roark23,
If you haven't done so already, get "ADHD & Me" by Blake Taylor, and "Delivered from Distraction" by Dr. Hallowell. These two books have helped me immensely in understanding what my son's daily struggles are. Once you truly understand what it's like to be in his shoes you will adjust your expectations and see him in a whole different light. For me it was like a huge weight came off my shoulders, and I immediately became more patient and sympathetic towards my son, which in turn has helped us both to become close and bonded again.
Have your son read the books after you're done with them (or read excerpts to him if he's too little); it will empower him and a lot of the tension between you two will disappear. My son and I are now on the same team, working together to conquer his world! He appreciates having an understanding mom in his corner, and any bad or disrespectful behavior is now a thing of the past.
One other thing - don't sweat the small stuff! His brain is not wired to pick up dirty laundry or to always turn in his homework... focus on his strengths instead of on his weaknesses, and you'll discover what a treasure you have the honor of raising (even though, I acknowledge, at times it feels more like a burden)!
Don't give up, but give him ample opportunities to succeed in little things around the house, and then praise him when he does. Think about how you would react if all you ever experienced was rejection and failure. And then imagine what it would feel like to suddenly succeed in certain areas and receive admiration and praise. People who have a positive self-image don't have to "act out" in negative ways... this is a fact!
Don't give up... raising a child with ADHD can be incredibly rewarding, I promise!
and I don't want to be. I feel like I am constantly fighting him and I'm exhausted. I'm mad at him for being so difficult and making things so hard. And I know that's unfair to him. How do I get over these feelings of anger towards him? Anyone been here and gotten over it, and if so, how?Tina, that was really good advice!! I have and do struggle with your same feelings and issues, roark. Maybe we SHOULD buy the book Tina is suggesting...I'm sold on it. I think Tina hit the nail on the head for us...it's about really seeing how these kids are hard-wired because I DO NOT understand what he can retain/understand/follow through with and what the differences are in what he does and what he either won't or can't. It's frustrating, I lose my cool and I'm a yeller (I hate that about me, am working on it) and then guilt gets added to my shoulder weights.
We're all in the same boat, aren't we. What a comfort to hear the ideas on how to make the boat ride a little smoother...
I wanted to add this, too. I am currently reading "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. She's wonderful and the book is a life saver! It's helping me be specific in my prayer and let's me feel like I have truly accomplished something every day in the BEST INTEREST and Life time BENEFITS of all my boys, but especially for my ADHDer. He struggles more...currently. It's nice to know I'm going to the Almighty to help him...what better way to help our children than taking them to our Savior.
Add that book to one that may help us understand our adhder's little brain and we may have some real light shed on these situations...