I don’t know what to do anymore | ADHD Information
So sorry for all you and Joe are going through. Isn't it illegal for your school to penalize Joe for behavior related to his disability? If the pants fell due to his diagnosed fine motor problems and his slow response was due to his ADHD-related distractability, why are they punishing him so harshly? Is it even legal to do that? Any chance of talking to the school and getting them to change the consequence? If they really force him to miss recess, maybe he could scrub the desks or do something physical while he's inside.Just want to give your my support; everyone else has given you great suggestions.
I know first had the waiting game for psychiatrists. It took me three years to find the one I'm with now, and before that I had two two other psychologists, that were not the right fit, and it took me months and months to find them!
Keep your apt. with the psychiatrist, no matter how long the wait but in the mean time, you can keep looking for an opening somewhere else too.
See if you can get your Dr. to make a call - I have noticed that if you mention that you were referred by a "dr. and give the name" you get an apt. faster. This is just a casual observation I have made and is no means a statement of fact.
There is a real shortage of Psychiatrists and especially Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists. They are often truly booked several months out on new appointments. Simple matter of all spaces being filled.
Some things you can do: As RocksMoma said work through the child's physician. Most Psychiatrists try very hard to accommodate other docs. What they do is put them in on top of the list when a cancellation occurs. Another strategy is to make an appointment for when you can then ask to be put on the call if there is a cancellation list. You may have to move on very short notice but often you can get in much sooner. Usually you do have to have an appointment on record for this.
Lots of good ideas on the forum. Read and take what you need.
Dizfriz redux
I just have to chime in and offer you some support.
My Joey is now 11 years old. When he was in 1st grade he got suspended for exposing himself. He pulled his shorts over to the side (he says to show someone his Buzz lightyear undies- and he ended pulling the undies to the side also and "IT" came out. It was also his second offense as he got in trouble earlier for taking off his pants in the bathroom. (He always used to take his pants off for #2) After he used the potty he left hs pants off, washed his hands and enjoyed goofing off and making the other boys in the bathroom laugh because he was just hanging out (literally- haha) in the bathroom with no pants.
My Joey is OFF THE CHARTS hyperactive. But he is a very good, sweet kid. His activity level is just remarkable. It has gotten a bit better with age- although he still has his share problems due to the adhd- it gets better. Just love him and be sweet.
I have no advice except I agree you should get to a PSYCH of some sort- not a general pediatrician. You really need a specialist.
Hang in there- summer is just around the corner. Chin Up! Give him a nice hug today.
Can you get your son in to see a pediatric neurologist? The wait may be less for that. My daughter was diagnosed by a ped. neurologist and he started her on Adderall. Her pediatrician has been wonderful in adjusting the dosages as we go along. I know alot of parents on these boards dont like to have the pediatricians dealing with this, but if you find a good one who understands ADHD, you just might find a great resource. If your pediatrician gave you such a hard time, you are better off without him, but I would try to see other pediatricians as well. Where do you live? We are in S. Fla and have found some wonderful doctors in the area.You can get him evaluated for an accurate dx, but if need meds, you can go straight to a child psychiatrist. No need to wait. They dispense the meds.
If you have psychiatrist that you want to go to try having your peditrician contact them to get you an earlier appt. My son was having a really hard time and we were told by psych that it would be 3 months to get an appt. His pedi called them and we had an appt the next week.
Firstly, let me start by saying that the brain is a HIGHLY specialized organ, and that going to just any dr. is WRONG. You would go to a cancer specialist if you had cancer, wouldn't you? GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST FOR BRAIN MEDS.You will need a diagnosis of ADHD or whatever he is dealing with by a psychiatrist to be able to make your point to the school. YOUR CHILD IS BEING PUNISHED FOR BEING "DISABLED." It is as hard to type that as it is to read it, I am sure. If your child has things that he or she cannot change or control due to a medical condition, being expected to do the impossible is WRONG AND ILLEGAL ONCE YOU HAVE A PROPER DIAGNOSIS MADE KNOWN TO THE SCHOOL.
You will need also to get the school psychologist and or their "team" together to do what is called an "IEP" or individualized education plan for your child. If he has fine motor skills issues--those need to be addressed as well. HIS TEACHERS SHOULD BE MADE AWARE THAT HE CANNOT ZIP/BUTTON HIS PANTS AS ONE DOES AND NEEDS HELP.
