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Bump ummm - it's a tricky one.

i am only really answering because nobody else has - rather than i have any good advice to give.

i am just thinking about it and i can't really put my finger on what is going on with your son.  it does seem a very emotionally controlling sort of behaviour.  and i (personally) absolutely DISLIKE it when a child - or adult - starts trying to 'blackmail' emotion out of me...  either through sulking/threat of unpleasant behaviour/or whatever.

that is the type of thing that will make me shut off - faster than a flea on speed!  makes me want to say "don't  stick your galumphing feet in my own personal space!!!  cos it is MY space and i respect it and i will respect yours and you can equally respect mine.  back off and show some respect!"

but i don't think that is the sort of thing one can say to a child (particularly ones own child... right?)

he is obviously very needy.  constantly wants full-time attention (but as you say on his terms only).  bugs people to get it.  pushes boundaries all the time.

i don't know what to say --- isn't that what psychiatrists are for???  isn't this some sort of classic case or syndrome that they have dealt with 10,000 times before and know exactly how to handle?

the only thing i can think of is every time he is getting in your space/emotionally blackmailing you - is for you to say "stop that".... and sit down and explain why you dislike it and then walk away and don't engage any more.

but i can't see that that is very helpful.  hope others have better advice.  all the best with it



chjones39577.588599537I'm not sure I have any advice either, but how old is he? Does he take medication? do you work wiht some one for behavior therapy?Hi. My son had appointment with his developmental pedi last week and she thinks he may have ADHD. He is already diagnosed with Autism,but he has lots of behaviors as well. He is super hyper and the biggest thing is non-complaince. Things you ask him to do or he knows is expected he just won't do and watches your reaction. If you give no reaction he tries to find other ways to annoy the person he annoys. He is a very sweet and smart child and we just want tohelp him. He acts different at school they think he is an angel but he is leaving school and starts the behavior with whoever picks him up, he laughs when he starts it like he is gonna get away with something too. He has a tantrum almost any time of the day it is so unpredictable how he will be from minute to minute. He will give me a dirty look for something that i tell him like "dont cross the road you will get hit" then wont look at me for hours until we either run into someone at a store if we are out he then starts hugging me in front of the person,then when the person leaves he gives me the dirty look and won't look at me. Everything is a battle i try to pick and choose battles but lots of things are battles to him. He thinks he is the only one in the world who needs something and if that isnt happening you are onhis bad side. He is obsessed with food tooand not like a child whojust wants food off your plate, he will literally eat for hours and sometimes eats and falls asleep from chewing so much. He doesnt like toys much unless we have company and he shows off by upsetting his sister with the toy they are trying to share. He never sits down either evenwhen he is sitting his legs are moving. Just having problems withhis oppositional behavior now and people can't believe me in public when i tell them what he does cause he puts ona good act.He wont play withme either everyhting is "no" unless i am giving anyone else attention, he is evenjealous when i am looking at our fish. But when i want time with himeveryhting has tobe on his terms and he doesnt want to evenlookat me at times. Looking forward to meeting some who i can relate to.  I love my child hes a cute loveable child,but stillhas something going on.

Make an apt. with a child psychiatrist.  These are not typical behaviors.

Look up "Oppositional Defiant Order" on Google.

Your child may have ADHD with coexisting Oppositional Defiant Order. 

Not to panick you...I have an oppositional child, not to the degree you have, but the sooner you get help, the easier it will be.

One bit of advise - do not battle with your child.  He probably likes confrontation and enjoys seeing you get all upset.  As soon as you sense a fight starting, leave the room, don't engage him.

You are right , there are things going on and you need to speak to professionals.

Good luck.

 

I would definately discuss the excessive preoccupation with food (hyperphasia) with the developmental ped to rule out Prader-Willi Syndrome.

Okiemom

well i do know his focus and hyperactivity is always at therapy and at home, he is super hyper and not much focus on what we want him to do and he cant sit for a second, unless he is eating he will literally eat for an hour straight or more. But as far as the moods it's at home and not that he doesn't act out for others but usually lots of people give in to him so that's why he is happy with them, if i gave in all day i am sure i would be his best friend. The thing is he is jackle and hyde seriously, he can be defiant for me for reasons i don't understand like his real bad mood then a lightswitch when we show up at the school he is hugging everyone acting like nothing is bothering him. Heck it can take him a split second to change his mood, he is basically making a liar at of me in a whole. At doctors he gives me a dirty look for me telling him to stay in the room please instead of the hall, turns around, wont look at me, then doctor walks in and he is hugging me and them he will hug anyone he sees. Then when the doctor leaves the room he turns back around and wont look at me like he is still angry with me.

 

Also simple things he has progressed at therapy with even speech he won't do for me. I ask him "use your words when asking for something" He turns around wont look at me and stares off into space. He does this with everything i say to him unless i have food in my hand giving him or things on "his" terms this is what he gives me. Yet at therapy he asks for things he wants, doesnt give them a hard time that much. But i am not in the room during his therapy, the one therapist said he had a lollipop in his hand during speech that may be why he was complying (mispelled). He has Echolalia that i see he repeats everything i say or the last word in my sentence. But yet speech therapist is telling me all he "can" do as it has me baffled.

Thanks everyone. He also is on the autism spectrum so explaining things to him isn't on his terms and he will just turn around, not make eye contact with me, and ignore me. This is the same child who craves attention that he get's from everyone.

I have an ABA therapist with him but he manipulates them, he knows how to win and get what he wants, we have been through lot's of therapists cause of that. I have ignored him but now he ignores me a lot just cause i ignore his behaviors. If i hug him and engage him it's back to him telling me "no" about everything i am trying to do with him play or whatever. He is also back to demanding food and then get's mad and goes back to ignoring and staring into space if i don't get it to him quick enough or i don't give him the 3rd piece of cake for instance. Thanks for advice he is 3 1/2, but has been doing this for a long time, years so i can't say it's a phase at this point. He does whatever they want him to do at therapy then is totally defiant at home and everything on his terms. He is very smart i love him so much and want to get him help. I probably will take him to a psychiatrist.

I don't have much advice, but I would like to point out that you say he turn the behaviors on and off. He acts one way for you, and the another for daycare etc.... The fact that he can pick and choose when he wants these behaviors says alot if you ask me.  I don't think a lot of children with ADHD can turn them on and off. I wish you luck, keep us posted

i forgot too and needed to add, if i leave the room when he is doing something to try to annoy/upset me, he keeps doing it and walks in room for a split second to see what i am doing then leaves. But see when i get him angry for whatever reason he turns around and closes his eyes if you even come in his space.  He needs to see everyone and everything that is going on and that may be part of why he is on his feet. He is easily distracted and needs to know what everyone is doing. He doesnt play with toys much just his strings and if he is doing something to annoy i move to another place and he will move right in front of me so i look at him. He also will bump into me and hug others when i have told him "no" about something like he is getting reinforced from them and thinks he is getting something out of it.

 

Anyway it's good if you got through all this post it was long, Thanks for suggestions. I love him and just want to help him and for us to have peace.