Our bedtime routine hasn't changed in the last 6 years of my son's life. That consistency lets him know that it's time to sleep. Sometimes he goes to bed later because of a family function or whatever, but the routine always happens the same way regardless of time. In that same vein, he wakes up at 6:30am regardless of what time he went to sleep. Consistency is our key.
About the mess: we follow my mom's policy that I lived by as a kid. "Your room is your mess and your responsibility. But, this is my house and none of your guests will come over when it's a mess. If you want friends over, clean up." Period, no discussion. Since we live in the country, we also do not allow food to be left in bedrooms overnight, so as not to encourage the friendly mice. If the messy room bothers you on a daily basis, can I suggest just pulling the door shut? Also, I would edit the things in her room to a manageable level for a six yo.
Oh, and I have to add, DANG! 6:30 pm is really early to go to sleep! Her body's circadian rhythm and the fact that it's still light outside make it impossible to fall asleep that early. If she gets home from school at 3:30, that's only three hours to enjoy her life at home and wind down from the school day. Adults usually get more after-work time that. It sounds like she destroys her room because she's lonely and bored and unable to fall asleep. I'd keep her up an hour and a half later and really wear her out.
BPQW39602.3457175926Sigh. The room thing. Well, I've got an activity table and bins, lots of bins. Everything in the bins winds up on the floor. It is amazing.
I'm going to clean it all up, and then he can clean it for 10 minutes each day, and maybe for an hour on Saturday. I'll probably have to give reward marbles for the 10 minutes of cleanup or he'll just go up there and play with legos.
Wow that is an extremely early bedtime for a six year old, for any one for that matter. My son has a bedtime of 8:30, he is 5. I give him a melatonin at 8:00, then he brushes his teeth, changes into jammies, a goodnight story and a kiss he is asleep by 8:30 everynight except for fridays. His favorite show comes on and he can stay up until 9:00. They boys wake up at 6:45, my daughter wakes up at 6:30. That is 10 hours of sleep for my boys and 9 1/2 for my daughter. Good luck.I do also agree that pushing the bedtime back a bit has helped. I would make it very clear that bedtime is bedtime, and there is no getting out of bed once she is in it, unless she needs to use the bathroom. (And make THAT even more clear by saying "to use the toilet, not play--and not over and over again." She will do the "I'm thirsty, mom" thing to be able to get up as well. Make sure she knows this isn't allowed either and that she needs to have her water before she gets into bed.) Once you are in bed-it is time to sleep. If you can't sleep, you still can't get out of bed. You simply wait until your body is ready to sleep. (Maybe counting sheep?)"... she takes the sheets and mattress off the bed to make it more "comfortable."
This comment makes me thing that she has issues with the fabric and possibly with her clothes. You might to give her the oldest softest sheets (or buy secondhand ones) to use on her bed. Many of our children have tactile issues.
"Her bedtime is 6:30-7; she falls asleep typically at 9-9:30. Someone asked if I think she is getting enough sleep-- I am sure that she is *not.* She either wakes up early-- like 6:00, meaning she got very few hours of sleep, or she needs to be dragged out of bed, meaning that she has not had enough sleep for the night. "
My son and I are ADHD and I can tell you that 12 plus hours of sleep is too much for us. I would be exhausted from that much sleep. Even at 9:00 pm, she is getting 9 hours of sleep. She may not need as much sleep as you do. Both my son and I function on 6 hours of sleep. Is she geting enough physical exercise durng the day to make her tired? Try getting one of those little trampolines for her to jump on, it will burn off LOTS of calories. Sign her up for a dance, karate or something like swimteam to help her be tired enough to sleep.
I understand about your telling me extremisms-- the girl *is* extreme, so that only makes sense!
[/QUOTE]
Maybe she could do quiet time in her room on her own 8:30-9 PM: looking at books, listening to books on CD, listening to music, playing with toys that'll keep her calm, etc. That way, you could have some time to yourself before she falls asleep, but you're also not asking her to get into bed way earlier than her body is ready to go to sleep?
Here is what we do - it works great for us right now.It's not selfish needing some time to yourself every evening before bed. I think it's necessary. I get up VERY early for work - 4:30. So I also need to go bed by 9:00-9:30. My kids got to bed at 7:30 (6 year old) and 8:30 (13 year old). They have to be up by 6:00 and it's works for us. I personally think 9:00-9:30 is late for a 6 year old, but whatever, that isnt the point. We do the same thing every night. Dinner, baths, then tv for half hour (for 6 year old), then in her room by 7:15, we have time for a story and lights out. This way, I can clean up, change my own clothes and do whatever while she watches her 1/2 hour of tv, then we do the bedtime thing and I still have 1.5-2 hours to unwind myself. We do this every single night during the school year. WE had the battle about getting up once in bed and all that, but being consistent works. Of course my 6 year old doesnt have ADHD, BUT it also works for my child who does and always did. It took longer to "get it" that bedtime was bedtime, end of story, and even still we go through phases where she continually gets up, BUT overall it works and they both do fairly well getting up in the mornings. My DD with ADHD isnt as easy or simple to get moving and out the door as my other daughter, BUT it works. My deal with her is when she easily GETS up and out she can have a later bedtime, but until then I dont care if shes 13, school nights it's 8:30.