Without medication, a child like this is going to get kicked out of school from what you have described. YOU MUST PUT EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE ON HOLD TO GET HIM INTO A (hopefully depending on where you live and the options available) CHILD PSYCHIATRIST to get him on meds immediately. Like today. Like yesterday. There are many different kinds of medications to choose from, and the brain is very tricky so you may need to try either more than one kind of medication and or different doses to find what works. It is normal to "try and see" with regards to brain medications as all brains vary and the only way to know which of the medications and its dosing that works best is to try them. (Or if you have a family member dealing with the same issues, and have found a medication that works well, often they will try that as well. For example, my sister and I are on the same medicine and they work wonders compared to what they were trying to have me use.)
1. You are your child's only advocate in this situation as long as no one is aware that this is a medical issue and not a behavioral one.
2. Your child is too young to verbalize what he is dealing with or how he experiences the world differently than someone else.
3. It is YOUR DUTY as his parent to make sure that the school follows the law. ADHD is protected under the law as a disability and he should have additional help. NO EXCEPTIONS.
4. Medication is the only thing that works in my experience. I haven't ever met someone who had a child with this that had diet modifications or behavioral ones THAT DID MUCH OF ANYTHING. It is like putting a band-aid on a severed limb-not gonna work.
5. Time is of the essence since it may take weeks or months to find what medication works best. All the while your child is being made fun of by other kids, you are losing your patience, and the teacher wants him out of her class so that she doesn't have to spend extra time on one student. (I am exaggerating as I don't know this person-but just as you are struggling, no doubt his teacher feels the same way as well.)
6. Take a step back YOURSELF and change what you expect of him. As long as he remains off of medication, he is like a wild animal. UNPREDICTABLE. It is not something he could control. Would you be hurt and offended at a lion in the jungle who jumped at your car? Uh, no. You would expect it. Prepare for the worst, and be surprised by moments of control...it will help you deal with the stress and anger.
7. Find others who deal with this. No other person that I know with children that do not have this to deal with- has a clue. NOT ONE CLUE. They all think I am a bad parent, and that my kid is out of control. They simply haven't had the experience and I ignore their negativity.
8.Almost forgot to TOTALLY AGREE with what was said about recess. It is the only time he can get rid of the energy that runs him like a motor. IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO BE TAKEN AWAY--EVER. It is not open for discussion. PERIOD. In addition, doing things that make him "the other" for example, making him sit in the corner, etc. should also be avoided. He is already different and the kids know it--that should never be made more obvious.
9. Research as much as you can about ADHD--it helps you and him.
10. Make sure you use the "positive" approach both at school and at home. When he is doing something right-catch him in the act and praise him. Kids have low self esteem with this, and it is so necessary to be using positive approaches to "discipline" rather than punishing or negative ones. Explain to him what he did wrong when he does something "wrong"-meaning something he can control or should have known. But try to tell him as much as you can in advance. Know that these kids: do then think, say then think, move then think, etc.
Come back here often as it is what keeps me sane. Hopefully, you will find the answers it took me many years to seek rather quickly. I wish you both the best.
Yme!39589.5176157407
aimcifer: Your poor kid! 
It's encouraging that you have moved on from the pediatrician to a behavioral health specialist. Hopefully, they can help you to get things going in the right direction, med-wise or otherwise, as soon as possible. Be sure to contact his teacher, express your concerns, and see what they will do to assist and accommodate your son. Hope things will be looking up soon.
Joe, 6, in kindergarten.... early ADHD diagnosis. Just started meds earlier this year. He was on Concerta, and it gave him side effects. Gave him Stratera, and it didn't help.
His ped. has washed his hands of us, which is fine since he didn't seem to know much to begin with. So now he is off meds completely. We're seeing a med clinic specialist (at a behavioral health place) in a couple of weeks. I've also set up another full eval to make sure he has a correct diagnosis and nothing else id going on.
But jeez... how are we going to get through until then?? I've read all the books, tried different "programs" and methods, meds and no meds, charting, etc. Nothing is helping this child.
