I have read a ton of books on ADHD but my biggest problem right now is my sons complete lack of social awareness. I recently saw a psychiatrist and was told he should do behavior therapy(and wouldn't you know it this guy was willing to do it for a mere ,000.00). Now, a different psychologist says he doesn't recommend behavior therapy because they focus on all that is 'wrong' with these kids and not change behavior by builidng up the positive..... So here I sit , confused. My family is in prison because we can't seem to go anywhere without being humilated. I avoid any kindof social function because of my son. Son has zero friends and it has to change. Can anyone recommend a book on social skills or give their input on what works best with ADHD kids with high intelligence levels? Thanks!!!
I would keep searching for formal social skills classes. I am going to pm you the link to a place local to me that offers them to give you an idea of what I mean. These classes are generally geared to children with Aspergers syndrome or non verbal learning disorder, but they are perfect for kids with social concerns related to ADHD. They are usually fun classes or summer camps that have staff trained to help use and develop social pragmatics. Labels dont matter, it is just that your child has social issues and they work on appopriate behavior, good eye contact, maintaining conversations, waiting your turn, keeping personal space....etc., etc....Thanks for giving such a great example trixiecat. Well said[QUOTE=trixiecat]I think anxiety is something that is forgotten about in certain kids. They don't feel like they socially fit in totally and that makes them act different ways. And then if they can not express it, the situation is even worse.
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This is so true - I knew nothing about anxiety until this year when we moved. My DS (ADHD) developed anxiety due to bullying and not fitting in. He started acting wierd at school (which of course made the bullying worse and so the anxiety and his behavior got worse). Now that school is out he is acting normal again. The school put him in some social skills classes which I don't think helped him I think they just made him feel more like an outcast and that there was something wrong with him. If your son is really bright this is like a "double whammy" because gifted kids can be socially awkward as well. THis is the case with my son. I am now reading a lot on giftedness (and going to seminars) and it has been very enlightening. I went to a seminar last night and the presenter mentioned that some kids diagnosed with aspergers are really just VERY intelligent and so have asynchronise(sp) development which makes it look like they have aspergers but they really don't. This man's theories were very interesting. Anyway, I think I am going to look into social skills classes out side of school - Navywife's daughter's experience was very encouraging. Good luck!
I agree with luvmykids02. My son has ADHD. He is eight now and still can not carry on conversations very well with other kids, and then acts out for the attention. The more we put him into new sport situations or camps, the more phone calls I would get that "he was sick". We finally realized that his anxiety was part of the issue and put him on Zoloft. It has made a difference, but we are still working on it.
I think anxiety is something that is forgotten about in certain kids. They don't feel like they socially fit in totally and that makes them act different ways. And then if they can not express it, the situation is even worse.
Good Luck
Thanks to all of you for your help. I know I feel isolated with this simply because I haven't found any good help here. We have no group to visit with, no pshychologist, no psychiatrist, no therapist, school SUCKS!!! and our pediatrician hasn't been able to direct us to anyone either. I've been trying to help my son the best I can by reading and getting info on line (which is probably why he does great academically but not socially).
Yes, I do have him in sports, year round on a soccer team, of which he gets along with no one. The coach (yes, that is his profession - is also a teacher part time)knowing that son is ADHD tells me that he isn't very good at staying focused. The name is pretty self explanatory isn't it? I keep him involved with as much as I can (until the welcome is worn out) and right now i feel like not attending to anything in life because of his behavior. I'm tired of being embarrassed, judged, criticized etc. because of sons lack of self control so I always tell my husband to take daughters and tell everyone son and I are sick. This isn't how I imagined life.
Okay - time to get off the pity pot - I live in Northern Illinois in case anyone has a doc, therapist, specialist, group that they would be willing to recommend.
thanks to all of you again - this place is a life line and life saver.
Hi bikeride.........putting your child in social activities will not make him social. In fact, putting the child in social activities can overwhelm them if they are lacking in social skills and all it serves to do is frustrate them more. Over activity can over stimulate the child thus give them more anxiety. Many beleive that lots of exercise helps the child burn off the energy but too much exercise just makes the child more anxious. Yes, those with ADHD are severely lacking in social skills and those qualified to make a differential diagnosis can make the distinction between ADHD and Aspergers.
