son is respectful @ home but not @ school | ADHD Information

Did the teacher give you specific examples of the "rude" comments? I just wonder if what she is describing as "rude" could just be your son being loud and talking constantly as you described him? Also, if he has an endless supply of energy and constantly running around, and he can't do that or somehow burn off the energy at school, then maybe that is why he is blurting out the comments at school; all that energy has to go somewhere. That could account for the difference between school and home. I would be curious to know what he is saying that the teacher considers rude, and if it fits your definition of rude, or if it is more along the lines of impulsiveness that is part of ADHD. Does he maybe need a change in meds or dose to help control the impulsiveness at school? You could also ask the teacher for her suggestions on what can be done to help him with these issues. Maybe he needs more frequent breaks from sitting to burn off some energy?
I think I would ask to meet with the teacher for more information.
Good luck!
inspiredbymusic39572.2499768519i have found the definitions of "disrespect" and "rude" are very loosely applied at my son's school. These words are totally subjective. You need to move beyond them and ask for the exact details before you can understand exactly what is happening. Any time those words are used by school staff, I say, what do you mean exactly? Or, tell me what happened. For example, not following instructions is considered "disrespectful" at my son's school -- and of course it is not disrespectful b/c it is not a purposeful act since he has ADHD and is unbelieveable distractible. What does the teacher mean by "apathetic attitude"? What action or lack of action gives her the impression that he does not care? Get quotes for those "rude comments." After I got the details, I would tell my son for example, the teacher does not like it when you make faces, she thinks that you are being rude, and she calls me to complain. He would always be completely surprised, socially clueless. And he would stop doing that thing that I named. I don't tell him to stop being "rude" -- I describe the exact behavior that is interpreted as rude and ask him to stop. That's what works.

Well, good point about the definition of disrespect- the same teacher a few months ago actually said he was mean to some of the other kids- and I asked her what he did that was mean- and she said he interrupts them when they are trying to speak or always runs ahead so he can be first in line... Negative behavior- yes- but mean- I do not think so. I wouldn't call it that. The good news is- he has lots of friends- he is invited to a friend's house at least once a week. I don't think a kid who acts like a jerk would have so many friends- would he? I blew that off as I know my son is not a mean kid- and I am not naive- I know my kid's aren't angels and I am aware of their flaws- but she was off base with that. I hope she is off-base on this also.

The funny thing is-Tomorrow is the start of teacher appreciation week and my son took money out of his money jar and asked me to take him to Walmart so he get Hershey kisses for this teacher because they are her favorite. I said- 'do you like your teacher?' He said, 'Most of the time. She works really hard for us so I think I should get her Hershey Kisses as a way to say Thank You.' Does that sound like an apathetic student? I just don't get it.

We deal with the same thing ... 5yo son is hyper/impulsive type. Is really pretty good at home and wiht younger sister. It's the more stimuli he has, the more difficult time he has. We also dealt with his school where the teacher thought he was ADHD so would hold him to a higher standard on normal kid behaviors. We started asking for specific details -- what caused the situation, how did son act, what was the consequence. I think some of it was just that our son knows we won't put up with things at home, whereas his teachers were not consistent and he knew he could push them. We pushed back on the teacher for the specifics and made it very clear that we only wanted to know about behaviors that crossed the line, not the normal boy stuff. It's so frustrating, isn't it!!! :)I couldnt agree with Jessia more. They call our children rude or disrespectful because they don't understand them. That is what is rude to me. Teachers should take the time to adjust to their students and not expect our kids to do all the adjusting. Life is hard enough for them.

