Bullying and Depression | ADHD Information

I loved the advice from Tina Doherty. School asked him to perform tasks perfectly suited for normal people (like sit in class and take notes). Maybe he couldn't do those things well, but I bet he can do other things really well. Find them!

I feel sooo bad for you and your son.  We have been enduring a year of bullying from not only the students but also my DS's teacher.  It has been terrible at times and I am considering home schooling next year (DS will be in 7th grade).  Things have gotten a bit better with the bullying but it took a letter from the pediatrician to the principal to get any help with the situation .  The principal was very angry about getting the letter but it did get the ball rolling on getting my DS help with the student bullies (the teacher is still a bully).  I wonder if you could get your doctor to contact the school.

My heart goes out to you and your son.  I know how awful it feels to see your child suffer.  This has been the worst school year for DS and I.

Hugs.

 

My son has always been a bully target as well...I wonder why it is so easy for our kids to be bullied?

I think for Lane, it is the fact that he is so open and trusting that he doesn't even realize when someone is taking advantage of him-- and those who tend to bully know this and they give him a really hard time. He is scapegoated a lot, too--by even the "normal" kids (not necessarily bullies)!

Why is he such an easy target with his peers but so headstrong with siblings/family... I mean, his brothers/cousins could never get away with treating him the way he allows his peers to....hmmmmmm

adhdwarrior wrote:
Why is he such an easy target with his peers but so headstrong with siblings/family... I mean, his brothers/cousins could never get away with treating him the way he allows his peers to....hmmmmmm

Because your son is looking for peer acceptance  so he will tolerate whatever he has to tolerate as negative attention is still better than no attention or being shunned. These children are needy for friends because making and keeping friends is a problem so they become easy prey. His family on the other hand will love him unconditionally and never abandon him so he feels comfortable and confident standing up for himself.

 

Unfortunately bullies appear in all walks of life so buidling self esteem and buidling on coping skills would be a good place to start because the world could be a cruel one. I suggest that you explore getting your son cognative therapy in conjunction with the right cocktail of medications. This is not a child that is feeling depressed. He is talking about killing himself so much more serious measures must be taken. Therapies are not all the same and this type of therapy is very successful in combination with medication for children and adults with Adhd.

Home schooling may or may not be an option for you but may also be a short term solution to a long term problem for as I already mentioned, bullies are found in all walks of life.  What needs to be addressed are the issues of low self esteem and emotional healing and a sense of worth can only be acheived with the the proper interventions.

My heart bleeds for your son and we all have been there and totally understand. Its not uncommon for children with ADHD to suffer from depression because they deal with so much rejection and negative feedback on a daily basis. Work on making your child whole again becasue even if the school had cooperated and stopped the bullies, that wouldn't fix what is broken inside your poor son. However, with the right interventions and tools the child could rise above and experience qualtiy of life along with the rest of the family unit. Below I have provided some information just in case  you care to explore the idea of Cognative Therapy. Also, the medication should be revisited in terms of how effective it is at this point and are these the right meds for your child.

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder often experience discipline problems at home and school, poor school grades and difficulty making or maintaining friendships. Limited ability to concentrate, low frustration tolerance for long or routine tasks, shifting from one incomplete task to another, inability to delay and think through a problem situation adequately or to regulate behavior as a situation demands, persistent restlessness, trouble following through on directions given, inconsistencies in the quality, accuracy and speed of completing assigned work are the hallmarks of this disorder. Children and their parents are seen individually and together during different phases of treatment. Treatment for the child includes:

Learning and rehearsing a set of self-directed instructions to guide them when completing a task or responding to a social situation (helping them to slow down and consider all their choices before problematic behavior begins). These skills can help improve school performance, daily conduct, friendships, and reduce the need for constant supervision or excessive punishment. Self-control and calming techniques that help the child to reduce his/her frustration or anger and think things through in difficult situations limiting conflicts with parents, siblings and friends. Using structured feedback from the child’s teachers and/or parents to monitor, correct and reward more appropriate classroom behaviors. Training in independent study skills to improve organizational skills and school performance.

Essential behavior management training for parents of ADD and ADHD children includes:

Simple and highly effective behavioral management techniques that help restore order and control to a conflict ridden home environment. Paying attention to your child’s good behavior and giving positive feedback and approval. Giving effective commands rather than negotiating with your child. Rewarding, punishing and ignoring various behaviors appropriately. Proactive problem-solving strategies. Directed readings allow parents to develop more realistic expectations of their child.

