I love my son am I doing what is right ? | ADHD Information
I need help and have searched hours online and can't find any solutions.My son has adhd and has a learning disability in writing and reading.He use to take two medicines for his adhd a day (one for his hyperness and the other for concentration) but after countless of trying different doses and kinds of medicine we took him off. Either they were to strong and caused him to bad headaches, couldn't sleep or not want to eat or he focused at school but had no desire to play and made him not like a kid (almost like a zombie with no emotion) This year has been the roughest I wasn't told my son has been sitting under a tree by himself the whole school year during recess. You would think the teacher would have contacted me but she didn't. I found out cause my son would come home and cry how no one liked him or wanted to play with him. I thought he was exaggerating about it being all the time till finally I questioned the teacher and she said it was so. I was furiated that no one contacted me. So that is when I decided it is best for my son to be able to be a kid and have fun so I took him off his medicine.After the decision to take him off is when all the problems started.The school has been a pain. The teacher and the assistant principle is the problem.After they heard I took him off. They have called every day complaining. He has been written up and even suspended for being hyper and not following directions. They told me I need to support them and punish him when they write notes home every day. I told them I would not. Why should I punish him for being hyper and not being able to be-have just like the other children I said he would only be punished if he did things he knows not to do like rolling around in the floor. They keep saying he is a distraction and he is not completing his class work. but he has no problem at home when he does his homework and I tell him that. They then told me not everything can be one and one and they can't make everything interesting to him so he will want to pay attention. What happened to the schools wanting to make teaching fun?
He now has and IEP in place but they still make excuses. They prefer for him to be on medicine but I will not. I don't know now what is better for him to be on medicine to get the school work done and for him to stop feeling everyone is aganist him or to keep him off and let him be a kid. I feel hopeless with the school and there lack of trying to help. My son is now starting to say to he needs his medicine to be good. I tell him that is not true and he is good. I don't see why I feel me and him our the victim. What happened to after school activities that helped children release energy. Where is the teachers who care about making teaching fun and interesting. I don't want to pull him out of school and home school him cause I want him to be able to be around lots of kids. I have looked into magnet schools but they are full for next year already. Is there anyone out there that can give me advice or know of any rights I have to help my son cause the ones in place aren't working
My heart is truly aching for you. My 5-year old daughter has just been diagnosed ADHD, and is due to start senior kindergarten this fall. I am hopefull that her school is going to be fully on-board with helping her through the experience, but when I read stories like yours, I'm full of foreboding about the whole thing. To top it off, she also has a severe hearing loss and wears hearing aids, so she's already 'different' from the other kids. We're not at the 'to medicate or not to medicate' crossroads yet as the diagnosis is very recent, but I'm dreading the day I have to make that decision. I am so anti-medication, especially in children, that I just can't imagine having to dose her up every day.
I really hope that things improve for you.
I've had behavioral specialists recommended to me - maybe one might work for your child.
My son is unmedicated, and you would not believe how horrible school has been for him. They basically tried to grind him into submission. They would do things like not let him participate in the school concert and suspend him for something that happened days earlier that they finally processed just in time for him to miss a school outing.
My IEP issues are horrible. They missed every deadline, they put stuff on the IEP that was never discussed, and then they didn't follow it once it was in place. For instance, he was supposed to have a checklist to get things done in the morning because his executive skills are poor. I visited his classroom - no checklist. I asked the teacher about it. She said, "Oh, he has one. It's on my desk." Fat lot of good that was doing him!
Despite all that garbage, the last month of school took a complete turn around. Like a lot of ADHD kids, my son doesn't respond to discipline. Instead, he responds to a system of goals and rewards. I finally got the school on board with that. It came from a teacher - the school completely ignored everything I and his neuropsychologist had to say. She showed him her chart for reading, and showed him where she wanted him to be. That's all it took for him to get on board - I think he missed his benchmarks only one time after she did that. Once she had that example to show the rest of the people he interacted with, funny, everyone started using the goal setting technique and he took off.
Since I have gone through hell, I do have some advice for you for this summer.
