Anger and School | ADHD Information

Every one says use a reward system. How? Gavin is 9, he has no friends and very little interest in things. I tell him you do this or you lose the TV. He's sad but finds something else to entertain himself, same with taking away the bike or computer. It doesnt seem to have a profound effect on him. Today he "earned" TV but he hasn't even watched it more then 10 mins today. What kinda reward is that? He has no special toys that he plays with. The only reward I can think of is money, BUT how should he earn or lose this money. How much should he get?

Thanks

 

you know, 9 and 10 are SO hard I think. Our kids are SO immature and by  this age the other kids are beginning to mature and our kids are still behaving like 7 year olds. It's juts a really difficult age all around IMO.

Money to me is a great motivator. I would pick one behavior at a time and work on that one. You'll have to decide how much is appropriate. Depends on what it is I guess. Let's say it's how he responds to you (being fresh). You may want to keep it low like a quarter. So say you ask hi tp clean up his mess at the ktichen table he does it without any back talk, he gets a quarter. Gets his pajamas on without grief a quarter...etc., etc. I personally would double it if he did it without being prompted , but the goal is say no back talk. Anyway he can keep these or cash them in say on Sat morning either for dollars or rewards. Make rewards receipts, like staying up an extra half hour costs .00 or extra video game time costs .00......etc....etc......what do you think? My neighbor did this with her daughter with pennies (she was 6 lots of tantrums and backtalking!) worked GREAT. They used a prize bos, but he's kind of old for that, I think larger bills or doing stuff is might be more of a hook.

 Since I posted "outa control in school" we had the meeting with the school. We are in the process of updating Gavin's CHapter 15. We are taking a medication break. Gavin has been experencing some anger issues and the Doc wanted to rule out the Statteria as a cause. I don't think it was.....

Tuesday my hubby got a call from the school Gavin had a melt down. BIG TIME! It started  when the pricipal pulled him aside and questioned him about some bus issues he was having, then he went to english class there was a sub and apperently she wouldn't let him use the headphones he usually uses. I guess that caused a melt down. I think due to his AD the sub her self couldv'e caused the melt down because shes not who he's used to. Aparently they got him calmed down and back to class. Shortly after something else happened and he had another melt down, this time he flipped his desk, refused to leave the class room, when the pricipal finally got him out of the room he kicked lockers and ran down the stairs a secratry caught him before he went out side thankfully. I wasn't home so my hubby picked from school about 12:00 school started at 9am

We kept him home the following day and Thursday was a field trip he was not allowed to go on because hes now a "flight risk"so he stayed home again Friday I drove him to school. His day went well as best as it can with out meds. This weeked he spent with his grandmother just so we could all have a break from each other. He was sad to leave her house and he cried. But he was happy to be home.

So thats the story: at school they say he is often defiant and angry, at home he is mostly pleasant. Sometimes he can be teary but not often. Morning bus is an issue but afternoon bus ok. Great at baseball. I just don't get it. Right now I can drive them in the morning but not forever. I looked at private schools but our area has little to offer. I thought of cyberschool but with work it isnt possible either. The school is working on getting a TSS and I'm working on getting an appointment w/ a behivor therepist. I don't know what more to do. It breaks my heart to see him so upset and have to punish him when I don't know how much controll he has. I was so desprite I was thinking boarding school. What advice do you have for us. Has anyone else had the same issues.

Thanks so much. Sorry this has been so long.

My son is fantastic at home.  And most of the time he's great at school.  But little things - like substitutes - do tend to set him off.  And the school is more interested in his "oppositional behavior" than figuring out what triggers him.  It is so aggrevating.

I'm not sure how old your son is, but what works wonders for my son (who is 6) is a system of setting goals and rewards.  Punishment does nothing for him (except incite a meltdown).  The rewards he gets can be simple - like me driving him to school in the morning vs. taking the bus.  But he knows if he has a "good day" and follows the rules he will be rewarded.  If he has a bad day he won't be punished, but he won't earn his reward.  As he builds up more and more "good days" in a row he gets a bigger reward.  I get feedback from the school (or I'm supposed to, but that's another issue) to make sure everything is going well.  It doesn't work all the time, but it's better than nothing.  I think the key is that he can earn a small reward every single day - he doesn't have to wait until the end of the week - and he has the chance to start over every day if he needs to.