Time for tears.... | ADHD Information

i just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I have a 16 year old son, who i've had to lay the law down w/ several times and it's VERY hard to be the bad guy when dad just doesnt care. My situation is a little different b/c their dad is a horrible excuse for a dad, I divorced b/c he was abusive of them, then he got into an accident and became addicted to pain meds. IT's been a long road, but staying consistant, talking w/ your kid about how important it is for them to succeed in life, will help some. My most important words of advice, talk lots...listen MORE......I do agree w/ randyjim, YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE of yourself first!!!! He needs you to be whole and complete so that function to the best of your ability. Best of luck hon!!!Thanks for the kind words.

I have already been to many doctors, and tried all there is to try for PMDD, none of it works. I have been on every kind of prescription, hormones, birth control, and naturopathic medication/process there is-I still feel like beating the ____ out of everyone during this time. I won't waste your time listing all of the things I have tried-but believe me as deeply as I have learned about ADHD, I have learned about what ails me.
I know to take care of your child you must take care of his mother. Not everything works for everyone. So, I have about 10ish days per month where I feel like an evil spirit or something has entered my body and mind. I actually get hot flashes sometimes, and I could punch a wall (or whomever is in my path). I feel full of hate, and if I were a religious person, I would have to say "the devil is hangin' around my insides."

I have had serious issues with my monthly cycle since it began at age 13, but this aspect of it has only gotten more so the older I get. (I am now 37.)
I will be having a meeting once again with my son's father and his parents to try to convince them that they are not helping him by what they are doing. They will be trying to convince me to allow my son's father to take him full time-read as- his gf 5 days a week, him 2.
She lives far from his school and they will also be trying to move him to their area's schools as well. In all of his days, the only thing that has been consistent in my son's life is where he goes to school and his friends at those schools. I will be having a big fight on my hands.
Although things get easier the older they get, they also get harder. Is there anyone out there that has to share custody like this, and have someone sabatoging your parenting? How do you handle it?!
Thanks for your support.

I and send hugs and support your way. My child is still young and wants mommy 24/7 unless he is having a melt down then he wants me to go away. He will evventually realize that everything that you do is because you love him. I really hope you feel better soon. Ok, so it is that time again. My PMDD is turning me into someone I don't even know. It lasts for far too long, makes me very aggressive, and hurtful to everyone around me. I also feel sad and emotional.

So, my son is pulling away from me more and more each day. Not just because of this, but because of his age (13) and the fact that his dad and grandparents have almost zero expectations of him and follow him around doing everything for him, or allowing things to not get done is more like it.

My son's dad only has him 2 days a week now due to his work schedule changing. (we used to share custody.) Now, I changed my work schedule to be with him more, and he wants to be with me less.

It is mostly my fault, too. I have a number of health issues, mental as well as physical, and quite frankly, it is hard for me to even take care of me and my job-much less another person. But even with me being less than fully functioning, I am the only one in the group of us that holds him responsible or EVEN KNOWS HOW/WHAT HE OUGHT TO BE DOING!

His dad allows him to stay up all night on the weekends when he is with him (and his girlfriend's boys-literally up until 3 in the morning!) He and his gf go to bed and let them all (4 boys aged 11-15) stay up and play video games (and ?) all night.

His grandparents do all the housework, and do not hold him accountable for homework, always buying his "I already finished it at school" excuse even though I have gone over and over again with them how to check online what he is supposed to have done.

His grandparents admit that he is spoiled rotten over there. And when I got off of the phone with his grandmother just a bit ago-she didn't even know that he SHOULD OR WAS USING DEODORANT!!!!!! This child has had a mustache since he was 7 or 8, is now 13, and is taller than she is, I mean, hello????!!! HE IS NEARLY A MAN-time for hygiene!

Now, I am not a control freak, nor do I expect a lot from him-but I do have the minimal expectations that all parents normally would. AND I AM ALONE in having them, which is why he wants to be where there are zero expectations of him.