1) Get him on board with goal setting. Let him come up with the reward, and remind him constantly both of the behavior you want and his reward he will earn. Start easy - one behavior change at a time - and make sure you keep your end of the bargain no matter what. People thought I was mad that my entire weekend revolved around getting him home to watch a certain cartoon. But it worked.
2) Talk to his new teacher ASAP. Let the teacher know what's going on with your son, and what can be done to make it easier for both of them. If possible, meet with the principal, too.
3) Don't worry about what hasn't happened yet. If you assume the best, hey, it might just happen.
And finally - vent here - we've heard it all, we can take it all, and we all know what you've been going through.
Good luck!
Thank you all for your response. Now that it is summer I don't have to worry about the headaches of the school. My son is enjoying going to the pool and skating which helps excert his energy. On top of all that he is doing school work with me every day. Some days he does get a little sttitude but no where near like before. I am enjoying it for the most part and I think he is too. I am worried about the upcoming school year I will have to keep you posted closer to that time. I am still going to try and keep him off all meds and he won't go back to his adhd doctor for advice on how to handle the upcoming school year until end of July or mid Aug. Good luck with everyone and the decision you make.i totally understand your situation. my son has adhd and the moment that the school found out that he had medication to take they were all about it. i cant say that they are like your school because for the most part they are helpful. the most important thing that i can tell you is not whether or not your child needs medication it is that you are the only one that your child has. you are the only one that will stand up for him and make decisions that are in the bst intrest of him. not what is in the best intrest of the class or school. you need to do what you feel is right and the best option for your child. remind the school that your child has an isp and that they have to follow it. just remember your child is number one and you need to do what you feel is best for him.I'm sorry the school is being such a pain. I know the feeling! I don't have any real advice but am wondering if he is doing better socially now that he is off the meds. You mentioned that he was on 2 meds, one for attention and one for being hyper - I am wondering if it is the 2 med combination that is the problem. My DS has had good luck with Concerta. It helps with both attention and hyperness. Have you tried any of the alternative treatments? We are going to do that this summer. Good luck!School cannot make you medicate. That decision is yours and yours alone.
That said, school does have to educate the whole class. There is no possible way to 100% individualize each lesson. If you're child is unable to function in that environment it is up to you to figure out how to handle this, which solution is best for YOUR child. So if you've opted no meds, that is fine, obviously, but do know everything will take more work, both on your side and his. You need an IEP or 504 to get him some support. You need to figure out the best way for him to be successful within his environment, not the other way around. It can be done. With a classroom accomodations and/or out of class support, and lots of home support. Think about how the calss would be without rules and structure, 20 kids doing their own thing, it wouldnt work. So they have to have sort of a set system in place, then the children who fall outside that range, both above and below, academically, socially, behaviorally, whatever, need to be supported. The majority of kids wont need that, this is why it's called an individual edcucation plan. Learn your rights and figure out what he needs for extra support. wrightslaw.com has a TON of suggestions. additude magazine also has many suggestions.
Good luck, it's hard both ways with and without meds. We've done both. My daughter is better able to manage on meds and the frustraion level for all of us is dramtically decreased with medication, but it's been a long road and it's not for everyone. Do what works for YOUR family.
Your story sounds like what we are going through right now. When Wyatt's meds stopped working a few weeks ago we took him off. I went to school with him for a day and observed him from the back of the classroom. He was distracting everyone else and was in everyone's space. He couldn't focus on his work at all. The next day I dropped him off and told his teacher to call me if there were any issues. When I left he was on the playground "alone" which is usually the case. I cried. He came home and told me a "friend" of his that comes over on weekends told him that he wasn't ever coming over again because he was too hyper. After a 5 day break from his meds I put him back on and now they seem to be working enough to get him through the day. When school lets out for summer he is coming back off of them but for now he needs them. Have you been to the school to see for yourself what is going on? As difficult as this is for you the teacher owes it to the other children in the classroom to make sure their learning enviromant is good. Unfortunatly with todays economy and budget cuts sometimes the school just can't do as much as your child may need.
[QUOTE=christine757]He had no desire to do children things and had no emotion and I mean none not even when we took him to do is favorite things.