Separate issue here. Do you feel your child is getting enough sleep? My son needs help sleeping or else the hyperactivity keeps him up. You may want to try melatonin.I still do not understand your statement about her being awake after her bedtime. Does this mean she won't GO to bed or she is IN bed but not asleep?
There are no lists that work. No routine done over and over again to remember and go on "autopilot" like the rest of us. My son is 13 and if I offered him a million dollars to clean his room all by himself, he wouldn't be able to do it. It is like asking a child to carry a car over their heads. this is not any advice, but Yme's statement about not her son living in a garbage bin just to not lift a finger made me laugh. For a LONG time my daughter slept in her sleeping bag on top of her comforter because it was easier to pull that off the top in the morning and roll it up and shove it under bed rather than make her bed
. She's as inventive as she is messy!
There's a song by the childrens singer Laurie Berkner called "I'm a mess". If anyone gets a chance listent to it. We laugh hysterically as my 6 year old says it was made for her older sister, calls it "her song"
.

Do you think she may be doing these things because she just isn't ready for bed at such an early time?
Both of my kids go to bed around 9:00 and get up around 6:30. Now that school is out, they are going to bed later and still getting up fairly early.
My daughter is as-yet-unmedicated (we are waiting for an appointment). Maybe (she said hopefully) I will see a difference when that happens?In the summertime, Will sleeps on top of his comforter with a small blanket to keep from losing the sheets and everything else..It worked well last summer, the winter was terrible, but we're back to the summer routine now.. It works for the most part..
I just spoke to his psychologist about the bedroom thing this week. I have tried to overlook the mess in there but just this week I found trash everywhere. Empty plastic bottles, paper wrappers, just garbage that he has found at the ballpark.. GROSS.. I was very upset about it but the dr didn't seem to think it was such a crisis. He asked me to stop calling his things trash and junk beceause they were important to Will.
But it is..TRASH..
Anyways, I have already taken out almost everything in his room besides clothes, books and one bucket of cars but slowly he would go downstairs and bring things back up.
He suggested that we pick out a container together (not one the size of a TV box that Will wanted
) and let him choose, within reason, what he keeps. Once the box is full, he needs to decide what needs to go before he can add to it.
Will was very agreeable at the dr's office, but we haven't attempted it yet at home..
Diane that is funny about the sleeping bag. I might just make all my kids do that. Lollethy proud mom39598.6926967593am unfortunately in an internet cafe to write this, I havent disappeared just computer broke down. after months of not looking on the site am delighted by this topic, I would love some ideas for my eleven year olds messy, dirty room, he has ´masses of crap in thiere and wont part with any of it, uses his floor like a rubbish bin, his clothes never see the drawers and he has no idea about only dirty clothes going in the clothes basket ( so I confiscate his clothes to make him appreciate this but he is happy to not get them back). we are lucky to have space but would be so pleased if someone could give me an idea for organising all those little bits of crap that you accumulate as a child which feel important. Perhaps we ought to have a box called 'bits'. but it would be as big as his room. also, I have ads too so I go into our bedroom and see the equivalent on my side of the bed but it is the medicated version so I do get on top of it now and again. will shut up here, do answer me if you have an idea as I plan to come back to this internet cafe, it is quite reasonable. Thanks for being there you lot!this is not any advice, but Yme's statement about not her son living in a garbage bin just to not lift a finger made me laugh. For a LONG time my daughter slept in her sleeping bag on top of her comforter because it was easier to pull that off the top in the morning and roll it up and shove it under bed rather than make her bed
. She's as inventive as she is messy!
There's a song by the childrens singer Laurie Berkner called "I'm a mess". If anyone gets a chance listent to it. We laugh hysterically as my 6 year old says it was made for her older sister, calls it "her song"
.

[QUOTE=Yme!]Honestly, my son is on meds, and his room can be described at times as a serious case for child protective services to intervene.
There are no lists that work. No routine done over and over again to remember and go on "autopilot" like the rest of us. My son is 13 and if I offered him a million dollars to clean his room all by himself, he wouldn't be able to do it. It is like asking a child to carry a car over their heads.