I feel heartbroken. I feel like I am losing my baby. I feel like he is going to have a difficult life, like his dad (he is a photocopy identically in both looks and ADHD, etc. that his dad was). His dad ended up self-medicating with pot. He also has gone from woman to woman trying to find someone to replace "mom" who takes care of his every need. I do not want this for my son.

My family is essentially absent. Oftentimes in a "broken home" this is the age (or soon) that kids decide that one home or the other is where he wants to be, but since it won't be mine, I worry that he won't get the push he needs in life to be self sufficient. I won't always be here, nor will his dad or grandparents, and he needs to be able to learn how to take care of himself-not something taught on that side of the family. Essentially, they have all undermined my parenting by doing just the opposite, and now I have become the undesired one.

Sorry for carrying on. I just needed to vent.

Hey - Hi there. To care for your son you MUST care for yourself FIRST! Whether that means different medications, visits with a behavioral psychologist, or/and a general checkup and blood tests.

All children act as if they don't want limitations but they really do crave them. If dad and grandparents are doing everything for him and letting him get away with everything- your ds will pay the consequences. And 13 is still too young to realize that. I don't know what state you are in but perhaps you could find out from your doctor what options there are for group counseling or support groups in your area.

YME- I know you are intelligent and I KNOW you are proactive!! So it is time to proactive-ate on YOU. I feel bad you are so sad and emotional. You know you can always vent safely on this forum and even get some great suggestions.

Actually, you aren't nuts. It is true that they use soy as a replacement for estrogen. It is used for those dealing with menopause. However, if you do a search for soy and side affects, you will notice actually that there are a lot of women reporting that they are having thyroid cancer and other serious medical conditions due to the consumption of soy.

In addition, I have already tried this (as I said, I have tried just about everything) and it hasn't helped much.

I am going in on the 25th to see what the current options are for me. I have less than great insurance, and so my choices are also less than great. In addition, as mentioned, they won't remove healthy organs, so.....I am hoping that stopping my ovulation will help.

I was so busy dealing with my son's ADHD all these years that I can't remember how bad my PMDD was when I was on the pill. I THINK it was better as I don't recall it being this bad. However, they do say that the older you get, the worse it gets sometimes too.

Luckily I am currently in the 2-3 weeks of normal.

My son is out of school for the summer and so we don't have the normal pressures of losing homework, books, not doing homework, etc. Which lessens my stress, also.

Thanks for your replies. Keep the ideas coming if you have them.
ok... you may think I am nuts but I think I read somewhere that soy milk has Estrogen or the same qualities and is being recommended for menopausal women and pms. [QUOTE=navywife30]

Have you tried the depo shot? It's birth control that you get by shot every 3 months, it gets rid of your period and keeps your hormones level. I was on it for 8 years (I've been off for a year because we wanted another child) and I'm thinking of going back on it. I have fibromyalgia and I'm not allowed to have any more children. I am a hysterical crazy person 1 week out of the month and I hate it (so does everyone else). The shots not for everyone but you may want to talk to your doctor about it.

Good luck and stay strong. It's very exhausting at times but you can get through it. Just remember your son will always love you and when he grows up he will see all that you've done and given up for him.

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I also have fibromyalgia, but not sure why you aren't "allowed" to have children because of it. (Unless you, like me, are on pain meds that can't be stopped.)

Quite frankly I am open to most anything and will be discussing all options with my gyno at my appt. I would like something a bit more permanent and will see what is out there. I have heard that inserting an iud is essentially like being on the pill for 5 yrs. It releases hormones, but you don't have to do anything once it is in, except remove it in 5 yrs.

I also am a hysterical crazy person. Nice that you used those words. It puts a good picture as to what goes on. I am also exhausted. I literally start to fall asleep towards the end of my workday and have the worst time waking up in the mornings. I spend my entire weekend in bed when my son is with his dad preparing my body to deal with the next work week. This can't be normal! I wish I could work part time and earn a living. Oh well. Thanks for the words. They all help.