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Meds should not do this. The med he was on was obviously the wrong med or dose for him. There are a LOT of meds out there. Dont give up for this reason. My daughter was this way on both Concerta and Adderall, but she has tried many different meds and they did not ALL make her zombie(ish), you dont want that. All the meds should do is relieve symptoms, not change his personality. Her personality is now there, she just doesnt HAVE to poke you in the ribs because you're standing there, or HAVE to be first out the front door, or intentionally take the seat she knows you want to sit .
[QUOTE=christine757]I need help and have searched hours online and can't find any solutions.My son has adhd and has a learning disability in writing and reading.He use to take two medicines for his adhd a day (one for his hyperness and the other for concentration) but after countless of trying different doses and kinds of medicine we took him off. Either they were to strong and caused him to bad headaches, couldn't sleep or not want to eat or he focused at school but had no desire to play and made him not like a kid (almost like a zombie with no emotion) This year has been the roughest I wasn't told my son has been sitting under a tree by himself the whole school year during recess. You would think the teacher would have contacted me but she didn't. I found out cause my son would come home and cry how no one liked him or wanted to play with him. I thought he was exaggerating about it being all the time till finally I questioned the teacher and she said it was so. I was furiated that no one contacted me. So that is when I decided it is best for my son to be able to be a kid and have fun so I took him off his medicine.After the decision to take him off is when all the problems started.The school has been a pain. The teacher and the assistant principle is the problem.After they heard I took him off. They have called every day complaining. He has been written up and even suspended for being hyper and not following directions. They told me I need to support them and punish him when they write notes home every day. I told them I would not. Why should I punish him for being hyper and not being able to be-have just like the other children I said he would only be punished if he did things he knows not to do like rolling around in the floor. They keep saying he is a distraction and he is not completing his class work. but he has no problem at home when he does his homework and I tell him that. They then told me not everything can be one and one and they can't make everything interesting to him so he will want to pay attention. What happened to the schools wanting to make teaching fun?
He now has and IEP in place but they still make excuses. They prefer for him to be on medicine but I will not. I don't know now what is better for him to be on medicine to get the school work done and for him to stop feeling everyone is aganist him or to keep him off and let him be a kid. I feel hopeless with the school and there lack of trying to help. My son is now starting to say to he needs his medicine to be good. I tell him that is not true and he is good. I don't see why I feel me and him our the victim. What happened to after school activities that helped children release energy. Where is the teachers who care about making teaching fun and interesting. I don't want to pull him out of school and home school him cause I want him to be able to be around lots of kids. I have looked into magnet schools but they are full for next year already. Is there anyone out there that can give me advice or know of any rights I have to help my son cause the ones in place aren't working[/QUOTE]
Your child was on the wrong medication. He should NOT have turned into a zombie. You should do a couple of things. One is to get him back on meds. Reason? Not to appease the school, as in my opinion they sound totally ignorant, but because children who have this and can't do well suffer with poor self esteem, and self hatred. Do not allow this to occur.
Go back to your dr. and start over. Find medication that works. It may take several tries of one kind or the other as each brain is different. You may need to adjust the dosage. My son hadn't used one of his meds in awhile as it was an after-school one to help him with homework once the other wore off. He took it one day and was a total zombie. I adjusted it lower. He was ok.
You may need to adjust medicine regularly based on various reasons. Make sure you are working with a psychiatrist and not just a pediatrician. If you can find one who works with children, even better.
As far as dealing with the school: one, I would yell at them about how dare they not inform you that your child was sitting alone?! ALL YEAR!! Infuriating. Honestly. In addition, why wouldn't they have tried to involve the children? I would never allow one child to be neglected by the group like that. Just terrible. Makes my heart ache.
Two, you may need to really look over your iep. Make sure they are aware that he is DISABLED according to the ADA laws and they are to know what they are doing, and not punish your child for what he cannot change. It is as if they were punishing a blind child for NOT SEEING!! Boy, I am getting upset with this.
Three, I would seriously consider moving schools altogether as it sounds like they don't know what they are doing and that he might have a new start with new kids with proper behavior due to proper medication and proper educators.