kidsinspace, to me, if your son is happy, he doesnt feel as though he is "in trouble". I dont necessarly think you should either ignore his behavior, nor ignore the teachers comments. You know your child, there's not way he's being toally rude and disrepectful at school and an angel at home. My daughter (not the one with ADHD) is quite up front. Her teacher has said we are working on her not being "rude". Another Kindergartner said about her " ____ speaks her mind". So OK, yeah Kindergartners dont necessarily describe each other as speaking their mind, it's just who she is. BUT I am trying to get her to temper her replies. Unfortunately she gets it from ME. SURPRISED??? Probably not . BUT although we are who we are, and as an adult I have friends who LOVE me for my upfront, no holes punched demeanor, I am sure I also have people who know me, who could do without that . Not sure I gave you too much advice in there, BUT kids today are fairly disrepectful overall. Everything really doesnt have to be about being picked on, adults DO (for the most part) know more than children, and I feel they should show some respect, even when they disagree. I guess my point is we have to teach our children to be kind and respect authority and follow the "chain of command"? If they do, there will still be people who dont feel they are doing that and there's not much we can do about them, just "grin and bear it" if you will and move on...........................of course , unless it crosses a line..........then fight to the end! It sounds to me like your son likes his teacher and is not intentionally doing anything wrong, and you are right HARDLY sounds apathetic.

My son is 11. At home he is helpful, considerate, kind to his younger brother, always eager to help his parents. He is always respectful to us- his parents.

He does talk constantly, bicker with his sister (they are 1 year apart in age), have an unending supply of physical energy- (he spends a lot of time on the trampoline or running around in the yard). When we are around a lot of people he has a hard time controlling his energy and acts like a goof-ball- but never anything mean or aggressive- just kind of show-offy- he is always the loudest kid at the party...

The teacher emailed me that he is very disrespectful at school- he has an apathetic attitude and is blatently rude and disrespectful to her, other teachers, and other students. She says he interrupts people- blurts out rude comments in class, and says rude things to other students.

I don't know what to do- he is on Concerta 36 mg- but if he can control himself at home- why not at school? So sad and sick about this.

It could just be to much stimuli for him at school. My kids act different for different places. The things my youngest does at school as far as aggression he doesn't do here. Your son is 11 right? He could be starting puberty and that may be playing part of it. I would sit him down and ask him if he knows why he is acting this way. Tell him you expect him to treat all adults with respect and to behave himself. And if he doesn't, there will be conquences for it.

Well - he is not starting puberty yet- and I have told the teacher that I need to be notified anytime that he shows disrespect to any person at school so that I may follow up at home with a consequence. I am just so perplexed as to why he behaves so differently at school. He has no answer as to why- he says it does blurt out comments in class. I have never in my life seen him behave in a flippant manner with an adult so I am so concerned to hear this new behavior- he says he hasn't been rude like the teacher says- but admits to calling out in class.

Why doe there ALWAYS have to be a problem? I can't wait for summer.

[QUOTE=KidsInSpace]

My son is 11. At home he is helpful, considerate, kind to his younger brother, always eager to help his parents. He is always respectful to us- his parents.

I don't know what to do- he is on Concerta 36 mg- but if he can control himself at home- why not at school? So sad and sick about this.

[/QUOTE]

It sounds as though when he is home he has plenty of activity and the ability to let loose. At school it is a different story and he needs to know that there are 2 different ways of behaving in this world.
In addition, is your child's teacher aware that he is on meds? Is she even familiar with his condition whatsoever? People that do not understand what our kids struggle with have little patience or understanding of their conditions and what you or I would see as normal for him, they see as rudeness.
I would sit your child down in front of the teacher and explain to BOTH of them their expectation levels/behaviors may need adjusting. The teacher may need to adjust his or her tolerance for his activity level, and your child may need to work harder at adjusting his expectations for school.
Either way, if after this meeting, there isn't any improvement, contact either your dr. or the school psychologist and see if you can get some help.
Good luck.

Feeling much better today.

Report cards came home- DS11 got all As except for 1 C in math :( - These are pretty challenging classes- they are GT classes (at his school that basically just means a 6th grade cirric. for 5th graders)

I had emailed all the teachers to let me know of any incident or comments where my son was disrespectful and 2 of the teachers replied that they have never seen him behave disrespectfully but would let me know if anything happens. I am not going to ignore what this teacher has said, but I am not going to fret over it and question my son's character or my own parenting choices to the point of anxiety (which is what I was doing just about all weekend).