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You might want to try doing a search for the article on azcentral.com, and also ask your doctor. Also, I guess if I were in your position, I would try to find something that works NOW and not worry so much about being on it for "the majority of your life," since you never know what might happen in the future and what other treatment options might become available. If you have to stop taking it a few years down the road, you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
I wish you lots of luck!
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I also live in AZ, so know the site and will check it out. I am definitely open to whatever will make this go away asap. My son has been with his dad and his grandparents this week and it has helped me deal with this a bit better. I feel better knowing he wasn't around being yelled at. No matter what I plan to do, say, or think, when he aggravates me (and his adhd always does) I have zero control over what comes out of my mouth- until it is out there and then I have to do damage control- which must hurt my son terribly.

I am going to try to have next month's "craziness" planned so that he is with them as well, and then once I am on hormones, or something else, we can go back to normal. I simply won't allow the verbal abuse to occur that did in my past anymore. It is not ok. Thanks for the good wishes.

[QUOTE=Yme!] I guess I wonder if it is safe to be on them for the majority of your life? Does anyone know?
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There was an article about this in our paper just a week or so ago. It was about being on "the pill" long term and options for "older" women (in their 40s and 50s, I think). I wish I could remember exactly what it said. I think the basic idea was that it can be safe depending on your overall health. You might want to try doing a search for the article on azcentral.com, and also ask your doctor. Also, I guess if I were in your position, I would try to find something that works NOW and not worry so much about being on it for "the majority of your life," since you never know what might happen in the future and what other treatment options might become available. If you have to stop taking it a few years down the road, you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
I wish you lots of luck!
If only. They refuse to remove healthy organs nowadays. No matter how unhealthy they make you feel. I am going to try going back on the pill, but for longer terms, or perhaps an iud-have an appt. on the 25th. They say if you stop the ovulation you stop the majority of symptoms, and so I will try that first.

Luckily, my son doesn't have rages so to speak. He merely ignores me, or doesn't do what he is asked, etc. But I have zero patience for him when I feel like this. I have had to explain to him at a very early age about women, and their issues due to this as I never wanted him to feel the way I did growing up (my mom had the same issues and yelled and hit us A LOT!).

I wanted him to know that although I might be yelling, it isn't his fault. Know that mom is having those days and they will hopefully go away soon. Jeez, what a failure that sounds like.

I started my period yesterday, which normally takes the psycho away-not this time. I still feel like I may hit someone.

That is freaking me out. I think I am also fighting a cold, and having financial issues, so those things added up=psycho is hangin around for awhile longer.

I wish you luck on whatever treatment is decided upon in your next appointment. I am sure it is hard for you to get through this every month and that you would welcome some relief! I can relate.

You deserve credit for being a proactive woman and mom and doing the best you can to deal with challenging circumstances on your own.

Hang in there and take care.

Thanks for your kind words. I really didn't want to go back on hormones as I am unsure as to how long it is ok to do so. I had been on them for years and had a tubal to get off of them. Kind of seems like a waste now that I have to go back on them. I am 37 and started as a teen, went off of them for maybe a total of 10 yrs. with my tubal occurring about 5 yrs. ago, so been off of them now for at least that long. I guess I wonder if it is safe to be on them for the majority of your life? Does anyone know?

I also am now working full time at an office job. I haven't done that in forever. I used to work part time and I am worn out with full time work, full time medical issues, and full time child's medical issues. All doing so without the help of family, and only the sort-of help of his dad and grandparents-meaning they watch my child for me, but aren't involved in financial or emotional support. My family doesn't care about me, and most of them do not even talk to me or my child. And due to illness, I have lost the last of my friends as well as they can't relate. So, it is a lonely road to travel.

I appreciate this forum more than you all could possibly know.
I am very new to this adhd my 4 year old was recently diagnosed and I have recently put him on meds. However I also have 19 year old who is not adhd and I would like to offer you some advice if I may .
I raised my son by myself pretty much with his father having access since he was 1 years old every other weekend in my sons life his father traveled from girl friend to girl friend and really the child didn't have any stability where his father was concerned.
Its hard for a parent to see their child pulling away from you right now you are the stupidest person on earth you don't know anything and everything you say is very wrong and it will be for many years. STAY ON TOP OF HIM I use to hide my sons controllers when he bathed had a shower he got them back everyday is a battle but if you STAY on Top in time things will get better . You have a very long tiring road ahead of you

I know because My son at 19 just finally became human again. I designated one day out of the week as family day which in my house is Sunday we sit and watch movies or go to the park with my young guy. It might not be the whole day but a few hours is better then none at all.