Yesterday at school his pants fell down (he has fine motor problems and I suspect couldn't snap his jeans closed.) He's now in trouble for "exposing himself" and since it's his second offense (last winter he relieved himself outside instead of asking to go in to the bathroom) he'll miss a week of recess. Nothing like making a hyperactive overly emotional kid sit inside for a week. I understand he has to have consequences but I don't agree he "exposed himself"-- I think his jeans fell down and him being Joe he didn't think, "Oh my god, my pants fell down!" and haul them up, it was "Oh wow, my pants fell down! Hmmm..." and he stood there with his shirt up looking down at his pants at his feet.
He was up at 5 am today and just was not listening to anyone. His teacher emailed me earlier and said he's been going around the room non-stop and talking to his invisible friend.
How am I supposed to help this kid out when I can't even seem to get through to him when he gets this way?? I want to just pull him out of school but I know that wouldn't be right for HIM (though he doesn't like school and when he was told that he could end up geting suspended he was very happy to think he'd get to just stay home instead.)
He's NOT a bad kid, he just has no control and is off in his own little world... he often says his brain isn't plugged in...
I'm just at a loss. No ideas anymore. Just feeling horrible.
OMG! He is only 6, for crying out loud. Things like this happen and are common occurances. Secondly, I'd do some heavy duty complaining about his having to miss recess. Print out a copy of adhd symptoms and teaching methods.. Recess should NEVER be taken away as a punsishment. The child needs time to work off excess energy. If you had to give up your breaktime at work ,you could complain to the fed. gov't.
Don't they think that the embarassment of having his pants fall down was punishment enough?
Oh, we've been trying to get into see a child psychiatrist, believe me. (And he was originally diagnosed by one, but was young at the time of diagnosis, so we are waiting for a new evaluation.... getting it at the end of July.) Waiting lists here are pretty bad. It's just freakin' frustrating to "hurry up and wait!"
I feel like we're just getting passed over... "wait and see how he does in school" and "wait and see if he matures" etc.
And what a learning process all this is.
Thanks for your passion about the issue as well as the advice. I know we're really doing the best we can but as I sit here waiting for appointments and what not, my poor little guy is seemingly worse and worse off.
Time to be more assertive! I (probably stupidly) assumed that the school would be on board and helping out with the situation. Thankfully his teacher truly is awesome and does all she can to help support him, and also thankfully he will have her again next year for first grade. It everyone else in the school I need to lay the smack down on, I guess ;)
Thanks again for listening to me vent and offering suggestions and support!
One thing to consider is to ask your dr. to be put on a list of people who would be willing to drop everything if there is a last minute cancellation.Another is to contact your insurance company and tell them that you are not getting what you are (or the state is) PAYING FOR-a timely appointment. No way should your child have to wait several months to be seen to change medications. I don't care what remote part of this country you live in--that is NOT acceptable when we are talking about brain chemistry!
I NEVER except a "no" from someone who is not authorized to give me a "yes" - which means make sure to ask to speak to the supervisor or as high up as you need to go to have someone else added to the list of providers.
I think also about the last comments with regards to his teacher and the school-I would not assume his teacher is "on board" as she was the one who got the administration involved I would assume. She might be among the very many educators who are unfamiliar with symptoms, and even if she isn't she needs to be made acutely aware of the things that YOUR son deals with, as all of our kids vary slightly to greatly depending on the additional diagnosis, etc.
We are all here to listen to each other vent, and I hope you will also look at my posts as I lose it myself regularly too! Have a good one and good luck.
Yme!39590.4085763889
aimcifer: I can relate to the waiting game and also your comment about what a learning process this is!
As others have said to me, "I wish I knew then what I know now" and maybe things might have moved along better for my DS (ADHD). We still have challenges but aren't ready to give up. I could probably be more assertive, as well.
Anyway, we all try our best! Keep us posted. 
You have many good suggestions here...I would have to completely agree with them punishing him by no recess is a very ignorant choice. They, with that, are punishing him and themselves!! I can't believe they don't understand that.
Anyway, go with your gut on this ... but please be your son's advocate. I have so many regrets by not doing that and my ds is only 6, too! 
We've both been beat up by ADHD, but we're learning together. This site will help you. Understand quickly, you are the only one who really cares about your son and only you will be making a stand for him...Stand up, MOM!!