ADHD behavior VS "just a boy" behavior? | ADHD Information

My 7-1/2 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD with some ODD back in late October.  He took a group social skills class at our local ADHD clinic, which did absolutely nothing (8 weeks).  He was started on Daytrana (bad side effects), then Straterra (didn't work), and now is on Vyvanse with amazing results according to his teacher (but wears off too early -- going to talk to the ped about that).

My husband and I have, well, disagreements as to what is ADHD behavior VS what is "just a boy/big brother" behavior.  How do you know what is "big brother" behavior (when he is mean to his 4-year-old sister) VS "just a boy" behavior vs ADHD behavior?
Minty Fresh39595.4193171296

good question, i am sorry i can't give you a response and my kids are smaller then your son, but i wish i knew the same thing to your question. Hope you find someone who can answer this cause i am very curious myself.

it's ALL boy behavior. Kids with ADHD just do it all the time and to a bigger degree. It doesnt really matter you just have to be MORE consistent and clear cut and concise with your consequences and rewards. With typical children, they pick up on things by seeing it happen to others and have the self regulation to stop when they get worked up or about to "cross the line. Kids with ADHD dont have that shut off valve, nor the ability to just sort of learn social cues"  So you need to intervene sooner. Good behavior plans work on all kids. They just need help with all of it. It is difficult as I also find myslef treating my younger daughter (no ADHD) differently than my oldest (ADHD), but unfortunatley that is just how it is.

Well, it's pretty hard to say.  I have a 17yo (no adhd) and a 9yo adhder, both boys.  It's easy for those of us who have children with adhd and the social problems that usually go with it to over-react to normal childhood bickering. I think the key to recognizing when there is a problem is in the resolution of the flare-ups. Do the kids get over it and move on? Does the adhder get TOO worked up, go that one step too far?  Do all of the children have good self-esteem and feel important in the family, even if they are at the receiving end of older sibling pecking? Can you use the incidents as a way to teach empathy and sympathy? All children in families work out some sort of pecking order, whether or not it's chronological. We as parents really need to let them do that, because that's how life goes, too, I think.

The difficulty comes when things get too mean and hurtful.  I'd say that a counselor would be a good idea, but frankly I've found that many of the counselors we've seen seem to feel that even normal childhood rivalry can be "damaging" to children. How do we raise emotionally capable adults if they've never faced even the mild adversity of sibling rivalry? Anyway, after lots of babbling (SORRY!), my best advice is to get some books, read up, then toss them out and trust your mommy gut. You are the best mom your child has and when you do your best for them (which almost always means you think you're screwing up!) they can't lose.

BPQW39595.4231481481I have a 13 yr. old boy, and wonder the same.  Since my son when he was younger has been mostly sweet, with the exception of when he gets frustrated, it is now hard to know what is puberty or adolescence vs. boy vs. adhd.  To me: does it matter how I slice this pie?  It sucks no matter which percentage goes where. "Just a Boy Behavior" = gets into trouble, but is able to control bad behavior with usual incentives
"ADHD Behavior" - not able to control bad behavior, even with incentives

ok, we paralell a lot here.  I have a 7 year old that was on Foculin ( no real results) and is now on Vyvnase with GREAT results.  He also took social skills classes with NO results at all.  How did I know the difference between boys and adhd? 

For one, when my son would be put to sleep, he would jump on the bed for HOURS!!!!!  I would ask him to lay down and one night he stated " I want to mommy but my body won't let me."  It was heartbreaking .  We have another son that follows all directions the first time you ask, that is asleep 5 minutes after being put in bed, who gets along with everyone.  Compare him to adhd boy and the difference is palpable!!!!  The stress of #1 son is terrible, he needs to be on schedule. Even on the weekends and during the summer, he must go to bed at 830pm or else!!!!  No matter how late he goes to bed, he is up at the crack of dawn!!!!!

Our other child can sleep all day, you can change his schedule without difficulty, he does not require structure, he goes with the flow and NEVER complains about anything.