not be able to go with the rest of his friends because he does not do his work - he says - "okay".
Tell me I am not alone in this quandary - tell me that all will be well and someday I will look back on this and laugh.
Thanks!!
Linster
our children really sound alike. i doubt any reward will help him focus in school ... rather, i think your angle is to respond by pressuring the school staff.
special day classes are generally filled with children who have learning disabilities or slow cognitive functioning. to my knowledge, the curriculum is not the same. it is targeted at the needs of the class, which is below grade level. (i cannot confirm, but have heard that they are not accredited, or do not lead to a high school diploma.)
i think your argument is pretty straight-forward and undeniable. he passed the testing to be in GATE and he is above grade level in every area. this info you repeat over and over until they hear it. your argument is Least Restrictive Environment (LRE). look it up in your special education code. by law, they must educate him in the least restictive environment --- and clearly given his academic achievement, he's already in it. you've done your part with meds, so now ask them what they are going to do?? exactly what services will they provide? time in the RSP room? full-inclusion aide? if they scoff, quite frankly i'd ask straight out if i needed to hire an education advocate to make sure that my child was provided with the LRE. ask them to explain to you how a GATE level child would benefit from being placed in a classroom full of LD children. you are not having a light conversation with these people. what they are trying to do will significantly affect your child, and remember, they are temporary fixtures. the only permanent fixtures living with the outcome of the decision is you and your child. if they try to convince you that the special day class is not filled with LD children, then tell them you want to observe the proposed class for an entire day, and you can see for yourself.
what does special day classes mean? Is it an integrated class with both a mainstream teacher and SPED teacher? SPED kids DO, for the most part, stick to the frameworks of the state level curriculum, I can confirm, my daughter is in special ed. THAT said, a child who functions above grade level will certainly not be challenged in a lower paced class. BUT another side to this is maybe if the academic piece is easy enough for him, he can have the time to work on organizational skills and study habits. It's a fine line to walk. I think you need to know EXACTLY how these classes run, the profile of students in the classes....etc...,etc....like Jessica states, observing the class is a GREAT idea, you'll get a real feel for how it's run.
Dont be "afraid" os SPED, it's not a dirty word . Also dont let them "give up" or take the easy route. Find a balance. LRE is very applicable here, BUT try to be open minded and do whats best for your child right now.
Also my daughter is on 60mg of Strattera also. It was getting "wobbly" espeically during high stress times. Just this week we added 10mg of metadate ER, so far it was just the boost she needed and no side effects at this point (which is why we dont do stims generally).
Diane V39569.1007407407It may be bittersweet, but you will look back at this as growing experience and be thankful you lived to tell about it. My son went through a similar scenario on Stratt at 60mg. When the situation becomes that bottomed out for you its time to re-evaluate your son's meds.
Your son may not be mature enough to understand the consequences of staying back a grade. That's when you have to be your son's conscience and good judgement. Know what is best for your son. Don't let the system carry him into oblivion.
Try putting it into a context he does understand: immediate rewards for doing well in school now. Rather than focusing on what may happen in negative way(if DON'T get good grades you WON'T pass)try starting a reward system that pays back in instant gratification with stickers for instance or something he loves getting. And if the outcome is successful schoolwork well then he will understand the consequence of doing well.
I remember saying the exact same thing to my son at that age and he was oblivious to the context of its meaning. he just didn't get it. There is no expectation for them to get it (except from us) because they've never experienced it. Seeing is believing at this age. Let them see success before they know the consequences of failure.
in my area special day classes are in a different location. it's alternative education -- not mainstream. seems to be a wide range. [QUOTE=Linster]Hi all, It has been a very long time since I logged in and I have very much missed the advice and camaraderie of being around others going through the same turmoil. Recent events have prompted me to join in again and get some help.Here goes...
DS (almost 8) has been doing fairly good on Strattera over the past year. Of course good is all-relative. Let's just say the results were better than all the different stims we tried before the big switch. But now it is all going down hill real fast. His main issue is not staying focused in school. Before meds no work was getting done and at certain times while on the stems we would have lucid moments that would last maybe a month (Concerta was the best for us) and then the "honeymoon" period would wear off and we would have to trudge back to the doctor. Three months ago his ped suggested going to a psych so we could get an expert opinion. Frankly I think I am more informed than the psych we chose most of the time, but we continue to go and give our feedback while he doles out the pills. DS is now up to 60mg of Strattera and we are in this downward spiral to where the school is now talking about putting him in the special day class for next year. While normally I would not be opposed to this - I can not see how this will help a child who passed all the testing to be in the GATE program, is above grade level in every area and just needs help actually completing the work. I asked the teacher if he was in the special day class would the curriculum be EXACTLY the same as if he was mainstreamed. He was a bit fuzzy on his answer.
I love my son and only want to give him away some of the time - but I am truly losing faith in the world. DS does not care about any consequence given to him - ever. He is so excited about 3rd grade and when I tell him he may not be able to go with the rest of his friends because he does not do his work - he says - "okay".
Tell me I am not alone in this quandary - tell me that all will be well and someday I will look back on this and laugh.
Thanks!!
Linster
[/QUOTE]
Strattera is merely an antidepressant repackaged by the drug companies to sell to parents afraid of drugs that work but have been labeled as bad because others have abused them.
Concerta was a great med-so go back on it. It is a stimulant, which is what helps awaken the frontal lobe in our kids.
Do not HOPE THIS AWAY. No one is going to change things for you- but you. We are here as ears-but you are there as your child's advocate.