When working with adolescents, treatment is modified to include mutual problem-solving skills, communication training and behavioral contracting. Strong-willed or noncompliant children and their parents can benefit from a similar course of treatment as that outlined for ADHD. Anger control training is emphasized in this treatment program; combining cognitive restructuring and inhibition of impulsive or aggressive behaviors with social skills training

 

I am the mother of a 9yo son with ADHD and haven't posted for awhile, but now here I am again as depressed as ever. My son is large for his age..over 5 feet and 130 lbs. When he was in Kindergarten he was extremely agressive, impulsive and hard to control in school and out. After a long haul, he was diagnosed, put on meds and things have been better. He is no longer agressive at school, just sometimes at home. Kids used to be scared of him...after all, he was big and not in control, I get it. The mother's pretty much shunned him and all he had was a friend or two. Well, this year those 2 friends decide they don't want to be friends with him and start teasing him about his size, bullying him, telling him he smells and is stupid bcause he has an IEP. His grades have started going down and he is very depressed and withdrawn. He tells me that when he is older, he is going to kill himself. He has a private therapist and is on meds...Ritalin and Abilify. The Psych is hesitant to put him on another depression med at this point because of everything else. I have tlaked to the school and these parents and nothing stops. His self esteem is in the toilet and my heart is breaking. The school tells me that they don't see any of this and that he is fine at school...yeah, he is not making a fuss anymore so he is fine. I am so worried for him...and, yes, we have tried Scouts, youth groups, etc, but nothing seems to stick. Last night, he put post it notes all over his room that said "I'm sad, help me." I don't know what else to do...  

aschu,

I know how you feel... this is the worst thing a mother can experience, to see your child suffer and seemingly not being able to do anything about it.

It's great that your son is seeing a therapist.  This has helped my son immensely.  He is somewhat the opposite of yours, as he is very small and skinny for his age (13).  He insisted on me buying him sweatshirts with hoods only, and as soon as he gets out of the car when I drop him off at school he puts up his hood.  It's obvious that he is trying to be invisible.  Needless to say, he couldn't be more of a target for bullies if he had a bullseye painted on his back.

My husband and I decided to disenroll him from school this summer and homeschool him instead.  I've always toyed with the idea, partly because of the horrible bullying he has had to endure for years, but thought it would be impossible because both my husband and I work full-time.  Well, I looked into it after his counselor told me that the school wants to have him repeat 7th grade after the summer - this is a kid who aces all his tests, who scored 129 on his last IQ test, and whom his teachers acknowledge to be one of the brightest students they have ever taught.  The reason they want to hold him back is that he is "failing" most of his classes because of missing assignments.  Apparently, their system can't grade a student on "knowledge, grasp of the material and participation only".  Ha!  Is this crazy, or what?!?

I would just like to suggest that you look into the homeschooling option... you'd be surprised about the resources that are available.  There are LOTS of successful homeschoolers with working parents.  I don't know your specific circumstances, but please just give it a shot.  I've spent the last two days doing research and contacted our local homeschooling group, and now I want to beat myself over the head for not doing this sooner...

The one thing you can do right now is reassure your son.  Show him lots of love and create opportunities for him to succeed - even just small things like asking him to help you cook and afterwards praising him for his "creative use of herbs", or find out what he has a passion for, watch him do it and ask lots of questions  - video games are one example.  Stuff like that really helped my son maintain a positive self-image and outlook.

Also, get "ADHD & Me" by Blake Taylor and "Delivered from Distraction" by Dr. John Hallowell - read them and then give them to your son to read afterwards.  This notion of ADHD being a "disorder" is thoroughly debunked by emphasizing the strengths our kids have (like hyperfocus, awesome creativity, out-of-the-box thinking, etc.)... there are many success stories that will give you and your son hope and prove that ADHD brains are in fact a fantastic advantage if one just focuses on the strengths instead of the weaknesses.

Hope this helps, and good luck! 

 

Your son sounds like he has very serious depression.  I am not sure if Abilify is for depression- but if it is - it is not working well enough or possibly the ritalin is making the depression worse.  I would push harder to have his depression treated.  Bless his heart- He is begging for help- I would be more insistant with the psych that his depression needs immediate attention.

Hugs to you- I know this is so hard. Good Luck.

oh boy, my heart is breaking for him, the poor kid. I agree with kidsinspace, push his psych or get a second opinion. I understand not wanting to add a third drug, not sure I'd want to either, but it may be time for a change.

School also needs to address the bullying. Set up a meeting and sit at the table with them and put it to them waht is happeing and what they plan to do to help.