Children with ADHD don't pick up on social cues very well and they don't learn by example. Social skills training classes is a great tool in the treatment of ADHD. There are different types of behavioral therapy and in this type of therapy, a trained professional will teach the child how to react and respond in any given social situation.
Its unfortunte that you dont have many resources where you live. Do you by chance have a chidlrens hospital near you?
Unfortunately I really don't know too much about Asbergers - I do know my friends son has it and the biggest clue was complete unawareness of social norms and behaviors - he would act "strange" to other kids.
If its his hyperactivity and impulsiveness that causes most of the problems, it probably is ADHD. My son was like that at a younger age. He's learning to control it now, but it still affects him somewhat. Luckily he has a fabulous sense of humor, and once the kids get to know him they really like him. But in the beginning, he can be very high strung, needs to "win" everything, grabs things, etc.
How old is your son? Does he like sports? Have you tried very physical sports, such as football or hockey? My son loves those that he can run and hit (in a controlled way, obviously). It helps the stimulation needs and also helps get rid of all the energy.
adhdtricia,
I have a 14 yr old with both asperger's syndrome and adHHHHHd. I found that when he was younger, the social skills classes offered by the adhd ctr were amazingly helpful.
Has your child been evaled for sensory issues? They could explain a lot of his out of control behaviors.
If you want to check out asperger's google in aspie quiz and then take the quiz as if you were him. It will give you some insights.
He may not have asperger's but may have many aspie traits.
Oh yeah - he has HUGE sensory needs. Luckily he is outgrowing them, but they still present at times. That's probably why sports has been such a help for him.
Well, I hope we've been diagnosed properly - but, I guess, you always wonder. He was diagnosed at age 7 and we actually went to have him re-evaluated just a couple weeks ago. The doc said 'I don't know what you want from me, it sound like severe adhd and oppositional defiance disorder' He said stay on the same medication and offered no other info (other then the camp he tried to sell us on).
So our problems are that son doesn't know how to behave at peoples houses (gets crazy, breaks things, takes things that aren't his - lying) and doesn't realize when he is getting into someone elses space. He brags and tries to push people into doing things they shouldn't/don't want to do. He has no idea of what other people think or want. He is too wired for most kids to handle and does things that are not age appropriate. I will look into Aspergers just out of curiousity.
Five years, atleast five meds, two shrinks, more blood, sweat and tears than I thought parenting would ever bring...could he be aspergers...doesn't sound too far off the mark...but, of course, he sounds more like ADHD...is he both? So now what? He doesn't like to be alone, but he is a motor mouth. He has a high IQ but doesn't hyper focus on any thing specific. He does terrible at reading social cues...so is he? Is there a test for this?Just be careful of the social skills classes. I found that the several my son were involved in were truly a waste of time. My child was hyper/impulsive, but they put him with kids on all parts of the spectrum - he just sat there stunned at the other kids behaviors and was a model child. I think a class with him with kids not on the spectrum or other adhd kids would be better than a mixed class. I just had alot of trouble finding one.
for social awareness issues you need social skills classes with a group of kids, NOT 1:1 behavior therapy. cold call speech therapy centers for these classes or contact an ADHD clinic.I guess it would depend on what your behavior therapist is working on with your child. My daughter's behavior therapist worked on appropriate game play (teaching her how playing games by the rules was rewarding), how to control her anger, how to voice her feelings, and things like that and it helped tremendously. If you feel that the therapy is helping I would stick with it. I always found the behavior therapy to be a great help. The medicine works great for our daughter but I don't think she would be dealing as well if she had not gone through the therapy as well. To this day she uses her skills she learned in therapy for when her meds wear off and for getting through day to day. Meds help but she still has to control herself and she knows that the meds don't fix everything, they just help, she still has control. She hasn't been in therapy for almost 3 years now but still talks about it. [QUOTE=Diane V] I would keep searching for formal social skills classes. I am going to pm you the link to a place local to me that offers them to give you an idea of what I mean. These classes are generally geared to children with Aspergers syndrome or non verbal learning disorder, but they are perfect for kids with social concerns related to ADHD. They are usually fun classes or summer camps that have staff trained to help use and develop social pragmatics..[/QUOTE]Are you sure he is diagnosed correctly and not Aspergers?
What are the social problems you encounter?