I really wouldn't put all medications into one class: zombie. Also, if your child is asking to be put back on meds it is a red flag that he knows that he was doing better SCHOOLWORK on them. Not as far as socially, which can be helped with an adjustment of what he is taking. It takes people sometimes months to find the right meds. Do not give up. He needs you to fight for him in more ways than one. Learn what the law is, learn what he should be able to do, vs. what he shouldn't and make sure all of that is included in his iep. Get help from a counselor for dealing with the socialization problems as well.
Good luck.
First I would like to thank all of you for your reply's. It is nice to get some advice and know that others are going through a similiar problem.
Yes he been on Concerta the highest aloud for his weight but the teacher said it wasn't working that well. He was suspended for three days a couple of weeks ago. He is a good child I don't like him feeling bad or low. But on the medicine he just wasn't himself. He had no desire to do children things and had no emotion and I mean none not even when we took him to do is favorite things.
I am not saying medicine is bad it just didn't seem fair in my situation. Maybe when he gets older we could try it again then and hopefully it won't have such a negative impact on him. I did like that it helped him focuss more and it did calm him down alittle. My family likes that he is off even all of his grandparents and great grand parents. I am trying to get him an appoitment with his adhd doctor next month to see if there is a support group he can be in. I am hoping it will help him to know other children are going through the same things and what things they have done that has helped.
Is your child seeing a therapist - I would suggest a child psychiatrist. He could maybe adjust the medications but if you don't want him on medications, perhap he can help with behavioral techniques to help your son without meds.
He could also give you ideas that you could try.
My son is not medicated - he won't take them - but he does talk with the psychiatrist. It's a slow going process but it's something.
Do not let the school bully you. On the other hand, if your son is being dissruptive, you have to find a way to help him control himself without the medications. I don't have any answers for you there - I'm still searching myself.
I'm not against medication if a child can find ways to function without them.
If he has an IEP then I would think they would be a bit more helpful and understanding.
Good luck - I wish I could offer more help except to say don't give up.
IN YOUR CASE I THINK NOT MEDICATING WILL ONLY ADD TO THE SOCIAL ISSUES THROUGH THE SUMMER. LIFE DOES NOT STOP. THERE ARE SOCIAL SKILLS CLASSES FOR ADHD KIDS ASK ABOUT THEM AT YOUR APPT. HE IS SEEING A PSYCHIARST FOR MEDS, I HOPE. MAYBE THE CONCERTA FAMILY OF DRUGS WAS NOT RIGHT FOR HIM. ASK THE DOC ABOUT THE CLASSES I THINK THAT MIGHT HELP AS WELL, I AM GOING TO TRY THEM AS WELL.We had the same problem with meds. The solution for us is Strattera and a very low dose of Daytrana. She might not be as focused as she was on Stimulants but her mood is improved and she is sooooo much better than if she weren't on meds at all.I agree with the above poster to try another med.
In the meantime, have you tried self-regulating activities? The activites work great for Sensory Processing Disorder, which my DS also has. However, everyone has sensory issues, even if they don't have the disorder. When kids are impacted by one of their sensory issues, they will do anything to regulate themselves. So, if they are regulating themselves in a disruptive way, brainstorm ways to help him regulate without the amount of disruptive behaviour.
For my son, he eats carrots. If he eats carrots, he can complete 1/3 of a test instead of nothing. Still not passing, but the teachers can see that he didn't have a single question wrong, and he obviously understands, but simply cannot sit for the test. Another regulator that my DS uses is a wobble seat. Another item that is similar is sitting on an exercise ball. My DS also has a weighted pad on his lap. He has all 3 accomodations and the kids in his class got over him sitting on a pad instead of the chair, and holding a weighted pad on his lap. The carrots were harder and we're trying to find something else that works.
So, you may find that there are little things you can do here and there to make his life easier so that he doesn't have to be as distracting. He'll probably still be distracting, but it may come within the tolerable range. Also, if the school sees that you are willing to experiment and try different possibilities, they may back off on the meds to wait and see if it works.