Stop being lied to by BOTH the drug companies AND the drs. who have a conflict of interest in prescribing meds as they are GROSSLY compensated for doing so by the drug companies-all the while our costs go up to bribe them. It is truly nauseating. I have seen this first hand.
Stimulant meds help stimulate the part of the brain our kids need stimulated.
Hope you are well.
Thank you all for your kind words. I have spoken with another parent who is very involved in the school and she is very against the SPED because they do not teach at the grade equivalent and has known many parents upset upon finding this out after their kid was in it for awhile. I definitely need to talk to the school more and find out what it is exactly they are wanting. Part of me wants to say - listen if my kid doesn't want to the do the work at school and is still getting A's on the tests - WHY DO YOU CARE??? I seems a bit weird that they are so-ooooo worried about the daily work and then have no reaction when he passes all their tests.
I am really wanting to re-think the adhd diagnosis. I have a call into the ped to say let's start over from scratch and see if we can figure out what is going on. The doc's have all said no to Autism of any kind over the years - but maybe they were wrong and he is HF and the meds are useless. Granted he is so much better on the meds than off the meds. I really am stumped.
On a good note - today was much better at school per his teacher YEAH!! And I have a new outlook - if he sits and plays instead of doing his homework, I will give one warning and after that I will quietly (as if that is possible with my patience level - but one can hope) take the work away, write a note to the teacher that he did not do the work, serve my ds dinner and then put him into bed for the rest of the night. I figure it saves me from screaming (and the guilt afterwards) him from hearing me scream and gives me a few more hours to relax.
Holly
Yme! - the reason we switched to Strattera was because the stims did not work so well. Adderall made his heart race and the others made him zombie like part of the day and bouncing up and down boy the remainder. It was a nightmare. Whatever Strattera is - it works better than everything else and does not cover over his personality - it allows him to be the boy that I love.
thanks for you advice - it is always appreciated.
Linster
they care b/c he's taking up teacher's time by requiring reminders to stay on task. He's distracting the class, etc. If SPED at your school means below grade level, certainly stay clear. My child has only ADHD and is in SE and I am not convinced that the label and the constant yammering/emails is worth it in terms of direct benefit to my son from the services provided. He's always been at grade level.
As far as the homework goes, i'd suggest rethinking. It really needs to get done. Just offer an immediate reward. Stick a piece of candy in front of him that he can eat when he's done. Or his favorite video game -- he gets to play 30 minutes when he finished. i suspect your approach will be a red flag, and you need to fly under the radar.
Jinster,
If the med is helping, then there is adhd in the mix somewhere. Has your child been tested for AS or HFA? How about for Sensory issues? They can mimic adhd symptoms. When you talk to the school, ask for an iep. You can get accomodations written in to help him, such as a 1:1 aide to help him remain on task, sensory breaks to work off his need for movement, etc. He doesn't have to go into a sp ed [self contained] classroom. The bottom line is that he has the right to the least restrictive enviroment.
[QUOTE=Linster]Yme! - the reason we switched to Strattera was because the stims did not work so well. Adderall made his heart race and the others made him zombie like part of the day and bouncing up and down boy the remainder. It was a nightmare. Whatever Strattera is - it works better than everything else and does not cover over his personality - it allows him to be the boy that I love.thanks for you advice - it is always appreciated.
Linster
[/QUOTE]
Don't forget there is DOSING to think of. So, if you say XXX medication didn't work because it made my child XXX there are lower/higher doses to consider. Dosing and finding the right medication is tricky, but in my opinion if an antidepressant is working on your child-perhaps there is a reason such as dealing with something other than or in addition to what you thought you were originally dealing with.
Just a thought.
Yes, he has an IEP and there is a resource aid that comes into the classroom for about 45 minutes each day. The problem I am now seeing with this is that she "babies" him and does not make him stay focused. Plus, she takes him into the hallway to do the work. Well that is fine except that he is then missing out on the next bit of instruction from the teacher. His teacher changes what they are doing about every 15-20 minutes - so he could miss out on quite a bit.
The other bad mark against the sp ed class is the stigma that kids give them. I have spoken to some of the mom's from his current class and asked them honestly about how their kid feel towards my son. They all say that they like him and think he is really funny. The words weird, freak, etc were never used. I want what is best for my son, but his social life should not have to take a hit just to get more classwork done.
As an update...went to his Ped yesterday and he says that if we like the meds he is taking and feel that except for some class work not getting done then we should continue on the same path we are on and tell the school to reassess their expectations of him. I have spoken to last years teacher and she is more than willing to assist us and sit in on the meetings with the school regarding placement for next year. She wholeheartedly disagrees with him going to sp ed and wants to offer proof of how much progress he has made since last year.
Sorry this is a bit long winded!!
Linster
Does he have an IEP? We are just finishing my 7yo dd IEP. She did not have a learning disability, but we were able to get an aide with an OHI (other health impared). From my understanding, if he does not have a LD they would not be able to adjust his academics. actually without an academic need, most districts will not include academic goals, just behavioral goals in the iep. which your son might need.
Also, just some personal insight, my neighbors son is adhd gifted and was in a sp ed classroom. they allowed him to work on above grade level math and science and grade level reading. an iep should be specific for his needs, and with one the school has to accomidate his needs.
after working (fighting) with the school since november, we now have an iep that hopefully will help my daughter reach her potential in school. her aide is not 1:1, but she will be in a regular ed class with at least one or two other kids that also require an aide. Again that key word LEAST RESTRICTIVE ENVIRONMENT.