Hi,
I am new to this forum and found it out of sheer desperation. My son recently turned 6 and is completing his kindergarten school year. He has already attended public school a year ago with the states pre-k program. My son is very bright and tested academically as one of the highest testers in his grade, yet to his behavior issues he has already been suspended once this year. I am at wits end b/c i've been fighting the ADHD diagnosis, givin to me by the school b/c he had been w/ the same child care workers since he was 10 weeks old and NONE of them have ever had behavior issues with my son. WHen it comes to the public school system tho i am soo scared that all this negativity is going to destroy his self esteeem as he has already told me "he's bad". It broke my heart to hear him say this, and i quickly corrected him and told him he is NOT bad, some of his choices and actions were bad, but he was NOT a bad boy. I affectionaly call him my genius b/c he's always been a bright, inquisitive little boy. I have however noticed a behavior trend that is what is really worrying me and actually making me lean more towards an evaluation. SInce playing t-ball this year, i've noticed how when he has to play the outfield he has absolutely NO intrest in the game bc it moves to slow out there, but if you put him on pitcher mound or first base he is on top of his game. He also, defies his coaches instructions when he is mad, and refuses to cooperate. This concerns me b/c I know my child has to develop a respect for authority. At home i do not have any major issues with him. I have 4 kids ranging from 17 - 4, and i would not consider him any worse or better than any of them. I can usually count down to stop any behavior that is not wanted. He does however seem to have more impuslive outburts but i often thought that was due to lack of stimulation at times. I am sooo CONFLICTEd as to what will best help my son and i have to admit i'm strongly against medication. However, even i knwo that if medication is what mychild medically NEEDS to function, then it's what i will do b/c i just want him to have a happy life. I also am at a loss as to where to start for an evaluation, a medical doctor of pyschologist??? Any advice is greatly appreciated, it's like a piece of your heart is being ripped out when you see your child suffer.
Get him tested. Just so you don't have to worry about it anymore. Maybe it will turn out he has it, maybe not. Just because he has a diagnosis doesn't mean he automatically will go on medication (my son isn't), and there are multiple types of medications, so if he doesn't react well to one you can always try another.
I resisted getting my son tested by cause he can be "hyperfocused" - little did I know that was one possible sympton. Also accademically he is stellar - despite having difficulties completing "busy work" (me too - I don't think anyone likes doing it.)
There are other treatments beside medications - therapies, for instance. And if you get a diagnosis then he can get extra help at school. If he does need medication - well, if one of your children was diabetic, you wouldn't think twice about giving them insulin, would you?
Beside getting tested just so you can have the peace of mind of knowing one way or the other, I'd recommend two things - give yourself a break, both because there is nothing you could have done to prevent this and parenting an active child (even without ADHD) takes a lot out of you, and educate yourself about ADHD. Because even if he does get a diagnosis, he's still the same kid he's been all along, he's still your baby. He just needs someone to look out for him and a little extra help along the way, and you can do that.
Good luck!
Hi Janie,
My son had many of the same issues. He is 7 years old and very bright, but was proving to be incredibly strong willed and independent. We too saw the same problem at baseball and other team sports. The school had been making noises that they saw ADHD. We resisted, but word was getting around the other kids that he was in trouble a lot at school and he had a smiley chart system that was causing incredible stress at home.
Finally in February of this year we had him evaluated by a child psychologist. I have to say that we are very lucky. Our pediatrician is very well respected and his network of referrals is outstanding. Very expensive, but very good. The diagnosis was shockingly quick. The psychologist had no doubts whatsoever. In some way it was a great relief to know finally what we were dealing with, but of course the scary reality of how to deal with it now loomed large.
Our pediatrician was very understanding of our desire not to medicate. But with his guidance and the help of the psychologist we began to believe that it might be an option. Our son was given a full medical and is regularly checked by the doctor now. He began a prescription of Adderall XR. We had to tweak the dose a few times, but the results now are fantastic! He is a different child at school. His test results are outstanding and last week the smiley chart was ended. His teachers are delighted with the progress and we are so happy that we finally understood our child had an illness that needed treatment.
We don't medicate at weekends or school vacations. Those days can be tough, but we try awfully hard not to yell and we can deal with it if we try hard. The side effects he experiences is that he has no appetite during the day. It's an issue and we are working on it, but honestly the benefits outweigh this problem and we fatten him up when he is hungry!
My advice is speak to your pediatrician and get a referral to a good psychologist. I know medication is frightening, but in our case it has been a great success. Our son is so much happier and our family life is now a lot more peaceful.
Best of luck I hope this helps.
Thank you soo much for your responses, is it normal for a parent to be in denial. I mean i have 4 kids, you would think it would be soo clearly evident to me that it almost smacks me in the face. I guess part of it is the pride a parent has in thinking their child is too perfect to have a disorder. I can not deny the signs anymore. It's just so strange tho b/c up until he started school, i had never had anyone tell me that he was hyper or different than any child, but the structure of the school system is just to much for this child to bare alone. I feel as though i am trying to swim up stream and maybe now it's just time to let go and do what needs to be done for him. I do NOT want to see his spirit broken. I almost want to cry as i write this, he is such an amazing child. However, the random noises, the constant moving, the defiance, they rob him of a normal quality of life and that's not fair to him. I will make some calls to start the process of getting him evaluated. I hope that when this is done i will feel some peace in the decisions that have to be made. Thanks again and i look forward to getting to know you all.