[/QUOTE]
Wow, I've been a lurker here for awhile. I pop in sometimes just to remind myself I'm not alone and that others are going through the same things. I was at my wits end tonight finding yet again, garbage under his bed, closet, places that took more effort to hide than to take two steps to the garbage can. But as I walk into the scene ds (12) throws something into the hamper. Much to my surprise (or not anymore) there were ants in his room, which he decided that he would drown with green paint
(the open paint bottle which he had just thrown into a half full hamper). After all these years I was surpised to find myself more disappointed, sad and just wanting to throw in the towel. I know it's not that bad, but I cannot tell you, years and years and years he still does this. I was bad and didn't check for three whole days, going on his word (bad me, should known better, why do I always give him the opportunity?!).
I know it's his impulsiveness. The ants came for the garbage and hidden food. The ants were to be killed with paint. But he didn't/couldn't think ahead about why the ants were there or that he would have to help clean the paint
now saturating the carpet, floor, blankets and clothes? UGH, I'm just so frustrated and I know it could be so much worse, I really just needed a place to vent.
So, I really wanted to say that I can totally relate to you Yme! Lol, our sons are close in age and we both live in the lovely state of AZ. Everything you said is so true and I can totally relate with! Anyways, thank you all for helping me remember I'm not alone!
not having much luck in this internet cafe,
relieved to hear that the 'uncomfortable' complaint is obviously normal for some ADDERS including my son, very annoying when at 11 oclock at night he is still lying there with his legs in the air, got different blankets out of the wardrobe which feel softer, stripped off , his pyjamas are scratchy although he has had them for three years.
The rubbish on the floor and under the bed is difficult, this behaviour says to me, I treat myself like a rubbish bin me. Also relieved to have found someone who doubts the University clinic diagnosis that he is a lovely boy with fussy parents, have checked the Hallowell book and diagnosis based on test results alone can easily be wrong, dont know which page, its in their somewhere, just before the list of questions to ask yourself to see if you need a diagnosis, and another bit before that.
Am on avoidance tactics here, have it myself and need to get jobs done, anyone had an success with Hallowells suggestion of pattern planning, dont want to try it because it sounds like a stright jacket, what do you think.
Ahhhhhhhh...I needed to read this topic today. After both trying out others' ideas and coming up with umpteen systems on my own for my son to clean his room (and having each and every one of them fail eventually), I feel like pulling out my hair. It became so stressful that I decided to just leave him alone about it for a while, and you know that the mountain of mess grew exponentially. So, he's been chipping away at it since the school year ended...very slowly chipping away at it while doing a lot of feet-dragging, talking back, whining, yelling, and freaking out. Today, when he started yelling at me, I lost my temper and yelled back at him. I feel horrible about yelling. He has an anxiety disorder, and he panics when people yell at him. Anyhow, after I removed myself from the situation and took a time out, he came to apologize, and, after I apologized, too, we had a talk about the "room" situation and about how he's old enough to come up with his own system. He started to freak out again, but he left to calm down and came back with a short cleaning list and said that he'd like to only take care of the first item on the list today so it doesn't seem so overwhelming.hahahahahahahaha- there really is no solution to the bedroom thing. I have children that range in age from 32 to 6. I have been there, done that, laughed and cried over bedroom destruction. One son is adhd and is 8 y/o and one is 30 w/aspergers. ALL my children had bedroom issues. Some are collectors, some are hiders, some are destroyers.
By this time, I have figured their room is their space and if it doesn't smell and isn't dangerous I can live with it. Jon peepees everywhere in his room. Yesterday we cleared everything out and carpetcleaned while Jon used a magic eraser sponge and cleaned off crayon, pencil etc off his walls. Every picture that had glass over it has been broken. Hubby laid down the law on the peepee. Jon uses his dresser to climb up to the top and turn on wall mounted tv as he loses his remote. You know those ledges that are built into some rooms to look fancy and just collect dust? Jon has climbed his bookcase and hidden up there.
Clothes? they are everywhere, usually full of pee, and he changes 10x's or more per day. He rips them into shape so he is comfortable in them. buttons- off, hems ripped. I have taken to purchasing all t-shirts and take out the labels. Pants and shorts need to be elasticized because he rips off buttons. shoes? 20 pair and he can't find any. food wrappers have gotten better since we now lock the pantry and refrig.
But even my non adhd children can't keep their rooms and clothes clean. When I was a kid I kept my room pristine and scrubbed my floors. My mom told me she never knew a child to be neat like I was.
So- I just laugh about it and let them do what they want. It's easy to close the door and not see the mess. jon usually goes and wears a different shoe on each foot. I think I once told everyone here he went around one day with a laundry basket on his head. He was proud of the attention he got at the mall with that one. After a few hours he tired of it and took it off. I don't think Einstein had a clean room. I mean, look at the way he never combed his hair and look at his clothing.
I let them be the characters they are. BTW- jon has a sleeping bag and while he used it all the time when we first got it for him he rarely uses it now.
So- try to relax and know that in 15 yrs your child will not be there and you can have your home the way you want it. Bet you will be bored, though.
Randy