Hang in there

it does get better, I believe you have to stand behind your children no matter what happens let them know that you will always be there for me that took me a long way and it paid off in the end. For this child anyways
My next one well that could be a whole different story .

[QUOTE=Yme!]I feel full of hate, and if I were a religious person, I would have to say "the devil is hangin' around my insides."�

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Yme! It is possible that he is! I know you are not religious but please try prayer. I know it works. You have to give it time. Good luck and I wish you the best. KitKat, thanks for the words of encouragement. I am going to have to fight my son's father regarding our custody situation this summer, and am not looking forward to it. I wish that he were more of a man, and not a large child (his dad). Oh, well, thanks again. As an Atheist, there is no such thing as the devil. I am not interested in prayer. So, to those who are religious, allow me to not be. Thanks.

Actually, the problem is hormones. Can't pray them away. I will however, be seeking treatment next month in trying to stop my periods entirely. Will let you know how that goes.

Thanks for your thoughts.

YME! - ((cyber hugs)).

I know you have tried everything but just read this and don't laugh.

My sister turns into a monster during those hormonal weeks. Her doctor wanted hero try medication but she didn't want to so her doctor suggested she go on a low carb diet. Okay - are you still reading? You probably already tried it. She swears by it - she claims that when she goes off the low carbs and adds back even a little of the white carbs - she can feel herself getting out of control. This is what she says. When she is in a hormonal state, she literally shakes and can't function. She fights with her kids and husband. She swears the low carb diet is keeping her moods more even - and she lost weight - You may not have a weight issue but she did.

So, try it, what do you have to lose - it's not unhealthy - she followed South Beach. I tried it and I don't notice much of a difference but I do notice a slight increase in edginess and anxiety when I eat high carb during those weeks. Just a suggestion - I won't be offended if you don't try it.

As far as your son, you are a wonderful mother. You just got to do what you feel is right.

13 year old boys don't want too much to do with their mothers anyway. Do you and your ex get along? My friend's ex is mean and deliberately plays the kids against her.

Can you get together with your Ex and his girlfriend and grandparents, without your son involved, maybe get an impartial third party, and come up with a parenting plan and rules you all can live with? I agree with you 100% that staying up all night is not appropriate.

Can you meet with them when you are not in a hormonal state? ( have about 3 good days of the month and hubby is lucky if he's home on one of them.) Seriously, If you all don't get on the same page, your son will suffer.

Grandparents are usually more lax than parents - Something happens to parents - they are strict with their own kids, but very easy with the grandkids.

Kids need and want structure - they think they don't but they do.

Thanks for the reply. I have actually been on low carb diets in the past without any change in this aspect. Thanks for the ideas, though.

I am keeping track now and I have 2 weeks of psycho followed by 3 weeks of normal. 2/5 of my life on psycho is NOT working.

I will be having a sit down with the grandparents and dad next week or so. Wish me luck.

I wish you luck. I figured you tried that low carb thing. I mentioned that to my GYN and she wasn't that convinced but my sister swears by it.

I bet the stress you are having with your son is not helping the hormonal weeks. I know that during that time for me, if my son is in one if his rages and moods, I'm so much worse.

Let us know how it all works out?

Are you done having children? Could a hysterectomy (Lord , I hate that word! Every time I hear it, it's like a nineteenth century doctor is telling some husband that removing the uterus will make his wife less hysterical. AAGGGHHH!) be a help for you? I know that means early menopause, but the manageable symptoms of that might be less intrusive in your life than your PMDD. Just a thought.

Also, I have a sister-in-law who was literally out of her mind for four days a month. No caffeine and mega-doses (under the care of a professional) of a B vitamin complex really helped her.

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